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View Full Version : The Chronicles of Karak At Work-Ridiculous Employees part 2


Karak
12-02-2008, 04:18 PM
Hi all. I figured I would start a new thread for this latest episode of work drama so you could all enjoy.

"Where are the apples?" I am asked today.
"What do you mean?"

Employee-"The apples we put out yesterday are gone."
Me-"Did people eat them?" I mean...that's what they were there for.

Employee-"I don't think so. There were bunches of them."
Me-"Ok maybe they got moved"

So begins a fucking 1 hour search for a bag of fucking apples.
4 floors looking for apples. Because hey they are rare or something. Some kind of golden apple or something.
People actually stopping work. "Where are the apples?" They ask.
"I am looking."
I give up after an hour I have shit to do.
Someone comes to my desk. "Did you find the apples."
Me-"Nope."
Employee-"Are you still looking?"
Me-" ". In my head "Do I fucking look like I am still looking?"
Employee-" "
Me-"We have tons of snacks and stuff. Can it wait?"
Employee- "Ya I guess I can go buy lunch or something" Drops shoulders like I had just fired them.
Me "Thanks"

My boss comes in passes me by.
Comes back 10 minutes later.
Boss-"Did we figure out where the apples are?"
Me-"I looked for an hour but...they are just apples maybe people ate them."
Boss-"Well if you get a chance..."
Me-"I already wasted an hour. I will just go get more."
Boss-"Well I don't want these to disappear too."
Me-"Maybe someone ate them."
Boss-"Thats a lot of apples."'
Me-"How many? Because I keep damn asking and no one seems to know?"
Boss-"I just heard alot."

An hour later one of the workers comes up to me...
"Thanks for the apples I appreciate you getting healthy stuff."
Me-"Did you have one"
Employee-"I ate them all"
Me-"How fucking many were there."
Employee-"2. Oh and I washed the bowl out and put it on the back into the cupboard."

So I go tell the boss.
Me-"Listen 2 damn apples. I wasted hours on this and I told everone that someone just ate them I don't have time to look into this crap. I am swamped."
Boss-"Ya its just apples"
Me"..wha? bu? you?"
Fuckit
Its like an alternate reality.

If I had not lived through it I wouldn't believe it.

Disgustipated
12-02-2008, 04:23 PM
Better wash dem apples, becuz momma ain't gonna be happy knowin' you gots 'em.

Roaddawg
12-02-2008, 04:24 PM
insert facepalm here

violent
12-02-2008, 04:31 PM
Quit. That's not a place of business, it's a care center for the retarded.

axion
12-02-2008, 04:32 PM
At least he didn't try shoving the dirty bowl down the "garbage disposal."

Wraith
12-02-2008, 04:32 PM
So how many times will you be asked tomorrow, "Did you find the apples?"

Karak
12-02-2008, 04:33 PM
So how many times will you be asked tomorrow, "Did you find the apples?"

...Sadly many times.
Since I put this up.
3 times.

2 Christmas's ago someone took a pie we labled "Take if you want it."
And everyone freaked...

Weird.

Bad Buddha
12-02-2008, 04:34 PM
Bring in some pears just to keep them off balance.

"They weren't apples after all! No wonder I couldn't find them."

Karak
12-02-2008, 04:39 PM
Bring in some pears just to keep them off balance.

"They weren't apples after all! No wonder I couldn't find them."

Hahaha this totally made me lol.
Good show man. Good show.

ClannerDelta
12-02-2008, 04:39 PM
Bring in some pears just to keep them off balance.

"They weren't apples after all! No wonder I couldn't find them."

This would be awesome.

Karak
12-02-2008, 04:40 PM
Quit. That's not a place of business, it's a care center for the retarded.

Sadly its also an amazing amazing place with some of the best nicest, most amazing people ever.
And then there is the infection of self entitled dumb that fills the air.

violent
12-02-2008, 04:41 PM
Sadly its also an amazing amazing place with some of the best nicest, most amazing people ever.
And then their is the infection of self entitled dumb that fills the air.

Reading through that story, it all just felt so absurd. It's the kind of thing that would get under my skin very quickly.

Ancalagon
12-02-2008, 04:41 PM
Tell the person who ate them they were made of wax.

Karak
12-02-2008, 04:47 PM
Reading through that story, it all just felt so absurd. It's the kind of thing that would get under my skin very quickly.

Well you know...I face it with humor. I also hired a couple friends from my old job where you were expected to do shit for yourself and so together we just sort of laugh and roll our eyes.
And in this enviroment if the worst I have to deal with is that I am ok.
Sometimes I do get tired.
Like the following

-Electricians installed an outlet upside down...how the fuck..I did not even think this was possible
-An audio visual guy came to install our projector.
Got it all intalled...backwards
-The carpet got removed and re-installed in the WRONG room.

