Dating Advice Thread

[Ox]

Originally Posted by Generation ABXY

Oh, good grief. No, I haven't slept with these girls, civil... and I'm not sure I ever could, either.

They make a pill for that now.

[Generation ABXY]

Originally Posted by Ox

They make a pill for that now.

If I ever get up your way, I'm going to buy you a drink. Never mind that smell of almonds.


EDIT: Since we're getting together later today (or tomorrow, depending on your timezone), I wanted to go ahead and throw this out there.

Is it unusual to feel... hell, I don't know, reined in by the kids in a relationship? I mean, I've dealt with little kids before, but never one quite this old and I feel strangely guilty about being too affectionate with her mother, when the daughter's around. Whether with kids of their own or not, I imagine at least some of the older Colonizers will have had experience with this, but any insight is welcome.

[evilgoodwin]

Nuke'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[wyeast]

Originally Posted by Generation ABXY

Is it unusual to feel... hell, I don't know, reined in by the kids in a relationship? I mean, I've dealt with little kids before, but never one quite this old and I feel strangely guilty about being too affectionate with her mother, when the daughter's around. Whether with kids of their own or not, I imagine at least some of the older Colonizers will have had experience with this, but any insight is welcome.

It's not unusual. In fact, with some of my friends, I start to think that they're being a little too blithe in ignoring the impact on the kids by playing grabass in front of them. (meaning not in front of my kids, but one of theirs)

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Generation ABXY

I wonder, are you thinking the same thing: Should have just called OM?

It might of been the safer choice. And that is saying a lot.

Originally Posted by Generation ABXY

EDIT: Since we're getting together later today (or tomorrow, depending on your timezone), I wanted to go ahead and throw this out there.

Is it unusual to feel... hell, I don't know, reined in by the kids in a relationship? I mean, I've dealt with little kids before, but never one quite this old and I feel strangely guilty about being too affectionate with her mother, when the daughter's around. Whether with kids of their own or not, I imagine at least some of the older Colonizers will have had experience with this, but any insight is welcome.

Well...since your introduction was a bit...awkward...not sure you really have anything to feel guilty about at this point

[Joshkdmw]

Originally Posted by Ox

I beg of you, in the name of all that's holy: when you explain all this to your partner, videotape it. Western culture will be immeasurably enriched.

You know she now wants to meet them, right? Oh shit, this is going to be glorious.

It's posts like these that reaffirm my faith in the idea that we an all simply stop posting and let Ox do all the talking on the site. Why bury the lead, you know?

[evilgoodwin]

Without our posting, Ox wouldn't have much fuel for his brilliance.

[rinichanraar]

Originally Posted by MagGnome

Joey and Irene need some dating advice. What would you do if you were at a Chris Hardwick performance and during his routine he kept hitting on your girlfriend? I think Joey should be flattered!

Originally Posted by Ink Asylum

Yeah, Hardwick, one of my favorite comedians these days, is in a long-term relationship so it was all an act. He probably thinks the girlfriend is, indeed, hot, but it was harmless fun. I'd be flattered.

Originally Posted by MagGnome

I about died from laughter when he pulled out his Starbucks gold card, waved it back and forth in front of Irene's face, and said "You are getting very horny" as if he was trying to hypnotize her.

It's silly that this came up so many times this weekend. Joey and Jacob are convinced he was being flirtatious, and maybe he was, but it was for the sake of comedy!

It's also silly that Joey's the one who should be flattered. What about me?!

[Farsight]

Originally Posted by Bone

That's something you may need to broach with your lady early on if you expect they might just swing by at any time: "By the way, I am platonic friends with two successful entrepreneurs in the vagina export industry".

Wouldn't that be the "penis import industry"?

[evilgoodwin]

Originally Posted by Farsight

Wouldn't that be the "penis import industry"?

Wish I could find someone in demand of my exports.

[Narradisall]

Originally Posted by Generation ABXY

If I ever get up your way, I'm going to buy you a drink.

I think a buying drink is an obligatory requirement prior to taking that action with any man.

[MagGnome]

I love this thread.

Rini - Chris Hardwick is one sexy nerd. You should be flattered.

[Hawkzombie]

I hate this thread because every time I'm tempted to ask for advice on the jigsaw puzzle that is my love life, I know exactly how it'll end up

Originally Posted by Generation ABXY

Is it unusual to feel... hell, I don't know, reined in by the kids in a relationship? I mean, I've dealt with little kids before, but never one quite this old and I feel strangely guilty about being too affectionate with her mother, when the daughter's around. Whether with kids of their own or not, I imagine at least some of the older Colonizers will have had experience with this, but any insight is welcome.

