When someone Dies it becomes a War

[Shjinta]

I believe a while ago I wrote about how my grandmother passed away and my Uncle was the Executer of the Will.

So after 2 years nothing has changed really. Basically the will has stated that everything (2 properties, assets) be split between the 4 grandchildren.(Myself, my Sister, and his two kids) He's fucking loaded, He owns 2 houses, etc. Anyways, Earlier this year his wife had her parents move into my grandmothers house.

The year following my grandparents death they spent a lot of money on their house with the intention to sell it. My grandparents always loathed my Uncles wife and her family. Lots of bad blood. So seeing this I know she's rolling in her grave,

Anyways, when he went with her to make the will he asked her to put a clause in it that would stop anyone from accessing the will until they were 18 years of age(At the time my sister and I were over 18, but his children weren't)

Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this, I just need to vent. I don't have the money for a lawyer and He knows that, So i mean what do I do.

Blah sorry for the rant.

[civil]

Oh, I remember this. Sorry to hear it hasn't turned out well. Money brings out some unique evil in man.

Love the thread title, btw. Sounds like a Leonard Cohen song.

[Mr. Murphy]

you and the other three rightful benefactors couldn't team up and hire a lawyer?

[Shjinta]

Originally Posted by Mr. Murphy

you and the other three rightful benefactors couldn't team up and hire a lawyer?

It's pretty much just my sister and I. The other two involved would be his two kids, They are under lock and key. Odd way to describe it, but they are whiped since they live with "Mommy and Daddy" I have spoken with my sister about the possibility of seeing a lawyer.

Oh, I remember this. Sorry to hear it hasn't turned out well. Money brings out some unique evil in man.

Love the thread title, btw. Sounds like a Leonard Cohen song.

Yeah, it's really sad. On my grandfathers side my Cousin is fighting for his sisters money since she was decently wealthy. She's just after her money. The really sad part is she's still alive. Shes suffering from practically everything but she's still hanging in there. It's really hard to watch what people will go through for cash.

Civil, any advice for confronting my Uncle. Honestly he scares the shit out of me. I just feel so much intimidation around him.

[civil]

Originally Posted by Shjinta

Civil, any advice for confronting my Uncle. Honestly he scares the shit out of me. I just feel so much intimidation around him.

As far as the will is concerned, I would ask Ox if there is anything that can be done. Honestly, from what you've said it sounds awfully fishy, but we don't have all the details and I don't know anything about law.

As far as confronting your uncle goes, I'm sure he's aware of the power he has over you and others; most people who intimidate others are usually cognizant of the fact and use it to their advantage. Were I in your position, I would probably do the following:

1. Arrange a meeting time, during the day, in a semi-public place. Let him know there are some things you want to discuss with him and want to make sure they are heard. Also let him know what you are planning to discuss, don't assume he'll know and don't try and take him by surprise.

2. Ask a neutral third person (probably an older male - as close to your uncle's age as possible) to accompany you as a mediator and observer. Not to interject his opinion but to bear witness to what you will discuss. Tell your uncle you are doing this - again, surprises will not serve you well. Find someone who you both know and respect. Explain to this person why you want them there and what your concerns are. If your uncle asks why, give him the same explanation.

3. When you meet with your uncle, set in advance what your agenda for this meeting is and what you hope to see come out of it. If your uncle has concerns also ask that he present them as well and respect them, even if you don't agree with them. Ask the third party to write them down and at the end of your meeting make sure all points - both yours and your uncles - were addressed. If they weren't make sure they are.

4. Let your uncle know what your ideal resolution to all this would be, and ask him the same. Since I'm assuming they won't align make sure to seek compromise that you are both happy with. At this point you could ask the third party to interject with a fair assessment of both your resolution goals.

5. During the meeting use "I" statements, do not say words that will put your uncle on the defensive or paint him in any bad light. I'm assuming that he is also a man with a healthy ego and self-image, and anything you say to tarnish that will put him on the defensive. I'm not justifying his actions, only giving you pointers as to his possible traits.

6. Listen to him, and repeat what he says to you. Practice reflective listening by asking if you can repeat what you just heard him say, and ask him to do the same. If either of you repeats something the other didn't mean to convey then correct it and move on.

7. At the end of the meeting, recap on what you discussed and what you both want the resolution to be. Then talk about the next steps to that resolution and discuss how you will follow through on those next steps.

8. Follow up with an email that basically is #7 all over again. Having it written down is good for both parties.

There's a lot more I could say, but those are the steps I'd take if I was in the situation I think you're in (I say that because we obviously don't know all the details). Sounds rough, but remember to listen and communicate. Oh, and if at any time either of you is getting heated, take a break for a few minutes. If at the end of that time you're still too heated then postpone your meeting. It's okay to not get everything done all at once. What you're trying to do is establish a working, healthy relationship. That won't happen after one meeting but it certainly can start there.

[johnperkins21]

You might be able to get a lawyer who's willing to take the case on a contingency. Call your local bar association and see get a couple of referrals.

If the will really says the stuff goes to you, then the lawyer should have no problem taking a contingency on what is likely a slam dunk win. You need to get a copy of the will, take it to an attorney, and describe the situation. That's your best recourse right now.

[Dorkandproudofit]

A lawyer, you say?

Someone activate the Ox-signal!

OT, though, sorry for your loss. It's a damn shame that, when someone dies, all anyone can think about is who gets their stuff.

