Dating Advice Thread

[rifter]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

If only he knew, getting the nerve to ask someone out is relatively easy.

Compared to getting a girl to come over for the night.

Again, keep building yourself up or you'll be using her mouth as a paper bag while you hyperventilate into it during the make-out.

See, I am the opposite. It's getting them to go out with me that is the killer. The rest kind of flows naturally.

[PathMaster]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

If only he knew, getting the nerve to ask someone out is relatively easy.

Compared to getting a girl to come over for the night.

Again, keep building yourself up or you'll be using her mouth as a paper bag while you hyperventilate into it during the make-out.

Wait that isn't how you do it? Darn, why did no one tell me this!

And I usually just go to her place for the night, so not an issue.

[J Arcane]

Shucks.

Shot down.

Caught up to her at the vending machine between classes and asked her what she was doing after class and if she'd want to go get some coffee.

She said she was going to hang out with her friend tonight, so I took a second shot at tomorrow and she said she was working.

So I just said OK, and walked off, didn't want to push any further. Oh well I guess.

[Ink Asylum]

Sorry to hear that. It's good that you tried. Every time you try it'll be more natural, you'll be less nervous, and you'll have a better chance at success.

[JayVe]

Originally Posted by Ink Asylum

Sorry to hear that. It's good that you tried. Every time you try it'll be more natural, you'll be less nervous, and you'll have a better chance at success.

This

10 char

[Xerxes]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

Shucks.

Shot down.

Caught up to her at the vending machine between classes and asked her what she was doing after class and if she'd want to go get some coffee.

She said she was going to hang out with her friend tonight, so I took a second shot at tomorrow and she said she was working.

So I just said OK, and walked off, didn't want to push any further. Oh well I guess.

Rewind: After the second time is when you don't have anything to lose. "Well I'm heading to Oregon a few weeks and just really wanted to tap that before I got out of her."

I know I just laughed.

[J Arcane]

I'm a bit bummed, but I kinda let it slide after a bit. We've still been chatting a bit in class, I just let it roll off me after a few minutes of letting it sink in. I really like talking to her, it's always a funny conversation and I don't see any reason to end that just because she shot me down.

I might give it one more shot next week or something but I'm cool with it I guess.

[Joshkdmw]

Man, I can relate, I know that feel, bro. It sucks. But I guess you know, eh? It's not much, but that's something.

Myself, after looking at a bunch of membership profiles on Match.com for my area, I saw a bunch of very appealing women. So I finally pulled the trigger on a subscription. Now I can send messages and shit.

Um... Help? Any advice? Never hit the online scene before.

[J Arcane]

Hand write your messages, always try to comment on something from their profile, 50/50 on whether you should compliment their appearance but always make sure such compliments are paired with some other compliment or comment that has to do with their personality.

Make your profile interesting. Resist the urge to be too heartfelt. By which I don't necessarily mean lie or do silly crap like making fictional profiles about space captains, but try to present yourself humorously and without getting too negative or maudlin.

If you've read something you've just written in your profile in other profiles, consider revision.

There are bajillions of people on these sites, you need to stand out.

[torrefaction]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

Shucks.

Shot down.

Caught up to her at the vending machine between classes and asked her what she was doing after class and if she'd want to go get some coffee.

She said she was going to hang out with her friend tonight, so I took a second shot at tomorrow and she said she was working.

So I just said OK, and walked off, didn't want to push any further. Oh well I guess.

Did you say, "I would like to take you on a date, because I think you're beautiful", or did you say "Would you want to grab some coffee after class?"

Because uh...she might've had plans, and she might've been working.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by torrefaction

Did you say, "I would like to take you on a date, because I think you're beautiful", or did you say "Would you want to grab some coffee after class?"

Because uh...she might've had plans, and she might've been working.

The latter.

But I think if I ask her again at all, I would consider stepping up to the former.

I'm feeling good though, making steps not to dwell. Instead I made plans with a friend to go see Batman later, and I even chatted up a cute girl at the bus stop, showed her some pictures and video I took of a baby squirrel after class. Was about to ask for her number but she was getting on an earlier bus so she left before I could.

[Bone]

I think you think you're making it easier on you and her by not saying "date". You aren't.

[Joshkdmw]

Okay, I'm gonna paste my "about me", blurb in here. Anyone wanna act as an editor?

" I'm sort of just checking out the online dating scene right now. I'm a generally nice guy who works a lot, and has a crap-ton of interests that keep me busy on the side. Just looking to meet someone, I guess.



I like to laugh, even at my own expense, and joke around a lot. I usually hang out indoors, but I'm willing to try out some outdoor adventures.



I work a job that is sometimes dangerous, but not always. I can't always talk about work stuff, at least not in explicit terms. I sometimes have to be out until very late with very little notice. Not often, but sometimes.



I'm not great at going out and meeting people, but once I've met someone I can usually find some common ground to talk with them about.



I'm a big proponent of honesty. If you can't tell the truth, just say you can't tell. Everyone's entitled to some privacy and secrecy, so if something is nobody's business, just say so. But outright falsehoods I generally dislike.



I am pretty flexible on almost any issue you could name, though. Two people don't have to agree on EVERYTHING - just SOME things. It's all about Mutual respect."

