Dating Advice Thread

[evilgoodwin]

I'm really bad at this. Still seeing the chick from ages ago. I'm so bad at calling her, but she's enthusiastic about hanging out tomorrow. How does one switch from a single bachelor lifestyle to spending time with others? I'm just so used to my ways :P

Advice?

[Hawkzombie]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

I'm really bad at this. Still seeing the chick from ages ago. I'm so bad at calling her, but she's enthusiastic about hanging out tomorrow. How does one switch from a single bachelor lifestyle to spending time with others? I'm just so used to my ways :P

Advice?

Step one: Put your penis in them only.

[evilgoodwin]

Your advice SOUNDS normal... but you're saying it so I have to do the opposite. Right?

[Hawkzombie]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

Your advice SOUNDS normal... but you're saying it so I have to do the opposite. Right?

I stopped going after my ex's cousin because I realized it was weird and awkward and would lead to a huge mess. I came to this realization on my own.

I've been single for a while now because I've wanted it.

I'm happy with the person I am even if I'm not exactly in the place I want to be in my life.

I think...I think someone didn't press B to stop my evolution. It's weird.



So no, don't do the opposite . Just be yourself and be natural. Don't force anything, but enjoy the company of the other. Take note of the little things. The way her hair falls over her eyes, the way they sparkle as they look at you. The feeling in your stomach that tightens whenever you catch her staring at you.

These are the things you need to remember and hold onto. And build off of.



Also, make sure she's the only one who gets your penis. This is kinda paramount.

[Narradisall]

He doesn't mean chop it off and mail it to them either.

[Hawkzombie]

Ok, so all this stuff about me being wiser, and doing better things for myself, etc....ignore that.

I'm talking to the tattoo girl again.

EDIT: Just talking. Dunno why, either. But...we all know this will end with me coming here in a week with some sort of story :P

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Hawkzombie

So no, don't do the opposite . Just be yourself and be natural. Don't force anything, but enjoy the company of the other. Take note of the little things. The way her hair falls over her eyes, the way they sparkle as they look at you. The feeling in your stomach that tightens whenever you catch her staring at you.

These are the things you need to remember and hold onto. And build off of.



Also, make sure she's the only one who gets your penis. This is kinda paramount.

When the fuck did Hawk's Ex-wife break into his account?? Stop making our Hawk sound normal!

[Farsight]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

I'm really bad at this. Still seeing the chick from ages ago. I'm so bad at calling her, but she's enthusiastic about hanging out tomorrow. How does one switch from a single bachelor lifestyle to spending time with others? I'm just so used to my ways :P

Advice?

If you're enjoying being single, don't feel like you have to change (or have to want to change) to be "normal". Tons of people in relationships are miserable.

Are you not calling her out of nervousness, or because you'd rather be doing something else?

[Hawkzombie]

Originally Posted by Purple Santa

When the fuck did Hawk's Ex-wife break into his account?? Stop making our Hawk sound normal!

See my post just above yours. I'm still me lol

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Hawkzombie

See my post just above yours. I'm still me lol

Whew. Much better. Carry on.

[SilentScreams]

You had us worried for a second there Hawk. Don't ever change.

I still read this thread but I have nothing new to report. Still with the same girl, and it's still awesome.

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Farsight

If you're enjoying being single, don't feel like you have to change (or have to want to change) to be "normal". Tons of people in relationships are miserable.

Are you not calling her out of nervousness, or because you'd rather be doing something else?

I'm believing the "rather be single" is a form of resistance from social anxiety and a bit of self-loathing. We have read enough posts from EvilG that he's not exactly wanting to be without female contact. He just has focused on women who he can't have. Now there is one that is actually...*gasp*...interested in him? Insert the "oh-noes" meme here.

Take Hawk's advice. Well the advice before he changed back into the insane person. Be yourself. Go have some fun. Don't wait until you are over 40 to have some confidence in yourself.

[evilgoodwin]

Originally Posted by Purple Santa

I'm believing the "rather be single" is a form of resistance from social anxiety and a bit of self-loathing. We have read enough posts from EvilG that he's not exactly wanting to be without female contact. He just has focused on women who he can't have. Now there is one that is actually...*gasp*...interested in him? Insert the "oh-noes" meme here.

Take Hawk's advice. Well the advice before he changed back into the insane person. Be yourself. Go have some fun. Don't wait until you are over 40 to have some confidence in yourself.

I JUST SO LONELY!!!! T_T


But yeah, my big issue is that I don't remember how I relationship at the moment. I'll figure it out. Probably.