-My personal favorite. My boss has a...moving employees fetish. He loves to move everyone so no one gets comfortable.
But he moves them after hours or when they are gone.
HOLY FUCK people get mad.
And so he says-"Hey go tell so and so that we moved them."
Me-"Don't you think they know when they come in and their shit isn't there anymore."hahahahaha
That one just happened 3 weeks ago and a couple people are still raw about it.
On the other hand he is a freaking giving boss to no end. Way giving.
So it does equal out.

Bonuses that are incredible and amazing sick and vacation time. Good times...but crazy too.

rifter
12-02-2008, 04:48 PM
Grabbing the pop-corn, and tagging this thread. :-)

Rogue_hunter
12-02-2008, 04:52 PM
Quit. That's not a place of business, it's a care center for the retarded.

I second this. The building should be firebombed, and the Army should salt the earth, just to ensure that no life can survive on that spot.

violent
12-02-2008, 04:57 PM
I find humor in a lot of eccentricities within the work space. But dropping my work to find a bag of apples? Something about it really ticks me off. Maybe if my job were to be in charge of keeping an eye on the apples, I wouldn't mind. I'm in IT though. If I'm setting up an Exchange server and someone starts grilling me about a missing bag of apples, my demeanor should be enough to not warrant a second attempt. If it does, I'll most certainly lose my composure. Something along the lines of "I don't know where your god damned apples are, why not ask the fucking monkey in the tree outside? I'm in the middle of an Exchange installation, you know where that extra stick of ram went?".

Hm. Reading that again it seems oddly accurate.

Karak
12-02-2008, 05:07 PM
Humour is where you find it I believe.
I find humour in other people not being able to do shit.

Short story.
We have spurts of heavy working here and that means tons of projects on the area and within the company.
So during a busy day the following happens.
-2 Doors break
-Keyless locks stop working
-Someone steals a mascot
-Someone LEAVES 3 computers at our doorstep
-I come in to find a shirtless man upside down on the fucking steps(I now call in my second to come in and assist me with all the problems)

And it continues
-3 employees lose their desk keys
-The boss decides to buy a brand no major brand printer and...not get rid of the other one. So we now have a massive car sized printer and a newer smaller one...ah...but we are paying for both
-I go to Fred Meyer to get snacks. We buy tons. I spend a good deal of time getting it because I know it makes people happy and in truth I enjoy that.
-The employees who takes my receipt sees its from Fred Meyer
Employee-"Oh you went there."
Me-"Ya they had some deals."
Employee-"Are you going to Costco anytime soon."
Me-"If they have some deals maybe. But Fred Meyer was cheaper."
Employee-"Hmmm" Now I can tell they want to say something but I just don't want to fucking hear it. So I leave.
I find out later from my second that the person basically spent 1 hour doing nothing more than BITCHING that I didn't go to Fred Meyer. So when he asked the employee why it upset them.
Their ONLY answer "I like Costco better."
Not Costco brands, or Costco prices...just more...

But almost NO ONE here is a bastard/bitch on purpose. That one person is but most of them are just buried in their work.
Well I got to go.
I will post more later.
Wish me luck.

Bad Buddha
12-02-2008, 05:15 PM
What type of workplace is this?

A federal government think-tank?

State penitentiary halfway house?

I'm very confused!

Karak
12-02-2008, 05:18 PM
What type of workplace is this?

A federal government think-tank?

State penitentiary halfway house?

I'm very confused!

Somewhat the second.

biosc1
12-02-2008, 05:44 PM
Stories like this make me feel better...even after I have been asked if I have a tape measure about 5 times today...3 times by the same person...the 3rd time, he asked "Did you say you have a tape measure?"

Suave Peanut
12-02-2008, 06:01 PM
Are you a real person? I want to believe.

Karak
12-02-2008, 06:08 PM
Stories like this make me feel better...even after I have been asked if I have a tape measure about 5 times today...3 times by the same person...the 3rd time, he asked "Did you say you have a tape measure?"

Man I know that feeling.
Today I had to deal with someone who could not figure out that they could not test their door code on our keyless locks.

