Roommates

[Thanasimos]

So, my roommate pulled a really fucked up prank on me last night -- one of the nasty ones with ill will all over it. And, uh, that's after me bending over backwards and accommodating all his weird shit and fucked up sleep habits, etc. So we're no longer roommates, and it really sucks, because we have all the same friends and the fallout is putting us both into really strange positions. I feel kinda bad about it too, because I lost my cool something hellish, and shouted the guy down -- first time anybody on campus has heard my voice raised in anger, and hopefully the last -- and all that shit. Well, I just had to get that off my chest. But I know I've had it better than a lot of people out there. We've even had similar threads on EvAv.

So here goes: If some crazy fucked up shit happened with you and a roommate, or some crazy awesome shit, or whatever -- it doesn't matter -- tell it here. Get it off your chest or share the wonders with the world.

[pomeroy]

I don't really have anything amazing here. One of my old roommates sort of sucked at doing her dishes and her hair was always in the drain. And her boyfriend mooched off us.

Eh. We're great friends now, though. Some people just shouldn't live together.

Most of my roommates have been really close friends. At this point, I'm curious to know what pissed you off so much.

[Inspector Fowler]

I'm a terrible roommate. I'm messy and I hate cooking. I talk a lot and I fart a lot.

So I'm lucky none of my roommates over the years ever stabbed me.

[Ancalagon]

What prank did your roommate pull?

I lived with two people last year, wow one of them was bitchy. Anyway.... its all in the past... My current digsmates are all pretty good actually, one of them is my brother, and the other 3 all went to university with my brother.

[Purple Santa]

Yeah, what made you so angry about the prank? How hellish ill will could of it been?

Edit: Only roomate I ever had was my X wife. Nothing compares to that hellish prank I pulled on MYSELF by marrying the woman.

[Disgustipated]

One of my ex-roommates was a passive-aggressive nut (and the landlord too), and they'd leave fucking sticky notes all over the place telling you that you fucked up.

[Adam Blue]

Pregnancy. Details later.

[pomeroy]

Pregnancy. Details later.

Oh shit yes. I want those details.

[Adam Blue]

Oh shit yes. I want those details.

It will have its own thread. It's the craziest story ever.

[maharahaj]

It will have its own thread. It's the craziest story ever.

Anxiously awaiting the story!

[maharahaj]

I had one college room mate (that I didn't share an actual bedroom with) that smoked pot constantly. For someone like me, who was straight edge at the time, it was pretty uncool. But I never brought up the fact that the smoke smell permeated throughout the apartment. I also had a room mate who I had to share a bedroom with that smelled like swamp ass 24/7. I knew him for two years prior, but never picked up on it as I was rarely in his room those past two years.

[Kielaran]

Nothing too bad here. A guy across the hall threw a password on my computer when I was away for the weekend (fraternity house and a few guys didn't have a printer so I left my PC open so they could print stuff. Everyone was cool with it). Well, I had some important stuff to check before I turned in for the night and it took me over an hour to find him. Only twice has anyone ever seen me ranting and raving and this was one of those times.

[Swanky]

Warning, what follows is pretty long (and slightly entertaining). Maybe.

I have several roommate stories, but this is the cream of the crop right here for my experiences.

The best was the dog happy trailer park I stayed in for a year after I became ineligible to dorm on campus. Anyway...so I met my current room mate back in '02 shortly after I found a place to live with an old high school friend I was unaware was attending my college. It was a trailer she and her boyfriend were borrowing from the parents of yet another high school friend. Right away I should have sensed something was wrong. No lease, just a verbal agreement between her and the parents. But, being she was my lab partner all through chemistry, I figured what's the harm? I was a full time student, full time employee and I figured there wouldn't be much time spent in the trailer besides sleep anyway. So I got my stuff moved in and was offered the smaller of two rooms.

That was fine. Everything was fine in fact for a month or two. Then, my current roommate moved in. Her previous roommates having been a couple of (I kid you not) lesbian cousins. (another story). So this aforementioned high school friend of mine and her boyfriend had some pretty strict rules. One was the air conditioner. Not to be touched and left on 74 morning, noon, night, fall, winter, spring and summer. Which was alright...for a little while. I tolerated this, being cold most of the time, because I felt for the boyfriend which was easily bordering on 450 lbs. However, later, after shit started hitting the fan I discovered that it wasn't cold for the sake of the man. It was cold because in their shared room they had not one, but three reptile cages complete with heating rocks and lamps for two ball pythons and one large and very smelly iguana. They also had a mini fridge and two desktop computers heating the joint up. Their room had been extra insulated on top of that with aluminum siding on the inside so that the room would trap more heat. It was like a sauna in their room. Easily 85 degrees or higher. So, I'm freezing on my end of the trailer (65 degrees) just so they can incubate a bunch of creatures WHICH would frequently escape and end up in some unexpected places...like my bed, at night. I don't hate snakes...but I hate when they needlessly end up in my bed when it could have been prevented. Im not sure why the heat was never turned on. Seems it would have aided in warming the reptiles, but, no. The air conditioner had to be on. Not the heater.... okay then. This was only Fall. There's an entire year's more antics....To be continued if anyone cares. =D

[roguebaboon]

There's an entire year's more antics....To be continued if anyone cares. =D

<- (raises hand) I wanna hear more. A fat man and snakes...no good can come from this.

[Superman's Dead]

I had a guy that I thought was like a brother to me until, over the course of a year, I discovered that he was a compulsive self-serving liar who stole a girl from me and proceeded to basically cheat on her twice. He talked badly about anyone who wasn't in the room he was presently in, and said anything whoever he was around wanted to hear. While all of this was happening we were in a play together and ended up switching roommates...all without us speaking to each other for about a month and a half.

And now we are 2 of 15 guys that go to an all-girl's school. Hearing rumours about myself is so lovely.

I'm sure there's plenty of funny/fun situations I can relate, I mean I really do still love this guy like we were family, but he was and is an ass to me and most everyone he speaks to. And I'll have to deal with that for another year and a half, because I'm not the kind of guy who starts or spreads rumors which leaves me at a distinct disadvantage.

Yeah. Pretty bitter. Mostly because all the people who were supposed to 'see him for what he is' just basically like him better and I keep my mouth shut.

EDIT: Needless to say when I moved to my new school I got my own apartment. No other option acceptable.

[KamaItachi]

I had a roommate who was never around, which was fine, until I found myself looking after her pets for her, which were stuck in her bedroom, often going days without food or water. I fed them her 3 quid a box meusli.

She was also cheating on her present boyfriend with her boyfriend's flatmate, spilled the whole shebang into our apartment and started telling all of my friends (including the guy she was cheating on) that I supported her in her decision. She stopped going to school and spent all her time at home or in the uni bar drinking, and accused me and my girlfriend on a number of occasions of disrupting her study. Even going so far as to complain to the course co-ordinator that she and my girlfriend shared.

She invited her family over to stay with us and her pompous, arrogant, pretentious, cocksucking fuckbeast of a father spent the whole weekend taking up space in my living room, breathing my air, talking down to everyone, including my guests and generally being a disgusting example of a self-gratifying ex-hippy.

The absolutely worst thing is that several years later I actually got an email from this individual informing me that she was indeed free again and that if I ever felt like hooking up I should give her a call.

I would rather stick my penis in an electric pencil sharpener than this woman.

[Zrikz]

I have one room mate story to share, now I live with the GF and have no problems, other than she makes me clean more than I like =/


/long story to follow!

I had a retarded hippy room mate for a while a couple years back. He had some stupid rules for a while like, you can't cook meat in the house, or be loud past like 12am and all kinds of retardedness. Anyways, after a while I just ended up cooking whatever, whenever. He was being dumb so I planned on moving out in December to a better place, this was August.

Sometime around August 25, at about 3 am there was yelling and then a loud crash.. something / one had just shattered the big window on our screen / glass front door. The GF was there with me and was in a panic, I had the adrenaline pumping and was generally unhappy as I had class at 8am.

I throw on my shoes, grab my knife and put it in my pocket opened and go out to examine. Glass is everywhere in the living room / all over the entrance to my room in front of the door and I step on it when I opened it.

As I was about to call the police, I hear my room mate outside on the deck talking. I go out to investigate and his GF is crying, they apparently had a fight and in a fit of rage, he punched out the door window... into the house

I was like umm.. wtf ? He was like oh, sorry I will fix it later. I try to go back to bed, but adrenaline does not make for a good sleeping drug. Right as I'm nearing sleep, 4:30-5ish he fucking starts vacuuming up the glass.

Anyways, a few days later, I screwed him over with a smile.

I moved out Sept 1, the day rent was due and I canceled all utilities for the following day. Unfortunate for him, I never signed the lease, so he was responsible for everything; I was also the sole name on all the utilities because I had the best credit and didn't have to pay hook up fees.

[pomeroy]

Anyways, a few days later, I screwed him over with a smile.

I moved out Sept 1, the day rent was due and I canceled all utilities for the following day. Unfortunate for him, I never signed the lease, so he was responsible for everything; I was also the sole name on all the utilities because I had the best credit and didn't have to pay hook up fees.

Dick move, man. Wow.

[Sandman]

This thread reminds me of why I hate living with random people.

[Zrikz]

Dick move, man. Wow.

Oh and I forgot to mention, he failed to pay me for utilities the previous month and said he would replace the window next month.. if he had money.

Dick move? Perhaps, but I'm not living with some vigilant retard who punches out windows and is potentially a threat to me / my property. Especially considering I had a 55 gallon fish tank 1 ft away from the door, and this was not the first fight he had, had with the gf.

/edit when I talked to the landlord about me moving out, he said this was not the first time he had heard bad things about this guy.. so I don't care =/

[maharahaj]

This thread reminds me of why I hate living with random people.

It amazes me how people search for roommates on craigslist or something similar. I only had 3 random room mates (all in college) and they were all nice people. The one was my initial freshman year assigned room mate. We are like brothers from different mother and he's the only kid from college i still keep in contact with. We ended up sharing a suite sophomore year (different bedrooms, same shared private bathroom) and an apartment 4th and 5th year.

[LongStepMantis]

I would rather stick my penis in an electric pencil sharpener than this woman.

From the sounds of her, you'd probably save yourself from a lot of STDs by screwing that pencil sharpener instead.

My worst roommate was your textbook self-centered pathological liar. He would lie about anything, no matter how trivial, if it was somehow advantageous to him. He broke into my room a few times and stole from me as well. That isn't even what pissed me off about him the most, believe it or not. It was his over-the-top "It's never my fault" attitude. He would usually just steal my spare change jar, which was bullshit but I stupidly let it go a couple of times because he was out of work.

The 3rd time, I think, he took some of my DVDs and pawned them. That was the last fucking straw. I had 2 other roommates at the time, and he always acted like it was one of them. I would mention that shit got stolen and he would be all "That sucks, is there anything I can do to help?" as he drank beer he bought with my money/stuff. After the DVDs I told him I was gonna call the cops, report a robbery, and let them handle it. He turned into a deer in headlights. "You shouldn't do that, they probably won't care" etc. etc. trying to talk me out of it. He was on probation (surprise surprise) and getting busted would probably mean jail time for him. He was a mess by this point, and I foolishly (I was young) thought he had learned his lesson, and let it go.

...So he stole some more of my DVDs the next day. I told him what a piece of shit he was, and moved out that day. He acted like I was the one being a dick, I guess for not just letting him steal everything I owned one bit at a time. The icing on the cake was that a week after I moved, he showed up at my new house, and asked for money. As if nothing had ever happened, and I would surely be glad to "loan" him $100. I told him if he came on my property again I would have him arrested for trespassing and slammed the door.

I heard he tried to pull the same shit on one of the other guys who moved in after I left. Instead of calling the cops the guy beat his ass, forced dude into his car, and drove him out to the middle of nowhere and left him there...it was winter. I laughed.

[WhyThree]

My first year in college I wake up one night to find my roommate having sex in the bed about 6 feet away. I figured they would stop or go elsewhere if they knew I was awake, so I started rustling around and sighing loudly. After that didn't work, I started whistling Twisted Nerve, but I guess they didn't hear me. I finally had to strike up a conversation with the girl when my roommate left the room for some reason. Turned out she lived in our dorm upstairs. She didn't ever make eye contact with me again after that. Me and the roomy had words after that.

Different year got a random ex-football player (academic suspension) who gambled online all day and dealt drugs out of the apartment, but that's a different story.

[Zrikz]

I heard he tried to pull the same shit on one of the other guys who moved in after I left. Instead of calling the cops the guy beat his ass, forced dude into his car, and drove him out to the middle of nowhere and left him there...it was winter. I laughed.

I think we would get along... I would have laughed too.. I guess that makes us bastards =/
I have no sympathy for low life peoples, especially thieves.

/edit.. well, I guess the beating part is not too good, thats not cool.. but I'm all for the leaving him out in the cold.

[Shadowstorm]

I heard he tried to pull the same shit on one of the other guys who moved in after I left. Instead of calling the cops the guy beat his ass, forced dude into his car, and drove him out to the middle of nowhere and left him there...it was winter. I laughed.

Ouch, that sucks. I almost feel bad for the guy.

[LongStepMantis]

Ouch, that sucks. I almost feel bad for the guy.

Trust me, this guy had it coming in spades. I would feel bad for almost anyone in that situation...but not him. At all.

I think we would get along... I would have laughed too.. I guess that makes us bastards =/
I have no sympathy for low life peoples, especially thieves.

