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Karak
04-07-2009, 05:10 PM
I am sitting at my desk, lol catting with a co-worker when another walks up to me.
Employee "I crashed my car."
Me-"Where?"
Employee-"Downstairs."
So we go to the basement and the employees nice new ford was jammed up against the basement reinforment pillar.
Employee-"Can you help me."
Me-"Sure."
Employee gets in.
"Me-"Go forward slow."
Brakelights come on, tail lights come on, reverse lights come on.
Oh shit.
Bumper and front quarter panal are nicely removed with the screeching of metal.
Employee-"That wasn't reverse tee hee."
Me...-"No no it wasnt.
I move the items now on the ground.
Employee moves forward, then back...then forward, then back, then forward and back again and the sound of metal is echoing all across the street, and boom they are now free of the offending pillar.
"Employee-"Thank gawd."
Me-"So call your insurance and tell them."
Employee-"Oh I did, I already called my husband he is on his way to see it."
BAM...
Screech.
Bang.
Toyata pickup with a collapsed right tire limps into the basement.
Employee-"Oh there he is."
He smashed into our outer barricade while texting her.
...Wonderful.

I go back upstairs fill out paperwork and begin working.

New employee-"Uhm...we need you in the kitchen"
Me-"Whats wrong?"
Employee-"Something is wrong with the toaster oven."
I walk in, the front of the toaster over has something clear and nasty baked onto it and its smoking. I unplug it.
Me-"What the fuck is that?"
Employee-"Someone taped a sign to the front that said. Not to use it because the settings were off."
Me, now realizing that this horrid stinking mass was clear tape that had nastied on the front of the super hot over. "Why did you use it?"
Employee with a totally straight face and happy as a clam, "I was baking modeling clay."
Me-"In our toaster oven?"
Employee-"Ya I don't have an oven at my apartment."

MOre to come tomorrow after I call down after hearing that one of the employees decided to test the fucking TV stands bracing strength this weekend by hanging from the TV and shaking...fucking idiots.
Its like a bunch of monkeys fucking a football.

National Kato
04-07-2009, 05:13 PM
Its like a bunch of monkeys fucking a football.

I don't know...I can at least understand the monkeys doing what they do. :D

Jason
04-07-2009, 05:18 PM
Wow, just wow. And here I thought people in and around Kinston had the stupidity crown.

Karak
04-07-2009, 05:20 PM
On a smaller scale.
I noticed today that one of the employees was FILLING the recycling with vegetable slices, extra bits and rinds. I noticed this for a couple hours and then finally tracked them down.
This is the EXACT conversation.
Me-"Are you putting veggies and fruit and shit in the recycling box?"
Employee-"Ya."
Me-"Why don't you put them in the compost or the garbage."
Employee-"They are full."
Me-"Then why not just use the garbage disposal?"
Employee-"We have one?"
Me-"Yes we always have."
Employee-"Where?"
Me-"..."
Employee-"In the kitchen?"
Me-"In the...sink."
Employee-"Oh I didn't even look there."

Where in fuckall else would it be!
I mean I would have instantly assumed the employee was fucking with me...
But they weren't it was with total surprise that they found the disposal in the garbage...I mean.

Well and then I found one of the employees(A girl) shaving her pits in the personal employee restroom sink.
Fucking nasty.

JRR1285
04-07-2009, 05:31 PM
I hope there are more stories.

Lint of Death
04-07-2009, 05:36 PM
hahaha what the hell

KamaItachi
04-07-2009, 05:43 PM
karak, the more I hear, the more I am convinced you are part of some terrible experiment to see how much crazy one man can endure in the workplace before he finally cracks.

I fully expect to see an episode similar to this on The Outer Limits or some such.

Shadowstorm
04-07-2009, 05:44 PM
Facepalm.jpg.

Sandman
04-07-2009, 05:51 PM
Are you sure your not working in The Office?

Ox
04-07-2009, 05:54 PM
Where in fuckall else would it be!
I mean I would have instantly assumed the employee was fucking with me...
But they weren't it was with total surprise that they found the disposal in the garbage...I mean.
DUDE!!! Find your coworker RIGHT NOW and warn him it's a bad idea to stick his hand, head, or any other extremity he values into the sink drain! ESPECIALLY when the garbage disposal is running!

