Writing Assignment #1: Dramatic Scene

[Reverant]

As an intro to writing class, we started small. This assignment was to choose ONE of the following prompts and write somewhere between 250-750 words- the absolute limit was 750, but the minimum length wasn't strict. We studied "elements of a dramatic scene" leading up to the assignment. The elements the instructor listed were characters, setting, and conflict.


1. Write a scene in which one person has something that another person wants (love, money advice, courage, cake, etc). Avoid having the characters directly state what the object of desire is. Imply or "show" their attitudes, needs, and impulses rather than having them directly tate them. Use all the elements of a dramatic scene to achieve a dynamic sense of conflict.

2. Choose any ordinary object (a can of Comet cleanser, a potato, a sock with a hole in the toe, a fork, a Cheeto, etc). Now write a dramatic scene in which the object is a major prop and has genuine influences on the tension or conflict between two or more people that you choose to dramatize.

3. Write a dramatic scene involving three people and using mostly dialogue to characterize them. The trick will be in distinguishing one person from the other. Begin your scene with one of the following prompts.
A) Mrs. Peebles opened the refridgerator door and screamed.
B) "I love that song!" Professor Persky said. "Turn up the radio!"
C) "Oh my god, I think I left my baby on that bus!"

[Reverant]

Here's mine. I didn't edit it at all before turning it in, so there's a couple typos and lacks a good touch-up. I had to paste it from Word, so it's lacking the proper spacing and some of the italics.

Swing and a Miss

“You look absolutely preposterous,” said Mark, who slouched on the bench. He was looking at Howie with his head cocked sideways, the way a dog might look at its owner if he’d spontaneously begun playing a kazoo.

“How so?” replied Howie. He stood on the curb, glancing expectantly from his watch to the stoplight half a block up the road. He knew the 5:40 could be late on Fridays, but this was absurd. The mirthful afternoon sun, fat and orange, seemed content to ignore Howie’s irritation.

“That umbrella you got sticking out of your backpack there. It looks like freaking broadsword, or something. Like from Braveheart. I can almost see you swinging that thing around, shouting ‘Freeeedooom!” said Mark with a chuckle. His laugh sounded like a duck being squeezed to death in a Panini press. Even after two years of what he hesitated to call friendship, Howie still could not forgive Mark for having such a horrible laugh.

“It’s just an umbrella, man. Where the hell is the bus?” Vehicles of all shapes and sizes whizzed by within arm’s reach of Howie, who surveyed them with an unimpressed expression. His disposition would possibly brighten should the next passing car unexpectedly transform into a city bus, but this had yet to happen in human history.

“No way, dude. Normal people carry an umbrella with their hands. Or they fold it up and hide it in their backpack. The handle of that thing sticks out above your head by at least six inches. You look like a toy that just escaped from his hanger at the toy store,” said Mark with another guffaw. The noise had the similar effect of someone hammering a nail into Howie’s eardrum.

“It’s just a damn umbrella,” he snapped. Why had he taken the bus today, of all days? She’d given him one more chance. One more chance to show up, to be there, to prove he could. He’d packed some clothes in the backpack he always carried to work, and he even tossed in the umbrella. He heard it might rain tomorrow, and Howie wanted to prove he could look ahead.
He anxiously tugged at a stray tuft of hair above his left ear. This, regrettably, did not encourage the truant bus to appear around the corner. Howie reached his sweaty hand into his front pocket and pulled out his phone. Lashing viciously at the touch screen, he navigated to the online schedule. A helpful notice spelled Howie’s doom.

In observance of Good Friday, buses will operate on an abbreviated schedule. Service to WX ends at 4:40 p.m.

“Why did you bring an umbrella, anyway? You know it’s not supposed to rain for another week?” Mark had downgraded his slouch to outright oozing over the bench. With a tell-tale hint of smugness, he watched a panhandler beseech a woman for change across the street.

“Mark, did you know the buses stopped running today at five?” Howie asked in a flat voice.

“Oh, that’s right! It’s Good Friday. I forgot they do that here. No shit. Bad luck, huh? What, did you open that umbrella indoors?” Mark said with his insufferable snort.

And with that, Howie calmly reached over his shoulder and pulled the umbrella out of his backpack. Gripping the black nylon, he appraised the sturdiness of the curved wooden handle with a cursory glance, spun around, and swung the handle with all his might into Mark’s stunned face. He swung with all the agitated fury of all the blows his father had rained upon him as a child and all the fury of a man who missed his last chance to be a father himself.

[shunoshi]

Hah, good stuff. Did not expect the umbrella violence.

I sat down and crapped this out. It's short, only 232 words, but writing all dialogue is tough, especially since dialogue is one of my weak points. I'm much better at scene description than character building.



Mrs. Peebles opened the refrigerator door and screamed.

