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Old 04-13-2012, 10:57 AM   #1
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Doughnuts

Why are they so good?
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:01 AM   #2
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Because they're made of friendship and magic.

Or from the souls of a thousand warriors.

Or from the blood of your enemies.

Depending on your outlook.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:11 AM   #3
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They're so good because of the hole in the middle. Imagine a solid, cylindrical pastry. It is pretty good. It might even be creme-filled. Let's call its volume 1 and its goodness 1.

Now, we will use a mystical folding mechanism to force the goodness into the outer portions of the pastry and punch out the center, now devoid of goodness. The overall volume is now less than 1, probably around .8 or so, but the goodness is still 1, so the goodness density is increased. Doughnuts are thereby more awesome. You can eat more goodness by eating doughnuts.

This is also further proof that doughnut holes are not, in fact, the holes from doughnuts. (If so they would be devoid of goodness). Rather, they are formed by a similar process, wherein the goodness of a pastry is compacted toward the center and the excess, goodless pastry is excised leaving only the center of it behind, which we call the "doughnut hole" more for its shape than its origin.
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Last edited by Thanasimos; 04-13-2012 at 03:27 PM. Reason: I accidentally a grammar.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:13 AM   #4
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So since doughnut holes are smaller, are they better than doughnuts?
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:14 AM   #5
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My love for maple frosted doughnuts borders on militancy. They're far more common in the frozen landscape of the Midwest where I grew up, so finding one here in the South is like winning the lottery.

A lottery that I would kill for.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:26 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Thanasimos View Post
They're so good because of the hole in the middle. Imagine a solid, cylindrical pastry. It is pretty good. It might even be creme-filled. Let's call its volume 1 and it's goodness 1.

Now, we will use a mystical folding mechanism to force the goodness into the outer portions of the pastry and punch out the center, now devoid of goodness. The overall volume is now less than 1, probably around .8 or so, but the goodness is still 1, so the goodness density is increased. Doughnuts are thereby more awesome. You can eat more goodness by eating doughnuts.
Motherfucker goes to an engineering school and all of a sudden he's schooling us on doughnut density and deliciousness. Someone hand this guy a diploma!
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:39 AM   #7
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Motherfucker goes to an engineering school and all of a sudden he's schooling us on doughnut density and deliciousness. Someone hand this guy a diploma!
In what? Donumics?
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:47 PM   #8
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But my favorite doughnuts have no holes!

(Maple frosted custard filled. (I may be crying right now.))
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:11 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Handmade.Mercury View Post
So since doughnut holes are smaller, are they better than doughnuts?
This is sound in theory, however it falls apart practically. Initially that is exactly what happened (they started with a pastry the same size as that which they create doughnuts out of). Imagine being a layperson with no knowledge of how doughnuts are produced, and what you would assume of doughnut holes: that they would be exactly as good as doughnuts by volume, but be smaller; that is, that they would taste exactly like doughnuts. When this was not the case, customers were taken aback. This didn't do too much good for the doughnut hole producers. Then, when expectations adapted to reality, both doughnut hole producers and doughnut producers took a hefty financial hit, as it wasn't worth it to buy doughnuts when doughnut holes could be had, but it wasn't worth it to buy many doughnut holes either, because they were soooo fucking delicious it was overwhelming.

A cabal formed out of the doughnut producers and the doughnut hole producers. Doughnut holes are now cut from smaller pastries only a bit larger than the final doughnut hole in order to overcome this.

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Motherfucker goes to an engineering school and all of a sudden he's schooling us on doughnut density and deliciousness. Someone hand this guy a diploma!
This isn't the kind of thing they teach you in class. It's a real life lesson. I climbed mountains to learn this shit.
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Last edited by Thanasimos; 04-13-2012 at 01:15 PM.
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:59 PM   #10
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This isn't the kind of thing they teach you in class. It's a real life lesson. I climbed mountains to learn this shit.
Delicious, sugary mountains.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:11 PM   #11
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Donuts. They are spelled Donuts.

Jesus. Bunch of philistines.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:18 PM   #12
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From this authoritative page (I just found after 3 seconds of searching)

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After much research we have found that, according to the dictionaries that are most common, this pastry can truly be spelled either way and it will still be correct. The Shipley Company chooses to spell it "DONUT'. Since Shipleys obviously makes the absolute best D-O-N-U-T, we believe this to be the correct spelling.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:19 PM   #13
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Donuts. They are spelled Donuts.

Jesus. Bunch of philistines.
I agree and I am shocked I missed it being spelled incorrectly before.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:19 PM   #14
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From this authoritative page (I just found after 3 seconds of searching)
Sir, I like the cut of your jib.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:57 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkzombie View Post
Donuts. They are spelled Donuts.


Get off my lawn. Kids these days and butchering the English Language.

//has no idea if Hawkzombie is older than me


Edit: I trust old Merriam-Webter. A doughnut is "a small usually ring-shaped cake fried in fat". A donut is a "variant of doughnut".

Last edited by TheKeck; 04-13-2012 at 03:01 PM.
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:10 PM   #16
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Voodoo Doughnuts. Nothing else has to be said.
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Old 04-13-2012, 04:02 PM   #17
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Get off my lawn. Kids these days and butchering the English Language.

//has no idea if Hawkzombie is older than me


Edit: I trust old Merriam-Webter. A doughnut is "a small usually ring-shaped cake fried in fat". A donut is a "variant of doughnut".
And it's a variant that SHUT THE FUCK UP.



I'm 31. So dunno if I'm a whipper-snapper, or old and set in my ways/afraid of change.
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Old 04-13-2012, 04:13 PM   #18
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I'm 31. So dunno if I'm a whipper-snapper, or old and set in my ways/afraid of change.
I'll be 31 in a month.

You old windbag.
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Old 04-13-2012, 05:03 PM   #19
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In Canada, they are unequivocally called Donuts. And I think we can all agree Canadians have the last word on donuts.
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Old 04-13-2012, 05:23 PM   #20
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I am eating a box of Krispy Kreme right now. Original Glazed, Chocolate Glazed, cream-filled, all still warm and sticky. Oh, MAN they taste good. Okay, the Originals are down the hatch, time to move on to the OH SO DELICIOUS Chocolate.... Mmmmmm. Heavenly.
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I rub my body down with nutella nightly.

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