You need to be more careful in the future.

Generation ABXY
04-07-2009, 06:16 PM
Okay, Karak, I need a list of the games you play, the music you listen to and your political affiliations, including any related talk radio or TV news shows. That way, after you shoot up the place (hey, it seems to be all the rage this year), I'll know exactly what to blame it one when the news comes calling.

Spockrocket
04-07-2009, 06:28 PM
Just... wow. Where do you work that allows such stupidity to continue?

Gerbs
04-07-2009, 06:29 PM
This thread DELIVERS. Where do you work?? A 90's sitcom?

Codicier
04-07-2009, 06:38 PM
I also want to know where you work. To quote Penny Arcade, it's a goddamn retard rodeo over there.

Virtual Pariah
04-07-2009, 06:51 PM
Sometimes I think that coworkers do stupid shit just to deal with office boredom.
Used to have a guy who would sneak into the IT dept's restrooms and shit all over the seats. Called him the Unishitter.

Finally found out who it was, and it was one of the line guys who was banned from the manufacturing floor restrooms for the same reason. So he wandered from rest room to rest room on alternating days.

I talked to him when I left there. Let's just say he had anger management issues.

Rogue_hunter
04-07-2009, 07:20 PM
I really missed these threads. Thanks for posting a new one. I would not blame you for shooting up the join at some point.

Karak
04-07-2009, 07:24 PM
This thread DELIVERS. Where do you work?? A 90's sitcom?

I can't really say but lets just say that the people there are very intelligent but not all together in the common sense department.
Case in point.

I spent almost 4 hours today trying to figure out a way one of my employees could find hours available in his job to stack boxes like the main boss wants.
You see our printer room always has stuff in it, our bosses are always showing people around...our bosses don't like boxes...even though those boxes are money to us.
So each week we spend about 2-3 hours stacking...boxes in random places so that they don't get to high to draw attention and are still nearby to ship out.
Its like a case of Idiot Jenga.

diablopath
04-07-2009, 07:37 PM
Karak, you seriously need to sit down and write a pilot episode of this and send it off to NBC or something.

This is seriously some of the funniest shit I've ever heard.

The first story about the wreck, just epic.
And all the past ones you've told.

Karak
04-07-2009, 07:56 PM
Karak, you seriously need to sit down and write a pilot episode of this and send it off to NBC or something.

This is seriously some of the funniest shit I've ever heard.

The first story about the wreck, just epic.
And all the past ones you've told.

Ya I have been debating writing them here. It pisses me off just writing them and though it doesn't send me into a funk I try to not fill the page up because.
1 there are litterally thousands of stories
2 it makes me pissed and all in all its a great job.

I remember when I hired my best friend, he flately thought i was lying and about a week into it just shit himself over all the stuff that happens.

rifter
04-07-2009, 08:01 PM
You know, I would definitely record all of this stuff, say in a book... Look at the Office... people eat this crap up!!! You could seriously make money.

Karak
04-07-2009, 08:01 PM
So last one and this one actually made me smile.

2 weeks ago the receptionist called me in a tizzy.
Her-"Come to my desk...pleeeezzzze."
Me-"On my way" I knew something was up. She is pretty solid.
I go to her desk and she is sweating bullets looking like she is going to puke from worry.
me-"What?"
Her-"I accepted a package for the other business."
This is normal, we take their packages sometimes as they are a part time business ran by a couple people.
Me-"Call them and tell them."
Her-"I didn't know it was theirs."
Me-"Shit"...that meant she opened it...I could tell right away from how she said it.
What was it...?

It was a female product of the 6" variety. I swear on my life, loves and family.
In nice hard plastic bubble wrap. And the back of the product was NON marked.
So the receptionist picked it out of the box with the actual safety cone orange side...facing the CEO as he stood in front of her checking the morning mail and bitching because their was no candy at the front desk.

