Twilight Sucks (AKA Fuck Twilight)

[Disgustipated]

If I hear one more thing about vampires, I'm gonna go Simon Belmont on some pale butt-suckers.

Seriously, how could a series of horribly written books spawn such a huge following, especially among seemingly normal people? We all know there's some vamp-freaks out there (I saw some of these anus-faces on the Tyra Banks show on Halloween... I never knew prime time TV could be so hilarious!), but the majority of people that are hyped for this trash are pretty well-adjusted.

It's like Harry Potter, but really shitty. Go to hell, Twilight fans/Twilight author.

[LarsenNET]

I must be old, never heard of it until I saw a commercial for the movie yesterday.

[Commissar Rob]

I must be old, never heard of it until I saw a commercial for the movie yesterday.
Ditto. The first I'd heard of this was a commerical for the series. Is this a "Lost Boys" sort of thing?

[Ancalagon]

If South Park is to be believed, and there is a Vampire craze, its pretty pathetic. I'd be pissed off if I was a goth.

[Purple Santa]

If I hear one more thing about vampires, I'm gonna go Simon Belmont on some pale butt-suckers.

Seriously, how could a series of horribly written books spawn such a huge following, especially among seemingly normal people? We all know there's some vamp-freaks out there (I saw some of these anus-faces on the Tyra Banks show on Halloween... I never knew prime time TV could be so hilarious!), but the majority of people that are hyped for this trash are pretty well-adjusted.

It's like Harry Potter, but really shitty. Go to hell, Twilight fans/Twilight author.

If you suddenly find an angry looking blonde stalking you...with a very large weapon... it's Ms. Claus coming to disembowel you...you have been warned :p

[alienmastermind]

Sweet Jesus, Twilight. You're basically selling a re-tread of the old Vampire the Masquerade game as novels and playing into the emo fantasies of all the wee-mos out there, who just KNOW they could overcome if a blonde guy with superpowers sucked on their neck.

Pass.

This sounds like another abomination of 'modern' youth fiction. Harry Potter at least is subversive AND entertaining. This isn't even clever. Fuck vampires. I'd like to write a novel: Jim Bexley, Vampire Killer. It's about a well-adjusted kid who plays football and video games and stakes every piece of shit vampire he sees. He has friends, isn't 'misunderstood', and only worries about pimples and getting a boner in class.

Again, fuck vampires.

[Disgustipated]

This sounds like another abomination of 'modern' youth fiction. Harry Potter at least is subversive AND entertaining. This isn't even clever. Fuck vampires. I'd like to write a novel: Jim Bexley, Vampire Killer. It's about a well-adjusted kid who plays football and video games and stakes every piece of shit vampire he sees. He has friends, isn't 'misunderstood', and only worries about pimples and getting a boner in class.

Again, fuck vampires.

LOL, it may be 5:30 AM in the morning, but fuck if that wasn't hilarious. "only worries about pimples and getting a boner in class" is what sent me over the edge. Good show!

Here's a pretty good exposé I found on why even women think Twilight sucks:

http://psa.blastmagazine.com/2008/08/16/twilight-sucks-and-not-in-a-good-way/

[raymeswh]

Twilight? what is this twilight you speak of? i only know it as Dawsons Crypt (http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?tag=dawsons-crypt)

loves me some blogs :-)

[MagGnome]

LOL, it may be 5:30 AM in the morning, but fuck if that wasn't hilarious. "only worries about pimples and getting a boner in class" is what sent me over the edge. Good show!

Sounds like my youth. Hell, replace "pimples" with "rent" and "class" with "the office" and it still applies today! :o


I don't under this Twilight craze at all. The stars were at the Mall of America last week and I guess thousands of screaming tweens showed up to see them and get autographs. I hadn't even heard of this thing until the movie traleirs started showing up.

CNN had an article going on about how Twlight has "reinvented" the vampire. I couldn't help but laugh at that kind of BS.

[Disgustipated]

Twilight? what is this twilight you speak of? i only know it as Dawsons Crypt (http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?tag=dawsons-crypt)

loves me some blogs :-)

Hooooly shit.

Forks High School is often besieged with Twilighters, who pose for pictures in front of the Spartans sign or scan the parking lot for Edward’s car, a silver Volvo sedan. Some have even wandered inside to seek out the fictional characters. Still others have requested to be transferred to the school.

Wow, just wow. Hot brand, please, I need to take my eyes out.

Edit: AWESOME. Even the Twilight stars hate Twilight.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=6077

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=6134

[Ancalagon]

Man, some of the descriptions of the mania make me want to vomit.

Its time to get out the pirate gear. At least theres a good cause for dressing as a pirate.

[Raen]

So about these 'Vampires' in Twilight;

For example, they are not harmed by garlic, holy items, or wooden stakes; they have reflections, and are capable of coming out during the day.

Their skin is flawless and has the texture and feel of marble; in direct sunlight, it sparkles.

In what way is that a fucking vampire? I don't mind people playing around with the concepts of things like vampires, but when the only thing that makes them a vampire is basically the fact that they feed on blood... well that sucks. Hell these vampires don't even have to sleep! I was slightly tempted to read the series to see what all the fuss was about... but vampires that sparkle in daylight? Fuck that shit.

[Ancalagon]

So about these 'Vampires' in Twilight;





In what way is that a fucking vampire? I don't mind people playing around with the concepts of things like vampires, but when the only thing that makes them a vampire is basically the fact that they feed on blood... well that sucks. Hell these vampires don't even have to sleep! I was slightly tempted to read the series to see what all the fuss was about... but vampires that sparkle in daylight? Fuck that shit.

they cant even die from lack of blood, they just get tired. They are also, apparently, incredibly beautiful, never sleep, have special abilities, and are difficult to kill. In short, every teens dream. And vampires who drink animal blood have golden eyes. You cant make this stuff up (well, someone did, and now many idiot teens are sold on the idea).

[LongStepMantis]

Ditto. The first I'd heard of this was a commerical for the series. Is this a "Lost Boys" sort of thing?

The vampires from Lost Boys would dismantle the Twilight vampires and use their heads as hats.

Sweet Jesus, Twilight. You're basically selling a re-tread of the old Vampire the Masquerade game as novels and playing into the emo fantasies of all the wee-mos out there, who just KNOW they could overcome if a blonde guy with superpowers sucked on their neck.


Vampire: The Masquerade itself is awesome. The people who play it, however, are often not. Especially the people who LARP it...you won't find people more emo than that.

[raymeswh]

Hooooly shit.



Wow, just wow. Hot brand, please, I need to take my eyes out.

Edit: AWESOME. Even the Twilight stars hate Twilight.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=6077

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=6134

ahaha i knew you'd get a kick out of that. seriously, the movie and the books all garbage. why the hell did they have to RUIN vampires like this?

[roboninja]

You know, I saw a short teaser trailer for this around 8 months ago. At the time, I did not even know it was based on a book, and thought it could have some promise. I do not think I have ever been more wrong.

[fitbabits]

Anyone expecting anything other than absolute mediocrity from this movie needs to start paying attention.

[Lekon]

Vampire: The Masquerade itself is awesome. The people who play it, however, are often not. Especially the people who LARP it...you won't find people more emo than that.

Apparently NOW you can find people more emo than the Vamplarpers.

I still am confused though. V:tM had politics, had racism, had deep plotlines. And apparently all the Larpers turned to the Toreador whiners who were of the "woe is us!" idea.

Now Wraith. THAT was a game where you had a reason to be emo. Especially the one book "Charnel Houses of Europe." Then again that was from Black Dog Games (Whitewolf's "special" house) and tried to take a look at a setting in the land of the dead near the concentration camps. That was one seriously dark, deep, and damn well done source book.

Blah. Tangents, go away!

[Typical Michael]

I saw a preview for it and it looked like some Sci Fi channel made for TV thing. Then I found out that broads go crazy for it. Then I let out the biggest "meh" on the planet.

[Alkanos]

I don't mind people playing around with the concepts of things like vampires, but when the only thing that makes them a vampire is basically the fact that they feed on blood... well that sucks. Hell these vampires don't even have to sleep! I was slightly tempted to read the series to see what all the fuss was about... but vampires that sparkle in daylight? Fuck that shit.
Soo...they're pretty much cannibals that sparkle then? And we have a horde of tweens that worship them? Ah crap, this can't end well...

[Ancalagon]

Soo...they're pretty much cannibals that sparkle then? And we have a horde of tweens that worship them? Ah crap, this can't end well...

Now the "sparkles on face" comment in last nights South Park makes sense. How much more of it rips off that book? What about the "per se" bits?

[Raen]

Soo...they're pretty much cannibals that sparkle then? And we have a horde of tweens that worship them? Ah crap, this can't end well...

Well super powered cannibals that can't be killed and have some weird ass seduction power that's so strong it can make girls almost trancelike.

[Goronmon]

I've read a good portion of the first book. It's amazing how long it takes the author to progress through such a simple storyline. I'm definitely one of those people who will read/watch anything just to find out what happens, even the not-so-great stuff, but even I was getting frustrated with the book. That said, I don't think it's so terrible it's worthy of nerd-rage rants, haha.

Still, my sister seems to enjoy the books a lot, and she's in grad school for library science and reads a ridiculous number of books, so I almost feel like I'm missing something. Of course, it could just be that I am missing a vagina.

[muddi900]

Is this going to be like Harry Potter? Everybody hates on it untill they read it and then everyone and their mother's a fan. Or will it be goosebumps? A fad that'll p[as, with a small following of nerds!

EDIT: Nobody questioned Disgusipated's manliness, after he admitted to watching Tyra Banks Show! Of course, his sanity should also be questioned, but we know its not there.

[Mr. Murphy]

Man, I'm glad I don't watch television, because I had absolutely no idea what you were talking about. I thought this was going to be the thread where I found others who shared my somewhat bizarre phobia of sunset.

Is this The Crow for a new generation, or has it not achieved that level of campy awesome?

[fitbabits]

Is this The Crow for a new generation, or has it not achieved that level of campy awesome?
The Crow is awesome! I'll accept nothing negative about it. Sure, the sequels sucked donkey balls, but the original is a classic.

From what I've heard, Twilight is to the crow what Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is to L.A. Confidential.

[Goronmon]

Is this going to be like Harry Potter? Everybody hates on it untill they read it and then everyone and their mother's a fan. Or will it be goosebumps? A fad that'll p[as, with a small following of nerds!Nah, the books are most certainly targeted at a specific subset of the female population. If you don't enjoy reading about "dreamy" and "dangerous" guys, then I wouldn't bother.

[Telefrog]

I've read Twilight. It's a horrible, horrible book. I assumed it sucked raging donkey nuts because it was meant for a tween girl audience. I figured, this is the same demographic that likes the Jonas Brothers. Those 12-16 year old gals aren't the most discerning consumers. Maybe this Stephanie Meyer is really just a shrewd author.

Just to satisfy my curiousity, I also read The Host (http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/thehost.html), the "adult" sci-fi book by the same author. It's about an Invasion of the Bodysnatchers style alien invasion from the viewpoint of one of the aliens. Of course, the protagonist develops human feelings and falls for the hunky guy that used to be her human host's husband.

