Dating Advice Thread

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

Yeah, it's just hard because I know how I do this thing and I get too attached because I start listening to the forever voice when I should be concentrating on now.

What I want now is to spend time with an awesome girl and enjoy it while I'm here, and see where it takes me.

My friend today made kind of an awesome point, that gave me another way of looking at things, that is simultaneously helpful and perhaps not the best for someone who deals with that voice but basically what he said is, look at him and his girl.

Three months ago they both had their lives pretty planned out, but then things just happened, and now she's coming with him to Corvallis and they're getting married, and if either of them had freaked out and second-guessed where things were gonna go, none of that would ever have happened.

I just need to learn to take things as they come, go for what I want, and then move on if I don't get it. And part of that is that I really do need to spend a lot more time getting rejected and having a lot more catastrophic failures, until I finally get the hang of this thing.

It just kinda sucks getting such a late start on the matter, but I have been trying to be better about it since I've been in school, so maybe I should just see these things as you say: Another learning experience, but one that one way or another, will be a memory I will both treasure and rue.

Anyway, I appreciate you having the patience to address my blatant neuroses, you're gonna make a good professional some day.

Well if you are a believer in short term therapy...you just basically did what a "professional" would hope to do. You learned and applied for yourself how to solve the problem. That's why I avoided telling you straight up "go for it and don't look down". Great advice until someone can't do it

Glad I could be of help. As for patience...I deal with Supes and Krispy. Those two...ok, now that takes patience.

[J Arcane]

Yeah, I'm afraid I don't have anything like Krispy's past.

Yet.

[PathMaster]

In my experience, I usually find new love when I am content in not looking. When I try, nada. When I finally resign myself to being single again, and just enjoy myself otherwise, bam, it happens.

I still say go for it.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by PathMaster

In my experience, I usually find new love when I am content in not looking. When I try, nada. When I finally resign myself to being single again, and just enjoy myself otherwise, bam, it happens.

I still say go for it.

For me, when I stop looking and get on with life, I wind up descending into lack of concern for my appearance and that has the effect of making me all the more unattractive. I'm the sort of person who tends to let himself go unless he has a reason not to.

Which usually comes from someone seriously catching my eye and I just can't not go for it.

[PathMaster]

So time to hit the gym then?

I do understand that feeling though. I try to remind myself to make the attempt to keep myself together.

[J Arcane]

Part of the thing is, the stuff I normally do for a living and with my time is stuff where the effort of appearance really doesn't matter. I went from being a dish bitch to a cook to a writer and a student. None of those really require of me doing much more effort than necessary to maintain my own personal comfort, and maybe some vague minimum standard for public appearance.

It's only really when it comes to the ladies that I start thinking I need to do more than that.

[PathMaster]

I could say dress for others, but it really should be dress for yourself. Dress in what you like and are comfortable in. The outfit, should inspire confidence in yourself, which should be visible to others and can only help. (I muddled through that last sentence, I am sure you got the jist of it though.)

[diablopath]

I ate lunch with the girl I mentioned a couple of weeks ago today. It was really nice, we sat around for almost two hours after we finished just talking and joking around. It was the first time since that Friday night that we actually sat down out of work and hung out for a bit. Over the past week especially, she has seemed entirely indifferent to me. I'm not sure if that's my own insecurities driving me crazy or if she really was acting different towards me. I try and pay a lot of attention so I pick up on any hints, and I think maybe sometimes I read into it too much.

She talked a lot more today about how her mom tries to set her up with guys all the time. Anytime a girl starts talking about things like that, I try to look for hints, but again, I think that's just a result of my own insecurities.

However, I think I'm comfortable enough with the situation to throw out a "Hey, you should let me take you on an actual date sometime." to her. Not sure when I'll do that, but hey, wish me luck.

[Ink Asylum]

Originally Posted by diablopath

However, I think I'm comfortable enough with the situation to throw out a "Hey, you should let me take you on an actual date sometime." to her. Not sure when I'll do that, but hey, wish me luck.

Why didn't you do that then?

[diablopath]

Originally Posted by Ink Asylum

Why didn't you do that then?