Yes friends she opened a dildo...in front of the boss.
And guess who got to walk said dildo to the other company and apologize for opening it.
That would be Karak.

yep
That one made me almost shit laughing when I was telling my girlfriend.
Peace.
EDIT: The receptionist and the boss are unscathed. He thinks it is funny she can't look him in the eye. HR had to talk to both to make sure everyone was ok:)

JRR1285
04-07-2009, 08:06 PM
That cannot be the last one... I need more! :p

Karak
04-07-2009, 08:10 PM
That cannot be the last one... I need more! :p

I don't have many that I enjoy myself so I sort of have to stop writing them for a bit. It sounds funny as hell right now but I mean it, I live through this shit all day and so sometimes writing it is reliving it and...lets just say I am not the person who is a good person to dwell on things. Thats why I haven't written much lately. I have to be pretty happy about work otherwise getting up sometimes to go is a chose.
Babysitting is tiring.

LongStepMantis
04-07-2009, 08:17 PM
I think I found video footage of your workplace.

M68GeL8PafE

Seriously though, your work stories never fail to deliver the funny. If your co-workers have that little common sense and remain employed...well, I guess I can understand why you don't talk about your employer outside of these funny tidbits. Are these people like, idiot savants or something? I'm talking so incredibly smart and/or skilled that their sheer incompetence to function in the outside world is overlooked? I don't need to know any specifics.

rifter
04-07-2009, 08:19 PM
You really should post links to previous conversations, since they are funny. I am REALLY sorry you have to relive these... but from the outside, the are pure... comedy... gold. I just had to recite all of these for friends that are over. They really are that good.

Ox
04-07-2009, 08:30 PM
Yes friends she opened a dildo...in front of the boss.
And guess who got to walk said dildo to the other company and apologize for opening it.
That would be Karak.
H.L. Mencken once said, "Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable."

Your life is the universe's crown jewel.

Wraith
04-07-2009, 08:32 PM
Further Adventures of Karak in Stupid Land (http://www.colonyofgamers.com/cogforums/showthread.php?t=3677)
The Chronicles of Karak At Work-Ridiculous Employees part 2 (http://www.colonyofgamers.com/cogforums/showthread.php?t=3042)

inmostlight
04-07-2009, 09:02 PM
For the love of god, set up webcams all over and let us watch this.

Disgustipated
04-07-2009, 09:16 PM
Fucking hilarious. I'd pay to watch this shit on TV.

Talanvor
04-07-2009, 09:17 PM
:p And I thought I worked with a high concentration of dipshits. The fact that you're in an office, which presumably must be a professional atmosphere, with people who are allegedly brighter than normal and yet...

Chris_D
04-07-2009, 10:08 PM
Welcome back Karak. We missed you.

Cactaur
04-07-2009, 10:18 PM
Its like live action Dilbert. All it needs is a Dogbert CEO and Catbert head of HR.

Vandabo
04-07-2009, 10:31 PM
If there is one thing that is plentiful in Eugene, it's people low on the common sense. Hell, the road system doesn't even make sense.

The rest of the job must be real enjoyable if you have to deal with this kind of shit daily and you still rate it as a good job.

Alatheia
04-07-2009, 10:47 PM
I've noticed at my work that a person with a higher degree, like doctorate over masters, has less common sense than a person with just a bachelors... You've got people with double doctorates at your office don't you? ;)

Troggles
04-07-2009, 10:54 PM
These stories are the best thing that's ever happened at CoG. I swear.

Other than the panties thread, of course.

Crowe
04-07-2009, 11:13 PM
These threads are so awesome.

Karak
04-07-2009, 11:26 PM
Thanks guys. I have about 35 stories since the last time I wrote. I will try to plop a few here a day and see if thats possible without wanting to throttle someone.
Its nice hearing some people can laugh at this. It reminds me to take it less serious.

UWCrash
04-07-2009, 11:42 PM
Christ Karak, I'm ready to drive down to Eugene just to meet these crazies.

mister slim
04-08-2009, 12:39 AM
Wasn't it Eugene where someone killed themself at a Watchmen showing? I mean, I sympathize with Alan Moore, but that's a little extreme.

Chris_D
04-08-2009, 06:15 AM
Thanks guys. I have about 35 stories since the last time I wrote. I will try to plop a few here a day and see if thats possible without wanting to throttle someone.
Its nice hearing some people can laugh at this. It reminds me to take it less serious.

How about a weekly blog series ;).