Yeah. It turns out Stephanie Meyer is just a crappy writer.

[Typical Michael]

From what I have heard of these books, they seem like those romance novels with Fabio on them, except younger dudes for younger broads. And they are vampires. Sort of. Stuff like this is why I want to live in a cave.

[Mr. Murphy]

The Crow is awesome! I'll accept nothing negative about it. Sure, the sequels sucked donkey balls, but the original is a classic.

From what I've heard, Twilight is to the crow what Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is to L.A. Confidential.

I wasn't dissing The Crow, I was just asking if it was possible that Twilight would end up being good in the same cheesy way.

Maybe I should go watch a trailer or something so I know what the hell I'm talking about.

[Ancalagon]

Yeah. It turns out Stephanie Meyer is just a crappy writer.

I think it also proves how catching fads are. Are guys as prone to this as girls? I dont remember going through fads, but then again I wasnt one of the "cool" kids.

[muddi900]

Is this The Crow for a new generation, or has it not achieved that level of campy awesome?


I assume you're talking about the movie! Well you should read the super mega awesome Comic book!

Also, I have never seen the movie, so I can't judge on that!

[Telefrog]

I think it also proves how catching fads are. Are guys as prone to this as girls? I dont remember going through fads, but then again I wasnt one of the "cool" kids.

I think most girls would look at Halo or Gears and think it's utter shit compared to whatever drivel motivates them. Guys and gals are just wired to like different things.

Regardless, Twilight is crap of the lowest kind. At least Little Women or Wuthering Heights have some literary quality to them. Hell, Judy Blume has more technical ability than this poop.

[Mr. Murphy]

I assume you're talking about the movie! Well you should read the super mega awesome Comic book!

Also, I have never seen the movie, so I can't judge on that!

Own it. I actually like the movie more, the comic book takes itself a little too seriously, but it is still a wonderful piece of art.

Actually, The Crow is the first and most often overlooked 'good' comic book movie adaptation, in my opinion.

Sooo... I shouldn't have watched that Twilight trailer. I wish I didn't have that in my brain.

[Superman's Dead]

I've read Twilight. It's a horrible, horrible book. I assumed it sucked raging donkey nuts because it was meant for a tween girl audience. I figured, this is the same demographic that likes the Jonas Brothers. Those 12-16 year old gals aren't the most discerning consumers. Maybe this Stephanie Meyer is really just a shrewd author.



Yeah, after much persuasion I read the book and I think you're off a smidge. I'd say it's a 12-21 demographic. I know at least 20 girls who went to the midnight showing last night, all in college. Those books get passed around like Playboy at summer camp.

You are not off about how it sucks raging donkey nuts. It's escapist to the extreme, with a fill-in-the-blank main character so that every girl can believe that it's her.

EDIT: Good Golly Miss Molly do I love The Crow.

[Ox]

You know, I'm glad for the Twilight craze. Here's my logic.

Lots of early-teen girls are in love with the concept of pansy-assed vampires seducing them, right? Well, I have extremely pale skin (so pale it can literally be blindingly-bright on a sunny day), soulful gold-flecked eyes, prominent canines, and I'm kind of lame. In about five years, I figure I'm going to be up to my eyebrows in barely-legal poontang.

Thanks, Twilight!

[Goronmon]

Yeah, after much persuasion I read the book and I think you're off a smidge. I'd say it's a 12-21 demographic. I know at least 20 girls who went to the midnight showing last night, all in college. Those books get passed around like Playboy at summer camp.Definitely agree with you here.

[Telefrog]

You are not off about how it sucks raging donkey nuts. It's escapist to the extreme, with a fill-in-the-blank main character so that every girl can believe that it's her.

Oh, it's definitely a Mary Sue fantasy. That's for sure. I suppose that's what makes it so appealing to so many women.

It's interesting to me that women will talk all day about breaking the glass ceiling, Hilary Clinton, women's rights, etc, and then turn around and read this kind of claptrap in which the female protagonist is a complete throwback to the swooning, helpless waif in turn of the century bodice-rippers.

[Ghostbear]

I live about 35 minutes from where this book is supposed to take place, I have run into these people looking for the church or something in the book, ugh...

[Superman's Dead]

Oh, it's definitely a Mary Sue fantasy. That's for sure. I suppose that's what makes it so appealing to so many women.

It's interesting to me that women will talk all day about breaking the glass ceiling, Hilary Clinton, women's rights, etc, and then turn around and read this kind of claptrap in which the female protagonist is a complete throwback to the swooning, helpless waif in turn of the century bodice-rippers.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! That's such a good point! Some of these girls are part of our on-campus feminist organization (really necessary at an all-girl's school? Really?), and they also make snap judgements on all kinds of men, mostly me.

But if its in a book...sigh.

I suppose I feel the same way about Aragorn.

[Ancalagon]

I suppose I feel the same way about Aragorn.

You want him to rip your bodice open, cradle you in his arms, and make sweet love to you?

[Scull]

I attempted to read Twilight but after the first thirty or so pages I was so annoyed with the book I just took it back to the library and haven't tried again to read it. First, it is written it the first person so that every girl reading it can imagine that it is them in the story. For the most part I dislike first person writing, as it tends to cripple the narrative. Second, the story (as little of it as I read) was dull, contrite and uninspired.

[Superman's Dead]

You want him to rip your bodice open, cradle you in his arms, and make sweet love to you?

I said what I said.

[shunoshi]

So, I made a poor life choice several weeks back. My wife, an rabid book reader, came across the Twilight Saga and devoured all four books. In my short-sightedness I promised that if she went to see Burn After Reading with me I would, in turn, see Twilight when it came out.

I'm crying in my Cheerios now. Man, did I get the shitty end of that deal. :( I will be going to see Twilight on Tuesday night. If I don't return, you'll know I shot myself mid-movie.

[TheKeck]

If I hear one more thing about vampires, I'm gonna go Simon Belmont on some pale butt-suckers.

Seriously, how could a series of horribly written books spawn such a huge following, especially among seemingly normal people? We all know there's some vamp-freaks out there (I saw some of these anus-faces on the Tyra Banks show on Halloween... I never knew prime time TV could be so hilarious!), but the majority of people that are hyped for this trash are pretty well-adjusted.

It's like Harry Potter, but really shitty. Go to hell, Twilight fans/Twilight author.
Um, these books are totally chick romance drivel from what I understand. Do you know dudes who like them? :confused:

[LongStepMantis]

Apparently NOW you can find people more emo than the Vamplarpers.

I still am confused though. V:tM had politics, had racism, had deep plotlines. And apparently all the Larpers turned to the Toreador whiners who were of the "woe is us!" idea.


I can't understand it either, and I love the Vampire universe. Of course my mainstays were Gangrel and Malkavians. There's no room for emo whining with the beastmen and the insane. I always hated the Toreador.

Funny story about Vampire LARPers. Years ago I went to visit a buddy of mine at UofI and his roommate had once-a-week Vampire LARPing sessions in their apt. It was on the day I visited as well. So a half dozen guys (and one girl) show up wearing see-through black mesh shirts, mascara, eyeliner...it was beyond emo. I would have loved to see them in action just for the hilarity/sadness of it, but no dice. We were informed by them that anyone not playing wasn't allowed to be in the apt...even though it was HIS apt as well. We went to a bar instead and spent the next few hours making fun of them and getting hammered. We told these 2 hot chicks why we were there, and they joined in on the emo-bashing/drinking with us. I later got head in the parking lot. So I guess in a way, I owe them for being such whiny bastards. Good times. :D

[LongStepMantis]

So, I made a poor life choice several weeks back. My wife, an rabid book reader, came across the Twilight Saga and devoured all four books. In my short-sightedness I promised that if she went to see Burn After Reading with me I would, in turn, see Twilight when it came out.

I'm crying in my Cheerios now. Man, did I get the shitty end of that deal. :( I will be going to see Twilight on Tuesday night. If I don't return, you'll know I shot myself mid-movie.

At the very least you should light yourself on fire and ignite the screen...maybe save others in the audience from your fate. Or burn them to death when the place catches fire.

I'd take either over seeing that movie.

[Bad Buddha]

The subject matter of the books doesn't appeal to me, so I'm not going to read them. No reason to see the movie either.

I don't understand the hate and outcry.

Maybe you're experiencing "special" feelings and feel the need to deny them in an emphatic manner. Just give in and accept that that's the way you are. Your life will be happier.

[Superman's Dead]

The subject matter of the books doesn't appeal to me, so I'm not going to read them. No reason to see the movie either.

I don't understand the hate and outcry.

Maybe you're experiencing "special" feelings and feel the need to deny them in an emphatic manner. Just give in and accept that that's the way you are. Your life will be happier.

Cause vampires are OUR thing! We debate the finer points of Brujah vs. Ventrue, and they play with Barbies. That's science. ;)

[LongStepMantis]

The subject matter of the books doesn't appeal to me, so I'm not going to read them. No reason to see the movie either.

I don't understand the hate and outcry.

Maybe you're experiencing "special" feelings and feel the need to deny them in an emphatic manner. Just give in and accept that that's the way you are. Your life will be happier.

Growing up, vampires were my favorite "monsters".
But they were brutal, harsh, and evoked feelings of dominance and power over others. Look at vampires like Dracula, or Strahd. Anyone who wants to see a vampire not be a pussy, should read "I, Strahd".

These days, vampires are always sappy, emotional pussy-boys who write poetry and cry about the fact they can't feel sunlight anymore. And that's almost all you ever see. They can have their emopires, but they've completely taken over the market. I want my badass vampires back. :D

My hostility towards things like Twilight is because I find almost every portrayal of a vampire in film, books, and TV anymore to be sad, weak imitations of the vampires I grew up reading about.
I know I'm not in the majority with this one, but it's the same reason I didn't like Buffy. Those vampires were just as pussified. :p

[Telefrog]

I suppose I feel the same way about Aragorn.

Hell, even I'll swoon for some Viggo.

[Telefrog]

Growing up, vampires were my favorite "monsters".
But they were brutal, harsh, and evoked feelings of dominance and power over others. Look at vampires like Dracula, or Strahd. Anyone who wants to see a vampire not be a pussy, should read "I, Strahd".

These days, vampires are always sappy, emotional pussy-boys who write poetry and cry about the fact they can't feel sunlight anymore. And that's almost all you ever see. They can have their emopires, but they've completely taken over the market. I want my badass vampires back. :D

My hostility towards things like Twilight is because I find almost every portrayal of a vampire in film, books, and TV anymore to be sad, weak imitations of the vampires I grew up reading about.
I know I'm not in the majority with this one, but it's the same reason I didn't like Buffy. Those vampires were just as pussified. :p

You can thank Anne Rice for this. Regardless of the merits of her early vampire novels, the popularity of them drove the perception that vamps should be tortured, emo, good-but-slightly-dangerous, beautiful sex objects, or mincing, foppish, androgynous, villains. You can clearly see the popular idea of vampires completely shifted after her work.

Thank goodness she now writes Christian stuff. They can have her foppy, mincing, good-but-slightly-dangerous, sex object Jesus.

