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Old 01-05-2017, 07:09 AM   #1
Dav Slinker
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Japan
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Nuzlocke Hurt Locker: Blind moon - episode 3

Last time in the Nuzlocke Hurt Locker: Blind Moon, our hero had just finished the second Island and was making his way to the third. But before he can go, he suddenly receives an invitation to take a tour of the Aether Foundation, a high-tech charitable organization purported to protect pokemon...


So these people that invite me on a tour, the Aether Foundation, I've seen them around. They wear tight white outfits and have ridiculous hair. That's basically all I know about them. But any group wears uniforms like that? Let's just say I'm on my guard when I see them. And when they invite me to their base, a conservation for pokemon on a floating construct in the middle of international waters? The alarm bells in my head are going off full-tilt. Their deal, they say, is they protect pokemon from harm and shelter them, and don't allow the capture of anything on the premises. So given that my whole deal in Alola is pretty much the exact opposite of protecting pokemon that aren't in my party, I have jack shit to do but grit my teeth until their sales pitch is over and I can catch a bus out of there. That is, until a hole in time in space rips open and reveals a monstrous, ethereal jellyfish that I need to fight. So hey, the trip's not a total waste. As it's an extradimensional terror coming at me, I wonder if it's gonna be trouble, but luckily this wannabe shoggoth is a total pushover, so I push it over, and it just runs away.

I meet the woman running the foundation, Lusamine, and she seems very loving of pokemon. Like, ex-girlfriend-turned-stalker kind of love. So we're firmly in 'too loving' territory, here. Though I'll give it to her, she's good-looking enough to get away with being batshit.

I had a dream that started with a woman looked like that. Except she had a riding crop. And I'd been a baaad student council president.

After preaching at me for a bit about how pokemon must be protected, or something, I dunno I kinda drifted off for a bit, she decides to reward me and Hau for helping with the cosmic horror that showed up a hot minute ago, which is weird because Hau didn't do much but stand around with his mouth agape and his thumb two knuckles deep in his ass. But in fairness, all Hau got was some malasada (I have no idea, some kinda fried batter thing maybe, he's obsessed with them) and she gives me a TM for Psychic. Well shit, that's a powerful move. Alright, she may be crazy but she has some good gear. Kinda weird she'd have TMs for a powerful pokemon attack just on her person to spare and just give it to a guy who goes around making these things fight one another to the death, but when you're in the crazy lady's house, you mind your manners. Feet off the table, watch your language, don't call to attention that her beliefs and morals are just wildly inconsistent, that sort of thing. Then she bids us good day and gets her PA to give us a lift to where we can find the next trial, Ula'Ula island. So sad, sorry to go, we must do this again, can this boat go any faster?

Soon as we step off the boat, Hau challenges me to a fight. Says he wants to see how our strength compares now. And then he offers to heal my pokemon before we fight. So, he made two crucial mistakes.

Whatever you're reaching for in that pocket better be a sandwich because you're gonna have to eat it.

Hau's Raichu knows psychic, for some reason. The bastard. Guess that's why he wasn't upset about just getting the Malasada earlier.

I'm not gonna lie, Hau's been doing some training. He's kinda tough. After a few turns I've swapped out three pokemon because his Raichu does too much damage for me to to eat more than 1 hit. Crystal's special defense is pretty bad, and Bumbit has really good HP but also a glaring weakness to psychic. Sidewinder has great special defense but a glaring weakness to electric. It comes too close, HP-wise, but Dapper manages to take him out with a Soul Shackle. When Hau sends out Flareon I can switch to crystal. She gets the burn status twice while I'm stacking Iron Defense, but I get her defense up 6 stages and beat up the flareon. Then Hau sends out his final, the fairy-seal type evolution, I didn't catch it's name. Dapper aced it too quick for it to register. And just like that, what was almost some serious losses is just another challenge behind me. I head off to Malie gardens to look for my favourite professor, Kukui.

While in the Gardens, Dapper's False Swipe secures a boxing ladybug pokemon, and, Maewether goes into the box. Could be a handy backup. Then, fighting a wild Poliwag, sidewinder gets jumped by another ally Poliwag. He kills one, but the other is about to land a killing blow with a body slam. It's a crit... and Sidewinder survives with 1hp. Because I'd raised his affection level, he'd refused to die because it would
have made me sad. A free Sturdy ability proc.

I'll be living, thanks, and fuck you for trying.

RNGesus loves me counter: 4

And the bonus is that Sidewinder evolves after this battle, and their stats go waaayy up. Things are looking better and better.

I run into a face from the past, Professor oak, from the Kanto region! Turns out his first name is Samson, and nowadays he has a tan so deep he looks like a fucking leather couch that got left in the arizona sun. I move on quickly because he's scaring my damn pokemon. We're exploring a new city now, which means one thing: time to hit up the CLOTHES STORE!

Even when you're on a killing spree spanning an entire archipelago, there's always time to look good.

Now that I got some black cutoff jorts, I'm stylin'. And just in time to head to the library. I find out there that apparently the legendary pokemon in these parts serve as protectors of the royal bloodline of antiquity. I mean, I know that pokemon created the heavens and the earth and oceans and the beasts of the field and whatnot, but this is the first I've heard of them meddling in politics. Mostly they serve as window-dressing for nefarious plots.

