Dating Advice Thread

[Shieldmaiden]

J, your recent transformation could form the basis of a successful feel-good comedy. It's not just the dating, it's everything. You weren't even open about your name until Google+ forced you to be. Since then, we've had photos and then videos of you acting and promoting your self-published indie RPG. At the same time, we're reading about your adventures in karaoke, which has seemingly brought out the cool and super-sociable J, and now you're going on a date.

If this were a movie, you'd have a bunch of us surreptitiously following you around on your date, trying to remain inconspicuous. She won't notice us, but you will and she'll think you're being weird as you try to cover up our presence, mainly because Civil, despite our intentions to be hands-off, won't be able to resist rushing up to give you on the spot advice every time her back is turned.

Eventually, despite your best efforts, we'll accidentally reveal ourselves. She'll be charmed by your well-meaning, albeit somewhat strange, friends and be impressed that we have such an investment in your well-being. Later on, while you're enjoying a moment in the cool evening after dinner, you'll kiss. The moment will be interrupted because we're actually still following you, undetected until that moment when we can't resist a high-five and a shout of "YES!" at which point you shoo us off and continue with the kissing.

[J Arcane]

If any of you followed me on a date like that you would find yourselves thanking God above I never got my concealed carry permit, in between coughing up teeth.

[Joshkdmw]

Now he makes threats! Look at the swingin' dick over here! Big dick playa, all of a sudden!

[Shieldmaiden]

[Krispy]

Damn Ink. What's up, mate. 8)

[Shieldmaiden]

This is kinda dating related, so I figure here would be the best place for it. Can I get some general advice on going out alone? I've been wanting to go out and start hitting bars for a while now and none of my London-based friends are really the going out for a night on the town types. So I'm considering going solo but, other than popping to the local for a couple of pints, I've never done it before. Plus I'm still not exactly familiar with London, so it would be completely blind solo bar hopping. I'd have no problem doing it with a friend, but on my own is kinda intimidating.

Obviously I'd like to meet a group of cool people who invite me to join them for a night of debauchery that ends with me having hot, dirty sex, but I think it's much more likely that I prop up the bar for a while before getting bored and going home.

I'm flying completely blind here.

[JayVe]

Originally Posted by BigJonno

This is kinda dating related, so I figure here would be the best place for it. Can I get some general advice on going out alone? I've been wanting to go out and start hitting bars for a while now and none of my London-based friends are really the going out for a night on the town types. So I'm considering going solo but, other than popping to the local for a couple of pints, I've never done it before. Plus I'm still not exactly familiar with London, so it would be completely blind solo bar hopping. I'd have no problem doing it with a friend, but on my own is kinda intimidating.

Obviously I'd like to meet a group of cool people who invite me to join them for a night of debauchery that ends with me having hot, dirty sex, but I think it's much more likely that I prop up the bar for a while before getting bored and going home.

I'm flying completely blind here.

Talk to people, guys and girls. Laugh at their jokes. Smile. Shake hands. Tell interesting stories.

During conversation, people will invariably ask what you do. Tell them you are looking to make friends. Exchange numbers. Making guy-friends is easy. Soon you'll have a pack of friends that you met at the kinds of places you want to hang out.

[Ink Asylum]

Originally Posted by Krispy

Damn Ink. What's up, mate. 8)

Huh? What?

[PathMaster]

I have not word pants at all to any of my dates with the current GF. Shorts and only shorts.

Suck it rules!

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by Joshkdmw

Now he makes threats! Look at the swingin' dick over here! Big dick playa, all of a sudden!

Seriously speaking, as I discussed previously, apparently part of a new confidence is feeding the alpha male a scrap or two after starving in the corner for two decades.

I'm a man, goddamn it. Time to act a little more like it.

And while we're on the subject of self-analysis, I had a bit of an epiphany about my tendency to look too far ahead in relationships. You know, the Ted Mosby voice.

I started thinking about that whole "oh, I wanna get married and blah blah blah" thing and I realized something: Right now, I don't.