[LongStepMantis]

You can thank Anne Rice for this. Regardless of the merits of her early vampire novels, the popularity of them drove the perception that vamps should be tortured, emo, good-but-slightly-dangerous, beautiful sex objects, or mincing, foppish, androgynous, villains. You can clearly see the popular idea of vampires completely shifted after her work.

Thank goodness she now writes Christian stuff. They can have her foppy, mincing, good-but-slightly-dangerous, sex object Jesus.

I hate Anne Rice so much. And you are completely right about her influence. The swing took place right around the time "Interview with the Vampire" took off in theaters. I admit, I actually liked that movie at the time because it was a different perspective on vampirism than you normally saw. But it was like opening the Pandora's Box for emo vampires. Now we can't get rid of the idea.

I wouldn't mind the current trend so much if I still saw brutal vampire movies occasionally. Instead we got shit like "Queen of the Damned", where Lestat comes back to form a goth band...fucking shoot me. :p

[MagGnome]

You know, I saw a short teaser trailer for this around 8 months ago. At the time, I did not even know it was based on a book, and thought it could have some promise. I do not think I have ever been more wrong.

I thought the same thing when I first saw a trailer earlier this year. I had no idea it was such a ridiculous sensation.

I figured it was just a sexy vampire movie, like Interview With the Vampire, which I enjoyed.

I was also very wrong.


Poor Bram Stoker must be rolling over in his grave. I guess Dracula just isn't sexy enough for today's abstinence-only generation. ;)

[MagGnome]

The Crow is awesome! I'll accept nothing negative about it. Sure, the sequels sucked donkey balls, but the original is a classic.

From what I've heard, Twilight is to the crow what Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is to L.A. Confidential.

Did you just diss Roger Rabbit? :mad:


You know, I'm glad for the Twilight craze. Here's my logic.

Lots of early-teen girls are in love with the concept of pansy-assed vampires seducing them, right? Well, I have extremely pale skin (so pale it can literally be blindingly-bright on a sunny day), soulful gold-flecked eyes, prominent canines, and I'm kind of lame. In about five years, I figure I'm going to be up to my eyebrows in barely-legal poontang.

Thanks, Twilight!


Oh Ox, thanks for the deep belly laugh. That post was pure gold. :D


You want him to rip your bodice open, cradle you in his arms, and make sweet love to you?


Would that be so wrong? :confused:

[National Kato]

Anytime this Twilight bullshit gets into your head and you want it out? Go rent Near Dark. You'll feel good about yourself, I promise.

[Aggort]

To this entire thread, Amen.

[VerseD]

There was a letter to the editor in the local paper this week calling down shame on the library for holding a Twilight release party and telling girls to dress up as vampires and do heathen witchcraftery.

My mom is a high school librarian and read all the books. She described them as a vampire and a girl gazing into each others eyes.

[Rock Bandit]

The only way I would go see this movie is if Blade made a special, and stabby, guest appearance.

[Superman's Dead]

I guess Dracula just isn't sexy enough for today's abstinence-only generation. ;)

We've gotta abstain? :(

[Philonious]

The people in love with these books probably mock grown men who wait in line for videogames... Since I live in a glass house I'm going to keep my mouth shut. And maybe I'll eventually see the movie depending on reviews and my level of boredom.

Since we're hating on EmoVamps, what do people think about True Blood? Sure, Bill is a bit of a wuss, but what about his compatriots?

[Gwinny]

I missed the whole "sexy vampire" thing that most of my female friends have going on. I've never understood why they think of them that way, because to me vampires are Nosferatu, Bela Lugosi (not very sexy, sorry sir), and history programs about Vlad the Impaler. It's females who got their introduction to vampires through anything written or associated with Anne Rice.

My sister is in college and went with two of her friends last night. They loved it. I asked before they went which was their favorite book and why. I wish I could remember exactly what the one said. Basically "I really like the first one because everything is so [gentle/romantic/mushy]." So, that right there, is why I know I'd never like the books. I guess to each their own. Right before they left they were playing Wii Sports and giggling about how I owned all these Xbox games they'd barely heard of.

[Stoke]

Since we're hating on EmoVamps, what do people think about True Blood? Sure, Bill is a bit of a wuss, but what about his compatriots?

I enjoy it but can't stand the lead's accent. Every time she talks I want to stab whoever though that was a Louisiana accent. Bill's accent however, I find hilarious.

I'd also recommend Let the Right One In if you're just desperate for vampire movies although it is pretty divisive as well.

[shunoshi]

Since we're hating on EmoVamps, what do people think about True Blood? Sure, Bill is a bit of a wuss, but what about his compatriots?

I think that is one of the things I like about True Blood. The fact that the majority of vampires treat humans as pets/food sources. There is a bit of emo going on, don't get me wrong, but at least they are vampires in the mythical sense (violent, explode in sunlight, sleep during the day, pwnt by silver, etc.).

[Scaryfaced]

I hate Anne Rice so much. And you are completely right about her influence. The swing took place right around the time "Interview with the Vampire" took off in theaters. I admit, I actually liked that movie at the time because it was a different perspective on vampirism than you normally saw. But it was like opening the Pandora's Box for emo vampires. Now we can't get rid of the idea.

I wouldn't mind the current trend so much if I still saw brutal vampire movies occasionally. Instead we got shit like "Queen of the Damned", where Lestat comes back to form a goth band...fucking shoot me. :p

You know what? I'm going to stand up in defense of Anne Rice. I've only read Memnoch The Devil, but it was a pretty good read. The vampire portions were a little "meh", but the story arch of Lucifer and the tour of hell made up for it. A highly entertaining read, even if it had a tinge of the girly modern vampire to it. To me, the vampire has always embodded a fear of sexuality in Victorian culture and Anne Rice's vamps tend to push that idea a littler farther than Dracula preying on sleeping women. Sexy 'em up a little bit and the sexual predator aspect tends to feel more believable.

I can't speak for ther rest of her novels, however. I read Memnoch on a recommendation and haven't bothered with anything else.
________
Big dick video (http://www.fucktube.com/categories/9/big-dick/videos/1)

[fitbabits]

Did you just diss Roger Rabbit? :mad:
Not at all... I was simply saying that Roger Rabbit was popcorn material compared to LA Confidential.

[Smoof]

It's interesting to me that women will talk all day about breaking the glass ceiling, Hilary Clinton, women's rights, etc, and then turn around and read this kind of claptrap in which the female protagonist is a complete throwback to the swooning, helpless waif in turn of the century bodice-rippers.

These aren't the same women, trust me.

[MagGnome]

We've gotta abstain? :(

Apparently the main characters in the book abstain from doing the nasty.

You, however, are welcome to do it as much as you please. :p


There was a letter to the editor in the local paper this week calling down shame on the library for holding a Twilight release party and telling girls to dress up as vampires and do heathen witchcraftery.

My mom is a high school librarian and read all the books. She described them as a vampire and a girl gazing into each others eyes.


There was a guy on the bus last Friday going on about how Twilight and Harry Potter are evil works that have brought children over to Satan.

A short while later he was ranting about how gay people "acting up" led to the wildfires in California.

I really wanted to smack him in the face, but I held back.

[MagGnome]

Not at all... I was simply saying that Roger Rabbit was popcorn material compared to LA Confidential.

Okay, I get your point then.

I love Roger Rabbit!


"Come on Roger. I'll bake you a carrot cake." ;)

[DarkDay]

Its a love story with vampires for girls that has sold 14 million..to girls, and they really really really like it.

There ya go.

[fitbabits]

Its a love story with vampires for girls that has sold 14 million..to girls, and they really really really like it.

There ya go.
For girls.

[LongStepMantis]

You know what? I'm going to stand up in defense of Anne Rice. I've only read Memnoch The Devil, but it was a pretty good read. The vampire portions were a little "meh", but the story arch of Lucifer and the tour of hell made up for it. A highly entertaining read, even if it had a tinge of the girly modern vampire to it. To me, the vampire has always embodded a fear of sexuality in Victorian culture and Anne Rice's vamps tend to push that idea a littler farther than Dracula preying on sleeping women. Sexy 'em up a little bit and the sexual predator aspect tends to feel more believable.

I can't speak for ther rest of her novels, however. I read Memnoch on a recommendation and haven't bothered with anything else.

I should have been more clear that I despise the influence her books have had on modern vampire trends, especially in movies. I've only read parts of a few of them, so I don't see myself in a position to judge her literary work. My buddy read "The Vampire Lestat" and said it wasn't very good. That's about as much insight as I have to her books.

Like I said previously, I don't mind the emovampire trend so much as I don't like that it's completely dominated media. If they still made an equal amount of big budget movies about tough, beastly vampires we could all get along just fine. :D

[Smoof]

A short while later he was ranting about how gay people "acting up" led to the wildfires in California.

Stop having your gay powows in the middle of the forest and we wouldn't have so many wildfires.

Sheesh, you'd think you could grasp a simple point about fire dangers.

:p

[rinichanraar]

The idea of some shitty series trying to redefine "vampire" really pisses me off. From what it says on Twilight's Wikipedia page, they don't even sound like "real" vampires. Also, what the fuck is this about "sparking" in the daylight?!?

You know, I'm glad for the Twilight craze. Here's my logic.

Lots of early-teen girls are in love with the concept of pansy-assed vampires seducing them, right? Well, I have extremely pale skin (so pale it can literally be blindingly-bright on a sunny day), soulful gold-flecked eyes, prominent canines, and I'm kind of lame. In about five years, I figure I'm going to be up to my eyebrows in barely-legal poontang.

Thanks, Twilight!

By the time I got to "and I'm kind of lame," I was rolling around. :)

I'd also recommend Let the Right One In if you're just desperate for vampire movies although it is pretty divisive as well.

I actually really, really want to see this, but I think I just missed it.

Poor Bram Stoker must be rolling over in his grave. I guess Dracula just isn't sexy enough for today's abstinence-only generation. ;)

Bram Stoker's Dracula (the movie) was great. Gary Oldman, my hero, was totally awesome and sweet and pretty much how Dracula should be.

[DarkDay]

For girls.

Aye. For the girls!

[LongStepMantis]

Bram Stoker's Dracula (the movie) was great. Gary Oldman, my hero, was totally awesome and sweet and pretty much how Dracula should be.

Oldman's performance as Dracula masterfully straddled the line between horrifying monster and seductive, romantic vampire. I whole-heartedly agree with your statement.

[Esquilax1138]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is the only vampire movie you need.

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj314/Esquilax1138/jesus_christ_vampire_hunter.gif

[LongStepMantis]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is the only vampire movie you need.

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj314/Esquilax1138/jesus_christ_vampire_hunter.gif

As much as I like short-haired trendy Jesus and Santos the brute fighting Lesbian Vampires...Sorry, I got halfway into typing this and realized how awesome that is. Carry on! :D

[rinichanraar]

Oldman's performance as Dracula masterfully straddled the line between horrifying monster and seductive, romantic vampire. I whole-heartedly agree with your statement.

You said it in much better words than I did.

For some reason, I always enjoy describing things I love as "totally awesome and sweet" when the words don't really match up well with what is actually being discussed.