Because the doors were already unlocked for the day.
Him-"it doesn't beep."
Me-"Right the system is already unlocked"
Him-"How do I know it works?"
Me-"I entered it tested it and I get in 3 hours before you do so if there is a problem come see me"
Him-"I sure wish I could test it."
Me-"Why?"
Him-"To see if it works."
Now I can hear the receptionish laughing and hard.
Me almost choking him-"Dude I know it works. I can swear that it works I used it myself when I entered it"
Him-"ok."
He walks off.
Five minutes later I look out and he is at the floor below me...trying it on the fucking door. That is already unlocked. He had gone downstairs to fucking do it so I wouldn't see.
The guy is nice just a bit slow so I yell. "BEEP"
He just looks up at me sort of sheepishly.
Didn't see him for the rest of the day.

Karak
12-02-2008, 06:10 PM
Are you a real person? I want to believe.

Do you mean me?

Suave Peanut
12-02-2008, 06:10 PM
Do you mean me?
I do. Your stories are incredible, and I wish to subscribe to your thread.

Karak
12-02-2008, 06:15 PM
I do. Your stories are incredible, and I wish to subscribe to your thread.
I assure. You they are 100% fact.
I never even thought they were that funny until this last thanksgiving when I almost killed my parents by telling them story after story. I have never ever seen my dad laugh so hard he was making choking sounds. It was awesome.

squirrelTactics
12-02-2008, 07:35 PM
You all are idiots. These people are apple-deprived, and you scoff as if it is no big deal!

Karak
12-02-2008, 07:46 PM
You all are idiots. These people are apple-deprived, and you scoff as if it is no big deal!

Actually caused me to lose all my 7up onto my keyboard.

Good stuff man.

zarathstra
12-02-2008, 07:48 PM
That's it I officially love this forum. Guess you guys are gonna have to put up with me from here on out.

Karak
12-02-2008, 07:54 PM
That's it I officially love this forum. Guess you guys are gonna have to put up with me from here on out.

Fuck man,.
If I can put up with coworkers wanting specially made muffins because they are allergic to glutton and suger and well everything else...I can handle you:)

Chris_D
12-02-2008, 09:58 PM
Duplicate.

Chris_D
12-02-2008, 09:59 PM
Sounds like you're doing it tough there Karak. Keep trying to keep it real!

Karak
12-02-2008, 10:00 PM
Duplicate.

Thanks.
And hey at least you guys get some stories.

OldeWolf
12-02-2008, 10:26 PM
Somewhat the second.

More accurately:

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/photography/office/images/1.jpg

Karak
12-02-2008, 10:36 PM
More accurately:

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/photography/office/images/1.jpg

Nope we work at 'da edumacation' field:)
Not half that many guys.

Karak
12-03-2008, 11:35 AM
And so the day begins.

I come in to work.
People are freaking out. There are 4-5 people in the hallway staring into a closet.
My balls shrink up...this doesn't look good.
I come around. They are talking excitedly.
"Whats wrong?"
Employee 1-"We can't find the vacuum cleaner and we dropped some coffee grounds."
Mind you the fucking closet is only 3 feet deep and maybe that wide. If its not there for 1 person...good chance 5 won't find it
I see no vacuum...in the closet. But guess what? A vacuum sits not 5 feet away yellow as a giant lemon leaning against the far wall.
Me-"Is that the one you guys are looking for?" Pointing.
Employee one..."Oh ya I moved it yesterday thanks." Trudges off.
Employee 2-"Man you must get tired of us huh?"
Me-"Nope its my job. No problems."
Employee 2-"I appreciate the stuff you do."
Me-"Thanks I-"
Employee 1"Hey I think we need another bag for the vacuum."
I look to see that the vacuum labled with big read letters BAGLESS has spilled its contents on the floor because employee 1 has grabed it like a child and picked it up...not by the handle.
I had forgoteen employee 1 has a small germ thing.
I walk out.
Employee 2 says to employee 1 "Why didn't you grab it by the handle."
Employee 1 giggles "I didn't have any wipes."

I love them all and for some reason this childlike dumb innocence just doesn't bother me.
Emplyee 2 comes to my desk-"Sorry about that. That must have made you mad"
Me-"If that's the worst that happens today thats fine."
Employee 2 walks off and...right now I am hearing my name being called. I will post later.

Gormanimal
12-03-2008, 11:47 AM
I didn't have my wipes! Are you serious?

Thanks for another funny post. I was having a crappy day until I read this thread.

Ancalagon
12-03-2008, 11:50 AM
I didn't have my wipes! Are you serious?

Thanks for another funny post. I was having a crappy day until I read this thread.

I half expected him to say:

"I didnt have any wipes and I made a boo boo in my pants."

Raen
12-03-2008, 11:51 AM
Karak you're gonna write a book one day right? Please?

muddi900
12-03-2008, 11:57 AM
More accurately:

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/photography/office/images/1.jpg

Which begs the question; Does Karak work at Dunder Mifflin?