Cactaur
04-08-2009, 06:24 AM
I think you could just flesh out the posts and pitch as a book like Waiter Rant

Ancalagon
04-08-2009, 06:27 AM
DUDE!!! Find your coworker RIGHT NOW and warn him it's a bad idea to stick his hand, head, or any other extremity he values into the sink drain! ESPECIALLY when the garbage disposal is running!

You need to be more careful in the future.

Yeah, I mean if he stuck his hand in, it might not kill him. Tell him to put his head in, if it will fit.

NoName
04-08-2009, 06:57 AM
These stories are golden. They make baby Jesus cry, true, but they're still awesome.

Narradisall
04-08-2009, 07:08 AM
Can I come work there?

hunterx280
04-08-2009, 08:44 AM
It's so nice to see a business employing the mentally disabled. I mean, they gotta work somewhere right?

Bad Buddha
04-08-2009, 08:48 AM
It's so nice to see a business employing the mentally disabled. I mean, they gotta work somewhere right?
Can I come work there?
It's nice to know that there's a place for everyone! ;)

I'm just afraid that one of these numbnuts is going to get themselves killed! I wouldn't want to have our poor Karak have to deal with that!

Of course if it does happen, you know it's going to be something like:

"There's a big mess in the lunchroom that needs to be cleaned up."

:eek:

Doctor Setebos
04-08-2009, 08:58 AM
I'm just afraid that one of these numbnuts is going to get themselves killed! I wouldn't want to have our poor Karak have to deal with that!

Of course if it does happen, you know it's going to be something like:

"There's a big mess in the lunchroom that needs to be cleaned up.""Jim from accounting isn't breathing. What do we do?"

DoctorFinger
04-08-2009, 09:12 AM
I'd bet money that the average IQ in Karak's office is off the charts high. Like the woman who couldn't get her car off of the pillar probably has multiple Masters.

BTW - this should be a web comic. Find an artist and start pumping them out.

Khrymsyn
04-08-2009, 09:24 AM
God, this stuff is hysterical.

The only reason it may not ever be accepted as a TV show is that people would think it's too far fetched. hahaha

biosc1
04-08-2009, 09:55 AM
I've noticed at my work that a person with a higher degree, like doctorate over masters, has less common sense than a person with just a bachelors... You've got people with double doctorates at your office don't you? ;)

Surprisingly, I think this is pretty common. I'm in a similar situation as Karak (though on a much smaller scale) in that I'm the "go to guy" when things aren't working right...from a clogged toilet (that only needed a couple of plunges from the plunger right next to it) or the dripping sink (that just needed the faucet turned a little tighter)...

I am surrounded by brilliant programmers, but sometimes I wonder how they survive outside the office. There are moments when you realize that these people are very intelligent when they are doing what they studied to do, but they may have spent too much time studying to actually learn how to cope with events outside of their field.

ie...just the other day they were complaining the lights were burned out in the back of the office...so I turned on the light switch that I have witnessed them used repeatedly...I know they know it's there, but no one turned it on, so they thought the lights had burned out. They spent half a day working in the dark until I actually walked back there.

Generation ABXY
04-08-2009, 10:03 AM
ie...just the other day they were complaining the lights were burned out in the back of the office...so I turned on the light switch that I have witnessed them used repeatedly...I know they know it's there, but no one turned it on, so they thought the lights had burned out. They spent half a day working in the dark until I actually walked back there.

Did they start worshipping you as a god after that, because that would have been an awesome end to that story? :D

Chris_D
04-08-2009, 10:13 AM
Did they start worshipping you as a god after that, because that would have been an awesome end to that story? :D

One thing I wonder is don't these guys feel shame? I mean, I would occasionally bother HR or admin for something and after realizing it was a stupid request I would at least apologize and endeavour not to do it again. Maybe my IQ isn't 200 but still.

biosc1
04-08-2009, 10:20 AM
One thing I wonder is don't these guys feel shame? I mean, I would occasionally bother HR or admin for something and after realizing it was a stupid request I would at least apologize and endeavour not to do it again. Maybe my IQ isn't 200 but still.

No shame at all. Heck, the clogged toilet was in the ladies washroom. She skyped me (so I guess there was a bit of shame), but I walk in there, check the water, then give it a couple of plunges from the plunger right next to the toilet and it unclogs (thankfully, there was only paper in there).

The funny thing was, she initially asked "Who do we call? A plumber? Do we have a plumber?".