He wronged me, I gave him chances to make amends, and he repaid me by stealing from me...again. I wouldn't have pissed on him if he was on fire at that point. So I don't feel remotely bad about laughing. :D

Edit: He was asking for the beating, if you knew who it was he had stolen from. He should be glad the guy didn't kill him before dumping him. And I'm not joking, the guy was a known crack dealer...you don't steal from crack dealers.

[ClannerDelta]

One time, my mom told me to clean my room.

I was like, wtf? no. She got mad. It's all cool now though, I did the dishes.

[Johan]

Roommates: Like being married, except without the good stuff.

[Shadowstorm]

One time, my mom told me to clean my room.

I was like, wtf? no. She got mad. It's all cool now though, I did the dishes.

Hey you! We should play CoD4 some time.

[pomeroy]

Oh and I forgot to mention, he failed to pay me for utilities the previous month and said he would replace the window next month.. if he had money.

Dick move? Perhaps, but I'm not living with some vigilant retard who punches out windows and is potentially a threat to me / my property. Especially considering I had a 55 gallon fish tank 1 ft away from the door, and this was not the first fight he had, had with the gf.

Why are you trying to justify yourself? You pulled a real dick move. Just own it.

[OrangePulp]

Why are you trying to justify yourself? You pulled a real dick move. Just own it.

Hell, be proud of it. You pulled a dick move on a dick. It's all well and good to be the better man and all that, but some people, I swear, that's the only language they understand. Look at ScurvyDan's story.

[PathMaster]

Ah, the reasons why I will not have a roommate. I hate people and their stupid antics.

[Zrikz]

Why are you trying to justify yourself? You pulled a real dick move. Just own it.

I'm not really trying to justify it, if I had the chance to do it again, I would gladly do it while laughing.... see above comment of Scury's story.

People who punch out windows in the middle of the night are unacceptable and deserved to be "dicked" on.

Why are you trying to defend someone who is a douche? .. Is that you john, do you enjoy punching out windows?

[squirrelTactics]

Hell, be proud of it. You pulled a dick move on a dick. It's all well and good to be the better man and all that, but some people, I swear, that's the only language they understand. Look at ScurvyDan's story.

I disagree. I'm a staunch proponent of the high road.

[pomeroy]

Why are you trying to defend someone who is a douche? .. Is that you john, do you enjoy punching out windows?

I'm not defending him. At all.

[squirrelTactics]

Also, please keep the roommate stories coming. They are very entertaining! I don't have any to share, I've been pretty lucky as far as roommates go.

[Zrikz]

I'm not defending him. At all.

Meh, oh well then.. Spose I can't appease everyone. You have your opinion and I have mine.

Another room mate story:

Right when I was moving into college my Mom was helping me me into an apartment 3 years back. The second we walked in we were hit with a waft of insane amounts of pot... that was kinda akward as I hadn't met the room mate yet. It was on/off campus apartment so the roommates were given to you randomly.

Got moved in just fine and the room mates were not too bad, but damn was he a pot head. Guy would wake up at 5 am and smoke.. do homework. I would come back from class at 12 for lunch, he would be smoking, and before he went to bed at around 9 he would smoke again with more smoking inbetween those times.

He told me he spent around $300 a week.. wtf?

To each their own I guess, he ended up being a pretty good room mate though so I can't complain.

Except he was a bitch about dish washing. Always said I never did my dishes and left them in the sink, he always blamed me and the other guy. From that moment on, if I ever ate / used dishes I would clean them the instant I was done using them and place them back in the cabinets.. he couldn't complain anymore so I bitched at him instead when there were no more clean dishes =/

[Swanky]

Alright, the next installment of "Trailer Park Tragedy":
The Winter of the Great Dane. (and yes, this is all very true)

So, here I am. Still living in the trailer after I discover the incubation chamber across the place and settle for purchasing a few blankets and a jacket to make up for the cold nights. I went to school from 8am - 3pm and work from 4pm - 2am...so like I said. I was hardly home. One day however, I get an unexpected day off from work. Having not had much time to hang out with my would be high school friend, I decide to kick it back at the pad. So I open the flimsy metal door and what do I get? Two baseball glove sized paws direct to the chest. Needless to say I did not maintain my balance on the stone steps leading to the doorway. Once I catch my breath and head inside, I wonder wtf is up. I find after a few moments of interrogation that my roommate and her BF had adopted a great dane that was supposedly roaming the neighborhood next door. Now, this dog was as big as the four person couch we owned. And, quite often, it would sprawl across it...which wasn't very cool. Not to mention, the trailer was barely large enough for the three of us, let alone a humongous dog.
As if one dog wasn't enough, my friend also takes in the small dog from the old lady behind us because she was afraid the lady couldn't take care of it any more. This would not be a problem normally. I love dogs. But this one was old. And it smelled 24/7 like dried shit. One particularly rough night I am sleeping with my door open (a mistake) and am happily dreaming when I notice one side of my pillow depressing more than usual. I open my eyes and through the small amount of dawn light coming through my window see a dog squatting on my pillow RIGHT BESIDE my face. Before I can do ANYTHING a large turd drops from its ass and rolls to my lips. I kid you not. It was horrible! I threw that dog outside so fast. All the while the Great Dane has been munching furniture, stealing food from the counter tops, and eating cell phones and such. ....My head hurts remembering this.
Since everyone else in the house went to school during the day, and there was no fence for the yard, (This I suggested we erect shortly after the Great Dane), the dogs generally went neglected in the trailer alone. You can only imagine the mess....oh god.
The Great Dane dies a month later from a ruptured intestine, and while it was sad...yes..dead things are hardly fun. I was glad it was gone. Seriously! Who brings a dog that size into a small place?! That's like parking a Hummer in a tool shed.

More to come...

[rinichanraar]

I don't feel like explaining the entire history between this particular ex-roommate and me, but when I was in college, I dormed with her the first two years, then we moved into an apartment with another girl and a guy our third year. To keep it simple, she basically took out all of her problems on me. She would always get mad at me for things that everyone did (I think it's because it was easy to get mad at me since she'd known me longest and we'd shared a room together). And she'd never get angry at the guy when he'd do the same exact things I'd do. I'm pretty sure it's because she thought he was hot.

[n3rdXcore]

These stories are great. I wish I had some to share, but I've been pretty lucky with roommates, too.

[Jeffool]

My little brother and I lived together for about three years, but hell, we lived together our entire childhoods, so that was no big deal.

I'm so glad I've never had a random roommate. I'm told my inability to properly differentiate between attempts at humorous antagonism and honest friendly critique can make me an ass.

[Lon Lon Rabbit]

My girlfriend recently started renting a room in the flat of one of my best friends + his wife, and it's been a huge mess.

She's stuck in this weird position between being a money paying tenant, my girlfriend, and their friend, and they're constantly asking her to do things which are far too unreasonable to ask a tenant but maybe understandable to ask a friend, and when it all breaks down I'm stuck in the middle trying (and mostly failing) to appease both sides.

It's all stupid stuff like my friend's wife wants my girl to be out of the house during the day time for a few weeks so she can get over some deadlines she has for her PHD, cos she apparently "can't concentrate" with others in the house, even if they're quietly minding their own business in their own room.

My girlfriend has deadlines of her own and is paying for the damn room so she's not leaving the house as much as the wife wants, which then makes the wife think she's being unfriendly, so they treat her more like a tenant again instead and start bitching to her about every little piece of washing/cooking that was left lying around a nano-second too long, making her far less likely to want to do any of these favours for her.

Sorry it's not a very entertaining story, but it's a damn frustrating vicious cycle.

I thought it was going to be awesome have her move in there, so I'd be round there heaps with great company and because their place is a lot closer to my place than the gf's last house, but I now never ever EVER want to be involved with any business or housing arrangement with friends again.

[pomeroy]

While not a roommate story per se, I do have a decent story about living in the most ghetto fabulous apartment ever.

We were living in this converted house, where the downstairs was one apartment and the upstairs was another. The people upstairs were the definition of white trash. Our first week there, they were leaving used diapers on the porch. So my roommate threw it up the stairs at their door. And it broke all over the wall.

They also had a garage sale where they sold random pieces of a car. Like the hood and a tire. Oh, and they just laid everything on the front lawn since they didn't have any tables for the stuff they were selling.

They also reported us for having a loud party. That was true, but it was sort of ironic considering the noise their children made all the time.

[Ancalagon]

I, err, sometimes go through the Confessions posts on London gumtree when I'm bored.

One was about a guy, who was angry with his roommate.

Easiest way to explain this: Poster, and his gf, are sleeping in his bed. Roommate puts poster's gf hand in warm water and she pees all over the poster. I couldnt stop laughing. Making someone pee themselves is bad enough. Making someone else pee all over you is worse.

[Purple Santa]

This thread is reminding me to appreciate the "roommates" I do have.

[Ancalagon]

This thread is reminding me to appreciate the "roommates" I do have.

Your girlfriend, and The Smell That Shall Not Be Named?

This reminded me of another roommate that I had. Now, before I begin, by roommate I really mean digsmate, since he and I didnt share a room, we shared a house, with 2 other people.

in the house, there was my best friend, R, this guy that we were friends with, M, and (in 3rd year) J, or D (4th year). (dont really wanna name them just in case.

M had some interesting and annoying habits. You know when someone isnt actually a bad guy, but when you live with them, you bring out the worst in each other? it was the same with us. R and I got on great and never irritated each other. M had his super annoying girlfriend staying over all the time, and getting our domestic worker to wash her clothes, and not contributing to the digs in exchange. we would also share milk - problem was we bought decent milk (like normal milk, nothing special) while he bought this locally produced milk that was just awful. It tasted like they had added oil to it to make it appear creamy. It was the worst thing ever. We tried to get him to spend the extra $0.10 (I think it was literally that) so that we all bought the same milk, but he wouldnt do it (in fact the normal milk was even cheaper sometimes). I know its a small thing, milk, but it adds up. We used to pour vodka into his milk sometimes.

We had a single garage, which M used to use to park his car. He was so paranoid about his car getting stolen that he wouldnt sleep (literally) if his car was outside for the night. Matters were made worse when the landlord installed an automated garage door - it made a noise that would make nails on a chalkboard seem pleasant. That remote disappeared under mysterious circumstances.

Yeah, theres lots of more, and lots of dickery and douchebaggery on bothsides. R and I still laugh about it today. M is marrying his annoying gf (trust me, I wouldnt wish her on anyone, she used to boss him around in the kitchen like he was a child), J and I see each other a lot, and with any luck might start dating, D we havent heard from since she burnt a whole in our carpet and got the landlord to believe it was all of us so we got 0 deposit back.

[Shrinn]

My first year in college I wake up one night to find my roommate having sex in the bed about 6 feet away.


The very first night I stayed in my current girlfriend's room, her roommate was having very loud sex in the bed about six feet away. I met her the day before. Takes balls.

I figured next time it happened I'd just pop up and scream "HEY GUYZ WUTS GOIN ON IN DIS BED?" but we mostly don't stay there anymore.

[Mr. Murphy]

I've lived a lot of different places.

My favorite roommate was a 34 year old yoga practicing tiny little blond vegatarian. We lived in a cabin out in the Maine woods, walking distance from a private beach on the lake. She had a Weimeraner named Storm who was a beautiful dog, we had four cats, and two of the cupboards were filled with different labeled jars of different strains of weed she had grown. She kept all sorts of different plants everywhere, it was awesome. She also hung dozens of origami cranes from the ceiling of my bedroom. I made a full time paycheck by working three hours a night, I always had some Geary's in the house, and we had the best sex I've ever had, with the hottest woman I've ever met, no strings attached, for an entire winter, spring and summer. Then she got serious about someone else, decided I was too childish and moved out, the landlord wouldn't rent to me because I was such a stoner hippy, and I moved in with my bandmate and became a raging alcoholic.

What a great year.

My least favorite roommate was the guy who woke up in the middle of the night while I was on the couch in the living room, wandered into the kitchen, opened the fridge, opened the crisper, and pissed in it. Me and my other roommate screamed at him "Alex! You're pissing in the fridge!" but he didn't really wake up. When he was done he wandered over, fat, bleary eyed, and hairy in all his tighty-whitey splendor, and ask "Whuuuut?"

[Shadowstorm]

I figured next time it happened I'd just pop up and scream "HEY GUYZ WUTS GOIN ON IN DIS BED?" but we mostly don't stay there anymore.

Man, that would be sooooo sweet to do. I'd do something like that in a heartbeat.

[Kielaran]

My least favorite roommate was the guy who woke up in the middle of the night while I was on the couch in the living room, wandered into the kitchen, opened the fridge, opened the crisper, and pissed in it.

Wow, that's ridiculous. Everyone knows you should piss in the meat drawer.:p

[biosc1]

My least favorite roommate was the guy who woke up in the middle of the night while I was on the couch in the living room, wandered into the kitchen, opened the fridge, opened the crisper, and pissed in it. Me and my other roommate screamed at him "Alex! You're pissing in the fridge!" but he didn't really wake up. When he was done he wandered over, fat, bleary eyed, and hairy in all his tighty-whitey splendor, and ask "Whuuuut?"

Dang, reminds me of the worst woman I ever dated who had the most seriously alcoholic friend ("He just likes to drink and have fun, leave him be")...sitting on the couch next to the guy after a night of partying...he's passed out for a few already by this point...he then proceeds to get up, open the tv cabinet and unzip his pants...I had to rush up and drag him to the washroom and position him in front of the toilet...all the while he's berating me and telling him to leave him be or "he was going to knock me out"...yah, all 120lbs of him...