You should write them all down and collect them for a future book, "Karak's Awesome Fucking Office Anecdotes"

Better yet, use this sites blog feature.

Wraith
12-03-2008, 11:57 AM
Employee 2 walks off and...right now I am hearing my name being called. I will post later.Ooh, a cliffhanger!

Karak
12-03-2008, 11:59 AM
Lesigh-
So...
Just plain dumb post follows.
Without getting into too many specifics.
We have a project where there are 2 parts. People can do 1 or the other or both but NEITHER is required for the other. Just do them as you wish...this is the same as it has been for 2 years.
CSR-"So someone is calling and asking something."
Me-"Ya?"
CSR-"The people are refusing to do part 2 but want credit for part 1."
"Me-"Ok"
CSR-"But they want credit."
"Me-"They don't have to do 1 to do 2. They can do either. 2 and not 1, 1 and not 2 or both"
CSR-"But this person wants credit for doing 1 without doing 2"
me-" " In my mind-"You have got to be kidding. This person has been here 2 damn years...come on!"
CSR-"So the 2 are not connected."
Me-"No nor have they been for the two years we have been doing it. That's what unconnected means. Thats what credit for both or either means."
CSR-Walks off in a huff. Picks up phone. Explains.
I hear them say "Ya its news to me too."
My gawd. 2 years and I have heard this person say the right thing like 600 times.
No office stupidity bothers me as much as that shit. I hate it.

Not only that it states in the online documentation the CSR's use
You do not have to complete either project to do the other. You can do part 1 or part 2 or part 2 and not 1 and you will get credit for whatever you have done."

OldeWolf
12-03-2008, 01:10 PM
I want to join his work site and get paid watching them do all that stuff while I do my own work. :D

Goronmon
12-03-2008, 01:18 PM
You definitely need to get yourself a head cam and a microphone so we can watch all of this happen, haha.

Superman's Dead
12-03-2008, 01:27 PM
Is your job to supervise them, or do you have your own work to do? I hope its just to supervise; nothing gets more frustrating than have to mother people and KNOW that you're about to get behind.

Also- this is hilarious. You need to pull an 'Office' and look off to the side for a second at the imaginary camera whenever people say shit like that. It makes the day go more smoothly.

biosc1
12-03-2008, 01:46 PM
I feel like I do a very similar job, now. I was hired initially as an Automated Test system developer for bringing the testing of our software up to modern times...that went well. Then it was found out that I'm pretty good with hardware...and being the newest (and cheapest) employee, I became the defacto sys-admin...so when I'm not doing work, I can do work...

Then...because I "got stuff done", I've now just become the defacto guy for getting stuff done. After working for the last 10 days straight, managing a move of our office for the last few months...and finally moving into our new office this last weekend...I feel very tired.

So...finally settled into my new office within our office and the questions begin.

Now, I deal with people moaning about the brand of coffee I buy, or the type of toilet paper I get...

I have one really "special" person here. He's a great guy, but spending a day finding him a third monitor that matches the brightness and colour of his other two...

Karak
12-03-2008, 01:53 PM
Is your job to supervise them, or do you have your own work to do? I hope its just to supervise; nothing gets more frustrating than have to mother people and KNOW that you're about to get behind.

Also- this is hilarious. You need to pull an 'Office' and look off to the side for a second at the imaginary camera whenever people say shit like that. It makes the day go more smoothly.

Well...the boss realized his people=not so bright.
So I started with one job and now have three. The best part, he pays me the full wage of 3. Which I think I have never heard of in this world:)
So again that's why I deal with this shit.
I do indeed have my own work to do for the other 2 jobs and these jobs are basically ALL 40 hour positions. But when you are paid well you find the time.
But to give you an example of what I just went through.
I just spent 30 minutes in a meeting about "Breast Pump Awareness and where to store the items"
Good times.
I have now learned far more about it.
And the best part...
2 of the people demands that we have a fridge that locks because...someone might steal the milk.
And this resulted in a heated argument about breast pump makers/hygiene and security.
then someone brought up hazerdous body fluids.
Jezuz

OldeWolf
12-03-2008, 02:05 PM
Yep, he's living the real life "The Office".

*Doesn't know if I should be jealous or not*

Sandman
12-03-2008, 02:33 PM
You should quit your job and pitch this shit to networks for a sitcom. They'll be all over it.

Karak
12-03-2008, 02:36 PM
You should quit your job and pitch this shit to networks for a sitcom. They'll be all over it.

I only have 2 years of this stuff...not enough yet. But maybe I will.