...part of the reason I want out of this job is because of the fact that I am too nice and do all the things I'm asked :(

Another one: One of the people goes "My monitor is broken". She had kicked the video cable out from the computer under her desk.

Always strikes me as odd that a some computer programmers, brilliant computer programmers, have no idea how a computer works.

DoctorFinger
04-08-2009, 12:11 PM
I'm pretty sure Karak's office is part of an upcoming reality show, most likely on Fox. 20 improv actors, 5-7 real employees. The actors are supposed to do crazy, but mildly endearing stuff. Whichever real employee goes the longest without a freakout, wins money.

rifter
04-08-2009, 01:27 PM
Always strikes me as odd that a some computer programmers, brilliant computer programmers, have no idea how a computer works.

I have had this experience with programmers (I am friends with one, much like that) and engineers. :-) I have ALWAYS found it odd, how many people from those groups have NO clue how a PC really works.

ShivaX
04-08-2009, 01:29 PM
Karak, Genius Wrangler

pronounconnoun
04-08-2009, 02:22 PM
Surprisingly, I think this is pretty common. I'm in a similar situation as Karak (though on a much smaller scale) in that I'm the "go to guy" when things aren't working right...from a clogged toilet (that only needed a couple of plunges from the plunger right next to it) or the dripping sink (that just needed the faucet turned a little tighter)...

I am surrounded by brilliant programmers, but sometimes I wonder how they survive outside the office. There are moments when you realize that these people are very intelligent when they are doing what they studied to do, but they may have spent too much time studying to actually learn how to cope with events outside of their field.

ie...just the other day they were complaining the lights were burned out in the back of the office...so I turned on the light switch that I have witnessed them used repeatedly...I know they know it's there, but no one turned it on, so they thought the lights had burned out. They spent half a day working in the dark until I actually walked back there.

It only takes one person to say, the lights must be broken because they are used to having them on when they come in. The most common problem at my work is, "The front door is locked" "Did you turn the doorknob?" "....Oh."

I work with lawyers by the way.

Karak
04-08-2009, 02:23 PM
Karak, Genius Wrangler

Hahahah I am totally changing my avatar sig

Karak
04-08-2009, 02:30 PM
I am walking to lunch. Its time to eat and my brain is on a burrito.
I come down the stairs. The boss is heading up the stairs
Boss-"Do you have a minute?"
Me-"Oh sure"
We walk up 3 flights of stairs to the conference room. He points at the conference projector.
Boss-"It's not super bright."
Me-"We don't have shades on the room, remember thats what I asked for but you said no."
Boss-"Ya but I thought the projector would be brighter."
Me-"I can get some shades"
Boss-"Can you look into a different projector...?"
Me-"..."
Boss-"because it should be brighter."
Me-"It can't beat the sun..."
Boss-"Oh I know but see if you can get a newer one."
Mind you this is less than 6 months old.
Me-"I don't agree with it but sure."
Boss-"Ok thanks."
I go and eat my lunch.
The cell rings.
Boss-"Did you order a projector yet."
Me-"I am at lunch. That's why I was outside when you stopped me."
Boss-"So...if you haven't then don't. Why don't we get blinds that would be cheaper and-"

I hung up.
What a waste of my motherfucking time.

Karak
04-08-2009, 02:37 PM
And another gem.
I hear a spoon being mulched by the garbage disposal. Its a strangly pleasent sound because at least this one employee will now know that we have one.
So I go to the kitchen.
No one.
The disposal is barely running and in safe mode a little audible alarm going off.
I come to it, unplug it and remove a very warped and bent fork.
Employee is no where to be seen.
Hmmmm.
I go sit down.
"Hey why won't the disposal work." I hear someone yell.
I get up and walk over.
Me-"There was a fork in it, I unplugged it."
Employee-"That was mine. I was cleaning my beta fish bowl and the glass marbles fell down the drain."
Me-"With a fork?"
Employee-"I was using the fork to get them out."
I now notice what the employee has in their hand.
The wet/dry vacuum.
Me-"You were NOT going to try to vacuum the marbles out were you?"
Employee-"No...."
They stand there.
I stand there.
10 seconds of them standing there.
Employee-"Its a wet/dry."
Me-"I am calling someone don't touch it."
Employee "ok"
I call the plumber who comes in.
The fucking employee had dropped the beta fish in there. And aside from a torn fin he was alive!
That fucker was going to fork that fish out, then wet vac him out.
Well I guess he was trying.