Told the woman I was "dating" and she went "Oh, he pees in there all the time". That was the end of it...I decided to walk home and never see that woman again :)

[Doctor Setebos]

I can top you all. I have the worst roommates ever. They don't pay any of the utilities OR a share of the mortgage. They're constantly eating up all our food without contributing to stocking the cupboards. They wake me up in the middle of the night for no reason whatsoever. OR they wake me up at a god-awful hour of the morning asking me to get them breakfast. They never appreciate anything I do for them, and, to top it all off, they're always complaining about all the rules I establish in the house.

But, what can I do? They're my kids, and I love them. :D

[pomeroy]

I can top you all. I have the worst roommates ever. They don't pay any of the utilities OR a share of the mortgage. They're constantly eating up all our food without contributing to stocking the cupboards. They wake me up in the middle of the night for no reason whatsoever. OR they wake me up at a god-awful hour of the morning asking me to get them breakfast. They never appreciate anything I do for them, and, to top it all off, they're always complaining about all the rules I establish in the house.

But, what can I do? They're my kids, and I love them. :D

I had to look at this post three times, because I was sure it was a Johan post.

[Ancalagon]

Dang, reminds me of the worst woman I ever dated who had the most seriously alcoholic friend ("He just likes to drink and have fun, leave him be")...sitting on the couch next to the guy after a night of partying...he's passed out for a few already by this point...he then proceeds to get up, open the tv cabinet and unzip his pants...I had to rush up and drag him to the washroom and position him in front of the toilet...all the while he's berating me and telling him to leave him be or "he was going to knock me out"...yah, all 120lbs of him...

Told the woman I was "dating" and she went "Oh, he pees in there all the time". That was the end of it...I decided to walk home and never see that woman again :)

True story from my university.

A guy brings a girl home to his digs. They are both very drunk, and proceed to go to bed. She wakes up in the middle of the night, needing a pee. She goes to his roommates room, butt naked, and starts peeing in the corner. Roommate wakes up, shouts at her, so she starts pulling on his jeans to avoid being seen naked. Horrified at getting his jeans covered in her pee, he shouts at her again, so she jumps in his bed. Amazing what alcohol can make you do...

[Blue]

My first roommate in college was awful.

We had bunk beds and I had top and woke up one morning to him having crapped the bed and peed all over it through the night and he just slept right in it. Walked in one day after class (mid-afternoon) to him watching porn and jerking off. He literally looked over said "Hey." and kept at it. Walked in on him having sex on the floor with a girl I had Modern English Literature with (hard to forget the class). She was naked, his pants were around his ankles with his shoes still on.

He also believes I stole his Marilyn Manson poster.

[Atepsflame]

Man, listen to all the fun shit I am missing out on living alone.

[Thanasimos]

Man, listen to all the fun shit I am missing out on living alone.

Thank god, I get to live alone for another month or so. Nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, though, now that I'm out a roommate, though. Also no television or minifridge to go with my Wii. And no PS2 to go with my PS2 games. Shiiiit.

(Somebody PLEASE FEED ME. DINING HALLS ARE GOING TO BE CLOSED!)

[maharahaj]

4th year of college and three friends and I just rented and moved into our apartment for the year. It was Labor day weekend (Friday morning to be exact) and our toilet got clogged to the point of no return. Having no toilet for a four day weekend since our landlord wouldnt come out on the holiday weekend, three of us had to ride our bikes to the nearest McDonalds every time we had to take a dump. It was over 1.5 miles away in south Philly, the closest type establishment we had. Peeing occurred into a bottle over the clogged toilet. The fourth room mate, who had a car, refused to drive to McDonalds to take a dump. So he did it into a plastic bag in his bedroom and then would place the dump in the trash can in our rear 6'x6' concrete yard.

School year ends next spring. The three of us who had to bike to school (5 miles away!) moved back home for the summer. My friend with the car lived on in the apartment over the summer. He came to tell me, to much delight, that during the X-Files Series Finale, he didn't want to miss a single second of the show but had to take a dump. He puts a plastic bag in a small bathroom sized garage bin and takes a dump in it in our living room while watching Mulder and Scully. I love that kid.

We also had a huge mouse problem and he refused to touch the traps or kill the mice that were caught. So one day, after the three of us left for school, he found a mouse in a trap and proceeded to kick the sticky trap outside to the rear concrete area and put an upside down box over it. Then he went to school and a concert. When he got back that night (around 12:30am) we asked where the trap was. He forgot to call us to tell us about the mouse so we went out back lifted the box and sure enough, the mouse was still twitching on the glue trap. I ripped off a flap of the cardboard box, put it over him and STOMP!

Some people may thing that is cruel. We had friends who would suck up mice in a wet/dry shop vacuum, tie up the bag and run it over with their car tires. To each his own.

[KingGorilla]

I am a bit of an asshole. I am more of your room-mate who would do weird shit to you, not like corn cob in the pooper, but pranks. Ice Water in the Shower is a good one for example.

But I have more redeeming quality than bad, as a room mate, I am fairly tidy, know how to cook, tend to keep my body hairs in safe locations.

[maharahaj]

A buddy of mine told me many stories of a pushover room mate he had freshmen year. Freshmen, apparently, were not allowed to park on campus at York College (PA) except on weekends. The closest parking was over a mile away on streets off campus. So, my friend said he got back to his dorm late afternoon one Friday and begged his assigned push over room mate who had already walked the mile and moved his car on campus for the weekend, to give him a ride out to his car so he could move it too. The kid agreed and as they left, my friend noticed almost all the parking spaces had been filled up already. They drive the mile, my buddy gets out and races to his car and peels off while his room mate is turning his car around. My friend gets back to campus and takes the LAST AVAILABLE spot. His room mate shows up a few seconds later and my friends said "No spots left", making the room mate who gave him a ride to drive a mile back off campus, park and walk back, having had a spot 20 minutes beforehand.

Apparently the kid never learned though and was a whipping boy for 3 more years of college. The two of them with a few other kids lived together 2nd year. My buddy and the others would fill Super Soakers with urine and spray it under the push over kid's door into his room.

[Church42]

So I have a friend who used to be a roommate of mine during college...born again Christian type of guy...always kinda preachy and what not - it was tolerable.

So one time walking from the campus center back to our place on campus, I brought up this subject about this college girl elsewhere in the state that had a baby in the dorm bathroom and she died (the baby died a few days later) after having gave birth.

He turns to me and says "Yeah, she deserved to die". I got the kind of "punched in the gut, no air in lungs" feeling from the statement. A born-again Christian saying a girl deserved to die b/c she had pre-marital sex and later on, a child?

[TurboKinny]

I had the roommate that hid meat bones (with meat still attached) around my apartment. Including in my room. Under my clothes.

She's the reason I'm afraid to find another roommate.

[pomeroy]

Apparently the kid never learned though and was a whipping boy for 3 more years of college. The two of them with a few other kids lived together 2nd year. My buddy and the others would fill Super Soakers with urine and spray it under the push over kid's door into his room.

That's not even funny. That's just some guys being pricks for no reason. I hope they get their asses beat.

[squirrelTactics]

He literally looked over said "Hey." and kept at it.

You should have turned the awkward tables on him by pulling down you pants and saying "Roooooooooom for one more?"

[KamaItachi]

I had the roommate that hid meat bones (with meat still attached) around my apartment. Including in my room. Under my clothes.

She's the reason I'm afraid to find another roommate.


I uhh....

What?

[TurboKinny]

I uhh....

What?my thoughts exactly. I still the get shudders just thinking about it.

[Generation ABXY]

My little brother and I lived together for about three years, but hell, we lived together our entire childhoods, so that was no big deal.

Unfortunately, that's not been so delightful for me. I live with my own brother and, while he doesn't pull horrible pranks, he is horribly messy. The differences between our rooms looks like a before and after shot of a tornado.

I had the roommate that hid meat bones (with meat still attached) around my apartment. Including in my room. Under my clothes.

She's the reason I'm afraid to find another roommate.

By any chance, did your roommate have four paws and a tail, because that might be a dog, and we generally consider those pets. :p

[KingGorilla]

I had the roommate that hid meat bones.
Too many dick jokes can be the fruit of this statement.

[AniAko]

This thread reminds me of why I hate living with random people.

My roommates and I met a terrific friend by taking in a random exchange student once. We also took in a senior (to get the on campus appt.) who would come home from volleyball drenched, take a shower, put the SAME clothes back on and crawl into bed...

I'll take random any day. At least you're prepared for the worst.

[biosc1]

You should have turned the awkward tables on him by pulling down you pants and saying "Roooooooooom for one more?"

Excellent. That almost made me laugh out loud...because...you know...there is ALWAYS room for one more...:o

[TheEpicOfTyler]

So what are the experienced haver of roommates opinions on getting an apartment with a friend? Will we be friends after a few months?

[Mr. Murphy]

So what are the experienced haver of roommates opinions on getting an apartment with a friend? Will we be friends after a few months?

Maybe. It depends on too much for us to tell you. I've made friends into roommates in the past - sometimes it brings you closer, sometimes you just can't live together and you have to fight for it not to drive you apart.

[Blue]

You should have turned the awkward tables on him by pulling down you pants and saying "Roooooooooom for one more?"

Probably would have had Little B not shriveled and crawled up inside my abdomen.

[maharahaj]

I lived with two friends of mine for a year after we all graduated from college. I have known these guys since 1st grade. The one, while very messy, was a pleasure to live with. Not loud, did clean the dishes of all things, understood personal space and had a general sense of self awareness. The other I had doubts about and ended up being right about. He had virtually no self awareness and made me uncomfortable in my own apartment.

After one year, I split off on my own. I am still good friends with both (who have been living together for 3 1/2 years since I left) but I did not enjoy the experience. I actually prefer to live alone now, so if the room mate I did enjoy living with was on his own again, I wouldn't offer to go halves on a place at this time in my life (even though it would save me a ton of rent money).

[President Fred]

So what are the experienced haver of roommates opinions on getting an apartment with a friend? Will we be friends after a few months?
It depends I would say on how mature you are prepared to be. There are going to be problems there always are when you have adapt to the weird habits of others but so long as you agree to talk through and be reasonable about each problem it's fine. I have had nothing but good experiences living with friends but we were fairly reasonable.

[Spacetronaut]

So what are the experienced haver of roommates opinions on getting an apartment with a friend? Will we be friends after a few months?

I roomed with a good friend of mine freshmen year of college and we ended up hating each other pretty much the whole year. It was in the dorms though, so we were sharing a room and it's hard to like anyone under those circumstances. Also I was a huge douchebag. We're excellent friends again now though.

[MagGnome]

I had a retarded hippy room mate for a while a couple years back. He had some stupid rules for a while like, you can't cook meat in the house, or be loud past like 12am and all kinds of retardedness.

Damn, I must be a "retarded" hippy then, because I have those same rules in my home.

[Purple Santa]

Damn, I must be a "retarded" hippy then, because I have those same rules in my home.

You harsh roommate ! :p;)

Only issues I have with my roommates is some like to leave their vomit on the floor (hairballs) while others just leave wreaking havoc odors through the house (the non-hairball roommate). And another roommate who just likes to scare me with a new toy lancer popping out of nowhere. They are a tad on the messy side but roommates aren't to bad...beats living with my psychotic family...

[Zrikz]

Damn, I must be a "retarded" hippy then, because I have those same rules in my home.

I can respect that, but it was almost to the point of he wouldn't allow me to have meat in the fridge, and this was not mentioned when I first moved in, yet he would cook some nasty smelling stuff (salmon) and that was okay. And by being loud past 12 am, the flushing of the toilet across the hall was too loud, he wanted me to leave it there until the morning... I'm not down with that =/.

[MagGnome]

I can respect that, but it was almost to the point of he wouldn't allow me to have meat in the fridge, and this was not mentioned when I first moved in, yet he would cook some nasty smelling stuff (salmon) and that was okay. And by being loud past 12 am, the flushing of the toilet across the hall was too loud, he wanted me to leave it there until the morning... I'm not down with that =/.

I'm lucky that my roommate is a vegetarian, because I wouldn't want meat in the fridge either, and I made that very clear before we moved in.

Still, he cooked salmon? Is he not aware that salmon is meat? :confused:

[MagGnome]

I could go on and on about terrible roommates, but for now I'll keep this short.

My roommate in the dorms freshman year drove me crazy. He would have sex with his "girlfriend" when I wasn't around, but then he brought this other girl over to fuck every time his "girlfriend" was out of town, whether I was there or not. I can't even begin to count the number of times they had sex while I was about five feet away. Disgusting to say the least.

He also once dropped an entire gallon jug of milk on the floor and didn't clean it up. I came home a few hours later to find the carpet soaked and the whole room smelled of sour milk.

His friends were also total assholes. They'd tell him all the time to sleep up against the wall so I didn't rape him, and they'd make plenty of "fag" jokes when they thought I was out of earshot.

[Everyone vs Dinosaurs]

Wow Mag, those guys sound like total pricks.

Luckily it was only for a year?

[digitalErich]

That would be grounds for forcing the Univ to give you a new room/roommate at just about any school I can think of, Mag. Why did you decide to stick it out?

[Blue]

His friends were also total assholes. They'd tell him all the time to sleep up against the wall so I didn't rape him, and they'd make plenty of "fag" jokes when they thought I was out of earshot.

And here I was thinking you might have just pushed him up against the wall to have your way with him. I still have so much left to learn.

