Worried about my friend...

[Smoof]

Normally, I really hate posting on CoG about my personal problems/life, but I felt a bit compelled to post this. I'm a bit worried sick about one of my friends. It's been a while since I've talked to him because we've both been busy with life, but I called him a few days ago and setup to meet him tomorrow afternoon and his house and hang out a bit before I headed back home.

He called me tonight while I was hanging out with a friend, getting ready to play some D&D. He's completely frantic and rambling on, very unusual for him. Trying to cut to it, he's extremely paranoid. He thinks his neighbors are out to get him, that they've tapped his phones, are listening to his conversations, HAVE his conversations on tape. That his school is out to get him. His neighbor not only has his phone tapped, but is following him and has spies watching him all the time. He's decided lately to sleep in a hotel, but says he can't even get any rest there, because his neighbor is watching him, talking to someone saying really bizarre things, "Is he going to masturbate? Is he going to watch a basketball game?" etc, etc. He's told his wife and obviously, she doesn't believe him and is trying to inform him that he's hallucinating. When I talked to him, I told him I'm one of his good friends and one who he considers the most rational. I told him given the evidence, it sounds as though he's hallucinating, but he refuses to accept my answer.

After talking to a bit and attempting to calm him down (I hope I succeeded), I called his wife. This was about 10:30pm and she was still awake, which is unusual for her. I talked to her a bit about it and she said this began awhile a ago. A month or maybe more, but he's getting worse and worse. She says he's been under a bunch of stress from school and she thinks he's having a complete mental breakdown. He barely sleeps, if he actually decides to. Apparently, he's been sleeping maybe two hours a night, if he actually does at all. He's just been steadily getting more and more nuts. His wife isn't sure what to do or how to go about it. I told her I think he needs to spend a bit of time in a hospital where he can calm down, get some drugs and sleep for a while, getting out of his stressful life for a little while.

Anyway, I'm really concerned about him. Concerned he might do something rash, though I advised him against it. He says he doesn't want to commit any acts of violence. His main concern is that people are going to take his daughter away and that he'll go to prison and have nothing left, so the last thing he wants to do is hurt anyone and ensure that. But I'm still concerned about a chance for violence. Specifically, I'm a bit concerned for my own safety when I go over there tomorrow, but we'll see.

I'd really rather stay out of this, but I can't really. Pardon me if this sounds a bit...pretentious, but I know I've been a positive influence on his life and getting him to go in the right direction. So I'm hoping I can have some more influence and get him some help or something.

Just wanted to get that out, because I have no one to talk to right now. My girlfriend is asleep, so I can't relate this to anyone at the moment.

[Chris_D]

Quite clearly he needs to go to a doctor immediately. In fact, even if the symptoms were milder, I would say the same. The doctor can give him a quick once over and a prescription for a drug to bring his mood under control. Likely, following that he will need to see a mental health specialist.

Best of luck convincing him. Unfortunately, until he does the above it will probably only continue to get worse.

[DoctorFinger]

You and your friend's wife should try and set up an intervention. Sit him down, with as many loved ones as you can assemble, and try to convince him to get help. Make it clear that he can be helped, and thats all you want to do.

[Kelegacy]

It sounds like a form of schizophrenia. And yes, he'll need help.

Adult onset of this sort of stuff happens. But he'll need medication if true.

[OldeWolf]

Reminds me of the movie "A Beautiful Mind" which in itself should show good reasons to create an intervention like DoctorFinger said. If it comes to that, you can always get in touch with the mental health folks over at the hospital and get a plan ready in case DoctorFinger's idea doesn't work (of course, with wife's approval).

[WhyThree]

From what you've written here it sounds like your friend has paranoid schizophrenia (http://psyweb.com/Mdisord/jsp/schid.jsp): A form of schizophrenia that is characterized by a preoccupation of bizarre delusion(s) of being persecuted or harassed. Auditory hallucinations that are related to the delusions' theme.

If these behaviors have already been going on for a month, your friend needs treatment as soon as possible. The sooner he gets treatment, the better his chance of recovery.

This sounds serious enough that hospitalization may be required for a while rather than just counseling and medication. It's important that his wife make the decision. Before bringing him to a hospital you'll need either his or her consent, and he may be reluctant to go to a hospital as they could be part of the conspiracy against him. Give a call to the local hospital, ask for their psychological services department, and tell them what you've written here. They'll tell you what your options are and how you can help your friend.

[Spigot]

As someone in the field, I'd agree that it's likely something along the lines of paranoid schizophrenia. The upside is that it is treatable and managable. He just needs to see a doctor ASAP and get to see a psychiatrist fairly quickly too. The main thing you can do is be there to support him (and his wife) and encourage him to take his meds (once he gets on them) AND TO STAY ON THEM. Most of the time when I've had to deal with problems arising from this, the failure to take medication is what precipitates the bad times.

[Talanvor]

I'm going to agree with everyone else, try and convince him to go to a doctor. I know it's sucks and it's hard, but you need to compel yourself to help your friend do something he may not want to do, but would be best for him, his family and friends. I can't imagine how this is affecting his wife and daughter.

[LongStepMantis]

I've been there man. One of my roommates a few years ago called me, and asked when i would be home. Long story short, he thought all the food in our house was poisoned, that he was being monitored by the police, and that someone had spiked our tap water with crystal meth. It was fucking surreal. He wouldn't eat any of our food because it was tainted and evidently hadn't eaten in a day or two. That night he had a complete and total breakdown.