OldeWolf
12-03-2008, 02:41 PM
Just be like American Chopper, have a camera crew follow you and your co-workers around and capture it on video for us to enjoy. :D

Generation ABXY
12-03-2008, 02:54 PM
You definitely need to get yourself a head cam and a microphone so we can watch all of this happen, haha.

From the sound of it, the people there wouldn't really take notice, even if it was one of those big, 80's-style camcorder mounted on a yellow mining helmet.

Karak
12-03-2008, 03:06 PM
...ok I am going home.
Today has finally burst my fucking bubble.
I will post the next fucking thread when I am less angry.

Mr. Murphy
12-03-2008, 03:14 PM
...ok I am going home.
Today has finally burst my fucking bubble.
I will post the next fucking thread when I am less angry.

I hope we didn't somehow contribute to you losing your cool. Your zen-like level-headedness throughout these endeavors has been admirable.

OldeWolf
12-03-2008, 03:19 PM
...ok I am going home.
Today has finally burst my fucking bubble.
I will post the next fucking thread when I am less angry.

That's going to be quite the story then.

Generation ABXY
12-03-2008, 04:36 PM
...ok I am going home.
Today has finally burst my fucking bubble.
I will post the next fucking thread when I am less angry.

Is it wrong that I'm excited for this? I mean, if all that other stuff didn't do you in, this must be - well, let's face it, there's no other word for it - epic.

diablopath
12-03-2008, 04:55 PM
Posting in epic thread.

Bad Buddha
12-03-2008, 05:13 PM
Posting in epic thread.

Epic by association?

I can't wait to hear what set Karak off! But like G-ABXY says; I'm a little ashamed to be so excited about somebody else's anxiety.

Schadenfreude Buddha ;)

Gormanimal
12-03-2008, 05:30 PM
I wonder if it's going to involve apples!

Karak, if I could send you a beer to help I would. Is there a website that does that yet?

Rogue_hunter
12-03-2008, 05:37 PM
I think we broke him. Please Karak, don't be broken!

Chris_D
12-03-2008, 09:03 PM
Karak, hang in there buddy.

Inspector Fowler
12-03-2008, 09:37 PM
-Electricians installed an outlet upside down...how the fuck..I did not even think this was possible



It's not an outlet controlled by a switch, is it? If a wall outlet is controlled by a switch many electricians will wire them that way on purpose so that you know something is different, and don't plug a computer or something else sensitive into it without realizing it.

Karak
12-04-2008, 10:03 AM
Soooo......
Yesterday.

I am at my desk.
My boss stops by.
Can you come see me?
Me-"Sure"

We sit down and he begins to explain that he has the need to have me do some amazingly time sensitive shit. Shit that even 3 people...probably could not do on a timeline that is basically...well unrealistic.. So I sit there thinking. Totally honest with myself.
I could probably do what he wants. If I litterally don't take a piss. Don't MOVE from my spot. And its basically 3 projects, 1 for each of my jobs all connected by a single vague need.
Me-"Yes I can do it...barely"
He thanks me.
And I begin.
Hours pass.
Working continues. Employees get hurt, walk around aimlessly while I toil.
One comes to my desk.
Employee-"It's cold at my desk."
Me-"Your desk is just one of the bad spots. We know about it and right now the boss says just wear layers until a company can come in and do something"
Employee-"Can I have a space heater?"
Me-"No we will fix it. Again wear layers. It's not that cold its about 1-2 degrees colder. We verified it with a guage."
Employee-"Ok no prob"
Me back to work.
About an hour away from completion boss pulls me aside.
Boss-"Did you say 'blank' can have a space heater?"
Me-"No I said she couldn't."
Boss-"She does."
Me-"Ok"
Boss-"Can you figure it out?"
Me-"Right after I finish the projects you gave me."
Boss "ok"
I go back to work.
Boss lits by 3 or 4 times passes and goes away.
Back again, pacing.
Me-"Did the timeline change for this?" THinking he needed the work down.
Boss-"Huh? Oh no. Have you talked to so and so about the space heater."
Me-"Do you want me to right now?"
Boss-"Ya"
I go to employee.
Me-"I said no space heaters."
Employee-"I found one"
Me-"Did you notice that it is colder EVERYwhere else now. Your space heater is making it so the AC is on for everyone else. Put it away."
Employee-"I thought you said I could have one."
Now...I hate liars. I hate them with a passion I can barely control. I don't ever do it and its caused me no end of problems but that is just the way I am. Even worse though, is my hate for people who put words in my mouth/strawman me or try to say something occured but it did not.
Me-"At no time did I hint, say, or even suggest that the possibility existed for you to even think about having a space heater."
Employee-"I guess I misunderstood."
Me-"That is not possible. My answer was no, very clearly. Remove it now."