[LongStepMantis]

His friends were also total assholes. They'd tell him all the time to sleep up against the wall so I didn't rape him, and they'd make plenty of "fag" jokes when they thought I was out of earshot.

Maybe turn the tables on them?
4s1iQODC5OI
;)

In all seriousness though, I would have went to the University and told them you were being harassed...and mention the word lawsuit.

[MagGnome]

Wow Mag, those guys sound like total pricks.

Luckily it was only for a year?

Yeah, luckily the whole situation only lasted about 9 months. Worst roommate I've ever had. I felt really bad for his "girlfriend" too. She was really in love with him, and he was openly cheating on her with this other girl. In fact, he had more sex with this other girl than he did with this girlfriend. Even worse, the two girls were roommates just down the hall from us!


That would be grounds for forcing the Univ to give you a new room/roommate at just about any school I can think of, Mag. Why did you decide to stick it out?


Because I'm a very passive person and I put up with a LOT of bullshit. I was sexually harassed at my first job when I was 16 by a manager. This went on for months until I quit. He was promoted a few months later. :mad:


And here I was thinking you might have just pushed him up against the wall to have your way with him. I still have so much left to learn.


As ScuryDan said, this was probably the way too go. ;)

In all seriousness, I didn't find him attractive at all and I still don't understand why he had two attractive women sleeping with him on a regular basis. He was average looking at best, and he shaved his ENTIRE body, including his arms and legs. Ick.

[LongStepMantis]

In all seriousness, I didn't find him attractive at all and I still don't understand why he had two attractive women sleeping with him on a regular basis. He was average looking at best, and he shaved his ENTIRE body, including his arms and legs. Ick.

Didn't you get the memo? If you're gay, that means you want every man on the planet. You couldn't possibly find him unattractive! :p

That's one thing that always kills me about homophobic morons. Some gap-toothed, splotchy-faced goober says "I sher dun wunt no gays round heer! He wants to sexualate me!"

Sorry to break the news to ya Bubba Joe Joe Bob, but a gay man wouldn't touch you with a rented dick.

[PanicBomb!]

I'm about to win this thread...

A couple of years ago, after an amicable parting of ways with my previous roommates, I took a room in a house with a former co-worker, her fiance, and this strange girl that nobody really knew that well. The weird chick would lock herself in her room all day, every day. She didn't go to work, she didn't go to school, she was basically a hermit. She'd come out at, like, 4 in the morning to get food from the kitchen or take a shower, but otherwise, we never saw her. At best, we'd hear an occasional cough from the back room, or find a mysterious rent check on the fridge. It was like the 3 of us, and a poltergeist. A couple of months after I moved in, the fiance and I were hanging out in the living room, and this girl comes silently walking through and out the front door with a garbage bag slung over her shoulder. Aside from feeling like we'd just seen Howard Hughes, it was unremarkable. A couple of hours later, the police show up at our house and are all "we need to see your bathroom." Ok, weird, but we let them in and head to the rear bathroom near her room. They open the door and it's covered in blood. Blood, and like, pieces of something. The police proceed to inform us that weirdo had apparently reported to a hospital with a garbage bag containing a baby, a baby that she had delivered still born, by herself, in our bathroom, while we sat in the next room. HOLY SHIT. As if that weren't enough of a mind fuck, they notify us that there were some suspicious circumstances involving the fetus, and our bathroom was now a crime scene. It was taped off and unusable for the next 3 days. In the interim, we're all interviewed by detectives, who ask us questions we can't answer about her "mental state" and recent behavior. Long story short, it turns out that an autopsy eventually revealed that the baby had taken a breath at some point, but had died from being drowned. Some other test revealed that it had been drowned in our motherfucking toilet. We're told the girl had gotten pregnant by her ex-boyfriend, couldn't handle the prospect of telling the religious zealots she had for parents, lost her shit and murdered her child. Needless to say, we never saw her again, and when I moved out a year later the tub still had a pink stain to it that we could never manage to get out. FUCKED. UP.

I've got plenty of other horror stories of living with roommates, but they're kind of anticlimactic compared to infanticide.

[Sl1pstream]

I'm about to win this thread...

A couple of years ago, after an amicable parting of ways with my previous roommates, I took a room in a house with a former co-worker, her fiance, and this strange girl that nobody really knew that well. The weird chick would lock herself in her room all day, every day. She didn't go to work, she didn't go to school, she was basically a hermit. She'd come out at, like, 4 in the morning to get food from the kitchen or take a shower, but otherwise, we never saw her. At best, we'd hear an occasional cough from the back room, or find a mysterious rent check on the fridge. It was like the 3 of us, and a poltergeist. A couple of months after I moved in, the fiance and I were hanging out in the living room, and this girl comes silently walking through and out the front door with a garbage bag slung over her shoulder. Aside from feeling like we'd just seen Howard Hughes, it was unremarkable. A couple of hours later, the police show up at our house and are all "we need to see your bathroom." Ok, weird, but we let them in and head to the rear bathroom near her room. They open the door and it's covered in blood. Blood, and like, pieces of something. The police proceed to inform us that weirdo had apparently reported to a hospital with a garbage bag containing a baby, a baby that she had delivered still born, by herself, in our bathroom, while we sat in the next room. HOLY SHIT. As if that weren't enough of a mind fuck, they notify us that there were some suspicious circumstances involving the fetus, and our bathroom was now a crime scene. It was taped off and unusable for the next 3 days. In the interim, we're all interviewed by detectives, who ask us questions we can't answer about her "mental state" and recent behavior. Long story short, it turns out that an autopsy eventually revealed that the baby had taken a breath at some point, but had died from being drowned. Some other test revealed that it had been drowned in our motherfucking toilet. We're told the girl had gotten pregnant by her ex-boyfriend, couldn't handle the prospect of telling the religious zealots she had for parents, lost her shit and murdered her child. Needless to say, we never saw her again, and when I moved out a year later the tub still had a pink stain to it that we could never manage to get out. FUCKED. UP.

I've got plenty of other horror stories of living with roommates, but they're kind of anticlimactic compared to infanticide.

It's now 5am and I was trying to wrap up my internet browsing before finally going to bed. I really doubt that I'll sleep much after reading that.

[OrangePulp]

Ultimate Mind Fuck

Christ on a bike. That's just... Damn. I don't think anyone can top that, ever. /thread, indeed.

[Scaryfaced]

I'm about to win this thread...


AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *runs screaming from the room*
________
FIX PS3 (http://fixps3.info/)

[TurboKinny]

Christ on a bike. That's just... Damn. I don't think anyone can top that, ever. /thread, indeed.Umm...yeah. Seriously.

[Everyone vs Dinosaurs]

Mother of GOD THAT IS DISGUSTING.


I would love to hear these other stories, even if they aren't as good.

I love stories. Especially when it is raining.

[Scull]

I'm about to win this thread...

Sweet Christ, I surrender unconditionally. You fucking win this thread.

[Blue]

I'm just going to go ahead an assume you made all of that up so I can get some sleep tonight.

[diablopath]

Holy shit.

[PanicBomb!]

I would love to hear these other stories, even if they aren't as good.

Well alright! Though, hopefully I'm not being a total buzzkill and obliterating any chance this thread has of being "fun" at any point...

Freshman year of college, I was roomed with this guy who was entirely too into drugs. Acid, 'shrooms, coke, PCP, a shit ton of weed, etc. Our room was covered in blacklight posters and centerfolds from High Times magazine. Drugs aren't really my scene (especially hard drugs) but I didn't have any moral objections to his behavior, if anything my only concern was me being expelled as result of a raid or something. He seemed like he was basically a nice guy, he was just 100 and 10% fucked out of his mind 24 hours a day. He would have other people from our building in the room for drinking/drug parties all the damn time, including our Resident Advisor, who was the real life Ellis from Die Hard. During all of this, I would usually be reading on my bunk or something, as I wouldn't participate, but back then I was too non-confrontational to throw a bunch of rowdy, angry drunks out of my room. We lived on the first floor, and on more than one occasion security would come pounding on our door in response to all the noise, resulting in a dozen assholes flying out our window and off into the night. I'd be the only one left in the room with a bunch of empty bottles, so my ass would get hauled down to housing to explain myself. I always talked my way out of it though.

One day I get up to go take a final exam, and start drinking from this gallon jug of Hawaiian Punch I kept in the fridge. It tasted weird, so I checked the expiration date. It was still good, so I assumed I just had rancid morning mouth or something. Keith Richards comes into the room from the shower and sees me chugging from the bottle. He's all "Holy shit dude, don't drink that!" He informs me that the previous evening, when security came by for the now routine pound on the door, he'd poured almost an entire bottle of vodka into the punch and threw the liquor bottle out the window before answering them. Well, shit. Within thirty seconds I found myself transforming from a studious college student mentally reviewing for a final, to Dudley Moore from Arthur 2: On the Rocks. I had to go to the bathroom and force myself to vomit for 20 minutes in order to functionally sober up. What a dick.

Another time, I opened the door to find my aforementioned Resident Advisor over dosing in our hallway. He was convulsing and foaming at the mouth. We called 911 but he died on the way to the hospital. We were told he had an undiagnosed heart condition and his heart couldn't handle the epic quantities of blow he was doing. Months later, my roommate confessed to me that he'd given him the coke.

Finally, this same roommate used to hang out with this girl down the hall all the time. I didn't know if they were dating, or friends, or what, she was just always in our room with him. Eventually, she stopped showing up, but I thought nothing of it as I didn't really know their deal. Several years later, after I'd graduated and LONG after I'd stopped living with that crack fiend (who I ditched after a single semester) I ran into the girl at a party. I walked up just to be like "Oh hey!" and she acts kinda weird. I make chit chat with her off and on throughout the night but every time I do it feels more and more awkward. Finally, during our third or fourth conversation, she just starts bawling. I'm wondering what the fuck I did to this girl who's practically a stranger. I try to console her, she grabs me and sobs "(roommate's name) raped me! Every time I see you it reminds me of being raped!" Jesus fucking Christ! I know I didn't do anything wrong, but let me assure you, there is nothing in life that makes you feel worse than having a girl tell you "Every time I see you it reminds me of when I was raped."

Years later, I had another roommate who I strangely caught..."treating his body like an amusement park"...in another roommates room. I came home from work early, went upstairs and OH HEY! Awkward! From that point on, whenever I came home early I found the front door deadbolted from the inside. Because, you know, why would you stop your pleasure cruises to foreign soil once you've been caught? And deadbolting the door at 3 in the afternoon is a foolproof way to ensure your other roommates never suspect you're up to shenanigans! I'd just go kill 2 hours and come back later to find the door unlocked again.

What the hell is wrong with my life? Why is it populated with pyschos, rapists, murderers, perverts and criminals? I'm like Batman but without a wicked belt, and whenever my car breaks into pieces none of those pieces is EVER a motorcycle.

A friend of mine's roommate left his digital camera on the kitchen table one day, so, being nosy my friend started cycling through the pictures. He was entreated to a photographic exploration of the roommate and his girlfriends' adventures in defecation. They'd taken 50+ pictures of each other, shitting. That one didn't happen to me, so, of course, it is hilarious.:p

[Codicier]

So can we give PanicBomb his own column or something?

[Scaryfaced]

Holy fuck, PanicBomb. Seriously....holy fuck. Reading the line "Every time I see you it reminds me of being raped" is possibly the most uncomfortable thing I've ever...ever read. I litterally feel like I need a shower now. I actually spun around in my chair for a few seconds just soaking that in with an expression of complete dread on my face.

Dude, Karma's got it out for you. Your either a closet serial killer or a few days away from winning the lotto.
________
Body science (http://bodyscience.ws/)

[Generation ABXY]

I'm about to win this thread...

Um...congrats? :eek:

What the hell is wrong with my life? Why is it populated with pyschos, rapists, murderers, perverts and criminals? I'm like Batman but without a wicked belt, and whenever my car breaks into pieces none of those pieces is EVER a motorcycle.

Also, quoted! You...you've earned it. :o

[Zrikz]

I'm lucky that my roommate is a vegetarian, because I wouldn't want meat in the fridge either, and I made that very clear before we moved in.

Still, he cooked salmon? Is he not aware that salmon is meat? :confused:

I guess there are different types of vegetarians, He ate fish, apparently.. vegetarian lite? =/.

[pseudopseudo]

Reading some of these stories - mine really aren't too bad... 'cept for this one guy I lived with.

He (let's call him "Dude"), I and another friend moved into a duplex. One of our first duties were to assign the different menial household tasks. Everything was divvied out equally, and everyone seemed happy with what they had.

A short aside: the place we lived in had a backyard, but not one that we ever used. Everyone always went in and out the front, and no one ever used the door to the backyard because... it was just out of the way.

Anyhow, things went well, for the most part. "Dude" was a massive pothead, but he was pretty cool about it, for the most part. There were the typical roommate problems ("you took my food", "you always date the girls I was going after first", etc.)... but then we started having a big, GIANT problem. The house became almost instantaneously infested with roaches. In every shape and size. No one could figure out why all of a sudden we had this massive infestation. Everything seemed like it was getting taken care of as far as household chores/cleanliness.

Then me, my roommate and "Dude" took a walk around the house... to find what looked like a landfill. About 3-4 months worth of trash - just tossed over the rail of the back porch and lying in a massive heap on the ground, right up against the house. Some of the bags had tears from animals digging in, some were just basically left wide open. We immediately asked WTF was going on, and "Dude" answered - "Oh... sorry. I hadn't gotten a chance to call and get trash service for our place yet." As you might guess, this was one of the sole tasks he'd been assigned upon moving in. Instead of getting service set up and leaving it on the curb every week (as we'd wrongly assumed he was doing), he was just opening up the back door and tossing it in our backyard, since he knew no one went back there. (And it had a high fence as well, so neighbors couldn't see.)