[bstiff]

Originally Posted by Shjinta

Anyways, when he went with her to make the will he asked her to put a clause in it that would stop anyone from accessing the will until they were 18 years of age(At the time my sister and I were over 18, but his children weren't)

Was this to prevent anyone from reading the will to see what was in it or to prevent anyone from taking possesion of the property if they were less than eightenn. sounds fishy either way. Some unions/employers offer free legal advice/consultations as a benefit so you may be able to check that out. If you're a college student the legal office may be able to help you out or give you some idea of resources in your area. I know they helped me out when I was in med school and the landlord decided to do some "upgrades" to the heating system by knocking holes in the wall and running duct work through them while I was gone one weekend. Totally destroyed the apartment.

[Hawkzombie]

Here's an idea for a compromise: Have jhim buy out your 'shares' in the house. Offer to bring in an appraiser and have them assess the current value of the home. Then he gives you and your sister half of that. Sure he still has the house, etc, but at least you try and honor your grandmother's wishes.

[Ox]

Shijinta, your very next phone call should be to a trusts & estates lawyer or probate lawyer. Ask if she offers free consultations, otherwise call the next name in the phone book. When you have your consultation, lay out all the facts in the case as matter-of-factly as you can -- you want to be the most appealing client possible, so:

1. Be HONEST. If there's anything that's bad for you or anything that makes you look bad, just say it. No lawyer likes a case where she doesn't know whether she's stepping on a landmine.

2. Be CONCISE. Don't ramble about how unfair everything is or what an ass the guy is or about the weather. Just the facts, ma'am.

3. Be PREPARED. Write out the whole story before you go in, and bring your notes with you. Lawyers love clients who are organized and trustworthy.

When you've explained the situation, tell the lawyer honestly how much you can afford to pay. Don't be confrontational about it, just say, "Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of money. At most, I can afford to spend $X fighting this. Is that enough money? What are you willing to do for that amount?" Remember, attorney expenses vary wildly depending on how much effort is involved, and you don't necessarily need to fight. Often, just hiring a lawyer to conduct the settlement negotiations is an effective bluff, and that might not be very expensive at all.

It's possible your attorney might know of a local pro bono group, or he might know of a colleague (especially a young one just starting out) who is willing to take your case for very little money (the economy is terrible for lawyers right now). It's even possible the lawyer might offer to do VERY LITTLE work for you for a very low price. Whatever you do, DO NOT walk in expecting or asking for a handout. Make clear you understand that her time and expertise are valuable and worthy of compensation, and you're just trying to figure out how much of it you can afford to buy.

I know lots of incredibly generous lawyers who freely donate the equivalent of hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of legal services to all sorts of people just because they love justice. These men and women are all very different, but one thing unites them: they despise people who presume upon their largesse. Ask and ye shall not receive. Demand (as a truly shocking number of people do) and expect to be thrown out on your ear.

Hope that helps.

[Karak]

My grandfather died, left around 19 million in the bank and homes, and townhouses. My stepgrandmother, one of the nicest, loveliest people I ever met and who ever took care of me.

Disowned us the next day.
The very next day.
After 4 years she and her side of the family got almost all of it. My father and his brother got a couple thousand...and my brother and I. A single check from our grandmother for 100.00 in blank envelopes.

When she died. I was happy. I hope she is in the worst hell that there is, I hope that the words to describe hell do not do justice to the pain and fucking eternal suffering she feels.
It wasn't about the money. I was only 15 and she was my grandmother. She held me, she appeared to love me, she disappeared.
My only wish is that I could bring her back so she could die again.
I would gladly go to hell so I could stab her in the face with a pitchfork.

So OP. I agree and feel your pain and understand what you mean.

[Generation ABXY]

Let no one say you don't know how to carry a grudge, Karak. I believe you've got it down to an artform.

[Krispy]

Karak, as a matter of caution, I'm never going to lovingly hold you in my arms.

[Karak]

Sorry guys. As you can tell, some of the shit happened early in my life to form what you guys so kindly call the "Wrath of Karak"

All joking aside. Watching your father try to mourn during this shit, and barely being able to figure out whats going on for years through the shit, especially after taking care of your grandfather while he died can burn you out.
So ya I hold a grudge.
I know how the OP feels. I moved on and of course everyone does.
But that doesn't mean I wouldn't stab that cunt in her stomach if she came back to life.

[pomeroy]

Karak, if she comes back to life...you have to go for the head. Standard operating procedure against zombies, right?

[Karak]

Originally Posted by pomeroy

Karak, if she comes back to life...you have to go for the head. Standard operating procedure against zombies, right?

Indeed.
But the quickest way to someone's head is through their fucking ovaries. And I would use a boat as a knife.
Back to the OP though, I would like to know if there is anything OX can help him with.

[Narradisall]

I think Ox covered the advice well. So I may as well rant a bit.

As someone that has just gone through similar shit with my mother passing away I can agree with both the OP and Karak, people turn fucking nasty in these scenarios. My father not being the best organised person couldn't handle the court stuff so I did it all (fighting my grandfather, his father in law re mothers estate).

I hold grudges as well as Karak, although I take the approch in that I'll cut him out my life from the day he goes (estate was concluded yesterday, wraps up on the 8th March). Why anyone would want people like that in their lives is beyond me.

Sad thing is, its made me very concious of getting into any joint ventures financially.

[Ox]

Has anyone read Bleak House? Probate contests are notoriously some of the most vicious litigation out there.

[civil]

Originally Posted by Ox

Has anyone read Bleak House? Probate contests are notoriously some of the most vicious litigation out there.

Odd, that's the next book I'm going to read after finishing my current one.

[Lithium Flower]

Jaryndice and Jaryndice!