Back to work.
I am done. FInally.
I bring the information/drawings/metrics and so forth to my bosses desk.
He is not there. He is gone for the day. Secretary said he went home.
FUCK THIS. I worked hard on this.
I call his cell. "I have that information where do you want it."
Boss-"What information?"
Me-"The report."
Boss-"Oh leave it on my desk or bring it in tomorrow."
Me-"Did you still need it in a hurry."
Boss-"No its fine."
I decide. Its time to go home I have had enough. Long day and I don't want to get shitty with anyone.
I go home.
Boss emails me less than 2 hours later. "Hey where is that information?"
Me-"Its with me. You said leave it on your desk or bring it in tomorrow. I have it with me to perfect."
Boss-"I have a meeting in like 15 minutes. Can you get it here."
Me-sigh "Sure."
I bring it in.
And I shit you not. I get there and he is not there AGAIN.
I ask the Secretary and she says he never came in.
I call him back.
me-"Where are you?"
Boss-"At home?"
Me..."Did you want me to bring the papers there?"
Boss-Silence..."You...don't know where I live do you?"
Me-"Of course not."
Boss begins laughing. "I am so sorry I didn't even think about it. Uhm just don't worry about it."
Me-"I am going home. When I go home I will not leave again. I will have the papers with me. Do we agree that is what should occur."
Boss-"Ya sorry."
I come in today and he gives me my bonus. 3 times what it would be for the year.
I almost socked him in the face:)

Karak
12-04-2008, 10:13 AM
More-
So another employee here needs to have everything perfect at their desk.
I don't mean a foot stool or something easy.
I mean;
Ergonomic Mouse
Ergo Keyboard
Ergo Chair
Ergo mousepad
Ergo footstool
Ergo Keyboard rest
Ergo neck cushion on chair
Ergo space
Its like fucking Stephen Hawkins or something in there. If this fucker gets any more stuff they will probably not even have to talk but just look at the screen and pick out words. Or build a space shuttle.
So they come to my desk this morning.
Employee-"Can I get a shade for my desk."
...they don't sit by a window...
Me-"You don't sit by a window."
Employee-"The sun reflects off so and so's cubicle wall."-They are fucking fabric...
Me-"Let me go look."
There is no reflection because its early morning. My fault.
Me-"Well let me come back later and see what we can see ok."
Employee-"I was also wondering if I could get a little sun lamp/light for my desk?"
...
A shade and a lamp...one to block out the sun...one to bring it...
Me-"But I thought you didn't want the sun in here."
Employee-"Oh not the real sun but those lamps are fake sun..."

I walked away.
That just happened like 14 minutes ago...and I just reread it...
It is like a damn comedy.

Gormanimal
12-04-2008, 10:49 AM
Well, congrats on the Christmas bonus. Bit retarded for making you do all the 'important' work and then not waiting for it, but what are bosses for.

Let's all block the real sun so we can use some fake sun. That just might top the apples.

Karak
12-04-2008, 10:56 AM
Well, congrats on the Christmas bonus. Bit retarded for making you do all the 'important' work and then not waiting for it, but what are bosses for.

Let's all block the real sun so we can use some fake sun. That just might top the apples.

I did get asked today if I could...
Move the coat rack to a different place because the coatrack smells like wet coats.

Despite a lifetime of doing this shit...I didn't really have any snide comment.

Generation ABXY
12-04-2008, 11:03 AM
I come in today and he gives me my bonus. 3 times what it would be for the year.
I almost socked him in the face:)

O.o

I wish my bad days were compensated like that.

Good stuff, though. :D

Scull
12-04-2008, 11:44 AM
I...I think I want to, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I think that I want to work in Karak's office. Something may be wrong with me.

zarathstra
12-04-2008, 11:48 AM
I...I think I want to, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I think that I want to work in Karak's office. Something may be wrong with me.

No, I've been thinking the same thing. Of course, there could be something wrong with both of us.

Generation ABXY
12-04-2008, 11:53 AM
No, I've been thinking the same thing. Of course, there could be something wrong with both of us.

I think there's something wrong with you if you don't want to work in Karak's office.

OldeWolf
12-04-2008, 12:52 PM
I think Karak is becoming the overall boss for everyone, including his own boss. Hell, even his own boss waited on him.

I can so imagine how this will look on TV :p

Karak
12-04-2008, 01:11 PM
I think Karak is becoming the overall boss for everyone, including his own boss. Hell, even his own boss waited on him.