[Blue]

My only bit of advice is you come off as very indecisive. Could just be the way I'm reading it.

[Krispy]

I did not get past the first paragraph. You sound like a Bill & Ted extra.

You are well read, articulate, and witty. Demonstrate that in your about me and that's all you need.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by Bone

I think you think you're making it easier on you and her by not saying "date". You aren't.

Well, maybe.

That wasn't really the deliberate motive, just trying to go low pressure.

Like I said, if I decide to take another shot at it though, I'll likely go for the more straightforward approach torre suggested.

But I think it was important for me to let things drift back into normal casual conversation as the day progressed, something I failed to do with acting girl and wound up losing both a potential friend and any further shot at her.

Originally Posted by Joshkdmw

Okay, I'm gonna paste my "about me", blurb in here. Anyone wanna act as an editor?

OK, but I apologize in advance if this comes across as harsh.

" I'm sort of just checking out the online dating scene right now. I'm a generally nice guy who works a lot, and has a crap-ton of interests that keep me busy on the side. Just looking to meet someone, I guess.

Everyone's a "nice guy." Almost no one says they're an asshole, and if they do they're usually meaning that as a joke, one that's as tired as saying you're a "nice guy."

And what interests? Everyone has interests. Except for those ladies whose only interests are their kids.

Give specifics. Wear your tastes on your sleeve. Never worry about what you're interested in putting off a girl, because they're going to find it out eventually anyway so just start off the bat.

I like to laugh, even at my own expense, and joke around a lot. I usually hang out indoors, but I'm willing to try out some outdoor adventures.

Telling me you like to laugh and joke is what writers call an "informed ability," something that a writer tells you a character as good at and then never actually demonstrates.

If you want to show you're a joker, make a joke. Show, don't tell.

I would drop the mention of being an indoors guy, that just makes it sound like you spend all your time at the computer (which maybe you do, in fairness). Instead, talk more about the interests you engage in indoors. Those will show that you're an indoor person without making you sound like a shut-in.

And again, be specific about that outdoor adventure. Do you want to hike the mountain, go skiing, explore caves, learn to rock climb? By getting specific there it shows you've got aspiration, and is once again a "show don't tell" thing.

I work a job that is sometimes dangerous, but not always. I can't always talk about work stuff, at least not in explicit terms. I sometimes have to be out until very late with very little notice. Not often, but sometimes.

This is tough to respond to, because it is very vague. I would jazz it up a bit or drop it altogether.

"Not always" is an unnecessary clause, it makes you sound like you're not proud of your job.

I'm not great at going out and meeting people, but once I've met someone I can usually find some common ground to talk with them about.

Most people on a dating site are like this. That's why they're on a dating site. IOW, this doesn't say much.

I'm a big proponent of honesty. If you can't tell the truth, just say you can't tell. Everyone's entitled to some privacy and secrecy, so if something is nobody's business, just say so. But outright falsehoods I generally dislike.

This paragraph makes me nervous. I read it, and it screams "BAGGAGE" at me in very loud tones.

That's what I meant earlier by being careful about being too heartfelt. A passage like this makes me think you're carrying around some trust issues from a past relationship, and if it were a woman, it would make me hesitant to reply even though I consider myself an honest person to a fault.

Leave the baggage to the actual dating. Remember, an online dating profile is an ad, not a confessional.

I am pretty flexible on almost any issue you could name, though. Two people don't have to agree on EVERYTHING - just SOME things. It's all about Mutual respect."

Like Blue said, this makes you sound kind of indecisive, wishy-washy. Like you lack the confidence to stand on your own word, and that's kind of going to put some women off.

Anyway, I hope this helps a bit, and of course, take it as coming from a writer, not so much some expert on online dating.

[Joshkdmw]

I've tried re-writing from scratch. This is what I got so far:

"Okay. So I'm not great at meeting people. But you probably already guessed that being this is a profile on a dating website.

I love words. I love them so much I studied them for years and got a degree in English, which was probably the best and worst investment I ever made. I read voraciously and I even write a little fiction myself.

I own a variety of instruments (notably guitars, of which I have three), and often sing and play at home. I listen to more than I play, genre-wise. My record collection has Duke Ellington sitting right next to the Dead Kennedys.

I have a weak spot for musicals (Moulin Rouge broke my heart), comedies, and science fiction movies and for games of almost every genre.

I have a job that I absolutely love that keeps me pretty busy. When I'm not doing that, I like to hit a pub with some friends and maybe catch a live rock or jazz show.

I'm very much attracted to strong women, so if you fancy taking lead on something then by all means, fill your boots. I wouldn't say I'm entirely passive but I take orders pretty well."

Originally Posted by Krispy

.
You are well read, articulate, and witty. Demonstrate that in your about me and that's all you need.

Gosh, thanks... whatcha doin' later?

[Chris_D]

Originally Posted by Joshkdmw

I wouldn't say I'm entirely passive but I take orders pretty well."

I think few women would find this part attractive. Maybe something about respect would be better?

[Krispy]

The last line made me chuckle. I would say work on making it flow less like a laundry list and you are well on your way to having a winner.

I agree with Chris. Don't put passive anywhere in your description.

[pomeroy]

That seems much better.