“What in the hell is her problem now?” Mark asked, still focused on his workbench.

“I’ll go check,” Ann said, stepping through the workshop doors into the break room. The room wasn’t really a room, more of a corner of the workshop that held a refrigerator, cabinets, and a table and was designated as the crew’s eating place.

“Mable, what’s wrong, dear?”

“Oh, sweet Lord, the refrigerator.”

“What’s wrong with…“ One glance told the story. “It’s alright. It’s not real.”

“But, oh God—“

“Enough with the sobbing. Some of us have work to do here.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just—“

“Oh, the severed head? What exactly did you expect in a movie prop studio, beignets and sweet tea?”

“Come on now, it’s her first week”

“I—I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect…that”

“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“O—Okay.”

“Why the fridge?”

“Are you sweating? I’m sweating. It’s about a zillion degrees in here. Our little wax zombie head would be doing a lot more than sweating.”

“Couldn’t you put it in a cooler at least? I would have probably screamed myself.”

“Not my fault my work is that good. You get the boss to give us decent central air and I’ll stop putting decapitated heads in the fridge. Deal?”

“Ugh. Pay no attention to him. You get used to it.”

[Reverant]

I liked it! Funny, and just through the dialogue I got a picture of the whole thing. Some of the other students picked this prompt as well, but no one's fridge surprise was as fun as a prop zombie head.

[Krispy]

Too fucking exhausted. But want so much.

[Reverant]

We're scheduled to get new prompts tonight, too.

[Krispy]

Is this dead? I needed a writing sample so I used the prompt and some old material to create one. I want to get into the habit of writing every day so I hope this isn't dead for good. Anyhow, linked is the PDF of the script I wrote.

http://www.filedropper.com/damselindurress

[Reverant]

Originally Posted by Krispy

Is this dead? I needed a writing sample so I used the prompt and some old material to create one. I want to get into the habit of writing every day so I hope this isn't dead for good. Anyhow, linked is the PDF of the script I wrote.

http://www.filedropper.com/damselindurress

Sorry, sorry. I got new prompts, but we didn't get digital copies and the assignment details are longer than the actual word count of the stories themself! I have three options: Manually type them (way too long), scan them (where do I put them?) or just kinda gist the idea. I haven't had time for the first two and the third one didn't occur to me until JUST NOW.

[Reverant]

Originally Posted by Krispy

Is this dead? I needed a writing sample so I used the prompt and some old material to create one. I want to get into the habit of writing every day so I hope this isn't dead for good. Anyhow, linked is the PDF of the script I wrote.

http://www.filedropper.com/damselindurress

Finally read it. Man, that's good. I rode the dialogue all the way to the end, then the emotion kicks in. Like a drink that starts off smooth and finishes with a real bite.

[Krispy]

Originally Posted by Reverant

Sorry, sorry. I got new prompts, but we didn't get digital copies and the assignment details are longer than the actual word count of the stories themself! I have three options: Manually type them (way too long), scan them (where do I put them?) or just kinda gist the idea. I haven't had time for the first two and the third one didn't occur to me until JUST NOW.

Actually I think the best solution is to scan the prompts and put them on Google Docs. I don't know why I didn't think of using Google Docs for hosting my PDF sooner, but observe the results: https://docs.google.com/open?id=0Bx3...GNkSlRLUHdqWFE

Originally Posted by Reverant

Finally read it. Man, that's good. I rode the dialogue all the way to the end, then the emotion kicks in. Like a drink that starts off smooth and finishes with a real bite.

Why, thank you very much! I still think it doesn't flow perfectly at certain points but maybe after another draft I can look into filming it as a short for practice. Hopefully the guy I sent it to is also impressed. I might get a job!

By the way, I liked your short as well. Being a script writer, I've lost the ability to really draw a scene with words and I envy that in other people such as yourself. I also really like the slow boiling of people as they try to soldier through an impossible to tolerate situation. My suggestion would be that I didn't feel enough of the character's malice and anxiety. I think if I got more about sweat filling his back, finger tendons twitching, head compressing shenanigans I would have felt more of a pronounced boiling over.

shunoshi, I liked the concept as a quick sketch. My suggestion would be that you should give one of the characters an idiosyncrasy. Like she says "Yeah?" at the end of everything or is always asking questions that she already knows the answer to or repeats the last two words of what the last person said.

[Purple Santa]

Interesting story Krispy. Very Krispy like.

[VerseD]

Ah, creative prompts! I want to do.

[Krispy]

Did another dialogue exercise. This one is meant to be read quickly like a Sorkin piece. Think the opening scene of The Social Network. I was asked to make it dramatic, but it might be a little too dramatic. I know it needs some drafts.

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0Bx3...Eg5ZlJaVklHeG8