Anyway, the point is that you're exactly right. :)

[Raen]

The only way I would go see this movie is if Blade made a special, and stabby, guest appearance.

You know, thinking about it, there's an awful lot of movies that could be improved in this way. I would suggest finding someone who was appropriate for the movie but to be honest just having Blade turn up in random movies and stabbing people would be pretty sweet. One of my female friends may have talked me into at least reading it at some point. I'd rather read it and have valid reasons for disliking it. Even if it sucks at least I'll know I think it sucks.

[Rock Bandit]

You know, thinking about it, there's an awful lot of movies that could be improved in this way. I would suggest finding someone who was appropriate for the movie but to be honest just having Blade turn up in random movies and stabbing people would be pretty sweet. One of my female friends may have talked me into at least reading it at some point. I'd rather read it and have valid reasons for disliking it. Even if it sucks at least I'll know I think it sucks.

I would of seen Mama Mia! ten times in the theaters if there was a scene of Blade stabbing the entire cast to death while singing Waterloo.

[LongStepMantis]

I would of seen Mama Mia! ten times in the theaters if there was a scene of Blade stabbing the entire cast to death while singing Waterloo.

I would go to every terrible shitfest they show at the theater if Blade would randomly pop up and kill someone. Bonus points if he does a musical number while doing so. :D

[Telefrog]

Oldman's performance as Dracula masterfully straddled the line between horrifying monster and seductive, romantic vampire. I whole-heartedly agree with your statement.

I must've read a different Dracula by Bram Stoker. The one I read featured a Count Dracula that smelled bad, was corpulent, had bushy facial hair, abrupt mannerisms, and savagely attacked his victims.

His face was a strong, a very strong, aquiline, with high bridge of the thin nose and peculiarly arched nostrils, with lofty domed forehead, and hair growing scantily round the temples but profusely elsewhere. His eyebrows were very massive, almost meeting over the nose, and with bushy hair that seemed to curl in its own profusion. The mouth, so far as I could see it under the heavy moustache, was fixed and rather cruel-looking, with peculiarly sharp white teeth. These protruded over the lips, whose remarkable ruddiness showed astonishing vitality in a man of his years. For the rest, his ears were pale, and at the tops extremely pointed. The chin was broad and strong, and the cheeks firm though thin. The general effect was one of extraordinary pallor.

Later on, Dracula is described as being swollen with blood like a leech and smelling of rotting meat.

[LongStepMantis]

I must've read a different Dracula by Bram Stoker. The one I read featured a Count Dracula that smelled bad, was corpulent, had bushy facial hair, abrupt mannerisms, and savagely attacked his victims.

I was referring to the movie. I don't think Gary Oldman had a part in the book. ;)

And yes, the Dracula in the book isn't nearly as suave or refined. Just the way I likes it!
I think everyone knows by now that most movies based on a book are usually still pretty damn far from the book as far as characters and presentation.

I liked them both in their respective mediums.

[LongStepMantis]

They should just make a movie with all the vampires from movies in the last decade vs. a Strahd and Dracula tag-team.

[rinichanraar]

Because all Twilight is is an exploitation of girlish fantasies and emotions and it just goes to show how easily 14 million girls are manipulated.

Thankfully, my girlish fantasies involve Gary Oldman.

[TheFlyingOrc]

Look, that isn't a good enough excuse. Women want me to respect them as intellectual equals and hell, they have a more complete genome structure than me, but as long as that same woman is willing to be so blatantly seduced by a work that is a complete shit on the literature in general then I have to with hold that respect. Because all Twilight is is an exploitation of girlish fantasies and emotions and it just goes to show how easily 14 million girls are manipulated.

Stupid escapism does not make a person unintelligent. Many men consume pornography for much the same reason women read romance novels.

edit: I have read a World of Warcraft novel. If anyone has done anything similar, I'm not too certain we can look down on anyone else.

double secret edit: I do think that twilight is rubbish, but this is just festering woman hate in the post I'm quoting.

[fitbabits]

Has nobody mentioned Buffy yet in relation to the absolute best portrayal of vampires ever put to celluloid? Angel? Spike?

[rinichanraar]

double secret edit: I do think that twilight is rubbish, but this is just festering woman hate in the post I'm quoting.

I noticed it, too, but I ended up making a harmless Gary Oldman comment instead. :D

[TheFlyingOrc]

I don't know if you caught the hyperbole there. Just to let you know, it is there ;).

I'm sorry. I'm pretty confident we could find many men who DO feel that way, so I get a little overly riled up about it.

[TheFlyingOrc]

Has nobody mentioned Buffy yet in relation to the absolute best portrayal of vampires ever put to celluloid? Angel? Spike?
No, because we are not children. This is a thread about CULTURE. *wears monocle*

Besides, the best vampire movie is Blackula 3: The Blackening

[fitbabits]

No, because we are not children. This is a thread about CULTURE. *wears monocle*

Besides, the best vampire movie is Blackula 3: The Blackening
Some of us are - at heart. You bastard.

[ADDGirl]

You are all wrong.

[pomeroy]

Um...yeah. They're bad. I've talked about it before.

Fucking sparkly vampires who eat animals.

Pajiba has a great review (http://www.pajiba.com/twilight-review.htm)of it right now.

[rinichanraar]

You are all wrong.

If loving Gary Oldman is wrong, then I don't want to be right!

[pomeroy]

If loving Gary Oldman is wrong, then I don't want to be right!

You and your Gary Oldman obsession.

I feel bad for your boyfriend. :p

[rinichanraar]

You and your Gary Oldman obsession.

I feel bad for your boyfriend. :p

Ahaha, I'm only slightly obsessed. I've been playing it up a little bit for the purpose of entertainment (and this thread). Plus, Joey loves him, too, just not in a gay way. He really only goes gay for Bruce Campbell (another one of my lovers). ;)

[TrackZero]

You and your Gary Oldman obsession.


There is nothing wrong with a Gary Oldman obsession.

[Telefrog]

Ahaha, I'm only slightly obsessed. I've been playing it up a little bit for the purpose of entertainment (and this thread). Plus, Joey loves him, too, just not in a gay way. He really only goes gay for Bruce Campbell (another one of my lovers). ;)

You tell him to get his bitch hands offa ma man!

[MagGnome]

Stop having your gay powows in the middle of the forest and we wouldn't have so many wildfires.

Sheesh, you'd think you could grasp a simple point about fire dangers.

:p

Sometimes I like to run ass naked through the forest. It's not my fault that a little brush catches on fire. :p

[TheEpicOfTyler]

I read a large chunk of Anne Rice novels in high school and enjoyed them.

I apologize for fueling the fire that has now become Twilight.

[torrefaction]

Hey guys? You know what's fucking awesome...

The crow.

[MagGnome]

This got terribly off topic. Terribly.

Any thread I get involved in tends to do that. :o


Speaking of Twilight, here is an unedited e-mail that my sister just sent me:

YA I KNOW I HAVE BEEN PRETTY NICEI THINLATELY SO YA HOPE U HAVE FUN ON THAKNSGIVING DOU WORK THE NEXT DAY I HAVE WEDNESDAY THROUGH SUNDAY OFF SO YA ARE U GOING TO GO AND SEE THE NEW MOVIE OUT IT IS CALLED TWLIGHT LIKE ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE WANTING OR GOING TO GO AND SEEIT SO YA LOVE U LOVE U LOTS LOVE UR LITTLE SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!


She's 15. :(

[pomeroy]

She's 15. :(

Is she retarded?

I kid, I kid.

[bone_matrix]

Originally Posted by Gnome's somewhat "special" sister
YA I KNOW I HAVE BEEN PRETTY NICEI THINLATELY SO YA HOPE U HAVE FUN ON THAKNSGIVING DOU WORK THE NEXT DAY I HAVE WEDNESDAY THROUGH SUNDAY OFF SO YA ARE U GOING TO GO AND SEE THE NEW MOVIE OUT IT IS CALLED TWLIGHT LIKE ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE WANTING OR GOING TO GO AND SEEIT SO YA LOVE U LOVE U LOTS LOVE UR LITTLE SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

I weep for you Gnome. WEEP!!

As far as Twilight goes: Saw the preview before the Dark Knight, and decided right there that I didn't want to see it. A coworker saw it last night with his girlfriend, and this was his description:

"If you want to be entertained, don't see it. If you want a good story, you have to watch it."

Can someone explain to me how that even makes sense?!? Isn't a good story pretty entertaining? My eyes have gone CROSS-EYED!!

Also, my girl started reading it, and said she isn't enjoying it yet (a couple chapters in) but will keep reading to see if it gets better. Why waste your time, when you can read something good that is good from the get go?

[VerseD]

All this bashing of girls for liking Twilight reminds me how every girl I've ever met reacts when I tell them how much I love James Bond movies and Starship Troopers and Conan the Barbarian. I'm beginning to suspect that guys and girls are different.

A short while later he was ranting about how gay people "acting up" led to the wildfires in California.

So that's where "flamer" comes from...

[pomeroy]

All this bashing of girls for liking Twilight reminds me how every girl I've ever met reacts when I tell them how much I love James Bond movies and Starship Troopers and Conan the Barbarian. I'm beginning to suspect that guys and girls are different.

True.

It's just strange to know some very feminist women who dig the VERY misogynist books, that's all.

[crazyD]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is the only vampire movie you need.

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj314/Esquilax1138/jesus_christ_vampire_hunter.gif

Have you seen the Blu-Ray version? The DVD transfer is complete shit, which I guess helps with it's terrible kind of charm, but the Blu-Ray looks and sounds excellent. Relatively speaking.

[Raen]

So that's where "flamer" comes from...

That's such an obvious, bad and yet amusing comjment.

[fitbabits]

She's 15. :(
Wait, is she quoting from one of the books, or what?

[Bad Buddha]

My son just left to go see Twilight. My comment:

"I didn't know you were gay!"

snap!

He's taking his girlfriend. His response:

"You ought to know that sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep them happy."

[pomeroy]

My son just left to go see Twilight. My comment:

"I didn't know you were gay!"

snap!

Bwahahahaha.

[MagGnome]

No, she's not retarded. She isn't very bright, either. ;)

So that's where "flamer" comes from...


That's exactly what I was alluding to. :p

[Xydarc]

http://thumbnails13.imagebam.com/1895/87b40d18947104.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/87b40d18947104)
LOL

I have read all of the Anita Blake books.

[Xerxes]

Edit: AWESOME. Even the Twilight stars hate Twilight.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=6077

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=6134

It's all fun and games until there working at McDonald's again waiting for another big break.:D

[Disgustipated]

http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k309/edwin1971/vampire_baby.jpg

VAMPYREZ R KOOL

[alienmastermind]

The Crow is awesome! I'll accept nothing negative about it. Sure, the sequels sucked donkey balls, but the original is a classic.

From what I've heard, Twilight is to the crow what Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is to L.A. Confidential.

Jay...

The Crow is not a classic. It's a overblown, hackneyed, sloppy film with memorable characters and the godlike blessing of Brandon Lee at his most charismatic. The characters were memorable, but sweet Jesus the hackneyed 10th grade girl prose and 'clever' Crow dialogue isn't all that great.

