Dating Advice Thread

[J Arcane]

I don't know if I can express just how difficult it is when the very word "love" has never been associated with anything but the deepest, almost existential pain throughout one's life.

Attracted to, impressed by, affectionate for, hot for, I can find women in my past who felt these things for me.

But I know of only one I think that ever "loved" me, and even there I have my doubts to this day, and the ordeal that was our tortuous relationship broke my spirit in ways I've never fully recovered from.

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Ink Asylum

From number 1:
If you’re consistently experiencing bad luck in relationships, you need to realize that sometimes the only common denominator connecting them is you. Taking the time to take a good hard look at your dating life can help you discover the patterns, limiting beliefs and behaviors that keep cropping up and causing you to be unlucky in love.

Excellent advice. But i'll give an example why such great information never gets used:

Originally Posted by MagGnome

I do reflect, but there's only so much time I can spend thinking about my problems and issues each day without driving myself mad.

/nuff said

Originally Posted by VerseD

How did I just start reading this thread? You guys are legends.

Legends of the Fall perhaps?

[J Arcane]

[Purple Santa]

I read that last one as "rue the word".

[VerseD]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

I don't know if I can express just how difficult it is when the very word "love" has never been associated with anything but the deepest, almost existential pain throughout one's life.

I feel your pain, brother. But the word does not have to be so rare. Because you love anytime you actively work for the interests of another person, for their own sake. Love is hard labor, perseverance, vulnerability, and faith, perhaps doomed from some perspectives, though also expansive, exuberant, and enlightening.

Originally Posted by Purple Santa

Legends of the Fall perhaps?

Says the newly married man.

[JayVe]

I love lots of people. I don't know how to just love one person.

I don't have a word for the very select few people with whom I want to spend nearly every waking moment. There haven't been many of those people, and that feeling doesn't always last, cause people change. I married one of them.

[JayVe]

So, I'm out on my date.

Not really. I was supposed to pick her up at 8:30. It is 8:50 and I'm outside the place waiting for her.

I'm not complaining. The weather is nice and someone is performing in a nearby row house. Nice night to be out, but she isn't winning and brownie points by making me wait.

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by VerseD

Says the newly married man.

Touche. I'll have to show this to ADD. She'll appreciate your reply.

[J Arcane]

The last woman I loved was over ten years ago.

I'd never dare risk that word with any I've known since, and I don't know that it would even have been true had I dared use it.

For a time I'd given up on the very idea. Now, I kind of want it back. I do want to let myself be that vulnerable again but, more than the fear of pain perhaps, I don't trust myself with it.

I don't trust myself to use it wisely even in my own head, it's too often been too readily applied and accepted on faith with recklessness that only made a hard situation worse.

[MagGnome]

I now have a date with two beautiful ladies on Friday.

Also, a third date with the poly guy tomorrow.

[J Arcane]

That's not fair. You gay guys aren't allowed to take our women too, what'll be left for us?

[Exodus]

My date went well. I've got great pictures of her in her bikini that she feels so embarrassed about.

As much as I like her and the soft spot I have for her...I just can't bring myself to make a move. Not yet. I trust my feelings; I always have. I brush my feelings off all the time but when it comes to important matters and stuff I'll give them a listen.

J, it's like you're going through an infinite cycle of despair and then hope and the mountain of what could be comes toppling down and you begin the despair again. You not trusting yourself is trusting yourself in the belief that you're not ready to feel that way just yet. You'll know when the time is right. Cheer up I know plenty of people who are 30 and not married. You're meeting women and that's a sight better than those who aren't(and they do exist).

You are doing what you want to be doing and that's meeting women. You might fail a score or more times but you know what my best friend has been with 200+ women and he's still in the same boat as you are.

Keep trying.

Lots of us are on the same journey as you are we've just learned to deal with our fears.

[Joshkdmw]

Originally Posted by J Arcane

That's not fair. You gay guys aren't allowed to take our women too, what'll be left for us?

I guess we get the cock by default. It's not all bad. If you maneuver it just right, you can flick a cashew into your mouth.

Been texting a bit with linguist girl. She wanted to ask if my vacation was going okay. I said it was, and we talked about seafood for a bit. I says I like my scallops in garlic butter with hot sauce, and she says she doesn't have much experience with hot sauce. I compared it to wine, with different vineyards and such (like my jazz observation; I'm fond of that analogy). She says maybe I could teach her about hot sauces, and I say sure, I could probably give her a crash course. Winky face.

Going pretty smooth, so far. I picked up a couple of tiny stuffed lobsters from a souvenir shop. Would it be a good idea to give her one next time I see her, or are gifts a bad idea this early? It's just a little thing.

[Exodus]

Originally Posted by Joshkdmw

Going pretty smooth, so far. I picked up a couple of tiny stuffed lobsters from a souvenir shop. Would it be a good idea to give her one next time I see her, or are gifts a bad idea this early? It's just a little thing.

No harm it's just an indication that you like her. Everyone likes gifts.

[Purple Santa]

Originally Posted by Exodus

No harm it's just an indication that you like her. Everyone likes gifts.

I agree. I don't see the harm in a small gift like that. Maybe it should hold a mini-bottle of hot sauce

[J Arcane]

Keep trying.

That's what I intend to do, I just may have to keep things slow for a bit.

[JayVe]

Well, date is over. Sheesh. She's strange. Type-A all over. Super-intense about picking things off of the menu. In-fact, super-intense about everything.

Absolutely zero chemistry from my side.

Done and done.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by JayVe

Well, date is over. Sheesh. She's strange. Type-A all over. Super-intense about picking things off of the menu. In-fact, super-intense about everything.

Absolutely zero chemistry from my side.

Done and done.

I feel most fortunate that thus far I have not had any actively bad dates in this fashion yet. Some boring dates, dates with no romantic chemistry, but always at least a night of pleasant conversation if nothing else.

With the exception of the hippy date long long ago, I think I've only even ever had one bad date that wasn't, sort of, my fault.

[Dualshotty23]

Originally Posted by JayVe

Well, date is over. Sheesh. She's strange. Type-A all over. Super-intense about picking things off of the menu. In-fact, super-intense about everything.

Absolutely zero chemistry from my side.

Done and done.

Strange for her being so type-a that she was ok being extremely late. That would have put me in a sour mood to begin with, hell i probably would have left after 20 minutes but good for you for at least trying.

[Joshkdmw]

Originally Posted by Purple Santa

I agree. I don't see the harm in a small gift like that. Maybe it should hold a mini-bottle of hot sauce

BOOM. Mini bottle of tabasco. Great idea.