No, it's not unusual. I dated a woman once who had a child and I felt a little awkward about anything physical around the kid. But some particulars are missing before any real advice can be offered:

1. Your age & the age of the mother?
2. The age of the child?
3. What's the child's relationship with the father?
4. How recently were the mother/father separated?
5. Are you the first post-marriage/relationship man in her life?
6. Does the child live full-time with the mother? I ask because this would affect any sleepovers you might have.

A lot of questions, sure, but every one of those would have an impact on how I would feel/behave in a relationship with a woman who had children, especially if I were serious about it.

[pomeroy]

My girlfriend has a 9 year old. It's...interesting. At first, the daughter didn't even like us holding hands. She's very protective of her mom, so that was part of it, but the other thing was that this is a little girl who is still grossed out by kissing in movies.

I dunno. I've given my girlfriend a kiss in front of her daughter, but they're pretty chaste. The awkwardness went away once I got to know her daughter a little more.

[Superman's Dead]

This can only end with the prostitutes babysitting the kid and hi-jinx ensuing.

[Banacek]

I have a step-daughter who is eleven now and she was 5 when I first started dating her mom. If you're serious about the relationship just be warned that it's a lot of work. It's very rewarding, but it is work.

[Generation ABXY]

Originally Posted by wyeast

It's not unusual. In fact, with some of my friends, I start to think that they're being a little too blithe in ignoring the impact on the kids by playing grabass in front of them.

Originally Posted by civil

No, it's not unusual. I dated a woman once who had a child and I felt a little awkward about anything physical around the kid.

Thanks, guys. At least it's not completely out of left field, then. And we ended up just staying out after dinner, so I managed to avoid the awkwardness altogether (but that's clearly unsustainable and not really a "fix," at all... I don't want to head to a hotel to be even remotely intimate).

As to your questions, civil:

1. I'm 26; she's 36.
2. 15.
3. I have no idea. All I know is, he lives on the west coast (so there's no alternating weekends or anything like that).
4. A few years. I took that to mean at least three, but I didn't really press it.
5. I rather doubt it.
6. Yes.

Oh, and pomeroy and Banacek: in regards to my relationship with the daughter, we seem to get along fine... the discomfort could be entirely one-sided, as far as I know. But, Christ, it's like being x-rayed - even in opposite ends of the house, I can't help but check myself (of course, it doesn't help that the girl's quiet as a damn ninja, either).

Originally Posted by Superman's Dead

This can only end with the prostitutes babysitting the kid and hi-jinx ensuing.

Purple Santa, get in here - we've got ourselves a Script Frenzy project!

[Farsight]

The daughter is 15?

There's no real issue here. Act normally. You're not going to scar the teenage girl for life. Just, out of kindness, play some damned loud music when it's time for "intimacy". No one wants to hear those sounds.

Originally Posted by Generation ABXY

As to your questions, civil:

1. I'm 26; she's 36.
2. 15.
3. I have no idea. All I know is, he lives on the west coast (so there's no alternating weekends or anything like that).
4. A few years. I took that to mean at least three, but I didn't really press it.
5. I rather doubt it.
6. Yes.

That's going to be interesting to navigate, as you are close enough to the daughter's age that she might emotionally identify you as a peer, and see you as a friend. I have a friend who is in nearly the exact same situation as you. It was interesting for him because the daughter began to see him as an ally, and she tried (didn't succeed) to use that as a wedge between her and her mom (especially in terms of curfews, piercings, etc). At one point he had to sit her down--with her mother present--and lay out that he was not her friend, that he didn't see things the way she did and that he supported her mother's decisions in everything. It helped tremendously and they are still together, two years later. I'm not saying you'll reach that point, but just to warn you.

Other than that, I'm not sure how I would react in your position. Frankly you want to be sensitive to the daughter and you don't want to make things awkward. I can't imagine how it would be meeting up in the kitchen in the morning, you in a robe and she getting ready for school. I think a lot depends on the relationship she has with her mom. If they're open and frank, all should be cool and it will be on you to get over the awkwardness. But if their relationship isn't as stable, then you could be in for a few months of awkwardness.

What does the mom say about this? Also, how serious is the relationship? You may want to PM National Kato, as IIRC he's in a similar situation (I believe his gal has a son, though) and they're pretty solid from what I understand. He's also a good egg overall, so I'm sure he's gotten through any funky patches with good results.