Doughnuts

[TheKeck]

Why are they so good?

[Handmade.Mercury]

Because they're made of friendship and magic.

Or from the souls of a thousand warriors.

Or from the blood of your enemies.

Depending on your outlook.

[Thanasimos]

They're so good because of the hole in the middle. Imagine a solid, cylindrical pastry. It is pretty good. It might even be creme-filled. Let's call its volume 1 and its goodness 1.

Now, we will use a mystical folding mechanism to force the goodness into the outer portions of the pastry and punch out the center, now devoid of goodness. The overall volume is now less than 1, probably around .8 or so, but the goodness is still 1, so the goodness density is increased. Doughnuts are thereby more awesome. You can eat more goodness by eating doughnuts.

This is also further proof that doughnut holes are not, in fact, the holes from doughnuts. (If so they would be devoid of goodness). Rather, they are formed by a similar process, wherein the goodness of a pastry is compacted toward the center and the excess, goodless pastry is excised leaving only the center of it behind, which we call the "doughnut hole" more for its shape than its origin.

[National Kato]

Originally Posted by Thanasimos

They're so good because of the hole in the middle. Imagine a solid, cylindrical pastry. It is pretty good. It might even be creme-filled. Let's call its volume 1 and it's goodness 1.

Now, we will use a mystical folding mechanism to force the goodness into the outer portions of the pastry and punch out the center, now devoid of goodness. The overall volume is now less than 1, probably around .8 or so, but the goodness is still 1, so the goodness density is increased. Doughnuts are thereby more awesome. You can eat more goodness by eating doughnuts.

Motherfucker goes to an engineering school and all of a sudden he's schooling us on doughnut density and deliciousness. Someone hand this guy a diploma!

[PathMaster]

Originally Posted by National Kato

Motherfucker goes to an engineering school and all of a sudden he's schooling us on doughnut density and deliciousness. Someone hand this guy a diploma!

In what? Donumics?

[Thanasimos]

Originally Posted by Handmade.Mercury

So since doughnut holes are smaller, are they better than doughnuts?

This is sound in theory, however it falls apart practically. Initially that is exactly what happened (they started with a pastry the same size as that which they create doughnuts out of). Imagine being a layperson with no knowledge of how doughnuts are produced, and what you would assume of doughnut holes: that they would be exactly as good as doughnuts by volume, but be smaller; that is, that they would taste exactly like doughnuts. When this was not the case, customers were taken aback. This didn't do too much good for the doughnut hole producers. Then, when expectations adapted to reality, both doughnut hole producers and doughnut producers took a hefty financial hit, as it wasn't worth it to buy doughnuts when doughnut holes could be had, but it wasn't worth it to buy many doughnut holes either, because they were soooo fucking delicious it was overwhelming.

A cabal formed out of the doughnut producers and the doughnut hole producers. Doughnut holes are now cut from smaller pastries only a bit larger than the final doughnut hole in order to overcome this.

Originally Posted by National Kato

Motherfucker goes to an engineering school and all of a sudden he's schooling us on doughnut density and deliciousness. Someone hand this guy a diploma!

This isn't the kind of thing they teach you in class. It's a real life lesson. I climbed mountains to learn this shit.

[National Kato]

Originally Posted by Thanasimos

This isn't the kind of thing they teach you in class. It's a real life lesson. I climbed mountains to learn this shit.

Delicious, sugary mountains.

[Handmade.Mercury]

So since doughnut holes are smaller, are they better than doughnuts?

[Reverant]

My love for maple frosted doughnuts borders on militancy. They're far more common in the frozen landscape of the Midwest where I grew up, so finding one here in the South is like winning the lottery.

A lottery that I would kill for.

[TheKeck]

But my favorite doughnuts have no holes!

(Maple frosted custard filled. (I may be crying right now.))

[Hawkzombie]

Donuts. They are spelled Donuts.

Jesus. Bunch of philistines.

[PathMaster]

Originally Posted by Hawkzombie

Donuts. They are spelled Donuts.

Jesus. Bunch of philistines.

I agree and I am shocked I missed it being spelled incorrectly before.

[TheKeck]

Originally Posted by Hawkzombie

Donuts. They are spelled Donuts.

Get off my lawn. Kids these days and butchering the English Language.

//has no idea if Hawkzombie is older than me


Edit: I trust old Merriam-Webter. A doughnut is "a small usually ring-shaped cake fried in fat". A donut is a "variant of doughnut".

[Hawkzombie]

Originally Posted by TheKeck

Get off my lawn. Kids these days and butchering the English Language.

//has no idea if Hawkzombie is older than me


Edit: I trust old Merriam-Webter. A doughnut is "a small usually ring-shaped cake fried in fat". A donut is a "variant of doughnut".

And it's a variant that SHUT THE FUCK UP.



I'm 31. So dunno if I'm a whipper-snapper, or old and set in my ways/afraid of change.

[TheKeck]

Originally Posted by Hawkzombie

I'm 31. So dunno if I'm a whipper-snapper, or old and set in my ways/afraid of change.

I'll be 31 in a month.

You old windbag.

[LordDon]

From this authoritative page (I just found after 3 seconds of searching)

After much research we have found that, according to the dictionaries that are most common, this pastry can truly be spelled either way and it will still be correct. The Shipley Company chooses to spell it "DONUT'. Since Shipleys obviously makes the absolute best D-O-N-U-T, we believe this to be the correct spelling.

[Hawkzombie]

Originally Posted by LordDon

From this authoritative page (I just found after 3 seconds of searching)

Sir, I like the cut of your jib.

[iHap]

Voodoo Doughnuts. Nothing else has to be said.

[J Arcane]

Originally Posted by iHap

Voodoo Doughnuts. Nothing else has to be said.

This.

There is no doughnut on earth as fine as a Voodoo Doughnut.

[Joshkdmw]

In Canada, they are unequivocally called Donuts. And I think we can all agree Canadians have the last word on donuts.