I can so imagine how this will look on TV :p

None of them know Ops so its pretty cool to run the place.
But again...we have such amazingly weird people.

Its weird because yesterday...it was just a combo of having someone pretend that they heard something they didn't. Basically my belief is, if you act dumb you either are(and that is fine) or your not and you should be emberessed for the way you act. You can't have it both ways.

biosc1
12-04-2008, 01:13 PM
Employee-"Can I get a shade for my desk."
...they don't sit by a window...
Me-"You don't sit by a window."
Employee-"The sun reflects off so and so's cubicle wall."-They are fucking fabric...
Me-"Let me go look."
There is no reflection because its early morning. My fault.


Crap...I have that guy...the guy that nothing is ever good enough for...he complained about a reflection once, so I got him some blinds for his glass cubicle...then he complained it was too dark and he couldn't see outside anymore...

Karak
12-04-2008, 01:18 PM
Crap...I have that guy...the guy that nothing is ever good enough for...he complained about a reflection once, so I got him some blinds for his glass cubicle...then he complained it was too dark and he couldn't see outside anymore...

THis person also whines and complains about everything. Basically their space looks like Nasa, everyone elses looks like an office.
And whenever anything is done for us, they complain because its either not good enough or not catered to them.

Generation ABXY
12-04-2008, 01:27 PM
THis person also whines and complains about everything. Basically their space looks like Nasa, everyone elses looks like an office.
And whenever anything is done for us, they complain because its either not good enough or not catered to them.

Allow me to direct your attention here (http://www.colonyofgamers.com/cogforums/showthread.php?p=93872#post93872).

biosc1
12-04-2008, 01:36 PM
THis person also whines and complains about everything. Basically their space looks like Nasa, everyone elses looks like an office.
And whenever anything is done for us, they complain because its either not good enough or not catered to them.

Hehe...yah, that's him...I've gotten to the point where I let him whine for a certain period of time before getting him anything...now that I upgraded him to 3 monitors...now he wants 4 :(

Karak, you will become my new inspiration...when things are looking down, I'll go "What would Karak do?"

I'll get a bumper sticker that says "WWKD" ;)

Karak
12-04-2008, 02:38 PM
Awesome.
Same damn person just called
Caller-"I dropped a ton of food on the floor? What do I do?"
Me-"Clean it up."
Caller-"How?"
Me-"What do you mean how? Come on? Get the vacuum and vacuum it up from the carpet, and clean the rest as you would anything."
Caller-"Where's the vacuum?"
Just an FYI this is the same person who had trouble finding the vacuum last time in the 3x5 closet.
Me-"In the closet."
Caller-"Which one?"
Hahahahah what the fuck do you say to that? I mean really...what do you say.
So I just said what I was thinking. "The same damn one its been in since you started work here 2 years ago."
Caller-"Oh ok thanks I forgot."
*Shakes head*...astounding...astounding. My coworkers, the 2 really intelligent ones, are laughing so hard right at this second that they have had to pause their phones.
I mean this shit is real.
I also have a voicemail from 800 this morning that says "I have a problem-" And then the person hung up ahahahahaha
I still haven't gone to talk to them yet.

OldeWolf
12-04-2008, 08:02 PM
I really think it's Karma that has you getting paid thrice and balance that income with workplace stupidity. Everything in life has a balance. ;)

Karak
12-04-2008, 09:10 PM
I really think it's Karma that has you getting paid thrice and balance that income with workplace stupidity. Everything in life has a balance. ;)

It was I suppose.
What I try to do is basically make it from bonus to bonus without killing anyone.
Accidents are still ok right?

OldeWolf
12-04-2008, 09:15 PM
It was I suppose.
What I try to do is basically make it from bonus to bonus without killing anyone.
Accidents are still ok right?

As long as you ... "document" it all on here. :D

Karak
12-04-2008, 09:35 PM
As long as you ... "document" it all on here. :D

The only damn out I have is here:)
Since the only 2 people who know what I have to go through are also there it feels weird to talk about it all the time.
So its nice to write about it here:)

OldeWolf
12-04-2008, 11:21 PM
Annoy-a-tron 2.0 Lets You to Slowly Drive Your Co-Workers Insane Just for Fun (http://gizmodo.com/5101820/annoy+a+tron-20-lets-you-to-slowly-drive-your-co+workers-insane-just-for-fun)

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/gizmodo/2008/12/annoyatron_v2.jpg

KamaItachi
12-05-2008, 01:03 AM
It was I suppose.
What I try to do is basically make it from bonus to bonus without killing anyone.
Accidents are still ok right?