The book is good for what it is: a one-shot series to make J. O'Barr feel better about his shitty life by thrashing about with pen and ink. The dialogue in it is as realistic as a lead duck with herpes, as I've pointed out elsewhere.

I don't hate on The Crow. It was a fantastic action movie. But, it's not a classic. Because I couldn't sit down with my dad, my mother-in-law, and my wife and watch The Crow. But we could ALL sit down and watch Rocky, Die Hard, Star Wars, The Godfather, GoodFellas, even Lord of the Rings. If Brandon Lee had lived, the flick would have faded to cult status like Army of Darkness (another flick my family and I could watch together).

So, not a classic, man. I disagree with that statement wholeheartedly. There are better 'dark' films, and better action setpieces. But there will never be as charismatic an actor, or capable an action star as Brandon Lee, so maybe The Crow is a classic if 1994 was a formative year for you. I get that.

But we can all agree Twilight is probably the gayest vampires have been since Anne Rice made them give each other psychic blowjobs in Paris or whatever in The Vampire Lestat. At least Lestat is a soulless monster who doesn't love anymore, he just exists, and pines for emotions that cannot be.

Talking pride parade gay, not gay as in effete or weak. (Though vampires have been pretty effete since Rice got her meathooks into them)

This guy pines for 17 year old girls. Nice, Twilight, the 'hero' is a 90 year old man cruising for tween wee-mos. Yeah, that's a 'hero'. God, I wish Ash went to their school.

'Hey, Vampy...SUCK THIS.'

Shotgun.

BOOM.

Sad little girls pining for blowdried vampire kid.

[evilgoodwin]

Vampires have been awful since they decided to make them move with that "after-image" crap to show that they're fast. So... pretty much since Dracula 2000?

[Karmakin]

EPIC TEXT


Epic. Post of the Day.

[J Arcane]

You know what reading all this Twilight shit reminds me of the most?

The first time an obsessive Wheel of Time fan explained to me that particular universe.

[Spectre-7]

Kristen Stewart's hot. Yeah... I said it.

Carry on.

[Philonious]

I liked Anne Rice's early books. Interview and Lestat were both kind of interesting. She quickly went off of the deep end though. Of course I also like Dracula 2000, so my opinion probably isn't worth much.

I was a pretty loyal Buffy fan, but I didn't like the portrayal of vampires... The visual effect was lame, and I didn't like the fact that they were essentially low-level demons possessing people (permanently) instead of cursed humans. I liked the way Rice had them come to term with the change, with some being moral/amoral/immoral. Buffy was too Grr! Fangs! There also seemed to be little point to there even being vampires since demons seemed to have easy access to the Earth.

[muddi900]

Kristen Stewart's hot.

And a little cross-eyed...

But, you're right, she does have something attractive about her

[fitbabits]

Jay...

The Crow is not a classic. It's a overblown, hackneyed, sloppy film with memorable characters and the godlike blessing of Brandon Lee at his most charismatic. The characters were memorable, but sweet Jesus the hackneyed 10th grade girl prose and 'clever' Crow dialogue isn't all that great.

The book is good for what it is: a one-shot series to make J. O'Barr feel better about his shitty life by thrashing about with pen and ink. The dialogue in it is as realistic as a lead duck with herpes, as I've pointed out elsewhere.

I don't hate on The Crow. It was a fantastic action movie. But, it's not a classic. Because I couldn't sit down with my dad, my mother-in-law, and my wife and watch The Crow. But we could ALL sit down and watch Rocky, Die Hard, Star Wars, The Godfather, GoodFellas, even Lord of the Rings. If Brandon Lee had lived, the flick would have faded to cult status like Army of Darkness (another flick my family and I could watch together).

So, not a classic, man. I disagree with that statement wholeheartedly. There are better 'dark' films, and better action setpieces. But there will never be as charismatic an actor, or capable an action star as Brandon Lee, so maybe The Crow is a classic if 1994 was a formative year for you. I get that.

But we can all agree Twilight is probably the gayest vampires have been since Anne Rice made them give each other psychic blowjobs in Paris or whatever in The Vampire Lestat. At least Lestat is a soulless monster who doesn't love anymore, he just exists, and pines for emotions that cannot be.

Talking pride parade gay, not gay as in effete or weak. (Though vampires have been pretty effete since Rice got her meathooks into them)

This guy pines for 17 year old girls. Nice, Twilight, the 'hero' is a 90 year old man cruising for tween wee-mos. Yeah, that's a 'hero'. God, I wish Ash went to their school.

'Hey, Vampy...SUCK THIS.'

Shotgun.

BOOM.

Sad little girls pining for blowdried vampire kid.
I guess it depends on how you're defining classic. To each their own, I guess, but I maintain that it's a classic movie of its time.

[Lekon]

Just a little comedy to add, taken from another forum called Spacebattles. Not sure where they got it from!

http://img385.imageshack.us/img385/7241/motivator8035885hj61fl0.jpg

[Bad Buddha]

My son just left to go see Twilight. My comment:

"I didn't know you were gay!"

snap!

He's taking his girlfriend. His response:

"You ought to know that sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep them happy."

I asked him how he liked it when he woke up this morning:

"For an hour and a half, I wanted to punch myself in the dick."

Did his girlfriend like it?

"If she had a dick she would have punched herself in it."

[pomeroy]

I asked him how he liked it when he woke up this morning:

"For an hour and a half, I wanted to punch myself in the dick."

Did his girlfriend like it?

"If she had a dick she would have punched herself in it."

Your interactions with your son are fucking hilarious, Buddha. Seriously some of the funniest shit I've read on CoG.

[KingGorilla]

Twilight, Mama Mia, Mama Mia Sing Along, Sex and the City, blockbuster vagina flicks. I shudder as I gaze upon the future of American film.

[BLeeP]

I hear the books are pretty good.

[Disgustipated]

I hear the books are pretty good.

http://www.arinmorf.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/20040319h.jpg

[BLeeP]

I was talking about books, not UT. Isn't this your thread?

[Disgustipated]

I was talking about books, not UT. Isn't this your thread?

The above image was a joke. I coulda swore you were faux-trolling.

[BLeeP]

The above image was a joke. I coulda swore you were faux-trolling.

I knew what you were getting at 8-P. I was actually being sincere. These books have slowly trickled out over the last few years and I know some people who have very good taste and they greatly enjoyed them and anticipated the release of each volume the way I might a Harry Potter book. With that in mind, I can't see them being that bad.

If we are bitching purely about the movie, then, yes, it looks horrible, and even the above referenced person believes so as well.

[pomeroy]

I knew what you were getting at 8-P. I was actually being sincere. These books have slowly trickled out over the last few years and I know some people who have very good taste and they greatly enjoyed them and anticipated the release of each volume the way I might a Harry Potter book. With that in mind, I can't see them being that bad.

If we are bitching purely about the movie, then, yes, it looks horrible, and even the above referenced person believes so as well.

Your friends' taste is in doubt, man. These books are bad. I felt my brain crying when I was reading the first one.

[BLeeP]

Your friends' taste is in doubt, man. These books are bad. I felt my brain crying when I was reading the first one.

Did it get better during the second one?

ba dum psh :p

[pomeroy]

Did it get better during the second one?

ba dum psh :p

No, it did not. And yes, I read the second one and will probably read the third one. At this point, I'm almost continuing to see if the author can possibly get worse. She topped the first book with the second. The books are really easy reads, so I'm going to see if she can continually out-stupid herself.

[BLeeP]

No, it did not. And yes, I read the second one and will probably read the third one. At this point, I'm almost continuing to see if the author can possibly get worse. She topped the first book with the second. The books are really easy reads, so I'm going to see if she can continually out-stupid herself.

I hear that her other novel, Host, is a lot better.

[Raen]

pomeroy is the first book even vaguely worth reading? Amazon had it for £2.95 I think, so I wasn't tempted to just read it to see if I'd hate it as much as I thought.

[rinichanraar]

There is nothing wrong with a Gary Oldman obsession.

I mentioned this in another thread, but I had completely forgotten he was doing a voice in Call of Duty: World at War, and I had been telling Joey (before I remembered) that I really liked the Russian Sergeant (Reznov). After I was reminded that he did his voice, Joey said, "That must be why you liked that Russian guy so much." I guess I'm just drawn to Gary Oldman, even when I don't know it's him. ;)

You tell him to get his bitch hands offa ma man!

Oh no you di'nt! ;)

(I don't quite know how to spell "didn't" with that accent...)

[Superman's Dead]

pomeroy is the first book even vaguely worth reading? Amazon had it for £2.95 I think, so I wasn't tempted to just read it to see if I'd hate it as much as I thought.

No. Nonononono. It's not. Honestly, you get better characters and more interesting romance from an Animorphs book. And better action scenes. And funnier dialogue.

[Raen]

No. Nonononono. It's not. Honestly, you get better characters and more interesting romance from an Animorphs book. And better action scenes. And funnier dialogue.

I actually have like 40 Animorphs books. The action scenes were pretty awesome.

[Whunpo]

My new goal in life:
Get rich enough to produce a movie adaption of whatever shit the teenage girls of the time are into. I will then proceed to make that movie as terrible to them (but awesome to me) as I can.

[Superman's Dead]

I actually have like 40 Animorphs books. The action scenes were pretty awesome.

See? Just re-read those. You'll care more and know more about the characters. That's how first person should be. I remember flipping every page as fast as I could when David and Jake were fighting in the mall.

Not so for the climax of Twilight. I had to re-read it because I thought I missed it...turns out it just never happened.

[Raen]

See? Just re-read those. You'll care more and know more about the characters. That's how first person should be. I remember flipping every page as fast as I could when David and Jake were fighting in the mall.

Not so for the climax of Twilight. I had to re-read it because I thought I missed it...turns out it just never happened.

I think the thing with Animorphs is that everyone wants to be able to shapeshift in to bad ass animals. The market for people who want to be a submissive girl meeting a vampire is much narrower.

[KingGorilla]

I was talking about books, not UT. Isn't this your thread?

Do you honestly think he reads books?

[ClannerDelta]

Can someone explain to me how that even makes sense?!? Isn't a good story pretty entertaining? My eyes have gone CROSS-EYED!!

I never thought I'd encounter a thread where this picture is actually on topic.

http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn119/ClannerDelta/Haha-1.jpg

[pomeroy]

pomeroy is the first book even vaguely worth reading? Amazon had it for £2.95 I think, so I wasn't tempted to just read it to see if I'd hate it as much as I thought.

Eh. I wouldn't spend money on it, if possible. I'm so glad I have a friend who is letting me borrow them.

It's sort of worth reading for how bad it is. It's amazingly bad.

[Hemalin]

To hopefully save some of you from thinking the book can't possibly be that bad, this guy (http://kadath.livejournal.com/692700.html) did an analysis of the first book. He also has quite a few excerpts so you can see for yourself how horrible the writing is and unlikeable the characters are.

[pomeroy]

I just saw the movie.

I feel...unclean, although it wasn't as horribly bad as I was hoping for. It was just sort of boring with a dash or stalker-y.