OldeWolf
04-08-2009, 02:38 PM
Wow, hanged up on your own boss? lol.....
I'm convinced. You're his boss and he's playing boss to you but you're the one truly in charge.

Karak
04-08-2009, 02:43 PM
And from this weekend.
ALL the batteries are gone from all the remotes, from the bosses remote/laser pointer and from two wireless mice.
I already know what the fuck happened.
I go down to the video room and the Wii is out and all the remotes are sitting there.
Batteries from all of the employees are there.
I find the employee I know did it.
Me-"Why did you take the batteries"
Employee-"My friends were here and we wanted to play the Wii."
Me-"First of all its not your stuff, second you can't bring friends in on the weekends. And why is the log not signed out for the room"
Employee-"I didn't want anyone to know that they were here."
Me-"Obviously...but why?"
Employee-"Well two of them have got in a lot of trouble with the law for stealing."
Sigh.

Wraith
04-08-2009, 02:44 PM
At least tell me this employee didn't bring his fish bowl from home to clean it at work...

Karak
04-08-2009, 02:44 PM
Wow, hanged up on your own boss? lol.....
I'm convinced. You're his boss and he's playing boss to you but you're the one truly in charge.

I have a tracfone and though it has AMAZING clarity and never loses a signal these people here believe if it isn't an iPhone it sucks.
He will think the call was dropped.

Karak
04-08-2009, 02:45 PM
At least tell me this employee didn't bring his fish bowl from home to clean it at work...

Yes it was from home.
We can't have stuff like that at our desks.
I should have put that in the post. He lives only a couple blocks away.

zarathstra
04-08-2009, 05:45 PM
I have had this experience with programmers (I am friends with one, much like that) and engineers. :-) I have ALWAYS found it odd, how many people from those groups have NO clue how a PC really works.

My dad has a Master's degree in Computer Engineering, yet I have to set up his voicemail every time he gets a new cell phone ::sigh::

Generation ABXY
04-08-2009, 05:45 PM
Wow, hanged up on your own boss? lol.....
I'm convinced. You're his boss and he's playing boss to you but you're the one truly in charge.

Reminds me of Arrested Development a little. :D

Oh, and I'm a little shocked you hung up on your boss, too (albeit for a good reason). Color me impressed, Karak.

KamaItachi
04-08-2009, 06:11 PM
Did they start worshipping you as a god after that, because that would have been an awesome end to that story? :D

I've not had anything as funny as karak's anecdotes, but especially with academics, they're usually too hung up in their own little world to appreciate someone else helping them or other people's effort.

I've had doctorate students call up asking if I can help them find their car, another calling me in a rage that we've started to hassle his favourite student over the simple matter of her owing us 15 thousand dollars.

diablopath
04-08-2009, 06:34 PM
This is now the officially "Click here if you want to end your sadness." post.
Nothing but golden material.

Karak, I strongly urge you to flesh some of these stories out, and *at least* throw an actual blog up. These are just some golden stories, and despite how shitty they make you feel, it really is your duty to share them.

Narradisall
04-09-2009, 06:44 AM
It's nice to know that there's a place for everyone! ;)

Hehe, I was actually considering more along the lines of sitting back with a huge bag of popcorn and watching it unfold. I used to have a job with epic funny people like this.... I miss waking up on a Monday morning and looking forward to the working week.

To be fair, I used to chip in too. It was a boring retail job and one day I decided to build THE MOTHER of all box forts. 6 foot high. With turrets. Right in the middle of a department.

The boss walked by saw it, saw me, and I just said very loud "ITS A FORT!". He sighed and walked off.

God that job was fun.

Talanvor
04-09-2009, 11:29 AM
W.T.F. Yeah I had to put the periods in there.

Pet fish, garbage disposal, projector, windows, batteries... goddamn!


It's a good thing I don't work there; I don't think I could resist the temptations for endless hilarity and blackmail.