To make an already long story short, we had "Dude" clean it all up (which required renting a massive dumpster from the city) and we had to hire an exterminator to get rid of the pest problem after a few store bought bug bombs did little to help the problem.

To top all of that off, months after all this was said and done, "Dude" moved out on me about 3 days before rent was due, stating that he "couldn't afford to live in our place anymore". (I don't know how he could think we'd believe that, seeing the massive amounts of pot he'd buy week by week.) I had to pay double rent that month, and I haven't spoken to the douchebag since. (Although he's tried to add me on both Facebook AND Myspace since then. Normally I don't hold grudges, but he's one of the few exceptions. Living in what felt like filth is something I don't forget easily.)

[Kielaran]

So can we give PanicBomb his own column or something?

Seconded !

[Jeffool]

He has a blog. (Well, he will in twelve more posts.) I'm quite enjoying the blogs of the site.

[Arilin]

Well holy zombie jesus.

Panic, that's some fucked up stuff.

I've never, ever had to deal with the roommate thing like you all have, I went from one extreme to another(Single, living with parents, to moved in with girlfriend and own a house of our own). but damn, that's jacked up.

[MagGnome]

Didn't you get the memo? If you're gay, that means you want every man on the planet. You couldn't possibly find him unattractive! :p

That's one thing that always kills me about homophobic morons. Some gap-toothed, splotchy-faced goober says "I sher dun wunt no gays round heer! He wants to sexualate me!"

Sorry to break the news to ya Bubba Joe Joe Bob, but a gay man wouldn't touch you with a rented dick.

I've ran into this situation countless times. Some unattractive straight dude is uncomfortable around me because he thinks I'll mount him the minute he drops his guard. I always inform them that I'm into good-looking men, and not just men in general.

That murdered baby story is really fucked up. :eek:

[MagGnome]

I guess there are different types of vegetarians, He ate fish, apparently.. vegetarian lite? =/.

I call them bullshitetarians. ;)

[Chris_D]

Panic, wow...

My story is extremely tame. Moved in with a best friend, seemed great at first. Didn't realise that if he had any problem with me he would never approach me about it. So one example was that apparently he disagreed with how some of my stuff (table, pc, etc) was set up in the living room. Rather than discuss it, he took the opportunity of my weekend away to shift all my gear into another room. Need to say, I was pretty surprised when I got back to find all my stuff "gone". When I asked him about it he said he just wasn't happy with how the living room looked. I tried to make him understand how this was the kind of thing I'd like to have discussed first but he never seemed to get it. Needless to say, there were many very similar incidents over the next 6 months or so, and I was very happy to finally move out after a year of living together.

Aside from that, his mum would just randomly move in with us for a month at a time (after he would initially tell me she was just coming for a few days).

Anyway, we didn't talk anymore since I moved out and it was a final irritation that I couldn't get back some of my DC games which I forgot in the move. I called him up and he said his mum had thrown them out (which may well have been true or could just be him being too lazy to organise for me to pick them up).

[Widgetcraft]

It's all stupid stuff like my friend's wife wants my girl to be out of the house during the day time for a few weeks so she can get over some deadlines she has for her PHD, cos she apparently "can't concentrate" with others in the house, even if they're quietly minding their own business in their own room.

...Yeah, you might call that unreasonable; I'd call it insane.

[PathMaster]

Yea, I think after reading this read I definitely do not want to roommate with anyone, let alone friends. And Panic..I just....no words....yeah..

[Everyone vs Dinosaurs]

These stories are really interesting.


I hope [well, maybe not] that by the time I am out of college, I have had some interesting experiences myself.

[Widgetcraft]

I don't have any real crazy roommate stories myself, just that every one of them I ever had in the dorms had fucking sleep apnea. I guess it's common in Kentucky, or something. My last year there I lived with a friend of mine (the worst snorer of them all, but a cool geek obsessed with Transformers and Godzilla), and in this particular dorm we had a bathroom. The bathroom was only shared with one other room, by connecting doors. The other guys were mostly fine, but one time, they got really wasted and started vomiting in the bathroom, apparently missing the toilet. It began to come into our room from under the door, so we were like, "WTF?"

They had one of their girlfriend's clean it up, with one of their socks. It was probably the lamest thing I've ever seen; she's kneeling there on the floor cleaning up their vomit with a sock, and they're back in their room playing Madden.

[maharahaj]

Those are some amazing stories Panic. If there are more, I'd love to read them.

[Mot Wakorb]

I think the only bad roommate story I have is someone that we had move in with us at the house my mom owned. We needed a second roommate to lift some of the financial pressure on us to live there, so we invited a friend we knew from the local college. Needless to say, the friend was just fine the first few months, then something went weird. Stopped going to school, would eat our food, needed salt on every single piece of food he ate (as referenced by the random salt shakers ALL OVER the house), eventually started eating stuff right out of the pots he made it in, would bring them into his room and would never clean them up. He obviously had no money at the end, as his final rent/utilities check bounced when he moved out.

We cleaned his room after he left... I don't know what the fuck the smell was in that room, but my god, we finally (during the winter) opened the windows in his room and closed the door so that we could just get that smell out. Just awful.

[Suave Peanut]

Wow, you guys win. The worst I ever put up with was a guy that left fast-food wrappers all over the place and never did his share of washing the dishes.

[Generation ABXY]

Wow, you guys win. The worst I ever put up with was a guy that left fast-food wrappers all over the place and never did his share of washing the dishes.

Seriously, given the alternatives, I’m now quite endeared to the idea that they might only have trouble getting urine in the giant ceramic bowl in front of them.

[MagGnome]

I get annoyed with my current roommate all the time, but this thread has really put things in perspective.

I still wish he'd do the dishes more often though. :p

[Scaryfaced]

Seriously, given the alternatives, I?m now quite endeared to the idea that they might only have trouble getting urine in the giant ceramic bowl in front of them.

To be fair, sometimes it just doesn't go in the direction you want it to. Especially post coital or when you break the seal.
________
Black amateur tube (http://www.fucktube.com/)

[Zrikz]

I get annoyed with my current roommate all the time, but this thread has really put things in perspective.

I still wish he'd do the dishes more often though. :p

Having no dishes is rather annoying I must say, by far in my top 3 list of things =/ That and having someone use the last of the milk without saying anything.. God I hate waking up in the morning, pouring a big bowl of cereal, only to open the fridge and see there is no milk jug sitting in there.

[pseudopseudo]

I still wish he'd do the dishes more often though. :p

I used to live with a guy who never, EVER did dishes. So, to try to "teach him a lesson", I just let his dishes pile up, while I cleaned the ones I used. Eventually, I was eating fast food. He actually had the nerve to ask, "Are you ever going to wash those?" I told him what I'd been doing, and he insisted, "I never used THAT many dishes!"

I hate doing dishes SO much.

[Chris_D]

Yeah I did resort to the "always wash just my dishes immediately after using".

I didn't mention that my house mate was a bit of a lazy slob and would sometimes do some weird things. We had a bunch of mutual friends staying with us and we had a really awesome bbq. There were a lot of left overs, sausages and chops so I put them on a plate, covered in wrap and put them in the fridge to eat over the next few days.

Anyway, with all the guests, the fridge was pretty full. I guess my roommate suddenly decided he needed to chill his 2L pepsi, so he pulls out the plate of leftovers and leaves it on the sink so he can put his pepsi in the fridge.

At this point of living together I'd given up on reforming him so I would usually let his little train wrecks run to completion rather than try to intercede. So in this case I was wondering if he would at least put the leftovers back in the fridge before he went to bed but no... Anyway, for the next few days, I'm joking with one of our friends as to whether he is ever going to do something about the BBQ stuff (which clearly now should be thrown out rather than eaten).

Finally, about 5 days later, I get home from work, open the front door and get hit by this wall of god awful rotten stench. Despite the wrap on the plate, the stench of rotting sausage had clearly become too powerful! So gagging the entire time, I stagger inside, opening as many windows and doors as I can. I dump the contents into a garbage bag, trying not to look closely, seal the bag, then dump it in the trash outside. The house had to be aired for the rest of the day.

Of course, when my housemate got home I casually mentioned it to him, and he just shrugged.

[Generation ABXY]

To be fair, sometimes it just doesn't go in the direction you want it to. Especially post coital or when you break the seal.

Yeah...no. This is more like he just stands at the bathroom door and lets it rip, not a moment of readjustment or some late night oh-my-god-when-did-we-replace-the-bathroom-light-with-the-Sun mishap. That and he never lifts up the seat and rarely flushes. Now, I’m not asking anyone to be all dainty and sit down to take a piss or to have a perfect memory, but damn, man, when your urine is the color of rust (which is horrifying to no end), you could at least make a little extra effort. I’ve been well trained by my female company, I’ll admit, but such a little gesture can go a long way, and he makes all that futile.

But, like I said, at least he isn't drowning newborns in the toilet. :p

[Arphahat]

Yeah...no. This is more like he just stands at the bathroom door and lets it rip, not a moment of readjustment or some late night oh-my-god-when-did-we-replace-the-bathroom-light-with-the-Sun mishap. That and he never lifts up the seat and rarely flushes. Now, I’m not asking anyone to be all dainty and sit down to take a piss or to have a perfect memory, but damn, man, when your urine is the color of rust (which is horrifying to no end), you could at least make a little extra effort. I’ve been well trained by my female company, I’ll admit, but such a little gesture can go a long way, and he makes all that futile.

But, like I said, at least he isn't drowning newborns in the toilet. :p

That's the spirit! Make the best of the situation. No pee in the toilet, but no babies either, so who can complain?

[maharahaj]

Of course, when my housemate got home I casually mentioned it to him, and he just shrugged.

People like this are pretty much the reason I hate almost all of humanity; a lack of common sense, a lack of self awareness and a general disinterest in justifying a reason to have a soul.

[MagGnome]

Having no dishes is rather annoying I must say, by far in my top 3 list of things =/ That and having someone use the last of the milk without saying anything.. God I hate waking up in the morning, pouring a big bowl of cereal, only to open the fridge and see there is no milk jug sitting in there.

I used to live with a guy who never, EVER did dishes. So, to try to "teach him a lesson", I just let his dishes pile up, while I cleaned the ones I used. Eventually, I was eating fast food. He actually had the nerve to ask, "Are you ever going to wash those?" I told him what I'd been doing, and he insisted, "I never used THAT many dishes!"

I hate doing dishes SO much.

I've thought about doing that, and my roommate has even suggested that I do the same. Still, we have a small amount of dishes (most of them belong to me) and I couldn't do that for more than a couple of days before I'd run out of something that I need. He told me that I need to be more assertive instead of passive-aggressive, so I've started demanding that he "Do the fucking dishes" if he's gone a few days without doing them.

He tends to spend all of his time here in the apartment laying on the couch with his laptop and the TV on. For some reason this bugs me to no end, especially when he complains about how overweight and tired he is. Those might not be problems if he didn't lay around all the time!

[MagGnome]

Generation ABXY - I feel your pain. My roommate doesn't have this problem, but at work I am always stepping in a puddle of urine whenever I use the bathroom. It's all over the wall and the floor, as if I'm in a bar at 2am and not an office at 11am.

I usually just sit down to pee at home. :o

[Blue]

I usually just sit down to pee at home. :o

I do this too...but mostly because I'm using my laptop. Or when I played WoW and it was raid night.

[Generation ABXY]

I usually just sit down to pee at home. :o
I do this too...but mostly because I'm using my laptop. Or when I played WoW and it was raid night.

And now, I think we're firmly in the territory of having more information than I had ever hoped to learn from my fellow Colonizers. :D

[Karak]

I can't tell if my story is good or bad.
But one of my roomates would pop his girlfriend while I was home and without any attempt to be silent. And for some reason he LOVED to do it on the floor on the carpet. So for about an hour every single night I had to hear here head lightly rapping against the damn close door and her shrieking whenever he tried "alternate methods" as he described them.
On the other hand my apartment was set way out from the others and when friends were over we would sit out on the deck and bbq. Well lets just say the amount of freakish sex we saw in the other apartments was astonishing. There I am making chicken and their they were making pork.
Good times.

[astranoir]

He tends to spend all of his time here in the apartment laying on the couch with his laptop and the TV on. For some reason this bugs me to no end, especially when he complains about how overweight and tired he is. Those might not be problems if he didn't lay around all the time!

You would hate me as a roommate :o I like hanging out in the living room so I can hang out with everyone, and since the television's in here, we normally have it on; and then I have my CoG addiction, so I need my laptop :p Granted, I rarely complain about my weight, even though I'm sensitive about it.

[Karak]

My ex roomie who is on this forum said I could tell this next one.
He had been trying to date this girl from OSU for some time. Spending hours hanging with her and her friends and he really REALLY liked her. Weeks went by.
Well one day I come home and as I am climbing the steps I realize they are having sex(it was my fault for thinking it was happening in his room)
So I silently open my door and...he has her over the couch. So I am at an turning point in my life:0 I decide "fuck it" I need to go to my room. So I try to walk past. he turns and sees me and without even pausing he puts his hand up for a high five.
A high five.
I stare at him not knowing what to do.
*hangs head*
I gave him a high five;)
They are married now. Which is cool but he ALWAYS whenever he thinks something is funny tries to give me a high five...a little inside joke.
Some people have no shame when it comes to shagging.