[Disgustipated]

Do you honestly think he reads books?

Listen, I know it's your job to be the de facto condescending, arrogant asshole around these parts, but I'm going to set you straight. I've read over 1k+ books in my life thus far. I used to read at least 70-80 books a year. Sure, I've slowed down, but reading is one of my favorite past-times. I like reading more than gaming, that's for sure. Not offended, just amused that you'd imply I don't read books.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

[MagGnome]

Twilight, Mama Mia, Mama Mia Sing Along, Sex and the City, blockbuster vagina flicks. I shudder as I gaze upon the future of American film.

I, uh...nevermind. :o

[pomeroy]

I, uh...nevermind. :o

Just ignore him.

[Disgustipated]

I just saw the movie.

I feel...unclean, although it wasn't as horribly bad as I was hoping for. It was just sort of boring with a dash or stalker-y.

I think you secretly like all this shit. That's why you're reading the books and watching the movie.

Fuckin' traitor.

[MagGnome]

Calm down Riley - don't let a Gorilla get you down!

:p

[pomeroy]

I think you secretly like all this shit. That's why you're reading the books and watching the movie.

Fuckin' traitor.

Heh. The books are merely for my own curiousity. The movie...I went with a girl and I want to get in her pants.

Fuck you, son. ;)

[Codicier]

Heh. The books are merely for my own curiousity. The movie...I went with a girl and I want to get in her pants.

But, she likes Twilight...Maybe you should think twice about this one.

[pomeroy]

But, she likes Twilight...Maybe you should think twice about this one.

I didn't say I want to marry her. ;)

[Blue]

I didn't say I want to marry her. ;)

Maybe she'll ask you to dress up as the lead vampire dude. Edward? That could be kind of fun. Buy some white face paint.

[Rakael]

I won't go into how cool the vampire mythos can be if a little respect, imagination, and talent go into the creation of one's story. I used to be a huge vampire fan, but not so much anymore.

Still, at least I got an awesome sig out of this thread!

[shunoshi]

Well, I did my time yesterday. 2 hours of my life that I'll never get back.

Easily some of the worst acting I've ever seen. It sucked. A lot.

[Raen]

Wow I got quoted in a sig. I feel so special! :D A boring movie is worse than a bad one, at least you can mock something that's bad.

[Hemalin]

Maybe she'll ask you to dress up as the lead vampire dude. Edward? That could be kind of fun. Buy some white face paint.
Stand outside her window and watch her sleep... Take the engine out of her car... Have you sister kidnap her... Tell her you have an insatiable urge to kill her...

I'm sure he'll be in her pants in no time.

[OrangePulp]

To hopefully save some of you from thinking the book can't possibly be that bad, this guy (http://kadath.livejournal.com/692700.html) did an analysis of the first book. He also has quite a few excerpts so you can see for yourself how horrible the writing is and unlikeable the characters are.

I don't know how the guy managed to write that; I would have just stopped (and probably thrown the book away or something) after the first chapter. Damn that's bad.

[Froghourt]

I read some of the extracts in that link.

It felt like being burned alive.

[Norse]

Is Twilight as bad as Buffy or Angel? When are we going to get some good Vampire movies again?

[menage]

In what way is that a fucking vampire? I don't mind people playing around with the concepts of things like vampires, but when the only thing that makes them a vampire is basically the fact that they feed on blood... well that sucks. Hell these vampires don't even have to sleep! I was slightly tempted to read the series to see what all the fuss was about... but vampires that sparkle in daylight? Fuck that shit.

To be fair. A lot of this garlic/wooden stake shit is bullshit as well in original vampires. Bram Stoker really did do a huge 180 on the folklore.

[H.Bogard]

From what I have heard of these books, they seem like those romance novels with Fabio on them, except younger dudes for younger broads. And they are vampires. Sort of. Stuff like this is why I want to live in a cave.

Reading teeny girly books while staying in a cave...

Typical Michael.

Own it. I actually like the movie more, the comic book takes itself a little too seriously, but it is still a wonderful piece of art.

Actually, The Crow is the first and most often overlooked 'good' comic book movie adaptation, in my opinion.


The Crow was bloody awesome, one of the bestestestest movies from my childhood.

[Rakael]

The Crow was bloody awesome, one of the bestestestest movies from my childhood.

I have to second this. I adore that movie. Also, it is a rare case where the movie is better than the print version.

[wyeast]

Is Twilight as bad as Buffy or Angel? When are we going to get some good Vampire movies again?

At least Buffy rolled in its own campiness. It does not appear to be the case here.

[ClannerDelta]

At least Buffy rolled in its own campiness. It does not appear to be the case here.

Yeah, it's like comparing the class clown to the arrogant dick who only looks like a tool.

There's a bit of respect in knowing where you fit in the world. :p

[Ancalagon]

Twilight, Mama Mia, Mama Mia Sing Along, Sex and the City, blockbuster vagina flicks. I shudder as I gaze upon the future of American film.

I have watched 2 romantic comedies recently - Zack and Miri Make a Porno (which, despite grossing out the girl I was with, I enjoyed. we both chose it actually), and My Best Friend's Girl (which she enjoyed but I hated). Sigh, whats happening to me? The only movie with testorone in it that I can watch is Max Payne, and thats apparently terrible. To make matters worse, I'm seeing Four Christmases on Thursday, with the same girl (shes not my girlfriend, although I do like her, shes a bit older than me and I'm not sure what to do).

At least I managed to escape Mamma Mia, although I did see Wall-E twice (not necessarily a vagina flick, but still romantic).

[ClannerDelta]

(shes not my girlfriend, although I do like her, shes a bit older than me and I'm not sure what to do).

Unless she's ancient, why would it matter?

[Ancalagon]

Unless she's ancient, why would it matter?

Well, its a bit more complex than that.

To clarify, her age doesnt put me off (I still like her), but makes me wonder whether she would like me. See, I'm terrible when it comes to courtship and dating, and I always get things wrong. by wrong, I mean that I become friends with a girl, fall for her, and get the "you're like a brother to me" speech (in fact, exactly that happened on Saturday night, with someone that I am/was far more keen on than the girl I go to movies with). I also have a slight phobia of hitting on girls inappropriately and looking like "that creepy guy who doesnt get the message". So, knowing my luck, either we probably both like each other but I wont do anything about it, or I like her but she only wants to be friends.

EDIT: Should probably have posted this in this (http://www.colonyofgamers.com/cogforums/showthread.php?t=2754&page=3) thread.

I'm 23 (24 in January) and shes 28.

[H.Bogard]

Headfuck the shit out of her.

[Ancalagon]

Headfuck the shit out of her.

Please explain.

[H.Bogard]

Please explain.

If you need that explained by this point, then its safe to say that you'll never understand now. :D

[Ancalagon]

If you need that explained by this point, then its safe to say that you'll never understand now. :D

Well, what I meant was, do you mean literally or figuratively? The literal sense is easy to understand, even for me, but the figurative sense is a bit more difficult.

[ClannerDelta]

If you need that explained by this point, then its safe to say that you'll never understand now. :D

No, in the context it's not clear. Head can mean the mind or body part. Which do you mean?

[J Arcane]

Well, its a bit more complex than that.

To clarify, her age doesnt put me off (I still like her), but makes me wonder whether she would like me. See, I'm terrible when it comes to courtship and dating, and I always get things wrong. by wrong, I mean that I become friends with a girl, fall for her, and get the "you're like a brother to me" speech (in fact, exactly that happened on Saturday night, with someone that I am/was far more keen on than the girl I go to movies with). I also have a slight phobia of hitting on girls inappropriately and looking like "that creepy guy who doesnt get the message". So, knowing my luck, either we probably both like each other but I wont do anything about it, or I like her but she only wants to be friends.

EDIT: Should probably have posted this in this (http://www.colonyofgamers.com/cogforums/showthread.php?t=2754&page=3) thread.

I'm 23 (24 in January) and shes 28.
Lemme give you a tip from personal experience: That phobia of yours about looking like the creepy guy? Having it makes you look like more the creepy guy than just hitting on a girl. Don't worry about it, be yourself, and all that other sort of feel good talk that while cliche is mostly true.

Also, I had not heard of Zack and Miri Make a Porno before, and now I must see it. About time Rogen and Smith teamed up on something. And Elizabeth Banks is awesome.

[MagGnome]

I feel your pain Ancalagon. I'm not good at dating or courtship either. Gay men play a lot of head games, and I just hate that crap. When I do meet a decent guy I clam up or turn into a bumbling moron.

Good luck with the girl! It sounds like you're on the right track already, since you've gone to several movies together.

[Ancalagon]

I feel your pain Ancalagon. I'm not good at dating or courtship either. Gay men play a lot of head games, and I just hate that crap. When I do meet a decent guy I clam up or turn into a bumbling moron.

Good luck with the girl! It sounds like you're on the right track already, since you've gone to several movies together.

Depending on how she views it, that could have cemented me in the friend category. I've known her for nearly 2 years now, but only started spending time with her recently.

Hmmm, thanks J Arcane. I guess I might try putting my arm around her now and then, see what happens.

[H.Bogard]

No, in the context it's not clear. Head can mean the mind or body part. Which do you mean?

Halloween reference. Lost on both of you.

[Telefrog]

I hear that her other novel, Host, is a lot better.

No. No, NO, NO, NO, NO!

I read the first book in this series and I read The Host. The Host is not better. It's not good at all. At least the Twilight series has the excuse of being meant for tween girls. Shitty writing, characterization, and a crappy plot are expected to take backseat to emptyheaded romance. The Host does not have that excuse. It's meant for adults.

The plot of The Host revolves around an alien that takes over a human host's body (a la Invasion of the Bodysnatchers) that finds itself in an internal struggle with the original human 'soul' and unfamiliar human emotions. She eventually succumbs and joins a human resistance movement to be near the human host's husband.

It's filled with all the same first-person stilted mooning and clumsy dialogue as Twilight, but with the added handicap of taking place almost entirely in an underground cave where the resistance is holed up. It is not a better book by any means.

[pomeroy]

Halloween reference. Lost on both of you.

If it's from the Rob Zombie Halloween, they aren't missing anything.

[Pureboy]

You know, thinking about it, there's an awful lot of movies that could be improved in this way. I would suggest finding someone who was appropriate for the movie but to be honest just having Blade turn up in random movies and stabbing people would be pretty sweet. One of my female friends may have talked me into at least reading it at some point. I'd rather read it and have valid reasons for disliking it. Even if it sucks at least I'll know I think it sucks.Didn't work for Blade 3! <rimshot>

[pomeroy]

Didn't work for Blade 3! <rimshot>

Blade was in Blade 3? All I remember is Jessica Biel putting her iPod on so she could fight vampires.

*puke*

[Lint of Death]

I'm getting a kick out of that analysis link of the book. Also, on one of the sites linked on the first page was this gem of a quote that I don't even need to read the books to enjoy: "Twilight is never having to say you're kidding."

[Superman's Dead]

Blade was in Blade 3? All I remember is Jessica Biel putting her iPod on so she could fight vampires.

*puke*

Oh man, Ryan Reynolds was so funny. All of his ad-libs for that line were hilarious.