I...I don't have a really good reason. I didn't really think about my next move until I left.

One thing that I found interesting: previously, she has been almost aggressively against letting me pay for her. She let me do it the very first time we went out, but I had made clear it was a birthday lunch, so she let me do that. Today, she put up a little resistance, but not a lot. Maybe it's one of those things that I'm paying too much attention to, but that was entirely different from her.

Naturally, this means she wants to fellate me.

[Ox]

Originally Posted by diablopath

Naturally, this means she wants to fellate me.

Speaking of which, reverse psychology works wonders on that. Give up hummers for Lent and the Easter season will start to resemble a pornographic film.

Sometimes I suspect I am actually Satan.

[Hawkzombie]

Originally Posted by Ox

Speaking of which, reverse psychology works wonders on that. Give up hummers for Lent and the Easter season will start to resemble a pornographic film.

Sometimes I suspect I am actually Satan.

I want to bottle you up and release you whenever my life needs some awesome.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by Krispy

Hey, for what it's worth I am in a very peaceful and supportive relationship with a young and beautiful artist right now. I'm not a complete disaster. I hadn't talked about it here because, frankly, I was afraid of the kind of criticisms I would get from folks I know locally if they read that I was happily seeing a girl.

Awesome!

I was mostly teasing anyway.

In reality, my situation is probably opposite yours, at least with the hooking up with crazy ladies part, in that *I'm* usually the crazy one.

It's why I'm trying to get better about just asking girls out off the bat, because with me, the crazy is multiplicative. The longer I want, the more the crazy side sits and spins and builds acceleration until what would've been a harmless bummer, because some world ending fucking catastrophe of my own making.

I'm getting better, but as this thread demonstrates in the last couple pages, the crazy is still a constant foe.

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

Yeah, I'm afraid I don't have anything like Krispy's past.

Yet.

You also don't have his personality disorder. Be thankful

Originally Posted by Krispy

Hey, for what it's worth I am in a very peaceful and supportive relationship with a young and beautiful artist right now. I'm not a complete disaster. I hadn't talked about it here because, frankly, I was afraid of the kind of criticisms I would get from folks I know locally if they read that I was happily seeing a girl.

I think this is what they call the "honeymoon" period. Am I being to cynical waiting for the explosion?

Ok, I thought about it. No, I'm not

[J Arcane]

To put it another way, I have come far too close to restraining order territory for my liking.

I have no idea how some of the women I've known put up with my shit. Maybe I'm more endearing than I realize.

Just not enough to date, I guess.

[Slack3r78]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

It's just, how do you turn the forever voice off? How do you turn off that part of the brain that runs wild and seems like it wants to live a whole lifetime with someone before you even really know them?

By coming to terms with the fact that life is fleeting and only happens if you let it. Forever's just a detour along the way.

[Ox]

I hate to break it to you, but that's not actually "treatment." He just finds it to be fantastically relaxing.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by Slack3r78

By coming to terms with the fact that life is fleeting and only happens if you let it. Forever's just a detour along the way.

I find it helpful to keep reminding myself that Ted Mosby is a douche.

Don't be Ted.

[evilgoodwin]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

I find it helpful to keep reminding myself that Ted Mosby is a douche.

Don't be Ted.

As Ted is a further branch of the Douche-Tree, branching off of the "John Dorian from Scrubs" area.

Don't be JD.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

As Ted is a further branch of the Douche-Tree, branching off of the "John Dorian from Scrubs" area.

Don't be JD.

There is seriously at least one JD arc off the top of my head that did exactly this (obsessing and making overlong plans over a temporary relationship).

Also a Ted Mosby one.

However, I'm not sure which one was cuter. JD's was Mandy Moore, but that Victoria girl was pretty hot.

However, I will say, JD was waaaay less douchey about how he handled the conclusion. JD and Mandy Moore just broke up. Ted tried to hook up with Robin while he was still technically dating Victoria.

So, Ted Mosby is the king of this round in the douche wars.

I have no idea why or if any of this is relevant, other than Ted Mosby really is a ginormous megadouche. He is Mechadouchezilla.