[Arphahat]

My ex roomie who is on this forum said I could tell this next one.
He had been trying to date this girl from OSU for some time. Spending hours hanging with her and her friends and he really REALLY liked her. Weeks went by.
Well one day I come home and as I am climbing the steps I realize they are having sex(it was my fault for thinking it was happening in his room)
So I silently open my door and...he has her over the couch. So I am at an turning point in my life:0 I decide "fuck it" I need to go to my room. So I try to walk past. he turns and sees me and without even pausing he puts his hand up for a high five.
A high five.
I stare at him not knowing what to do.
*hangs head*
I gave him a high five;)
They are married now. Which is cool but he ALWAYS whenever he thinks something is funny tries to give me a high five...a little inside joke.
Some people have no shame when it comes to shagging.

That is awesome! I really like this story; it brings a smile to my face.

I particularly like how no one involved participates in infanticide. *glares at you-know-who*

[Karak]

That is awesome! I really like this story; it brings a smile to my face.

I particularly like how no one involved participates in infanticide. *glares at you-know-who*

He is a damn good guy. But as many people these days he treats bedrooms like a spectator sport:)
One with high fives and foam #1 signs

[rinichanraar]

After reading everything here, goddamn, am I glad I live with my boyfriend.

[Karak]

After reading everything here, goddamn, am I glad I live with my boyfriend.

Just make sure he is not giving anyone random high fives:)

[pomeroy]

I'm lucky that my roommate is a vegetarian, because I wouldn't want meat in the fridge either, and I made that very clear before we moved in.

Still, he cooked salmon? Is he not aware that salmon is meat? :confused:

Mags, is there something I'm missing here? Would the meat offend you, or would it contaminate the other food?

[evilgoodwin]

Having no dishes is rather annoying I must say, by far in my top 3 list of things =/ That and having someone use the last of the milk without saying anything.. God I hate waking up in the morning, pouring a big bowl of cereal, only to open the fridge and see there is no milk jug sitting in there.

I hated my last roommate due to many, many things. But it'd be a waste to spoil them all at once, so I'll use this one that reminded me of him.

I love milk. A lot. I drink a gallon or two a week, depending on what I use it with. I cook with it a lot (Yay Campbell's soup) and will also drink it straight because nothing's better than milk with a sandwich. My old roommate was lactose intolerant (or so he claimed) and needed special milk (soy juice), which made me happy because this would be one thing of mine that would go untouched. Months go by and he claims that he can drink 2% milk with no problems, so he stops buying his own. I can live with that, I'll just buy more.

So one day, I get home. I've had a long day at school and I'm starving, but all I have left in the house is some Cream of Chicken (don't judge me, I like it). I walk in and he's sitting on the couch, where he'd been for the last 3 months more or less, watching whatever was on TV Land because he loved to live in the past. I grunt a hello and go to make food. We're out of milk. I'm pissed, but it was bound to happen. Reluctantly, I make my dinner with water and eat it in my room. It's depressing, and tasteless, and I decide that I'll just go eat before I go out with friends.

I leave my room to clean dishes and he pipes up "By the way, I bought some milk since I used the last of it!" I'm fucking dumbfounded. I tell him that there's none in the fridge, and he proceeds to hold up a half-empty half-gallon that he had at the couch.

Let me say this again. He was sitting on the couch with a half-gallon of milk that was, by now, room temperature. I had to know. "Why is the milk there?"

"Oh, I got tired of walking back and forth to the fridge (10 feet away) for refills."

[Everyone vs Dinosaurs]

I hated my last roommate due to many, many things. But it'd be a waste to spoil them all at once, so I'll use this one that reminded me of him.

I love milk. A lot. I drink a gallon or two a week, depending on what I use it with. I cook with it a lot (Yay Campbell's soup) and will also drink it straight because nothing's better than milk with a sandwich. My old roommate was lactose intolerant (or so he claimed) and needed special milk (soy juice), which made me happy because this would be one thing of mine that would go untouched. Months go by and he claims that he can drink 2% milk with no problems, so he stops buying his own. I can live with that, I'll just buy more.

So one day, I get home. I've had a long day at school and I'm starving, but all I have left in the house is some Cream of Chicken (don't judge me, I like it). I walk in and he's sitting on the couch, where he'd been for the last 3 months more or less, watching whatever was on TV Land because he loved to live in the past. I grunt a hello and go to make food. We're out of milk. I'm pissed, but it was bound to happen. Reluctantly, I make my dinner with water and eat it in my room. It's depressing, and tasteless, and I decide that I'll just go eat before I go out with friends.

I leave my room to clean dishes and he pipes up "By the way, I bought some milk since I used the last of it!" I'm fucking dumbfounded. I tell him that there's none in the fridge, and he proceeds to hold up a half-empty half-gallon that he had at the couch.

Let me say this again. He was sitting on the couch with a half-gallon of milk that was, by now, room temperature. I had to know. "Why is the milk there?"

"Oh, I got tired of walking back and forth to the fridge (10 feet away) for refills."


That isn't too bad, except for the fact that he decided to say something AFTER you made your food.

[evilgoodwin]

Yeah, before you live with anyone, see if you can go to their current residence and say "I want this in my house." Never go in blind, always do recon. Especially if it's a friend. Surprise visit their ass before they can clean their current place.

[TrackZero]

It amazes me how people search for roommates on craigslist or something similar. I only had 3 random room mates (all in college) and they were all nice people. The one was my initial freshman year assigned room mate. We are like brothers from different mother and he's the only kid from college i still keep in contact with. We ended up sharing a suite sophomore year (different bedrooms, same shared private bathroom) and an apartment 4th and 5th year.

In my experience, that's the funny part as well. The random roomates I had I got along with quite well, and both were polite, considerate and general all around good human beings. Now the ones I knew/were friends with, that's a whole other ball of wax.

[TrackZero]

He told me he spent around $300 a week.. wtf?


That's all he paid when he smoked that much every day? Guy must have been buying cheap shit.

My first roommates and I in college essentially had the place hot boxed for the first half year. Good times.

[TrackZero]

I am a bit of an asshole. I am more of your room-mate who would do weird shit to you, not like corn cob in the pooper, but pranks. Ice Water in the Shower is a good one for example.

But I have more redeeming quality than bad, as a room mate, I am fairly tidy, know how to cook, tend to keep my body hairs in safe locations.

You sound like I was (both in pranks and positive traits). Though when I pulled the pranks, they were always deserved for something else the person had done.

My favourite was taking my one roommate and his gfs pillows, removing the covers, and using them on smaller garbage bags. Then replacing them in the bed. Other roommate and I then watched TV until they came home, went in their room and then counted the time it would take until they realized something was up. Apparently it took 15 minutes, 5 for them to get into bed, and 10 of them trying to get to sleep with their heads on trash before the gf clued in. There was a scream and a "what the fuck!", followed by our laughter from the living room. Ah, nostalgia.

[Smoof]

My favourite was taking my one roommate and his gfs pillows, removing the covers, and using them on smaller garbage bags. Then replacing them in the bed.

This sentence makes no sense to me. Please clarify.

[Ancalagon]

This sentence makes no sense to me. Please clarify.

I think he replaced the pillow cases with small garbage bags.

[ClannerDelta]

I think he replaced the pillow cases with small garbage bags.

I think he replaced the pillows with small bags of garbage.

[Ancalagon]

I think he replaced the pillows with small bags of garbage.

Ah yes, you are right. He placed the pillow cases over small bags of garbage, removing the pillows themselves. I see.

[Smoof]

Ah ok, that makes sense now. Thanks.

[MagGnome]

You would hate me as a roommate :o I like hanging out in the living room so I can hang out with everyone, and since the television's in here, we normally have it on; and then I have my CoG addiction, so I need my laptop :p Granted, I rarely complain about my weight, even though I'm sensitive about it.

Aww, I would never get annoyed with you! He's not out there to be "around everyone", he's out there to be lazy. He gets annoyed sometimes if I come out and disturb his rest.

[MagGnome]

Mags, is there something I'm missing here? Would the meat offend you, or would it contaminate the other food?

I'm a vegan, so yes, having meat in the apartment would both offend me and gross me out. Especially after I lived by myself for 2.5 years with no meat in my home.

[Karak]

I'm a vegan, so yes, having meat in the apartment would both offend me and gross me out. Especially after I lived by myself for 2.5 years with no meat in my home.

I don't...understand. The meat would offend you? How woul it offend you?

[roboninja]

I don't...understand. The meat would offend you? How woul it offend you?

Just know that you and Mag could never be roommates :)

[pomeroy]

I'm a vegan, so yes, having meat in the apartment would both offend me and gross me out. Especially after I lived by myself for 2.5 years with no meat in my home.

Ah. I did not know you were vegan. More power to you...I know I do not have the willpower to not have cheese or bacon.

Or steak.

I just love eating animals too much. :p

[Troggles]

Ah. I did not know you were vegan. More power to you...I know I do not have the willpower to not have cheese or bacon.

Or steak.

I just love eating animals too much. :p

I believe that you deserve a lot of credit too. It takes a lot of effort to stick to a diet such as yours. It's really a life style choice that a few of us struggle to maintain each day.

[TrackZero]

This sentence makes no sense to me. Please clarify.

Pillow cases, over trash bags, looking like pillows.

[Generation ABXY]

Pillow cases, over trash bags, looking like pillows.

...why would you do such a thing?

[PathMaster]

Milk story
I am lactose intolerant and the severity of the affliction waxes and wanes over time. When I was younger, I only had to deal with it when I had straight milk, nothing else, then I had to do it whenever any milk product was eaten. Then it came to a point where I could drink milk from a glass infrequently. Now I take pills just about every meal.

Warm milk on the other hand..bleh.

[Karak]

Just know that you and Mag could never be roommates :)

I guess not.
I have lived with so many people, including those who didn't have a choice what they ate and others who were starving, as well as strict very strict vegan's that the idea of meal offending was just wierd. But each to their own.

[cppcrusader]

I've had a mixed bag of roommates over the years, I won't even begin to recount them all in one post. So I'll start with probably the most infamous one. Those of you who remember the inaugural Two Minute Hate of EAR will remember this one.

I ended up moving into a house with a bunch of strangers via a referral from a friend that rented from a guy that owned several properties in the area. The price is right and the room was great so I take a chance. One of the roommates was a recluse, much like Panic's. He stayed in his room all the time, never left the house (he apparently lost his job just before I moved in), etc. You'd figure I would have at least bumped into him in the kitchen at some point in time, but in fact I didn't even meet the guy until 4 months after I moved in.

Anyway, there was an established system for food already in place in the house. There was a large cupboard and everyone was given labeled shelf space. I would keep food in it, but I typically ate a lot of take out back then. Several months go by, this guy is starting to put a financial strain on the house manager and I'm starting to wonder how he manages to eat. Deciding to cut back on costs myself I go to my little cache of food and discover there's stuff missing, mostly ramen, and I shortly discover that I'm not the only one who's food was being raided.

As I settled in for EAR that night I decided to have myself a Twinkie and much to my horror the motherfucker ate all my Twinkies. The Twinkies that weren't even a week old of which I had only had one. Man I was pissed that night.

[Ancalagon]

I can forgive a lot of things in a digs. I can forgive the odd dirty dish. I can forgive being the only one who remembers to buy toilet paper and washing powder. But eat any of my shit, and you die. Especially breakfast cereal, milk, and chocolate. If one of those three things is not there when I want it (and I buy extra in advance just in case) you better be sick or dead.

I used to be a fairly messy guy, but now I'm one of the cleanest in my digs. I really like a clean kitchen now, I almost weird myself out sometimes.

[Karak]

As I settled in for EAR that night I decided to have myself a Twinkie and much to my horror the motherfucker ate all my Twinkies. The Twinkies that weren't even a week old of which I had only had one. Man I was pissed that night.

Maybe it is just me. But I have been lucky and this only happened once to me. Someone took eggs from something clearly marked mine and it was the last eggs.

I am pretty straight forward and noticed that just discussing it usually works.
On the other hand I am loud and the discussion took the form of me bellowing a sentance that took this form.
"Seriously I like you guys but if someone takes any of my food I will fucking crush your nuts. And I mean it. It is stealing which is the same as lying, meaning I fucking hate it and I will make you fucking pay if you do it again."
Never happened again.
It sucks to have to threaten like that but sometimes you have to.

[biosc1]

I'm a vegan, so yes, having meat in the apartment would both offend me and gross me out. Especially after I lived by myself for 2.5 years with no meat in my home.

Saw this a few days ago...

http://assets.comics.com/dyn/str_strip/000000000/00000000/0000000/200000/30000/4000/100/234110/234110.full.gif

[cppcrusader]

Maybe it is just me. But I have been lucky and this only happened once to me. Someone took eggs from something clearly marked mine and it was the last eggs.

I am pretty straight forward and noticed that just discussing it usually works.
On the other hand I am loud and the discussion took the form of me bellowing a sentance that took this form.
"Seriously I like you guys but if someone takes any of my food I will fucking crush your nuts. And I mean it. It is stealing which is the same as lying, meaning I fucking hate it and I will make you fucking pay if you do it again."
Never happened again.
It sucks to have to threaten like that but sometimes you have to.

Yeah, our "conversation" about it was pretty much went the same way.