Sadly, in the rural area I live in, mental problems like this are either ignored or used to turn the person into a pariah. He became "the crazy guy" to everyone in town after that...which only made it worse. Last I heard, he walks around mumbling bible verses and is convinced that everyone has been replaced by demons. The really scary shit happened later when it was discovered he was making a list of people he wanted to kill, because they were demons. Needless to say, I don't have any contact with him anymore.

The real point of my telling you this is to warn you not to ignore it, like all of us did. If you can get him to seek professional help, please try.

[Smoof]

I definitely don't intend to ignore it, it's just hard to figure out what exactly to do. I was trying to convince him that he's a reasonable person (which he is) and that what's happening to him sounds completely unreasonable, but he would insist that he knows I'm reasonable and that he's reasonable, but this is REALLY happening to him. It's damn impossible to convince him what's going on is all just in his head.

But, the good news is this: I just got a call (at about 10:30am. I wrote that message at about 3am) from his wife and she told me that he was picked-up by the police wandering around the park at 3:30am. I guess they took him to the ER and then now he's being processed and admitted into the mental hospital. He, of course, is not convinced this is something safe and that it's a good idea, but I'm at least happy he'll be getting some help now. Here's hoping he returns to normal.

[LongStepMantis]

It is tough to know what to do. When someone seems that...off, you feel like you can't do anything to help. You can't make them realize they have a problem, and therefore they don't want to be treated. I put the blame in my case on his family. They weren't willing to accept he had mental issues, they just figured he would snap out of it. It led to me getting into a full on screaming match with his father, who swore up and down that his boy was just fine. His dad was one of those people who equate any mental problems with a person being an undignified batshit looney. So they didn't do a fucking thing to help him. "He'll get over it." And when he didn't, they went from ignoring the problem to ignoring him.

At least he's already getting some professional help, just hang in there. And most importantly, make sure and let him know that you don't see him as "a crazy" because of this. There are still a lot of people out there who see mental issues like my friend's dad. That if you are mentally ill, that you're some kind of lesser person now. It's bullshit.

[Spigot]

But, the good news is this: I just got a call (at about 10:30am. I wrote that message at about 3am) from his wife and she told me that he was picked-up by the police wandering around the park at 3:30am. I guess they took him to the ER and then now he's being processed and admitted into the mental hospital. He, of course, is not convinced this is something safe and that it's a good idea, but I'm at least happy he'll be getting some help now. Here's hoping he returns to normal.That's actually a very good thing to hear. I've had to deal with this at work and the people in the psychiatric ward were great and were able to stabilize the individual.

Again, the main thing is that if he does get put on medication after this that he stays on the meds. The worst thing that can happen most of the time is to stop taking your meds, esp. for a mental health issue. At least where I am, we have trained staff to deal with people who stop taking their meds. I shudder to think what family members go through without that support team there.

At least he's already getting some professional help, just hang in there. And most importantly, make sure and let him know that you don't see him as "a crazy" because of this. There are still a lot of people out there who see mental issues like my friend's dad. That if you are mentally ill, that you're some kind of lesser person now. It's bullshit.This too. Mental illness is too often seen as something shameful. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer that they'll just get over it. Be there and be his friend and show him that this condition, whatever it turns out to be, won't fundamentally alter how you see him. Trust me, it will probably be tough going in the initial stages (my father has epilepsy and the first few years after he started having seizures and mood swings were VERY rough, to say the least) but having those people to lean on is a huge help for the person going through it. It's also nice to have someone to talk to who is outside of the family.

Good luck!

[Ancalagon]

I had a counsellor once, who said she couldnt understand why nobody bats an eye when you go to see a doctor, but needing to see a psychologist/psychiatrist is like a dirty secret. I mean, the way I see it, you have physical health and you have mental health. You need to look after both.

Hope your friend comes round Smoof, I'm sure with the right help he'll be back to normal in no time.

[Inspector Fowler]

Let me second everybody's advice. If things get much worse, he may be headed for a forcible 72 hour hold (followed probably by a longer one), so getting him in voluntarily is the best thing possible.

Dammit, I didn't read the second half of your last post. I had a friend who was picked up by the cops for exactly the same thing, and he was also involuntarily treated. But the good news is that even though he was very upset about the treatment it probably saved his life!

[Wasson_]

Try to get your friend to a psychiatric ward immediately for some kind of evaluation.

[WhyThree]

I definitely don't intend to ignore it, it's just hard to figure out what exactly to do. I was trying to convince him that he's a reasonable person (which he is) and that what's happening to him sounds completely unreasonable, but he would insist that he knows I'm reasonable and that he's reasonable, but this is REALLY happening to him. It's damn impossible to convince him what's going on is all just in his head.

But, the good news is this: I just got a call (at about 10:30am. I wrote that message at about 3am) from his wife and she told me that he was picked-up by the police wandering around the park at 3:30am. I guess they took him to the ER and then now he's being processed and admitted into the mental hospital. He, of course, is not convinced this is something safe and that it's a good idea, but I'm at least happy he'll be getting some help now. Here's hoping he returns to normal.

That's great news. Like Spigot said, the most important thing for you to do now is to be there for your friend and support him. When people are treated for mental illness, they often lost a lot of their support structure, but it's friends like you who will do the most to help him get better.

[Chris_D]

I'm glad he has a friend like you!

[BlackPete]

It seems to me the lack of sleep is screwing him up big time as it tends to bring on hallucinations. I found that out the hard way while pulling all nighters studying for final exams in university... sigh...

Although getting my exam results back and seeing the answers I wrote down provided plenty of WTF moments lol...