[rinichanraar]

Blade was in Blade 3? All I remember is Jessica Biel putting her iPod on so she could fight vampires.

*puke*

Oh god. That sounds terrible and hilarious. That's probably about as terrible and hilarious as Jessica Alba punching a shark.

[Goronmon]

Oh god. That sounds terrible and hilarious. That's probably about as terrible and hilarious as Jessica Alba punching a shark.But not nearly as awesome as this:

http://gamingfanboy.com/images/holyshit.jpg

[muddi900]

But not nearly as awesome as this:
*girl hitting dinosaur with shar*

I am going to eby and buying that comic.

[DarkDay]

Well, what I meant was, do you mean literally or figuratively? The literal sense is easy to understand, even for me, but the figurative sense is a bit more difficult.
Quit thinking so much about it, she likes or not. You know the reasons regardless if you want to admit them to your self. Its a yes or a no, don't stand around and pretend you don't know what or why. We all do.

It is or it isn't.

[Ancalagon]

Quit thinking so much about it, she likes or not. You know the reasons regardless if you want to admit them to your self. Its a yes or a no, don't stand around and pretend you don't know what or why. We all do.

It is or it isn't.

Okay, I dont understand what you just said.

I think you meant, "You either like her or you dont, its either yes or no. If you like her, do something about it. If not, dont."

Or you might have meant, "She either likes you or she doesnt, and theres only one way to find out."

Honestly, I'm not trying to be funny, I really didnt understand what you said. Yeah, I know I think about it too much. Really, all that should matter is whether I like her. If I do, I should let her know, and if she doesnt like me, it shouldnt be the end of the world. I know that in my head, but its harder for me to put it into practice.

[Rock Bandit]

Oh man, Ryan Reynolds was so funny. All of his ad-libs for that line were hilarious.

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not but I actually thought Ryan Reynolds was pretty funny in Blade 3. Of course I didn't see the movie until after we knew he was cast as Deadpool so I was imagining him in the mask rubbing my hands together thinking how perfect he is for that character (dear God, do not let them neuter the movie-Deadpool).

[alienmastermind]

http://thumbnails13.imagebam.com/1895/87b40d18947104.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/87b40d18947104)

Fuck you. Raising the bar for comics around here is a BIG no-no. I should have your ass banned.

Full disclosure: Panel 3 is now my wallpaper.

Jesus, it's hard to write a comic.

:)

AM

[DarkDay]

Okay, I dont understand what you just said.

I think you meant, "You either like her or you dont, its either yes or no. If you like her, do something about it. If not, dont."

Or you might have meant, "She either likes you or she doesnt, and theres only one way to find out."

Honestly, I'm not trying to be funny, I really didnt understand what you said. Yeah, I know I think about it too much. Really, all that should matter is whether I like her. If I do, I should let her know, and if she doesnt like me, it shouldnt be the end of the world. I know that in my head, but its harder for me to put it into practice.


Who knows, I was drunk. But good luck!

[alienmastermind]

If you listened to SHITS like me, Maverick you wouldn't have gotten Goose killed.

BURN!

[torrefaction]

Or maybe you would've won the presidential election.

[LordDon]

Is Twilight as bad as Buffy or Angel? When are we going to get some good Vampire movies again?

Hold your tongue, Norse. We don't speak about Joss in that tone.

[Superman's Dead]

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not but I actually thought Ryan Reynolds was pretty funny in Blade 3. Of course I didn't see the movie until after we knew he was cast as Deadpool so I was imagining him in the mask rubbing my hands together thinking how perfect he is for that character (dear God, do not let them neuter the movie-Deadpool).

Nope; I think the guy's hilarious. I thought he was great back when he was rumored to play Flash, and he'll be a great Deadpool. His comic timing is impeccable.

[civil]

I saw it yesterday. It was laugh out loud bad in quite a few parts. Ultimately, it was made for teens and if I were 11 or 12 again (certainly not any older) I would have loved it. The writing and acting were pretty bad, but none worse than most Hollywood movies (except for the curly haired and romantic lead vampire - they were just like watching a can of peaches rust in front of you).

I find the Crow discussion funny - I personally think that movie is shit. On par with Twilight. Same thing goes for Dark City. How some of you can hold up either or both of those movies up as good and in the same post harsh on Twilight is beyond me. Then again, I also thought the Matrix movies were rehashes of what my friends and I used to discuss in junior high school - trite, shallow and inexperienced discussions on self and the world. Except this time with special effects. But still idiotic and lacking any true depth.

Someone mentioned glass houses - and we all certainly live in one. Me, I like lobbing stones at the windows because I'm fully aware of where I reside. But to read some of the responses in here makes it seem like lots of us feel we're living in mansions of brick. We ain't. Still, carry on because I'm sure I'm going to feel the same soon - I bought the GF the first two books today. I'll read them when she's done because - like Buddha's son - I sometimes feel like punching myself in the cock. Better to hurt myself with words than with fists.

[torrefaction]

Civil...you and I are going to have to fight over Dark City. That movie was incredible. I just watched the Director's Cut, which was an even better movie. They took out the shit the studio made them do (Overt foreshadowing with the sleep sequence, and the narration) and made put a lot of the mystery back in that it was intended to have.

[Xerxes]

Civil...you and I are going to have to fight over Dark City. That movie was incredible. I just watched the Director's Cut, which was an even better movie. They took out the shit the studio made them do (Overt foreshadowing with the sleep sequence, and the narration) and made put a lot of the mystery back in that it was intended to have.

Way to go torre. I knew it was a few hater, but honestly I don't know what movie it was they watched. They ending did kind of annoy me, but so did Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. I don't hate the movie, I pretend that little ending didn't exist.

[civil]

Civil...you and I are going to have to fight over Dark City. That movie was incredible. I just watched the Director's Cut, which was an even better movie. They took out the shit the studio made them do (Overt foreshadowing with the sleep sequence, and the narration) and made put a lot of the mystery back in that it was intended to have.
Well shit. I'll load the DC in the Netflix queue. But Unless things have changed dramatically since I last saw it (which admittedly was the weekend it opened) I'll still think it's over-regarded pap.

I'm with torrefaction on this one. You can diss the Crow all you want, but Dark City has palpable cinematic merit. I take it you aren't much of an epistemological skeptic.
Ha! So you believe Dark City is a good film because you know Dark City is a good film? ;)

EDIT: Palpable cinematic merit? Come now.

[H.Bogard]

I saw it yesterday. It was laugh out loud bad in quite a few parts. Ultimately, it was made for teens and if I were 11 or 12 again (certainly not any older) I would have loved it. The writing and acting were pretty bad, but none worse than most Hollywood movies (except for the curly haired and romantic lead vampire - they were just like watching a can of peaches rust in front of you).

I find the Crow discussion funny - I personally think that movie is shit. On par with Twilight. Same thing goes for Dark City. How some of you can hold up either or both of those movies up as good and in the same post harsh on Twilight is beyond me.

Because I watched The Crow when I was 9? (See how that worked out? :D)

Then again, I also thought the Matrix movies were rehashes of what my friends and I used to discuss in junior high school - trite, shallow and inexperienced discussions on self and the world.

I came up with the concept for The Truman Show when I was little, shit you not!

[violent]

This is literally the first time I walked into this thread and I'm still not sure why I did. Now that I'm here, all I got is Dark City rocks. Continue with your vampire lady talk.

[Rakael]

Dark City is an amazing film. If you didn't like the original, check out the director's cut. Much better.

[torrefaction]

Well shit. I'll load the DC in the Netflix queue. But Unless things have changed dramatically since I last saw it (which admittedly was the weekend it opened) I'll still think it's over-regarded pap.


See...that's really funny to me, because I've always thought Dark City got fucked. They did everything the Matrix TRIED to do in a much more concise and intelligent manner without being full of shit and fucking it all up. When the Matrix came out and everyone freaked out, I was like...HAI GUYZ REMEMBER DARK CITY?

I always thought it was severely underrated by the populace, although Ebert agrees with me that it's one of the greatest films of all time.

[pomeroy]

See...that's really funny to me, because I've always thought Dark City got fucked. They did everything the Matrix TRIED to do in a much more concise and intelligent manner without being full of shit and fucking it all up. When the Matrix came out and everyone freaked out, I was like...HAI GUYZ REMEMBER DARK CITY?

The Matrix had better presentation. And the Agents were way cooler than the enemies at the end of Dark City.

[Telefrog]

I always thought it was severely underrated by the populace, although Ebert agrees with me that it's one of the greatest films of all time.

Is this the same Ebert that gave a thumbs up to Speed 2: Cruise Control, the Adam Sandler version of The Longest Yard, and yet hated Die Hard? The same Ebert that co-wrote Beyond the Valley of the Dolls and Beneath the Valley of Ultra-Vixens? That Ebert? :D

[Laughing Penguin]

Just to put the thread marginally back on track...

Since we've established everyone's disdain for the modern pansy-ass emo vampires, i'm curious what some think about some of the more recent, angrier incarnations that have strayed from the traditional legends. I'm referring to films like 30 Days of Night, or one of my favorites, Near Dark.

One of the best things about Near Dark for me was that there was never that lame "Vampire" moment that pretty much every vampire film seems obligated to include. You know, that inevitable scene where the vampire turns to the camera, eyes rolling back white, and they expose their fangs and HISSSS... because, well, that's what vampires DO. Near Dark never did that. In fact, you never see fangs at all, or hear the word vampire used. The film really didn't have any of the silly stereotypes that often show up in vampire films, but it DOES have Lance Henrikson and Bill Paxton kicking the shit out of some redneck bar. They were anrgy, violent amoral monsters, but very grounded and believable. Anyone else see this film?

[Telefrog]

Just to put the thread marginally back on track...

Since we've established everyone's disdain for the modern pansy-ass emo vampires, i'm curious what some think about some of the more recent, angrier incarnations that have strayed from the traditional legends. I'm referring to films like 30 Days of Night, or one of my favorites, Near Dark.

One of the best things about Near Dark for me was that there was never that lame "Vampire" moment that pretty much every vampire film seems obligated to include. You know, that inevitable scene where the vampire turns to the camera, eyes rolling back white, and they expose their fangs and HISSSS... because, well, that's what vampires DO. Near Dark never did that. In fact, you never see fangs at all, or hear the word vampire used. The film really didn't have any of the silly stereotypes that often show up in vampire films, but it DOES have Lance Henrikson and Bill Paxton kicking the shit out of some redneck bar. They were anrgy, violent amoral monsters, but very grounded and believable. Anyone else see this film?

Near Dark is one of my all-time favorite vampire movies.

30 Days of Night? Not so much. That movie sucked ass whether or not you compared it to the comic.

[torrefaction]

Is this the same Ebert that gave a thumbs up to Speed 2: Cruise Control, the Adam Sandler version of The Longest Yard, and yet hated Die Hard? The same Ebert that co-wrote Beyond the Valley of the Dolls and Beneath the Valley of Ultra-Vixens? That Ebert? :D

Hey, I'm not a big fan of Ebert, in general. I just happened to find this out after rewatching DC, and checking out the Wiki.