Oddly enough, we had another "conversation" a few months later. I was under a tight deadline at work and had to bring some special equipment home to get it all done on time. The work was all networking related and the house router was garbage, only half the ports and nobody knew the password for it. So I swap it out with one of mine which was infinitely better, told everyone so they could make sure they could reconnect fine.

I'm in the final weekend of a serious crunch and all of a sudden all my net code starts appearing to be failing. Turns out somebody unplugged my router and plugged the old one back in. I change everything back, and ten minutes later someone does it again. This happens about 3 more times before I finally lose it and bellow out to everyone in the house to stop fucking with it, this happened around 1am. It happens again I manage to catch the guy redhanded. He then tells me he couldn't connect to the good router for some reason, bear in mind this guy was supposedly in IT before losing his job and supposedly hold a technical degree of some kind, so he just decided to switch them out.

[Ancalagon]

Yeah, our "conversation" about it was pretty much went the same way.

Oddly enough, we had another "conversation" a few months later. I was under a tight deadline at work and had to bring some special equipment home to get it all done on time. The work was all networking related and the house router was garbage, only half the ports and nobody knew the password for it. So I swap it out with one of mine which was infinitely better, told everyone so they could make sure they could reconnect fine.

I'm in the final weekend of a serious crunch and all of a sudden all my net code starts appearing to be failing. Turns out somebody unplugged my router and plugged the old one back in. I change everything back, and ten minutes later someone does it again. This happens about 3 more times before I finally lose it and bellow out to everyone in the house to stop fucking with it, this happened around 1am. It happens again I manage to catch the guy redhanded. He then tells me he couldn't connect to the good router for some reason, bear in mind this guy was supposedly in IT before losing his job and supposedly hold a technical degree of some kind, so he just decided to switch them out.

I hope he had to go to a hospital to get the router removed.

I dont mind someone disagreeing with something I do in the house. But I expect them to have the decency to ask me about it. To say, "hey you fuck, why did you do that?"

If they do that, I'll explain. If I know I was in the wrong, I'll apologize and not do it again. If you go passive aggressive on me, I just get madder, and it doesnt solve anything.

[Suave Peanut]

It's difficult enough to deal with your food going missing. It's a real pisser, though, to catch somebody red-handed eating food out of a container with your name on it in Sharpie.

[cppcrusader]

I hope he had to go to a hospital to get the router removed.

I dont mind someone disagreeing with something I do in the house. But I expect them to have the decency to ask me about it. To say, "hey you fuck, why did you do that?"

If they do that, I'll explain. If I know I was in the wrong, I'll apologize and not do it again. If you go passive aggressive on me, I just get madder, and it doesnt solve anything.

It very nearly came to that, stealing ramen I can overlook but messing with my livelihood...

I don't handle passive aggressive stuff well either. I had one that was a note leaver at a different place. I was in the middle my Associate's Final Project at Full Sail and accidentally ran out the door without my leftover chinese I had sitting on the counter for my lunch. That night I got a call from one of my other roommates saying the note leaver left a note on the food I left out. He threw it all away for me knowing I was stressed out enough and I was already unhappy with note leaver due to the models he was providing for my game.

[LongStepMantis]

Roommates stealing food seems to be something they never see as being "a big deal".

I found out that it only becomes a big deal if you stop leaving any food for them to steal.

I had a roommate for about a month one time, and this guy had no concept of ownership at all. It was such a short stay I'd completely forgotten about him until now, and it was a long way back, way before DVD stealing guy.

The day he moves in, he isn't there for 5 minutes when he grabs a can of my coke out of the fridge, heats up one of my tv dinners, and has lunch...while I was sitting 5 feet away. I didn't even realize what he had done until later, as I was playing some N64 with a friend at the time and it had my undivided attention. I figured, again naively, "He just moved in, maybe he hasn't had a chance to get food." It pissed me off, but I let it slide.

The next morning, I noticed several sodas and two more of my tv dinners have been eaten...WTF. By the time I went to have dinner that day, almost all of my food was gone. This guy had completely raided my food supply as if he hadn't eaten in months. I had another roommate at the time (the guy I was playing N64 with) who was great. I ate take-out for the next few days until I got a chance to go shopping, but I was also not in a hurry to restock until I knew the new guy had finally bought some of his own damn food. Good roommate tells me that someone had eaten a bunch of his food, and it wasn't me. Alright, the guy had been there about a week and hadn't bothered buying any food of his own, he was just eating anything he wanted of anyone else's.

So the two of us decided to not buy any food at all until the guy got the hint. Nothing edible remained. We would go out to eat lunch together, and take-out for dinner.

After about a week of that, new guy actually comes in when we're playing N64 again, and asks us without even skipping a beat "Are you guys ever gonna buy more food or what?"
...Urge to kill...rising.

This is the real kicker. The guy had lied about his age to our landlord. He said he was 18, but he was really 15, and had only lived at home with his mom. He had never had to buy or make his own food in his life, and he honestly expected us to fill the role of his mom and make sure HE had food to eat. We informed him that wasn't how it worked, and he was all on his own if he got hungry. He actually got mad and told us we were being unfair. We informed him that he shouldn't even be there if he wasn't prepared/capable of taking care of himself, it wasn't our problem. After a couple more weeks (and even a couple of instances when he had stolen partially eaten take-out from the fridge) he moved back home. He honestly expected it to be like home, where all of his food, laundry, bills, etc. would be taken care of without him having to do anything.

Who the fuck raises these idiots? A better question...how do they survive long enough to breed?

[crazyD]

You guys are too picky. I don't have a problem with my roommate eating the food I buy, and she doesn't have a problem with me eating the food she buys. The best roommates are the completely apathetic ones. Add that to the fact that she will give me a high five any time I want, and she is the best roommate ever. Sucks to be you suckers.

[Schnoogs]

I have an great one...

So I worked for an internet startup during my senior year of college...after we all graduated we moved the company to Portland. One of the graphic artists needed a place to stay as well so we decided to be roommates. I found a nice place downtown and things were cool for the first 3 months of our 6 month lease.

After 3 months he met this chick and wanted to move in with her so he did. He found some lady on Yahoo to take his place and she showed up one day. Well when I met her she was all cut up and bruised....she looked a mess. She told me she was in a very bad car accident and I of course believed her.

A few weeks go by and we start getting these collect phone calls...she tells me to not answer them so I don't. Then a month later this guy shows up and tells me he's her ex boyfriend and he just got out of jail...naturally he was in jail for beating her. So the guy is always around. They're always fighting and then making up. One day he tells me that he thinks shes stealing money from him so I help him do a credit check on the internet. He also has me intercepting her emails, etc. It got really shady and stupid fast.

So finally I contact the front office and they explain to me that my old roommate never actually put her on the lease...his mistake and possibly to my benefit...well I tell them to change the locks...well of course right when they do that she shows up. I have to explain to her that I was sick of the shit and wanted her out. Then I find out that in Oregon she has rights (and people ask why I hate liberals). I can't kick her out even though she isn't on the lease...she has the right to stay even though she should have never been there to begin with...she was an "undocumented tenant" and has to be given a 30 day notice by me...I'm now her fucking landlord. The fear was that she would just stay indefinitely. I finally got her out and as payback I stuck my original roommate with all of the cleaning bills.

[maharahaj]

After about a week of that, new guy actually comes in when we're playing N64 again, and asks us without even skipping a beat "Are you guys ever gonna buy more food or what?"
...Urge to kill...rising. ?

I actually got mad sitting here reading that. The nerve of some people. How can someone be so clueless? Man, am I glad I never had a food stealer (or thief in general) as a room mate.

[Kielaran]

To all of you who have food stealers, there is an easy solution:

Make a plate of laxative brownies and mark them as yours. The end.

[Karak]

To all of you who have food stealers, there is an easy solution:

Make a plate of laxative brownies and mark them as yours. The end.

Sounds good.
But in real life does not work. This is illegal and would net you some time in jail.
yes I know it will.

[Karak]

You guys are too picky. I don't have a problem with my roommate eating the food I buy, and she doesn't have a problem with me eating the food she buys. The best roommates are the completely apathetic ones. Add that to the fact that she will give me a high five any time I want, and she is the best roommate ever. Sucks to be you suckers.

Ah.
Awesome.

[Kielaran]

Sounds good.
But in real life does not work. This is illegal and would net you some time in jail.
yes I know it will.

Really? I thought it would if you offered them to the person, but I was pretty sure if they stole it that they would be at fault, not you.

[Karak]

Really? I thought it would if you offered them to the person, but I was pretty sure if they stole it that they would be at fault, not you.
Sadly that is not correct.

[cppcrusader]

You guys are too picky. I don't have a problem with my roommate eating the food I buy, and she doesn't have a problem with me eating the food she buys. The best roommates are the completely apathetic ones. Add that to the fact that she will give me a high five any time I want, and she is the best roommate ever. Sucks to be you suckers.

They were Twinkies man....TWINKIES!

[OrangePulp]

Sadly that is not correct.

Wait, really? So, someone steals something of yours, but because you... sabotaged it, you are at fault, despite them committing theft? It's like the guy who sued the people whos house he broke into (or was that just an urban legend?).

[pomeroy]

You guys are too picky. I don't have a problem with my roommate eating the food I buy, and she doesn't have a problem with me eating the food she buys. The best roommates are the completely apathetic ones. Add that to the fact that she will give me a high five any time I want, and she is the best roommate ever. Sucks to be you suckers.

Ah, but you have reciprocation from your roommate (she buys food that she lets you eat as well). When you have a mooch in the house, it sucks ass.

[Karak]

Wait, really? So, someone steals something of yours, but because you... sabotaged it, you are at fault, despite them committing theft? It's like the guy who sued the people whos house he broke into (or was that just an urban legend?).

Correct.
Another reason why some of the more creative car theft preventative devices did not end up being installed in some cars.
Nope not an urban legend.
A kid at our school hurt themselves calling out a window THEY broke and they ended up getting money.
Legal system sucks

[squirrelTactics]

Wait, really? So, someone steals something of yours, but because you... sabotaged it, you are at fault, despite them committing theft? It's like the guy who sued the people whos house he broke into (or was that just an urban legend?).

Yeah, like Karak said, that's why you can't run an electric current through your car to prevent people from breaking into it.

[cawblen]

moving off campus when i was in university was the best day of my life during those rough times...i'm a control/neat freak when it comes to my living environment...so the dirty dishes, disgusting bathroom, loud music, drunk antics, etc. drove me insane and almost caused me to fail my first year.

[MagGnome]

Stealing food is the worst. That messy/cheating roommate I had in college also ate my food all the time. Him and his homophobic buddies would raid my shit. Really pissed me off, and I had to hide things that I brought home.

Speaking of which, I had a crazy roommate when I first moved to the Twin Cities. He had lived by himself for a very long time, and he was REALLY anal - much more so than I am, which is a real feat.

Anyway, I moved in late one night and took a shower the next morning. Hanging in the shower were two washcloths, one of which was really ratty. I didn't think much of it and just went about my business. Later in the day he asks me if I touched anything of his in the bathroom. I replied that I hadn't, and he proceeded to tell me not to touch his things, especially his "ass cloth". I can't even imagine the expression that was on my face as he explained to me that the ratty washcloth was the one he used to scrub his ass. You better believe I never touched it!

We had only lived together for two weeks or so when we had to move to a new place, because his current apartment was being converted into a condo. We moved into the new place and he really went crazy. I went into his room one day to find a phone number. I merely looked around his desk and moved one or two things slighty. I was in there for less than a minute, and I did NOT rifle through his things. He somehow figured out that I was in there and accused me of going through his stuff and trying to steal from him. He went out and bought a lock with a deadbolt - the kind that we had on the front door of the building, and he used it to secure his bedroom against my snooping and thievery. He then proceeded to stash all of his food in his closet where I couldn't get to it. Keep in mind that I had no intention of eating any of his food or going through his things.

He was a paranoid mess and I moved out shortly thereafter.

[Allimonster]

I picked all my roommates in college, except for one. She was enough.

She would get up at 6 for her 10am class - a 30 minute shower (we had our own bathroom), followed by a lengthy blow-dry session, then CURLING the hair she just dried straight (WTF?!?). Deliberation on the outfit, then leaving her wet towels all over the place and covering the bathroom in her makeup.

Returning from her ONE class each day, she'd essentially strip down to her underwear and prance about in a tiny tank top and boxer shorts. In the middle of winter, she'd turn the heat up to 80 degrees inside and wonder why she was cold, but not think to put on another layer!

The worst, though, was the night I caught her and her boyfriend having sloppy, nasty drunken sex on MY couch. UGH.

[Generation ABXY]

Yeah, like Karak said, that's why you can't run an electric current through your car to prevent people from breaking into it.

And that's such a shame, too...

b6HH3UVk0IY

[evilgoodwin]

Maybe it is just me. But I have been lucky and this only happened once to me. Someone took eggs from something clearly marked mine and it was the last eggs.


Alright, another reminded story :)

Same guy. This is a month after the milk incident. I had bought a half-dozen eggs to use in some Egg Drop soup (experimenting with cooking it, seeing if I could add it to my recipes if it was as easy to make as it sounded). I wasn't going to use them all, so I did the nice thing and told him that I had bought eggs because I was going to use them to try to make the soup in the next day or so. Therefore, I've told him about the existence of the eggs, that I would be using some, and that he could have some if he got hungry. Remember these three things. I go to my room to do homework, because I bought them on the way home from class.

