Life sucks

[menage]

At the moment it does. I went to the doctor with my girlfriend this morning to view an echo of our baby, turns out it's a miscarriage.

I'm pretty devastated right now, like my girl is as well. Luckely we have quite a few friends around, and family, and the doctors were ver nice but this just blows.

Just went out for a pack of smokes, fuck this shit. I'll quit again tomorrow.

[burger]

sorry to hear that...my girl and I are trying to have a baby so I understand your pain...it can be an emotional rollercoaster.

[violent]

I know it doesn't seem so but this is a good thing. Your wife's body knew something wasn't right and let it go. Doesn't make it any easier but it's better than bringing a disadvantaged child into the world. Try again.

[Scull]

My condolences sir. My wife and I have had 2 lost pregnancies, and it is a hard thing every time. You have my best wishes, and assurances that things can get better.

[iHap]

Damn. That's tough news.

Also, Damn Onions.

[biosc1]

Originally Posted by violent

I know it doesn't seem so but this is a good thing. Your wife's body knew something wasn't right and let it go. Doesn't make it any easier but it's better than bringing a disadvantaged child into the world. Try again.

Same advice given to a couple of my wife's best friends. One is actually due to give birth to her second baby boy any day now and if her first baby boy is any indication, it'll be a healthy vibrant kid.

During my wife's pregnancy, it was definitely always in the back of my mind that something could go wrong, but we held strong to the belief that something would only go wrong if it was meant to go wrong.

[Ink Asylum]

Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Condolences to you both and good luck trying again.

[wyeast]

It's the dirty little secret of adulthood. We spend our teenage years being told over and over again, "ZOMG! Just look at a girl funny and WHAM! She's knocked up!"

But then we get old and find some nice girl, and all of a sudden it's all "Surprise! It's fucking DIFFICULT to start a family" (and the subsequent stress and emotional damage you'll lay into your relationship, but that's a whole other thread topic)

Short version is, you're not alone. Miscarriages and other fertility issues are way more common than anyone likes to admit, and it hits your heart way harder than anyone expects it to. When we had ours, I finally wandered into work a wreck, and the best thing my cube-mate did was to tell me to go the fuck home, and that he would cover my jobs for me.

All you can do is to be there for each other so you can pick yourselves up and try again.

Also, in future pregnancies, your OB/gyno may try to rush through the sonograms (of which you'll get many just to reassure you that everything is ok the next time). Sometimes. Just sometimes, in their haste they may miss the fact that there are more than one hiding in there.

... you'll just have to trust me on that one.

I'm very sorry to hear, and best wishes getting back into that saddle for another try.

[Mashidar]

My condolences. My wife and I went through a miscarriage once as well and it was rough. But what violent said I'll have to echo. Keep trying because after we delt with the loss, we now have two beautiful girls.

[wyeast]

... and now I have a new movie I need to see.

(edit: after having read an excerpt, maybe I'll just shorten the process and see if I can pick up a copy of the screenplay at Powell's)

[rein]

I can't really think of anything to say other than to wish you and your significant other the best as you get through this.

[TheKeck]

I'm sorry man. That does suck. Best wishes to you.

[Hawkzombie]

I came in here totally ready to be 'Ha! Life doesn't suck!' etc...but my condolences. It's always hard when something like that blindsides you.

But dust yourself off, take a deep breath, smile to yourself, and keep going. It's the best anyone can do.

[Vermillion]

My thoughts go out to you. Trying to have kids is crazy stressful.

After seven years of trying, my wife and I were told by the doctor we would never have kids. That was pretty rough as well. We finally got around to getting ready to adopt 2 years later and then we found out we were having a baby. Things tend to work out. Now once I find out who the daddy is...

Don't give up. Keep trying!

[Scaryfaced]

I'm really sorry to hear that, mate. Good luck to you and yours.

[Generation ABXY]

Jesus, menage, I'm sorry to hear that.

[menage]

Thanks for the support guys. It means a lot, and I'm not saying that just because.