I mean sure, in future, maybe, if it happens. But thinking about it, I'm 30 years old and I've never been in a healthy relationship. I've been in one fucked up pseudo-relationship, several probably overly co-dependent platonic friendships, and a string of romantic failures that were mostly due to my own failure of will and communication and self-respect.

I'm not fucking ready to get married. I don't know the first fucking thing about how to even act in a relationship and while, sure, a lot of that's just instinct, a lot of it is also shit you learn from, surprise, having relationships.

Would I like to meet that person I want to spend the rest of my life with someday? Sure. Would I be just as happy right now with that person I could have a fun next few months? Also sure. I'm taking what comes, because I'm not ready to handle anything else and I think that's part of how I let myself get utterly paralyzed with fear.

[fitbabits]

Thread over!

[Ink Asylum]

Originally Posted by fitbabits

Thread over!

Purple's given out much more advice in this thread than he's ever received.

The thread's not over until Mags is gay-married.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by Ink Asylum

Purple's given out much more advice in this thread than he's ever received.

The thread's not over until Mags is gay-married.

I was gonna make a "Hard Mode: J Gets Married" joke, but I'm not sure which of us is gonna have the harder time ...

[Zero]

You wanting to wear shorts on a date makes it pretty clear which is which.

[Farsight]

Seriously though... I go on about one date a year, and I still know not to wear shorts. COME ON!

I'm all for presenting an honest image of yourself... unless that image is, "I'm a boorish slob and you should never expect me to take you anywhere nice."

Your clothes should do two things on a date:

1) Present the best possible version of you.

2) Show that you care enough about the date to change out of the clothes you slept in.

Unless your date is for swimming and/or jogging and/or buying new pants, shorts are out.

[MagGnome]

Originally Posted by Ink Asylum

My god. No shorts on a first date. I'm glad I'm not the only one giving that advice.

I don't care if it's 110 degrees. Suck it up and put on a strong deodorant.

You guys are bizarre. If a guy has nice, hairy legs, then I don't mind seeing him in shorts on a first date. In fact, it's a turn on.

Then again most of my first dates are very casual - usually a beer or coffee/tea.

[J Arcane]

I have always had thick, strong, hairy legs. They're my manliest feature, but seldom on display because I've long been more of a slacks guy. It's hard to find shorts I like.

[MagGnome]

My entire wardrobe is falling apart, sadly. I just don't have the money to maintain it. It doesn't help that I bought a good portion of my clothes when I was a vegan who weighed 140lbs. Now I'm ~35-40lbs heavier and most of my clothes just don't fit right anymore. In fact, I gave most of my nicest stuff to a really skinny friend of mine, as I knew I was never going to fit into any of it again.

That stupid Burt's Bees deodorant ruined several of my best shirts as well.

[MagGnome]

Originally Posted by Ink Asylum

Purple's given out much more advice in this thread than he's ever received.

The thread's not over until Mags is gay-married.

Ha! That'll be the day.

Originally Posted by J Arcane

I was gonna make a "Hard Mode: J Gets Married" joke, but I'm not sure which of us is gonna have the harder time ...

My bets on you. Heck, in my family I'm just about the only single one left. My second-youngest cousin is getting married in a few weeks. That leaves myself, an older cousin (who I doubt will ever get married, I actually think she's in the closet), a cousin who just graduated high school, and my younger sister, who is currently in a longer relationship than I've ever been in. She's 9 years younger than me and will likely get married before I do. She regularly jokes about this happening.

My mom (and her dad) have both been married three times. Maybe the universe has a limited supply of marriages per family and they took one of mine?

[J Arcane]

My littlest brother's barely past 21 and he's on like his second marriage, and the other one's on his second engagement. Both my adopted sisters have kids now IIRC. My mother married a new guy barely a year after my dad died, and when my stepfather died it took barely a year more than that to find a guy friend again.

I'm the slow one in the family for sure. My mother made me promise once not to get married until my 30s, and largely involuntarily it looks to be working out that way.