Dating Advice Thread

[J Arcane]

I messaged a cute Korean girl from Eugene because she said in her "message me if..." section "... you like kimchee jigeae."

I couldn't resist.

I think I should start actually using OKCupid again. See if I can make some connections in Eugene before the move. It'll help keep me hopeful despite my local prospects having all but dried up.

I guess I'd still be open to a hook up or very short fling with the right girl here, but it just doesn't look like that's gonna happen any time soon.

[torrefaction]

Just as an aside that malcontents gladwell book is from tipping point. Great book.

*edit*

Malcom gladwell. Auto correct is hilarious

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using Tapatalk 2

[MagGnome]

I was wondering who Malcontents Gladwell was. Now I wish that was my name.

[J Arcane]

Well, any further pursuit of the girl in my class will have to involve an element of absence for a while, as I completely neglected to consider the part where I have to go to Eugene for three days next week in order to become properly oriented or whatever with the university.

However, upon my return, I believe I will take another shot, with a more aggressive and confident invitation, one that makes my attraction more plain.

And if she shoots me down proper, then, oh well. She's just another girl, and while she's fun to hang out with, if she can't see me for the catch I am that's her problem.

Truth be told this scenario has had me thinking a lot about how my attractions develop, and if I'm brutally honest, I think this one was purely physical anyway. Sure she's got some traits about her I like as well, but the bottom line is, I didn't know any of those things about her when I first knew I wanted her, in fact I'd had quite a different impression at first until she started opening up socially a bit in class, and some of the way I've seen her comport herself online since is kinda off putting even.

I think my hang-ups about sexual attraction make me overprone to grasping at any justification beyond the physical for that attraction after the fact, and is why I can so quickly get attached to a woman, because the reality is I'm just feeling guilty about the fact that what I really want and care about is fucking her brains out, everything else is just gravy. The superego parts of my brain have been so wired against sex that I have to find other things about them to justify the attraction before I'll even accept it, and that just means they get built up in my mind on what is often the flimsiest of excuses, and I even at times wonder if the way I go about building my confidence in believing in their possible attraction to me feeds into that justification as well.

Anyway, that's all self-therapy talk and probably better meant for my therapist sessions but I needed to get the thought out of my head before it escaped me.

[J Arcane]

Of course, in a slight moment of deliberate irony, I've also been assembling a small hotlist of girls on AFF to message and see if I can't arrange a little hookup while I'm in Eugene next week.

[Superman's Dead]

Sooooo I was just meeting a girl from okc. She was on a bar crawl with friends, I was meeting her on her next stop.

Forty five minutes go by. Just as I'm considering leaving, one of the shots girls sits down to talk. we talk, introduce ourselves. It's nice. I tell her I'm in the process of being stood up. She goes back to work and says maybe she'll come back, I say she should.

I wait a few more minutes and the girl shows up, a little drunk. We meet and talk and laugh but I'm constantly thinking about the shots girl. I excuse myself to the restroom (actually go and touch the door because guilt) then find the shots girl. I tell her my date showed, but I'd rather talk to her. she asks if I want her number. I take it, head back to the table...and I'm reasonably certain the girl saw that go down. She and her friends leave abruptly

Now...I feel guilty. I don't like being a jerk, or looking like "that guy". But this girl was way late without letting me know and she was just so...Los Angeles. hanging out doing a bar crawl on the West side with her friends. I'd rather take a working girl any day of the week.

Sooooo...yep. That was Saturday

Oh and all this happened after the birthday party of a girl I went on a few dates with who's trying to see if I went out with someone else after

Sent from my SGH-I897 using Tapatalk 2

[Superman's Dead]

For the record, I figured out what I did wrong:

I shouldn't have gotten the shots girl's number then. I was right in talking to her and telling her that my date wasn't panning out, but when she offered me her number I should have asked if it could wait until she got off work. Because the girl I was there to see didn't deserve that, even if she wasn't the best date.

[Ink Asylum]

Originally Posted by Superman's Dead

For the record, I figured out what I did wrong:

I shouldn't have gotten the shots girl's number then. I was right in talking to her and telling her that my date wasn't panning out, but when she offered me her number I should have asked if it could wait until she got off work. Because the girl I was there to see didn't deserve that, even if she wasn't the best date.

I can agree with that. It was a weird situation.

If the date clearly wasn't working and you were already disinterested in her because of how late she was, you could have tried to end the date early. That's tricky to do while being honest, though.

[civil_dead]

Originally Posted by Superman's Dead

For the record, I figured out what I did wrong:

I shouldn't have gotten the shots girl's number then. I was right in talking to her and telling her that my date wasn't panning out, but when she offered me her number I should have asked if it could wait until she got off work. Because the girl I was there to see didn't deserve that, even if she wasn't the best date.

Agreed--that was a douche move. Even if you think you were being subtle chances are the girl was following you visually. But you probably had a few in you and both your sense of judgment and anger where askew.


- - -
Sent from a phone so please forgive any grammatical, spelling or factual errors.

[J Arcane]

Well, my non-date cancelled.

I wasn't really expecting anything, but I was secretly hoping, since she was the one who invited and it would've been the first time we'd have seen each other outside of work in a long time.

Oh well.

I've been building a favorites list on OKCupid, and messaged the one Korean girl so far. Probably keep going with that for now. I just don't think there's anything left for me here, and there's no sense building any further attachments to anyone here.

