The talk

[biosc1]

Who hates "the talk".

Just had "the talk" with the girlfriend.

You know, "the talk" where we start to wonder if we're truly meant for each other.

"The talk" can start as something innocent, but can end in tears and spent kleenex (very similar to a night of "self-sexing").

Add in a little wine...add a few things being said that you wish you could take back or she wishes she could take back and you sometimes end up in a more tense situation than when you started the conversation.

"They" always want to have "the talk". Soooo, I finally let her have "her talk" and I told her how I felt walking on egg-shells the last month. Surprisingly, she accepted what I had to say and all ended up well.

Well, she thinks it ended well, personally, I still feel the same about our relationship.

So...who likes "the talk". Do they do any good or are they just a precursor for the eventual end?

[Gerbs]

Hate it. In my experience these never end well (for me.) I'm one of those dopey saps who believes when two people love each other that's all that is necessary. Except life keeps proving me wrong, frequently by it's application of "The talk."

On a side note, I thought this thread was going to be about having "The talk" with kids. You know, about Hoo Hoo Dillies and Cha Chas. Glad I was wrong.

[Disgustipated]

The talk is shit. The more talks you have, the worse it gets. By the end of it all you're having the talk every few days, but you're too afraid to end it because maybe the talk will fix everything.

http://www.brotherhoodofb.com/whargarbl.jpg

[boratika]

I find someone needing to have "the talk" is all too often symptomatic of their own problems that are usually unrelated. But because they their relationship is the most important thing in their lives, they assume any uneasiness must come from there. This is why "the talk" just goes around in circles and only makes things worse. It is like trying to cure an ear infection with knee surgery.

This is just my personal observations as the nature of the vast bulk of "the talk"ings I've encountered (some involving me, others not.) YMMV.

"They" always want to the "the talk".

I love this sentence. It sounds like it should be a line from a song.

[Ravenlock]

Saying you hate "the talk" strikes me a little bit as shooting the messenger. If one of you thinks you need to have the talk, there's obviously an underlying problem that may or may not be solvable, but certainly ought to be addressed. (Though as boratika correctly points out, the underlying problem might not be the relationship, and that can get messy.)

Silence never fixed anything, is all I'm saying. "The talk" might not be the solution but it does bring attention to unhappiness or disquiet rather than letting it fester.

That said, personally I've had it go both ways, but agree that more often than not it isn't a good sign. If both parties feel like it's time to have "the talk", then it's likely that neither will have the incentive to fix whatever's wrong. And if only one party thinks "the talk" is necessary, then it's frequently tantamount to saying "I'm not happy, and you don't seem to know that or know why", so the other party is (1) probably taken by surprise and (2) finds themselves with a litany of problems they didn't know they had to solve. Neither of those is a really good option.

Don't ever, ever let fear of "the talk" become fear of talking, though. Three and a half years into my marriage (and 6 and a half since we started dating), I'm pretty sure the only reason my wife and I have been able to stay focused on each other and on being happy together is open and honest communication and an insistence on addressing issues before they become big enough to merit "the talk".

[Primus]

I usually cut my losses, rather than drag bullshit out.

[theman]

if your having this discussion you already knwo the answer.

[Johan]

If your significant other has an involved parent, have "the talk" with the parent, and win the respect of all involved.

[total]

I don't see anything wrong with two people having a discussion about their relationship if both parties can actually have a discussion. In my experience, quite a few women want to have an argument and not so much a discussion. I don't roll that way. I'm perfectly happy single.

[Lint of Death]

At least if someone tries "the talk" with you, you get the opportunity to understand why they dump you later. There's nothing I hate more than someone insensitively severing ties without providing so much as an iota of explanation.

Also: what Ravenlock said.

[total]

At least if someone tries "the talk" with you, you get the opportunity to understand why they dump you later. There's nothing I hate more than someone insensitively severing ties without providing so much as an iota of explanation.

If they don't feel the need to discuss why things are the way they are you most likely could do better anyway. Pity the soul that will be stuck with that person longer than you.

[Lint of Death]

If they don't feel the need to discuss why things are the way they are you most likely could do better anyway. Pity the soul that will be stuck with that person longer than you.

Oh, well, of course, but at least it helps me determine whether or not something I did or some way I am had anything to do with the problems, so that I might learn and grow from the experience.

[biosc1]

I usually cut my losses, rather than drag bullshit out.

That has usually been my solution in the past. Now I feel I'm getting too old for this this time. Then again, she is a few years younger, so maybe she needs to do some growing up still.

If your significant other has an involved parent, have "the talk" with the parent, and win the respect of all involved.

Already tried. Her mother totally loves me. Her daughter is just like her father, so the mother basically just ends up apologizing and sympathizing with me.

Hate it. In my experience these never end well (for me.) I'm one of those dopey saps who believes when two people love each other that's all that is necessary. Except life keeps proving me wrong, frequently by it's application of "The talk."

I'm that dopey sap as well. I like to believe that two people should get along without issue...that is how to see if you are in the right relationship. Basically, in the past, I've dumped girls for having "the talk". If they have an issue and I don't, I just assumed they weren't the right girls for me.

I don't see anything wrong with two people having a discussion about their relationship if both parties can actually have a discussion. In my experience, quite a few women want to have an argument and not so much a discussion. I don't roll that way. I'm perfectly happy single.

"The talk" began as a mutual thing. Then it ended with me feeling like I was the one with the problem, even though it began with her recognizing that she was the one with something going on.

[Johan]

Already tried. Her mother totally loves me. Her daughter is just like her father, so the mother basically just ends up apologizing and sympathizing with me.

Marry her mother, then! :D

Actually, I'd say it's time to move on, then...

[Worldcrafter]

It has been my experience that there are two distinct versions of "the talk":

The first is where the relationship is on shaky ground and one of you finally had the courage to address it head on. It has been my experience that this is the death toll for a relationship, though it may drag on a bit longer, but both parties already knew that well before hand. This talk usually focuses on core problems in the relationship and often doesn't end well, or nothing really gets resolved.

Then there's the second version which has a completely different feel. This happens when the relationship is secure but there's a problem that needs to be addressed and worked out. This talk usually focuses on more minor break downs in communication. Thoughts are shared, conflicts are resolved, and the couple emerges stronger for it.

It sounds like you're in the former, so yes, it sounds like it's time to move on.

[Everyone vs Dinosaurs]

I was definitely expecting this to be a horror story of how at the age of 25 your parents finally decided to give you the talk.

[Bingley Joe]

Seems to me like the foundation of any solid and worthwhile relationship is communication.

So if there's something that needs discussing, and you're interested in maintaining the relationship, then definitely talk it out. If you can communicate well with one another, everything else just follows naturally.

[Mike Kelehan]

Seems to me like the foundation of any solid and worthwhile relationship is communication.

So if there's something that needs discussing, and you're interested in maintaining the relationship, then definitely talk it out. If you can communicate well with one another, everything else just follows naturally.

This. It sounds like a perfect-world, that's-how-it's-supposed-to-be-but-it-never-is philosophy, but it's absolutely true. I'm of the thought that feelings are always better out than in.

[axion]

Then there's the second version which has a completely different feel. This happens when the relationship is secure but there's a problem that needs to be addressed and worked out. This talk usually focuses on more minor break downs in communication. Thoughts are shared, conflicts are resolved, and the couple emerges stronger for it.

This is a good "talk," not something I love, but something that helps overall.