[ADDGirl]

http://i199.photobucket.com/albums/aa286/Kawaii_Lala13/CIMG3107.jpg
just because

[pseudopseudo]

Thought some (most) of you might find this funny:

If "Twilight" Was 10 Times Shorter & 100 Times More Honest (http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-time-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html)

[Disgustipated]

Thought some (most) of you might find this funny:

If "Twilight" Was 10 Times Shorter & 100 Times More Honest (http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-time-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html)

Read it earlier. Fucking hilarious.

Twilight STILL sucks fat dog-balls.

[pseudopseudo]

Read it earlier. Fucking hilarious.

Twilight STILL sucks fat dog-balls.

Before I go any further - Riley, have you even read the book OR seen the movie?

[J Arcane]

Thought some (most) of you might find this funny:

If "Twilight" Was 10 Times Shorter & 100 Times More Honest (http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-time-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html)
Bwahahaha!

I hadn't heard about the loopy Mormon angle before. That only makes the whole thing more hilarious.

[Hotcod]

Oh dear good god i just saw a trailer for this... which was cut to make it look like an action film... it's amamzing what you can do with trailers! it's out right lying no doubt in the hopes of trying to con more idoit guys who have no idea what the book is about in to going to see it

[Blue]

Okay, so, confession: despite my own personal reservation's and pomeroy's suggestion that I go nowhere near Twlight, I grabbed it from the library to satisfy my own personal curiosity. I figured that maybe, maybe, I might be a hair interested in the story and be able to get past what I've heard to be some very mediocre writing. Heck, Harry Potter isn't exceptionally well written but I loved the story so the same could happen here too and maybe people were knocking it because it's easy and the thing to do?

I'm happy to say that everyone has been right. I made it to about page 130 before I couldn't do it anymore. It's awful. The story is unnecessary and doesn't move and has no real explanation for the what or the why things happen (I'm reminded of the randomness of Star Wars Episode 1 where Jar Jar would accidentally destroy droids or young Anakin accidentally blew up their freaking space station). In those 130 pages, nothing happened save for one plot-moving event. That's it. It's like reading the Wheel of Time with the only difference being that at least Jordan handles himself well in the writing department and I'm invested in the characters.

And good God the writing. I understand that you're writing for a younger audience. I get that. But seriously, there's better writing in books geared to even younger readers (just look at any of the Wayside School books, Jacob Two-Two or even, well, Abarat and The Thief of Always). Just because you're writing to the tween crowd doesn't mean you can't string sentences together that aren't broken and middling or even use descriptors that don't end in and "L" and a "Y".

I don't get it. I genuinely cannot figure out how these were published (this coming from someone whom has gotten their own fair share of rejection letters for my material). I cannot fathom who, age aside, could even manage getting past the first 50 pages. Maybe it's because I'm not a girl and can't put myself in Bella's shoes? Then again, I'm not a mage and I handled Raistlin just fine.

Sorry...that ended up being longer than intended. These books are awful.

[shunoshi]

Thought some (most) of you might find this funny:

If "Twilight" Was 10 Times Shorter & 100 Times More Honest (http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-time-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html)

This is amazing and covers the entire film to perfection! :D The mormon angle is hilarious.

[National Kato]

Then again, I'm not a mage and I handled Raistlin just fine.

Laddie, you bring a wistful tear to this man's eyes.

[Blue]

Laddie, you bring a wistful tear to this man's eyes.

I still remember sitting in my brother's basement in fifth grade after he handed me the entire Chronicles series and told me that I needed to read them. That's one of those memories that was/is so important to who I am that's it's odd to look back on.

Even now, Kitiara and Sturm still break my heart.

[Disgustipated]

Before I go any further - Riley, have you even read the book OR seen the movie?

I've read a lot of excerpts from the book (accompanied by critical analysis) and watched some of the trailers. So no. I won't touch this shit. I don't need to eat shit to know it tastes like shit.

[Stmfuller]

had to bring this thread back from the dead. My wife insisted we pick this up today on DVD. Holy god...what a fucking terrible piece of shit.
we're watching it now...why god why???

[evilgoodwin]

Someone told me the dvd had special features. I asked if they included a different, better movie. They were not amused :\

[J Arcane]

had to bring this thread back from the dead. My wife insisted we pick this up today on DVD. Holy god...what a fucking terrible piece of shit.
we're watching it now...why god why???
Sounds like grounds for divorce to me. ;)

[Wilkz07]

I read the book... er pdf in a few hours. then read the synopsis on wikipedia for the rest of the books. blah. she's a hack writer. pure teen fluff. Harry Potter and Aretimus Fowl have more substance.

saw the movie tonight (free rental) and it was garbage. the only saving grace was the Paramore video in the special features.

[Thanasimos]

the only saving grace was the Paramore video in the special features.

Actually, that's just another point against it. Paramore blegh.

However, I agree with the rest of your points. God, Twilight is some shittastic literature.

[Gwinny]

Even my sister, huge Twilight fanatic, thought the movie "wasn't that great." She didn't buy the DVD. There's hope for her yet. In fact, she asked to borrow my copy of Paradise Lost! Sometimes I love her. *sniff*

Actually, you know what I think happened? Having an actress portraying Bella (oh why do I know her name kill me please) meant that the female audience couldn't as easily put themselves in her place. In the books she's basically an empty avatar so that the reader can fulfill girlish fantasy.

[rein]

I liked the baseball game. That was pretty much it.

[squirrelTactics]

Sounds like grounds for divorce to me. ;)

iL4mywCOJXA

[BlackPete]

I had the misfortune of having this movie play during my flight to Mexico. Great. Not only did we have to sit in a flying tin cigar with cramped seats and eating bad food, they had to play this shit movie. Why, just fucking why???

People say that the book is better than the movie. Fair enough, although I couldn't see how if vampire baseball was really involved. So I skimmed through the book at a bookstore. Holy fuck, this stuff actually got the tweens excited? I've seen better literature in bad fan-fictions.

Book-a-minute (http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/meyer.twilight.shtml) nailed the plot of Twilight:


Edward Cullen

Hoo mama, I can't decide whether to drink your blood or kiss you passionately.

Bella Swan

That's hot.

THE END

[Variable Gear]

The Harry Potter series is garbage, too.

[muddi900]

The Harry Potter series is garbage, too.

You've never read them.

[Thanasimos]

You've never read them.

However, I have, and I will second the Harry Potter as garbage motion.

[Stmfuller]

Sounds like grounds for divorce to me. ;)

or a least a bj

No seriously, what exactly makes this movie about Vampires? I guess sparkle creatures wasn't "bad-ass" enough? I mean they did a couple of guys in, but you never saw it (damnit). I'd have been more interested if they had had at least a little gore/blood (you know, give the dudes a reason to actually want to see the flick)...but no! all it is is some woman's teenage wet dream about getting skullfucked or something by mythological creatures.
and people say tentacle porn is fucked up...

[Shieldmaiden]

Mrs Jonno wanted to see the film. Neither of us had heard of it before seeing the trailers. I read about the sparkly vampires, she still wanted to go. We went to see it and had a thoroughly good time laughing our arses off at the sparkly fucking vampires and all the silly girls going "ooh" and "aaah" at the sparkly vampires.

Last month she bought me the book as a joke birthday present.

I actually forced myself to read it (she'd written a nice message in it, I felt obliged.)

Pretty much everything everyone has said about the suckage is true. However, in the interest of playing devil's advocate, I will say that it's one of the most faithful book-to-movie translations I've seen.

[DangerousDaze]

I also saw Twilight on a plane and thought it sucked pretty hard. About its only redeeming feature was Ashley Greene.

[Savok]

Twilight is the most terrifying vampire story ever concieved. The trick is to not look at it, but rather the people who enjoy it.

Seriously, I read a "review as they read" breakdown of the last book and how this shit ever got popular is beyond all reason.

You know, other then civilization crumbling, which it is.

[Stmfuller]

Twilight is the most terrifying vampire story ever concieved. The trick is to not look at it, but rather the people who enjoy it.

Seriously, I read a "review as they read" breakdown of the last book and how this shit ever got popular is beyond all reason.

You know, other then civilization crumbling, which it is. mrs. Stm read all four books and she said the 4th book was actually pretty bad. But she liked the other three. I guess to each their own.

Actually I think it's pretty easy to explain why it got so popular. This is basically a romance novel targeted at children/teens. And since romance novels are generally accepted...it's okay

[Savok]

Yeah, being beating to a pulp during sex is super romantic.

And hell, on a scale of puppies to the last book, that only rates a 3/10.

[Savok]

For those interested in the full horrors of Breaking Dawn, here's an article full of spoilers (http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/entertainmentnewsbuzz/2008/12/twilight-10-rea.html) (I can't find the previously mentioned review).

Though it misses some important details.

Like how the hell baby doesn't just feed on her inside the womb, it also beats her up including breaking her spine.

And also how Edward can psychically talk to the newborn. So we can get the good news, Jacob's imprinting is ok since the newborn is in love with him too!

You hear that sound? That's the sound of your sanity shattering!

[civil]

Yeah, being beating to a pulp during sex is super romantic.
As someone who has been slapped around during some passionate love-making, I'd say it can be. All depends on the situation, son. Biting, shoving, even hair pulling can be sexier than hell if done right and with the right person. Don't limit yourself.

On topic, I think the biggest redeeming thing about the movie was the female lead. She looked like and had the body of a woman I dated who was a demon in bed. Not nearly as pouty, but just as smoldering.

Now if you don't think that woman had some smolder in her then we've got nothing to talk about as you are blind to the nuances of woman.

[Savok]

Hey I'm of German heritage, I love pain. But when it gets to the point an 18 year old girl blacks out from it? Yeah not so sexy.

[Wolvie]

My wife lost any chance of me watching this movie with one sentance: "the vampires can walk in sunlight, they have sparkly diamond skin, so they can't go out in public during sunny days."

Sparkly skin? Seriously? Might as well throw some magic Unicorns and Fairies in that movie as well considering how silly that sounds.

Edit: Also when I went to pick up my wifes copy EVERYONE else in there was a teenage emo. Every. Last. one. Not a good sign.

[Savok]

I'm going to sleep, I leave you with the spoiler laden sequel (http://headtripcomics.comicgenesis.com/d/20080915.html) to previous Head Trip comic posted and one from Wonderella (http://nonadventures.com/2008/11/08/lady-and-the-vamp/).

[Sandman]

I watched this last night; first time I've seen the movie and never read the book. While it wasn't terrible I've already seen a better vampire movie this year. Some of the best parts of it were almost a copy of the Buffy/Angel story which was done 100x better than this one. Would I read the book? Hell no, I don't think I could take that plot for as thick as that book is. I may watch the sequels on dvd but I wouldn't pay to see it in theater. Seriously, if you want to see this story minus the sparkly vampires just watch Buffy again.

[Variable Gear]

You've never read them.
Yes, I have. Curiously, I don't doubt your immense knowledge, you git.

[muddi900]

Yes, I have. Curiously, I don't doubt your immense knowledge, you git.

I don't get it. How is Harry Potter any lesser than the Sword of Whateveritis? or have I had that conversation in this thread already?