Hell, call in sick for 2 days and I'm sure you'll find that one of them tried to cook their lunch on the space heater and ended up in the ER from 3rd degree burns on 90% of their body and NASA cubicle guy boxed himself in and refuses to speak to anyone bar the odd replenishing of his urine sample bottles.

MalReynolds
12-05-2008, 01:08 AM
i worked at Tim Hortons ... for anyone in canada they'd know what it is ....


i had a guy come in on Boxing day last year and complain because we closed on Christmas saying it was rediculas and everything i just laughed at him and served the next person

Generation ABXY
12-05-2008, 01:25 AM
Hell, call in sick for 2 days and I'm sure you'll find that one of them tried to cook their lunch on the space heater and ended up in the ER from 3rd degree burns on 90% of their body and NASA cubicle guy boxed himself in and refuses to speak to anyone bar the odd replenishing of his urine sample bottles.

It makes me think of something like this...

hIxvpjREwyI

...which means you must try it, Karak.

Karak
12-05-2008, 08:43 AM
The last time I took days off.
The painters painted the new wall not the old one.
The workers turned away 2 contractors...and said we were not...the company we are. I am still having a problem figuring that one out.

zarathstra
12-05-2008, 09:54 AM
The last time I took days off.
The painters painted the new wall not the old one.
The workers turned away 2 contractors...and said we were not...the company we are. I am still having a problem figuring that one out.

And I thought teaching middle-aged construction workers how to use a computer program was frustrating.

Shrinn
12-05-2008, 10:15 AM
And so the day begins.

Employee 1 giggles "I didn't have any wipes."



You're working with Adrian Monk?

Bad Buddha
12-05-2008, 10:23 AM
The workers turned away 2 contractors...and said we were not...the company we are. I am still having a problem figuring that one out.

I'm thinking that they must have clandestine meetings to try to come up with new ways to mess with your head.

"Bob, You bring in apples. Spread the word, let everyone in the office know that there are apples in the break room."
"Check!"
"Tom, give the office 2 hours to hear about and observe the apples; then you take them all."
"Check!"
"Everybody else; Stop in at Karak's desk and ask about the apples. Boss: Have him drop what he's doing and look for them."
"Check!"
"Check!"
"Okay, that's the apples out of the way... Ralph? The schedule says it's time for you to ask about the vacuum again. Do that sometime this week and will make an appointment for it to be done again on about 7 months."
"Got it!"
"Everybody clear about their assignments? Good! Let's do this thing!"
(all together) "BREAK!"

Karak
12-05-2008, 10:40 AM
Well today is a fine day.
Voicemail-"Hey we uhm spilled a bit of water over here at the satallite site. Can you come over?"
I call them-
Me-"Can you just clean it?"
Employee-"it's way too much."
Me-"How much?"
Employee-"About 20 gallons."
Me-"jesus...I will send someone over."
Employee-"Oh ya and it got on one of the computer."
Me-"How bad?"
Employee-"Water is behind the LCD."
Me"...Ok I will...figure something out."
Employee-"Ok thanks sorry."
Me-"That's fine it happens."
So I go over there and look. The water bottle is like...30 yards from the computer with water on it.
What the hell were they doing...kabur tossing?

biosc1
01-05-2009, 03:09 PM
This thread needs serious revival time...

My skype chat this morning:

[10:47:13 AM] SB says: B, I hate to bother you, but D said you were the one to let know that the women's restroom appears to be not working
[10:47:42 AM] B says: really? Plumbing?
[10:49:31 AM] SB says: yeah. its not flushing

Sooo...I go to look at the toilet. Sure enough, it's clogged (thankfully with nothing resembling what I thought I would see). I check the tank, full of water. I grab the plunger that is clearly right next to the toilet, in plain sight. I plunge once, then twice...voila, toilet drains and works again.

Sometimes I do wonder how these people make it through a day and manage to survive at home. I'm curious if this person actually calls a plumber whenever her toilet gets plugged :(

LongStepMantis
01-05-2009, 03:22 PM
I think it's high time you printed up a new poster to hang in your office Karak.

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd315/longstepmantis/SerpentorMotivationalPoster.jpg

TrackZero
04-07-2009, 09:00 PM
-Electricians installed an outlet upside down...how the fuck..I did not even think this was possible
-An audio visual guy came to install our projector.
Got it all intalled...backwards
-The carpet got removed and re-installed in the WRONG room.


*looks at bio*

Alright, so I'll write off Oregon as a place I'll never set foot. Those levels of stupidity blow away anything I've seen in real life (sans fast food employees).

Orca
04-07-2009, 09:12 PM
Worst that's happened to me is getting a wonderful note left on my desk by the receptionist.

"Someone called."