OldeWolf
04-09-2009, 11:38 AM
Man, I seem to always get tight-ass, strict, piss-poor shitty managing managers. :(

Xydarc
04-09-2009, 11:54 AM
Wow. Just...wow. How are you not in therapy, Karak?

Spacetronaut
04-09-2009, 12:07 PM
They stand there.
I stand there.
10 seconds of them standing there.
Employee-"Its a wet/dry."

Oh god, that made me laugh. From now on every time there's an awkward pause in a conversation I'm going to say that.

H.Bogard
04-09-2009, 12:52 PM
That poor fish. :(

Karak
04-09-2009, 01:06 PM
That poor fish. :(

Mc Scrappy Pants is now on my desk.
I don't care if we are not supposed to have shit like this at our desk.
I saved the little bugger he is mine.

Another cool one from this morning.

The tech asked for help with inventory so I sent one of my people, a normally dependable person with him.
They keep coming back looking for more asset tags.
Keep coming back.
Needing more.
For a small room.
I try to ignore it but I can't.
Employee-"Can I have some more tags."
Me-"No gawd damnit. You have over 350. How could you use that many?"
Employee shrugs. "Lots stuff."
Me-"Fuck that."
I go into the room. The tech is busy with an emergency and left this kid with instructions to asset stuff.
Oh he has, he has begun by sticking asset tags on the computers, and their videocards, the fucking power,vga cables, and the empty boxes the harddrives were in, the racks, the memory boxes, the hardrives and their wires.
Basically...everything.
Everything. Little white barcode tags are dotting half the room like someone flicked paint on everything.
The best part, the kid barcoded the barcode reader(he didn't know thats what it was)
The tech comes in and sees what has happened.
Tech-"What the fuck?"
Me-"Did you tell him to asset everything?"
Tech-..."
Me-"Thats what I thought."

So now the kid is in there tearing off asset tags from everything. Even the god damn video card he got ahold of.
And I ask the tech why he had to leave.
Tech-"Some random employee thought the AC was too loud for their meeting and when they could not find the switch they saw the AC for the server room and thought it fed the others and unpluged the secondary unit."
Good times.
Its like retarded ninjas around here.

Karak
04-09-2009, 01:08 PM
Oh and my boss canceled the blinds and the projector.
He said, "it's only because it was really sunny that day"
For a brief second I thought about telling him the little fact that the sun would return and do so for many years after he is dead...but I had shit to do.
He will ask me again in a week.

Generation ABXY
04-09-2009, 01:21 PM
Oh and my boss canceled the blinds and the projector.
He said, "it's only because it was really sunny that day"
For a brief second I thought about telling him the little fact that the sun would return and do so for many years after he is dead...but I had shit to do.
He will ask me again in a week.

Maybe you should buy 'em yourself, and then just have 'em ready to install the next time he asks. Oh, and be sure to bump up the price, too - you've earned it. ;)

Bingley Joe
04-09-2009, 01:49 PM
Mc Scrappy Pants is now on my desk.
I don't care if we are not supposed to have shit like this at our desk.
I saved the little bugger he is mine.

Be sure to toss the blade from a blender into his bowl so he feels at home :p

Shrinn
04-09-2009, 02:26 PM
Mc Scrappy Pants is now the official best name of an animal ever.

Khrymsyn
04-09-2009, 02:27 PM
Tech-"Some random employee thought the AC was too loud for their meeting and when they could not find the switch they saw the AC for the server room and thought it fed the others and unpluged the secondary unit."

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ocMQSqVjweA/SGYEckQ91aI/AAAAAAAAAXI/BsrXbttLo4E/s400/FACEPALM.jpg


If someone did that at my job, I'd freaking throttle them.

Karak
04-09-2009, 03:41 PM
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ocMQSqVjweA/SGYEckQ91aI/AAAAAAAAAXI/BsrXbttLo4E/s400/FACEPALM.jpg


If someone did that at my job, I'd freaking throttle them.

Ya let me tell you. That shit is all the time. I mean it is all the time.

zarathstra
04-09-2009, 07:23 PM
Ya let me tell you. That shit is all the time. I mean it is all the time.

There are polar bears?!

Lint of Death
04-09-2009, 07:29 PM
I love these stories so hard. I value your sacrifices.

OldeWolf
04-09-2009, 09:07 PM
There are polar bears?!

On the Island?