An hour goes by. I finish my homework and go to get something out of the fridge before I leave for another night of drinking (I was so sick of seeing this guy every day, every time I ever left my room, that I went out and drank all night so I could just stumble in and go to bed and ignore him when i got back. But that's another story). Anyway, going to the fridge, I open it up and grab a soda when I look over at the counter.

I see the following: 1 used frying pan, 1 half stick of butter just left out on the counter, and 1 half-dozen egg container, filled with 6 broken eggs. :mad:

I proceed to pound on his door until he opens, and I explode at him on how the fuck he used ALL of the eggs within an HOUR of me telling him I was going to use some. He responded with, "I was hungry, so I made a 6 egg omelet! I'll get more eggs before you need them, though!" He did replace them before I woke up the next day, but for FUCK'S SAKE! 6 egg omelet?! And that he responded so calm, as if nothing had ever happened, that's what pissed me off the most.

[crazyD]

Ah, but you have reciprocation from your roommate (she buys food that she lets you eat as well). When you have a mooch in the house, it sucks ass.

Eh, I've had mooch roommates, but I'm easy going enough that it doesn't really bother me.

[LongStepMantis]

Paranoid guy story

A guy like that shouldn't live with other people, especially ones he doesn't know.

If this thread has shown me anything, it's that I'm hardly alone in the shitastic roommates department. I knew there are usually conflicts with roommates, especially ones you don't already know beforehand...but there are so many just fucked up stories here alone, and we're not that huge of a pool to survey.
I always just assumed I had horrible luck with my roommates.

I never thought living with thieves, addicts, and morons could ever sound like a decent scenario. But none of them ever committed infanticide, beat their partners, or were just completely batshit out of their minds. I'm blessed! :D

I'm really damn glad I live with my wife now. I don't want to end up with any of your ex-roomies. :p

Eh, I've had mooch roommates, but I'm easy going enough that it doesn't really bother me.

I've had a couple really mooching roommates, but we were already friends before moving in together. That really makes all the difference as far as I'm concerned. It annoyed me, but having some jackoff you don't even know do it is different.

[pomeroy]

Eh, I've had mooch roommates, but I'm easy going enough that it doesn't really bother me.

When I've had roommates, I've been broke enough (college student) that mooching really did bother me. And I'm not that guy otherwise.

[ClannerDelta]

When I've had roommates, I've been broke enough (college student) that mooching really did bother me. And I'm not that guy otherwise.

Yeah, I can't imagine most people who need to split their living expenses to get by are well off enough to be feeding another fully grown human being.

[Everyone vs Dinosaurs]

Yeah, like Karak said, that's why you can't run an electric current through your car to prevent people from breaking into it.

I know a guy who hooked up his Mercedes hood ornament to a battery, that shocked you pretty bad whenever it was touched.



His ornament was never stolen again.


(I think it was also on a spring or something to prevent hammertime)

[PanicBomb!]

Um...congrats? :eek:

Also, quoted! You...you've earned it. :o

Whoa, I've never been sigged before! Let this be a lesson to my fellow lurkers that it pays to pop your head out every once in awhile. Your words may be met with the deafening silence of indifference, or, you MAY BE MADE IMMORTAL, AS I HAVE!:p Thanks dude!

This is my last go, partly because I fear I'm bogarting the thread, partly because I'm running out of material, but mostly because if I keep it up everyone's going to start thinking I'm pulling this stuff straight out of my ass(hand to god it's all true).

Back at Murder House, when the crazy girl was hauled off to jail, she was replaced a few weeks later with this Emo-Hipster dude we found through a friend of a friend. He was pretty cool. His girlfriend was pretty BATSHIT FUCKING INSANE. She did a lot of kooky shit, most endearing of which was when she cut her wrists in our (accursed) bathroom as some sort of half-assed suicide attempt/cry for help/vengeance for an argument. She was the only one home, cut herself up, then dialed 911 herself. This may sound incredibly callous of me, but once I'd heard that the wounds were mostly superficial and her doctor's did not consider her a legitimate suicide risk, I flipped the fuck out on her. I went off about how ridiculously thoughtless and cruel it was to do something like that in a place where you don't even fucking live. I'd been scarred enough by babygate, and now 2 months later I almost had to deal with another goddamn corpse in my own home? I'm sorry, but if you're going to kill yourself in my house at the very least you need to be kicking in for Showtime. Emo dude broke up with her almost immediately, to his credit. I don't know what's going on in that bathroom, either it's built over an Indian burial ground, or it's the personal commode of cthulu. If you're ever invited to a party at 5326 Ox Road, Fairfax Virginia FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT GO.

My last house was pretty easy going, aside from one roommate who liked to watch hentai on the livingroom projector screen as casually as if it were ESPN. I'd come home and I'd see things. Terrible things. There were screams. There were tentacles. He also had all of these hentai wallpapers and screensavers on his computer, which he kept in the livingroom. It was kind of funny, because we'd have parties that filled up the whole first floor of the house, but there would always be this impermeable 10ft bubble around where his computer was. The visual effect was as if you were at a live show, and a mosh pit broke out: the crowd clears a big circle, and anyone who enters would spastically flail about while others kept shoving him back in.

Sophomore year of college, a friend of mine was roomed with, I shit you not, a Vietnamese exchange student with dwarfism. The guy barely spoke english, but, from what we could tell he had some kind of skin condition that made him intolerably itchy at times. As his arms were too short for him to adequately reach parts of his body...he would spontaneously start shouting in Vietnamese, strip down to his boxers, and violently roll all over the carpet as if he were on fire. The mental image may sound kind of funny. I assure you, it was not.

I think that's all for me. I moved in with my long term girlfriend recently, so the best I've had of late is stories of my bathroom mysteriously being cleaned and frequently waking up to her cat clawing the fuck out of my face.

There's a lot of great stories in here, thanks so much to everyone for sharing them. It's helped me kill the last two work nights.:cool:

[MagGnome]

Panic, I bow to you. You truly are a legendary storyteller.

I'm not saying that you made any of it up, I'm merely commending your ability to captivate me and subsequently horrify me.

[Generation ABXY]

Whoa, I've never been sigged before! Let this be a lesson to my fellow lurkers that it pays to pop your head out every once in awhile. Your words may be met with the deafening silence of indifference, or, you MAY BE MADE IMMORTAL, AS I HAVE!:p Thanks dude!

This is my last go, partly because I fear I'm bogarting the thread, partly because I'm running out of material, but mostly because if I keep it up everyone's going to start thinking I'm pulling this stuff straight out of my ass(hand to god it's all true).

Back at Murder House, when the crazy girl was hauled off to jail, she was replaced a few weeks later with this Emo-Hipster dude we found through a friend of a friend. He was pretty cool. His girlfriend was pretty BATSHIT FUCKING INSANE. She did a lot of kooky shit, most endearing of which was when she cut her wrists in our (accursed) bathroom as some sort of half-assed suicide attempt/cry for help/vengeance for an argument. She was the only one home, cut herself up, then dialed 911 herself. This may sound incredibly callous of me, but once I'd heard that the wounds were mostly superficial and her doctor's did not consider her a legitimate suicide risk, I flipped the fuck out on her. I went off about how ridiculously thoughtless and cruel it was to do something like that in a place where you don't even fucking live. I'd been scarred enough by babygate, and now 2 months later I almost had to deal with another goddamn corpse in my own home? I'm sorry, but if you're going to kill yourself in my house at the very least you need to be kicking in for Showtime. Emo dude broke up with her almost immediately, to his credit. I don't know what's going on in that bathroom, either it's built over an Indian burial ground, or it's the personal commode of cthulu. If you're ever invited to a party at 5326 Ox Road, Fairfax Virginia FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT GO.

My last house was pretty easy going, aside from one roommate who liked to watch hentai on the livingroom projector screen as casually as if it were ESPN. I'd come home and I'd see things. Terrible things. There were screams. There were tentacles. He also had all of these hentai wallpapers and screensavers on his computer, which he kept in the livingroom. It was kind of funny, because we'd have parties that filled up the whole first floor of the house, but there would always be this impermeable 10ft bubble around where his computer was. The visual effect was as if you were at a live show, and a mosh pit broke out: the crowd clears a big circle, and anyone who enters would spastically flail about while others kept shoving him back in.

Sophomore year of college, a friend of mine was roomed with, I shit you not, a Vietnamese exchange student with dwarfism. The guy barely spoke english, but, from what we could tell he had some kind of skin condition that made him intolerably itchy at times. As his arms were too short for him to adequately reach parts of his body...he would spontaneously start shouting in Vietnamese, strip down to his boxers, and violently roll all over the carpet as if he were on fire. The mental image may sound kind of funny. I assure you, it was not.

I think that's all for me. I moved in with my long term girlfriend recently, so the best I've had of late is stories of my bathroom mysteriously being cleaned and frequently waking up to her cat clawing the fuck out of my face.

There's a lot of great stories in here, thanks so much to everyone for sharing them. It's helped me kill the last two work nights.:cool:

Dude! Start a blog, charge a fee, and retire young.

[LongStepMantis]

Panic...I think your whole life is built on top of an Indian burial ground. ;)

It's like Pet Cemetary: The True Story with like, one less death than the movie had and a bonus shrieking, rolling, Vietnamese dwarf with a skin condition.

...Do you know how fucked up it is to type that and realize someone actually lived it? You're my goddamn hero. :p

[PanicBomb!]

Reading through some of the stuff I wrote, I can easily see how it would sound like I'm living in some horrible nightmare realm, where all of the architecture is ripped from a Tim Burton film, I bathe in the tears of children and each night am carried off to sleep by the lullaby of distant, tortured screams.

In actuality, I lead a happy, carefree life, I'm just witness to the atrocities around me. I eat people's pain and heartache, digest it, and shit it out as rainbows! I wear a gumdrop suit and sleep on clouds of cotton candy! My best friend is a purple dragon who grants 3 wishes! My second best friend is also a purple dragon who only grants 2 wishes but carries a suitcase full of neverending birthday cake! My life is nothing but happiness and awesome. In fact, I'm writing this from the back of a unicorn who-Oh wait, wait, no....he's raping someone.:(

:D

[Codicier]

Reading through some of the stuff I wrote, I can easily see how it would sound like I'm living in some horrible nightmare realm, where all of the architecture is ripped from a Tim Burton film, I bathe in the tears of children and each night am carried off to sleep by the lullaby of distant, tortured screams.

In actuality, I lead a happy, carefree life, I'm just witness to the atrocities around me. I eat people's pain and heartache, digest it, and shit it out as rainbows! I wear a gumdrop suit and sleep on clouds of cotton candy! My best friend is a purple dragon who grants 3 wishes! My second best friend is also a purple dragon who only grants 2 wishes but carries a suitcase full of neverending birthday cake! My life is nothing but happiness and awesome. In fact, I'm writing this from the back of a unicorn who-Oh wait, wait, no....he's raping someone.:(

:D


I like this guy, can we keep him? I'll take him for a walk every day, promise.

[LongStepMantis]

Reading through some of the stuff I wrote, I can easily see how it would sound like I'm living in some horrible nightmare realm, where all of the architecture is ripped from a Tim Burton film, I bathe in the tears of children and each night am carried off to sleep by the lullaby of distant, tortured screams.

In actuality, I lead a happy, carefree life, I'm just witness to the atrocities around me. I eat people's pain and heartache, digest it, and shit it out as rainbows! I wear a gumdrop suit and sleep on clouds of cotton candy! My best friend is a purple dragon who grants 3 wishes! My second best friend is also a purple dragon who only grants 2 wishes but carries a suitcase full of neverending birthday cake! My life is nothing but happiness and awesome. In fact, I'm writing this from the back of a unicorn who-Oh wait, wait, no....he's raping someone.:(

:D


http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd315/longstepmantis/Clap1.gif

[Disgustipated]

Reading through some of the stuff I wrote, I can easily see how it would sound like I'm living in some horrible nightmare realm, where all of the architecture is ripped from a Tim Burton film, I bathe in the tears of children and each night am carried off to sleep by the lullaby of distant, tortured screams.

In actuality, I lead a happy, carefree life, I'm just witness to the atrocities around me. I eat people's pain and heartache, digest it, and shit it out as rainbows! I wear a gumdrop suit and sleep on clouds of cotton candy! My best friend is a purple dragon who grants 3 wishes! My second best friend is also a purple dragon who only grants 2 wishes but carries a suitcase full of neverending birthday cake! My life is nothing but happiness and awesome. In fact, I'm writing this from the back of a unicorn who-Oh wait, wait, no....he's raping someone.:(

:D

LMAO, you are truly a master of the unfortunate. Bravo, sir, I tip my hat to you.

[Lekon]

http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/5163/liveleakdotcom247501roobv9.jpg

I just had to share this in lite of some of the stories posted in this awesome thread.

[biosc1]

I think that's all for me. I moved in with my long term girlfriend recently, so the best I've had of late is stories of my bathroom mysteriously being cleaned and frequently waking up to her cat clawing the fuck out of my face.
:

Welcome to my world at this exact moment. Bloody cat whacked my face, now I'm up and can't get back to sleep. This isn't my cat, this is not her cat, it's her moms...it's diabetic, cranky...and somehow can open doors by jiggling them...

oh...and it's afraid of the dark...

...so begins my 1 month of terror as we look after this thing.

[Church42]

Stopped going to school, would eat our food, needed salt on every single piece of food he ate (as referenced by the random salt shakers ALL OVER the house), eventually started eating stuff right out of the pots he made it in, would bring them into his room and would never clean them up.

Hahaha, I forgot about that...yeah, I remember now all the salt shakers he left around my sophmore dorm too.