Oh, and the current scion of that royal line is a purple-haired child with a perpetual chu face. And here I was starting to think this setting was gonna get serious.Ah, well. They tell me the next trial is an electric-type one. Lucky me, I have a big badass rock-monster just spoiling for a fight. But first, it's time to head to route 10, according to professor Kukui, who wants to talk to me about something in private. Oh, joy.

An old lady asks me to find her lost pokemon on the way. I guess I'm everyone's errand boy, now. Then the old lady gave me 15,000 pokedollars. Okay, yeah, at those rates I guess I WILL be the errand-boy. We get jumped by a wild Fearow that jumps out a tree and Botherment joins his little brother Nuisance in the box. The next tree had a Skarmory, which is a steel/flying type. But of course I didn't run into that first.

I'd rather just die than have you in the party. And it may even come to that.

RNGesus hates me counter: 11

A wandering police officer jumps me, looking for a fight. Between this and the fact that Team Skull gives them trouble, these guys are really terrible at their jobs. Speaking of team skull, I catch them at their latest nefarious scheme... loitering at a bus stop. They decide to attack me, which goes poorly for them thanks to Sidewinder.

After that me and Kukui take the bus to the observatory, and it turns out this guy is thinking about starting a proper pokemon league in Alola. Assembling the elite four out of the Kahunas and making Alolan champ a title the world will recognize.

Shit, Kukui. I had you pegged all wrong. You have some good ideas.

The electric trial is at the observatory on top of the mountain, and they give me a free souvenir comet shard, telling me to “keep it with you as a reminder of your trip!” But I know I can sell it for a few grand, so... yeah.

Shopping for supplies is more important then sentimental clutter.

The master of the electric trial is a little ginger fuck named Sophocles who looks like a troll doll in a scarf. He's a scientist, or something. I was skeptical, but he has some good theories. He says “I figured, why not just call totem pokemon to you instead of having to travel all the way to them?” I... shit, I dunno. Maybe you're on to something you pudgy little maroon bastard. Then the summoning machine blows a fuse, killing the lights and locking us in the room. Only way to open the door is with... an audio quiz. I have no idea who thought this was a useful safety protocol, but it is what it is. I get through the quiz and meet the totem pokemon, a Vikavolt. He quickly summons an ally, a Charjabug which is an electric bug pokemon that looks like a little furry bus.

I couldn't make this shit up.

This is a real pokemon.

They use primarily electric attacks which is fine because Crystal is on the front line, who's a rock-type. Or it would be, but I guess rock-types don't resist electricity now, and... whoo, that's some serious damage she's taking. And now she's paralyzed. And her rock slide kills the Charjabug but misses the totem. This is looking bad. I feed my girl a super potion, and she just up and cures herself of the paralysis, just shakes it off, because she loves me so much. Goddamn. Right back at ya, babe.

Another rock slide gets the totem low, but it summons an ally and Crystal is back at half HP. I heal her and she eats another spark and paralysis. I Figure she can eat another round of attacks and the rock slide will one-shot both of them, but I don't even have to eat an attack, the dopey fuck totem opted to use a move to raise its speed. Crystal gets the kills, and a level-up to boot. Then I take an electrium Z, which is useless to me. Then they also give me a Steelium Z, which is doubly so.

I go back to Malie Garden to tell Kukui the good news, and I see him getting hassled by Team Skull. Great, another problem for me to solve. Except... he just ups offers to whup both their asses. Gets right up in their face. Yells at them “You gotta beat the man to be the man!”

God-DAMN Kukui. I really had you all wrong before. We gotta hang out more.

“No worries bro, let's hug it out.”

Then the Team Skull leader, Guzma, makes an apperance, and asks if Kukui wants to make this a Three-on-one. Oh, HELL no, that's my brofessor you're hassling! I jump on Guzma's ass like he has a trampoline in his pants and we square up.

He sends out a pokemon I've never seen before, a Golisopod, some kinda samurai bug thing. Sidewinder hits him with a critical poison jab, which lands the poison debuff to boot. Hey, I don't call him Sidewinder for nothin'. He's a sheisty motherfucker. Then Golisopod's emergency exit ability triggers, which I guess gives it a free swap to the next pokemon. Okay. You take a breather, Golisopod. I'll see you again real, real soon. He sends out an Ariados who tries to sucker-punch Sidewinder, but since I swapped him out for Ladypecker it ends up punching air. And it seems to me the problem with the Ariados if a pokemon is a bug type and it wastes an attack and you hit it with a high-powered flying-type move then it's fucked, so that's what I do and that's how it goes down. Golisopod comes back out, and ladypecker hits him with a beak blast, which activates Golisopod's hidden ability to suck and die.

Not pictured: his parents leaving the stadium as he gets bodied.

Guzma pimps away like I didn't just embarrass him in front of his team and Kukui gives me a Decidueye Z, which is a special Z-crystal just for my special boy Dapper. Oh, shit... now we are cooking with some GAS. I try out his new Z move, Sinister Arrow Raid on a nearby wild pokemon. It looks like something out of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. It's goddamn beautiful.

Soshite, toki wa ugoki dasu.

With the dire threat of Team Skull (snerk) under control for now, it's time to get back to the Island Challenge. Southwards, to route 11!



Total casualties thus far: 6
RNGesus hates me counter: 11
RNGesus loves me counter: 4

Current lineup:

The world is very sexy, it's part of my collapse.

Legal Uppers, my blog, including creative writing and travelogues.

Last edited by Dav Slinker; 01-06-2017 at 04:49 AM.
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