Dating Advice Thread

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Krispy

That's a pretty impressive response rate. I took to copying and pasting a few messages to see if anyone cared.

Story about Orthodox Jewish infidelity - No responses
A time paradox - One response
Confessions about wanting to see a homeless man pee on a painting of Pablo Picasso - Two responses
Criticizing arguments in their profile - Angry responses

Angry is a quantity now?

[Libuke]

Originally Posted by Purple Santa

Or they were totally repulsed by what you wrote and you drove them from the site

That could be, but I didn't think I could project myself into the future that much to make them leave several days before my message!

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Libuke

That could be, but I didn't think I could project myself into the future that much to make them leave several days before my message!

You are a very powerful person. How else to explain such success rates?

[Exodus]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

You also got to remember, this is the guy who would collect thrown out taco bell from the garbage a decade or so ago.

This man has known poverty at the lowest where dignity is thrown away.

I say good for him.

[Exodus]

Okay so, I was out with a few friends and got to drinking and came to a few things upon reflection.

Me and my girl got in a bit of a spat a few days ago.
I've finally been flipping through it in my head(we've made up). She has trouble reading me she says. She thinks I'm angry when I'm not and then snaps out on me because she thinks I'm angry because she thinks I'm firing off missiles. This isn't a big deal, when I'm drunk I am all over the place and like to just move on quickly from conversation/fun like a man on a mission(admittedly I do kind of storm off but I'm just an arrow focused on a new direction in my head...I need to work on that). Only people who know me realize what I'm doing.

Earlier she told me she handles me by being mean on purpose to shut me down early.
"I have to lead you". I gave her a pass on this because she was also sick at the time.

This brings me to the conclusion. I'd never do that to her. Manipulate her to bring about an outcome that I desire. I guess I just put her first.

I think she just doesn't really care anymore.

Dump truck time? Or am I over thinking this?

EDIT:

It's just got me thinking. Like if I asked her, if you were me and you said that to me, would you trust you? The fact that you pretty much state you know how to twist me up inside. That you know how to use me and play me like your drums?

Double Edit:

Maybe I should just communicate that she's tearin me up when she does that and even though it brings about an end to whatever...it creates more backlash and resentment that leads to having to make up more? Which is nice but...I want to work it out because when we are good...I couldn't imagine life without her.

Triple Edit:

Or is this drunk rambling thinking about the bad things that we should already be over and I should move on because we're good right now? I'm drunk...

[Scaryfaced]

I think you make bad decisions when you're drunk.

[Exodus]

Originally Posted by Scaryfaced

I think you make bad decisions when you're drunk.

Good to know. I'm an idiot.

[Joshkdmw]

Originally Posted by Exodus

This brings me to the conclusion. I'd never do that to her. Manipulate her to bring about an outcome that I desire. I guess I just put her first.

Never? For any reason? Like at ALL? Never is a hell of a word.

Like, we're talking NEVER here? Like, not even for something as innocuous as the last piece of cake? Because that kind of selflessness, in my opinion is highly noble. And also a terrible idea.

I mean, you show me a person who claims to never manipulate others and we'll have one short goddamn walk for me to show you a liar.

[Purple Santa]

Exodus, it seems the both of you need to find a non-confrontational way to communicate what you want from one another. This isn't going to be easy from what you are describing for either of you. I'm not going to decide for you whether to let her go or not.

In either case, it would be a good idea for you to figure out how to express yourself, even better while sober. Also, this idea others "doing stuff to me" displays a kind of thinking that there are some anger issues going on. As i'm often to say, no one can control you but you.

[Exodus]

Thanks guys.

I don't know. I keep myself above question when it comes to certain things or at least I try. Sure I'll do things to put a smile on her face but I wouldn't do something intentionally to get her to leave me alone if she's irritating me. Perhaps I'm being too naive about this I'll agree on that.

You're right Santa.

More expectation stuff from me on my part without communicating it.

Working on it!

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Exodus

You're right Santa.

More expectation stuff from me on my part without communicating it.

Working on it!

No cookie until you do. Or muffins.

[Kielaran]

There are two sides here. Yes you need to communicate better. Maybe you can open it up and let her ask you if you are mad without it bothering you, no matter the situation. Remember that getting her to read you better will only be a good thing.

The other side of it is her manipulating you. That should never be an answer. She needs to stop that. There is always a potential reason to do t by it should not be a go to reaction. If she is never going to stop that, you need to reevaluate whether you can stick with that forever. If you can, then that is fine, but if you think she will always do it and can't stand by it, then you may have to consider walking away from the relationship.

[evilgoodwin]

Originally Posted by Joshkdmw

Never? For any reason? Like at ALL? Never is a hell of a word.

Like, we're talking NEVER here? Like, not even for something as innocuous as the last piece of cake? Because that kind of selflessness, in my opinion is highly noble. And also a terrible idea.

I mean, you show me a person who claims to never manipulate others and we'll have one short goddamn walk for me to show you a liar.

People like that exist. Maybe you just hang out with terrible people. :P

[Joshkdmw]

Originally Posted by evilgoodwin

People like that exist. Maybe you just hang out with terrible people. :P

Not even tiny little manipulations? Like, being terse with someone boorish at a party so they think you're no fun and move along to someone else?

Come on. There might be some people who NEVER manipulate others, but those people live in a fucking ashram or something. I think a little manipulation is normal.

[Krispy]

When did non-overt language become manipulation?

[Joshkdmw]

Originally Posted by Krispy

When did non-overt language become manipulation?

What do you think manipulation IS!? It's obtaining an outcome desirous to you through subversive means. This can be lies, half-truths, non-overt language, etc.

There's certainly a lot of variance in magnitude, and emotionally blackmailing someone into not leaving you is different than scoring the last piece of cake, but it's all subversive. I don't see anything morally wrong with manipulation in and of itself - just when it's used to do heinous stuff.

But we all manipulate.

Am I the weird dissenter on this? I thought you fine ladies and gentlemen had the moral character to be more cynical than that.

[Ink Asylum]

You're not alone, Josh. I get what you're saying.

We all manipulate, even if it's just subconsciously for most people. Especially when you're very familiar with someone.

When you ask for a favor, you're likely to phrase it in the best way possible, or appeal to someone in a specific way, or bring up something you did for them in the past.

When you want to be left alone you might be short or stand-offish with anyone that approaches you, heave a sigh before responding to someone, or just use body language to project your isolation.

There are degrees of manipulation, of course. Some people spend a lot of time actively thinking about how to get what they want and abusing methods of manipulation. But plenty of social interactions we engage in on a daily basis involve overt or subtle manipulation.

[Krispy]

I wouldn't pack in non-overt language -- such as body language -- with patently immoral acts like lying. But I've always been a bit of a Kantian.

[Superman's Dead]

I like girls in bars and they like me.

[Krispy]

Originally Posted by Superman's Dead

I like girls in bars and they like me.

This is the logline for Supe's life.