I'm going on a trip to Eugene this week, and maybe won't even be back in town soon enough to see Shakespeare girl again except maybe by Thursday, so I might not even ask her out again this week. I'm not super hopeful about my chances, but I also think I'm more than good enough for her, and there's something to be said for taking the direct approach. If she turns me down again, I figure it's her loss.

[Superman's Dead]

Originally Posted by civil_dead

Agreed--that was a douche move. Even if you think you were being subtle chances are the girl was following you visually. But you probably had a few in you and both your sense of judgment and anger where askew.


- - -
Sent from a phone so please forgive any grammatical, spelling or factual errors.

Well I made sure I wasn't near the table but she probably got up and followed me after a minute or so. And no, it wasn't the alcohol, just not having been in a situation like that before and kind of panicking. I knew I was driving and didn't know if she was showing so I'd been nursing the same scotch all night

[Superman's Dead]

Though for the record I did wait and go out with the shots girl when she got off work. We walked around and had a fun conversation, and I don't know if it's going anywhere but it was much much more pleasant.

[Krispy]

I love living vicariously through others. Tell me stories.

[J Arcane]

I woke up this morning from a long serious of dreams in which I just had big arguments with people for any number of bizarre reasons, as a result of which I awoke feeling rather punchy, and when my brain finally started to shake from the dream world but was in that same argumentative state I started thinking about women again, especially because my non-date this afternoon had cancelled on me.

And in this state I started questioning certain assumptions and internal wordings, and a flip in my mental process dawned upon me.

I am not asking Shakespeare girl for another chance, I'm giving her another chance to date me.

I know I'm worth it. I'm good looking, charming, intelligent, talented, and I'd make a hell of a boyfriend. I might be a bit prone to clinginess, not sure, but you don't go 30 years alone and poor without learning a little something about appreciating what you have, and I bet that's more than can be said about the punks she's dating at that age.

So, fuck it. If she says no again, it's her loss, I'll find someone else who can appreciate what a catch I am.

[pomeroy]

I feel like I've read that before.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by pomeroy

I feel like I've read that before.

Sometimes it takes repetition to get the point ingrained.

[Blue]

Originally Posted by Superman's Dead

Sooooo I was just meeting a girl from okc. She was on a bar crawl with friends, I was meeting her on her next stop.

Forty five minutes go by. Just as I'm considering leaving, one of the shots girls sits down to talk. we talk, introduce ourselves. It's nice. I tell her I'm in the process of being stood up. She goes back to work and says maybe she'll come back, I say she should.

I wait a few more minutes and the girl shows up, a little drunk. We meet and talk and laugh but I'm constantly thinking about the shots girl. I excuse myself to the restroom (actually go and touch the door because guilt) then find the shots girl. I tell her my date showed, but I'd rather talk to her. she asks if I want her number. I take it, head back to the table...and I'm reasonably certain the girl saw that go down. She and her friends leave abruptly

Now...I feel guilty. I don't like being a jerk, or looking like "that guy". But this girl was way late without letting me know and she was just so...Los Angeles. hanging out doing a bar crawl on the West side with her friends. I'd rather take a working girl any day of the week.

Sooooo...yep. That was Saturday

Oh and all this happened after the birthday party of a girl I went on a few dates with who's trying to see if I went out with someone else after

Sent from my SGH-I897 using Tapatalk 2

Players only love you when they're playin'.

[evilgoodwin]

Originally Posted by Superman's Dead

For the record, I figured out what I did wrong:

I shouldn't have gotten the shots girl's number then. I was right in talking to her and telling her that my date wasn't panning out, but when she offered me her number I should have asked if it could wait until she got off work. Because the girl I was there to see didn't deserve that, even if she wasn't the best date.

Lemon law. It's a thing!

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by Krispy

I love living vicariously through others. Tell me stories.

Last night, among other more savory candidates, I came across the profile of an otherwise high-matching candidate, who's only picture was of her in what appeared to be prison orange, holding a crudely homemade black leather mask adorned with skull and crossbone symbols in front of her face.

Nice eyes though.

[Exodus]

Originally Posted by Superman's Dead

Sooooo I was just meeting a girl from okc. She was on a bar crawl with friends, I was meeting her on her next stop.

Forty five minutes go by. Just as I'm considering leaving, one of the shots girls sits down to talk. we talk, introduce ourselves. It's nice. I tell her I'm in the process of being stood up. She goes back to work and says maybe she'll come back, I say she should.

I wait a few more minutes and the girl shows up, a little drunk. We meet and talk and laugh but I'm constantly thinking about the shots girl. I excuse myself to the restroom (actually go and touch the door because guilt) then find the shots girl. I tell her my date showed, but I'd rather talk to her. she asks if I want her number. I take it, head back to the table...and I'm reasonably certain the girl saw that go down. She and her friends leave abruptly

Now...I feel guilty. I don't like being a jerk, or looking like "that guy". But this girl was way late without letting me know and she was just so...Los Angeles. hanging out doing a bar crawl on the West side with her friends. I'd rather take a working girl any day of the week.

Sooooo...yep. That was Saturday

Oh and all this happened after the birthday party of a girl I went on a few dates with who's trying to see if I went out with someone else after

Sent from my SGH-I897 using Tapatalk 2

If you liked the girl from okc, sorry man but let's face it you liked the shots girl and thought you were getting stood up. You said it she was being city. Don't sweat it, you didn't do anything wrong you waited an hour. That's a long time to wait.