I know it doesn't seem so but this is a good thing. Your wife's body knew something wasn't right and let it go. Doesn't make it any easier but it's better than bringing a disadvantaged child into the world. Try again.

We're trying to rationalize it that way as well, but feelings just jump up and down at the moment. I know you're telling the truth, but it's still feels like a slap in the face. Funny thing is, you even start doubting yourself. Could I have done shit to prevent it? I know it's insane but shit just suddenly creeps up on you just when you think you got it all figured out. And the cycle repeats.

It's the dirty little secret of adulthood. We spend our teenage years being told over and over again, "ZOMG! Just look at a girl funny and WHAM! She's knocked up!"

But then we get old and find some nice girl, and all of a sudden it's all "Surprise! It's fucking DIFFICULT to start a family" (and the subsequent stress and emotional damage you'll lay into your relationship, but that's a whole other thread topic)

Short version is, you're not alone. Miscarriages and other fertility issues are way more common than anyone likes to admit, and it hits your heart way harder than anyone expects it to. When we had ours, I finally wandered into work a wreck, and the best thing my cube-mate did was to tell me to go the fuck home, and that he would cover my jobs for me.

No shit. Al this effort and pressure to not get pregnant and when you finally want to it takes fucking ages. That's why it's so hard. I didn't even realize I wanted this this badly until today, when it got taken away (for hopefully a short time). Before this I was just pretty vague about it to myself cause it was a hugely abstract thing. Now it's Niagra Falls. At least I know I was on the right path now.

I'm def. glad I'm between jobs at the moment. I just quit mine a week ago (got a bag of money so I'm good for a couple of months), so I have time and energy to deal without to have that burden over my head.

Now once I find out who the daddy is...]

I laughed, thanks for that.

[violent]

Originally Posted by menage

We're trying to rationalize it that way as well, but feelings just jump up and down at the moment. I know you're telling the truth, but it's still feels like a slap in the face. Funny thing is, you even start doubting yourself. Could I have done shit to prevent it? I know it's insane but shit just suddenly creeps up on you just when you think you got it all figured out. And the cycle repeats.

Honestly, I'd be concerned if you weren't feeling that way. No matter how you slice is, this isn't easy and you have to go through your pains. At some point, you have to choose to start looking at the ahead once again. Life is a cruel bitch and she often leaves you with little other option.

[TheFlyingOrc]

How far along was she? I know that a very large percentage of pregnancies miscarry within the first few months, which is a big part of why you shouldn't start blabbing the first moment a test comes back positive.

I hope that doesn't sound like I'm trivializing it - I just wanted you to know that this happens to a lot of people a lot of the time, but it's kept very, very private, so a lot of people don't realize that they're not alone.

You're not alone.

[Chimpbot]

Originally Posted by menage

We're trying to rationalize it that way as well, but feelings just jump up and down at the moment. I know you're telling the truth, but it's still feels like a slap in the face. Funny thing is, you even start doubting yourself. Could I have done shit to prevent it? I know it's insane but shit just suddenly creeps up on you just when you think you got it all figured out. And the cycle repeats.

Don't beat yourself up over this, because there really isn't anything you could have done differently.
If I operate under what I'm guessing is an extremely safe assumption, both you and your girlfriend probably take fairly good care of yourself and don't abuse alcohol or drugs, especially with the possibility of having a little one running around. Based off of your reaction, I'm guessing this is something both of you wanted...so, I'm sure appropriate steps and precautions were being made.

At the end of the day, that's all you can do.

Although this phrase may be a bit overused, it still has a ring of truth to it; everything happens for a reason. I know it was mentioned earlier and it may not help you cope immediately...but things such as this tend to be for the best. You probably can't quite see that right now, but just keep that in mind.

Things like this usually aren't anyone's fault. It's just the product of an imperfect system; when it works, it's amazing...but unfortunately, it doesn't always work. Just keep in mind that there's always another day.