She wants me to find a bar for drinks tomorrow that's dog friendly, so I'll see what I can do. At least the weather's been nice.

I think she's also thinking of getting rid of the dog due to her having to drive home at noon every day to walk it. I'll see how it goes (I am NOT taking care of her dog).

Anyway, things are fairly... normal. Just, normal. That's probably what's confusing me. Maybe she'll reveal her secret insanity tomorrow. :P

[Ox]

Originally Posted by Hawkzombie

Ok, so all this stuff about me being wiser, and doing better things for myself, etc....ignore that.

I lolled for a solid five minutes. I feel dizzy now.

[Hawkzombie]

Originally Posted by Ox

I lolled for a solid five minutes. I feel dizzy now.

Oh god...you quoted it in your sig...I actually laughed so hard and felt honored at the same time...

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

Anyway, things are fairly... normal. Just, normal. That's probably what's confusing me. Maybe she'll reveal her secret insanity tomorrow. :P

You take care of her dog, she has sex with you. See, insanity doesn't have to be a bad thing.

[Joshkdmw]

I am absolutely convinced I've out-thought myself into a corner for dating.

Let me bring y'all up to speed on me since the last time I was in here.

So I asked out this girl I've been crushing on for a while, over Facebook, to go see a movie. She politely says she's busy.

No shocker there.

I pack in my shit and move on. Or so I think. Here we are, over a month and a half later, and it still seems to creep up on me and sting every single day.

You know, that old tune. Lonely Fuck in A-minor.

Naturally, I do some introspection over this time, and realize my obstacle. I'm deadly afraid of two things. Objectification, and rejection. Let's analyze.

Rejection: it fucking hurts. Even if it's just someone you like, it fucking sucks that they don't hold you in the regard you hold them. This is true for romance AND friendship. It makes you question your self-worth. And it's easy to find yourself lacking, because you have some anecdotal fucking evidence that you are (and have been found as) wanting in at least some way, by someone whose opinion matters to you.

So I've gone the whole "taking action" versus "not taking action" routes in romance. They both suck when they don't work out. The inaction strategy has two up on the bolder way - first, if you never ask, you at least get to lie to yourself. Second, the only two relationships I have been in, the woman has made the first move. So there's that. Me approaching a woman, going by statistics I've gathered, has a zero per cent chance of success.

Objectification: Basically, I'm not looking for a woman. I'm looking for THE woman. Someone special. I'm not interested in the whole running around thing. I don't have the energy or the patience to constantly be meeting and getting acquainted with new people - another barrier for dating. But I basically worry that this desire for a companion could overshadow my desire for a particular person.

Like, I love the idea of having someone to go home to, but trying to fit people into that role feels lounge I'm just using them to fulfill a need. And it feels kind of uncomfortable if I look at it like that.

I could go out to bars and talk to random women all the time, and probably meet some great ones. I could also try dating online, and even meet women who are commitment-oriented. But I fear I'd be doing so because I'm lonely, and not bedsides want to be with them.

I dunno. Is this normal? I've self-analyzed a lot, but I think some outside perspective could really be beneficial.

[Purple Santa]

Drowning in your own thoughts comes to mind.

[wyeast]

Originally Posted by Joshkdmw

Basically, I'm not looking for a woman. I'm looking for THE woman. Someone special. I'm not interested in the whole running around thing

My perspective is that focusing on finding THE ONE is setting yourself up for failure. Either you set up this unobtainable standard that no one can meet, or you arbitrarily reject any potential relationship before you can figure things out.

The whole "omg I just knew from the moment we met" is an unrealistic standard. Sure, it may happen, but it's not actually the norm. Sure, looking back you may end up feeling that way, but it really wasn't true at the time. It took my wife and I several years to get our shit together. Part of that was being a better match over time, honestly a part of it was just growing up. At a point you feel that she could be the one, on the basis of she puts up with your hangups and neuroses.

tl;dr - don't set the bar so high, it takes time to know if "she's the one"

[Farsight]

Originally Posted by Joshkdmw

But I fear I'd be doing so because I'm lonely, and not bedsides want to be with them.

Interesting error in that sentence.

I think this is a good time to bust out some old advice: focus on yourself. Find a lifestyle / routine that makes you happy, regardless of whether a girlfriend is in the mix or not. Then the dating stakes won't seem so cripplingly high.

Happy people look for someone to make them happier. Sad people look for someone to make them happy.