Bandango
09-19-2010, 12:17 PM
http://flexapic.com/g.ashx?id=4868
Adventure games have always had the most room for dirty jokes. Perhaps I think this solely because of Leisure Suit Larry and his umpteen sexual excursions, but I feel his series probably isn’t the only titillating bunch of adventure titles out there. This genre is best equipped to dole out dick and boob jokes. I can’t picture too many opportunities to make a crack about an unfortunately timed boner in an RTS, or while shooting Nazis (though that would make for a nice twist on the tired WWIIFPS model).
The perfect opportunity for such jokes, at least according to writer and artist Shane Stevens, is on the bridge of a penis shaped starship. Think Star Trek if Kirk donned a persistent priapism. I think you’re on to something, Shane.
http://flexapic.com/g.ashx?id=4874
Hard Space: Conquest of the Gayliks (greatest video game name ever?) has a potty mouth. We first join the crew of the ISC Penetrator on the command deck; Captain Jack Hardin, Commander Spunk (Spock LOL!!!), Lieutenant Tagai, and Lieutenant Scatman trade quips during their approach to the Fallux system. Most of these jokes trend towards homosexual. For example: Lt Tagai remarks ‘that’s how he likes it’ after the Captain orders the ship to approach the planet ‘slow and steady.’ Lt Scatman and the Commander argue over the exact size of the Lt’s penis. The gayliks, the evil robots that play dalek to your Doctor Who, kind of look like dongs. Yup.
During the opening intro (which you must watch), Spunk files a ‘First Officer's log, suppositorial’ in which he describes the deteriorating condition of the captain. Hardin is down in the dumps after the death of the only woman on board, and despite the best efforts of his seemingly all gay crew, the captain has no avenues to vent his pent up sexual frustration. A hallucinatory vision of breasts, like the storied pied piper, fills the viewscreen and begins the adventure. If this strikes you as childish, that’s because it is. It is childish and stupid and dumb. Jokes range from groan worthy to laugh-out-loud… most are groan worthy, and each and every one is completely hilarious. I love it. The Cap has a massive bulge in his pants for the entire game. How great is that? It’s like Labyrinth if Bowie was on screen every scene (This sentence is an excuse for me to post the following screen shot).
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2qPRxDxARm4/RzqN6qTUMRI/AAAAAAAABmg/BDRAGQ8cCyw/s400/davidbowiebulge.jpg
For the most part, you should understand how this plays. It’s an adventure game. Some slight deviations set it apart from the rest. Captain Hardin affects the world in 3 different ways: he interacts, quips, and punches. Interacting is for stuff, quipping is for talking, and punching is funny. As far as the puzzles go, I have to be honest -- I used a walkthrough. I’ve always been kind of bad at Adventure games, but Hard Space is either really hard, or I’m slowly growing stupider. I think I solved one puzzle on my own. Having a walkthrough open in the other window is a big temptation though, so I didn’t try too terribly hard to go without it.
If you haven’t gathered this from the screenshots already, I just want to say how pretty Hard Space is. The dayglo deck pops, each new environment is filled with color and detail, and the big headed (or breasted) characters have just that… character. The writing is great, the situations the crew gets caught up in are never boring, and, well, it’s fun. My only complaint is that the childish humor wanes as you get further into the actual story, which isn’t a bad one. In the end I banged the space priestess. I lost my command, but it was worth it.
http://flexapic.com/g.ashx?id=4872
Hard Space: Conquest of the Gayliks is...
one long dick joke.
a competent adventure game.
a dayglo extravaganza.
Windows, get it here:
http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=40883.0
(http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=40883.0)
Walkthrough:
http://gamesolutions.efzeven.nl/hard-space-walkthrough-shane-stevens2010/
Adventure games have always had the most room for dirty jokes. Perhaps I think this solely because of Leisure Suit Larry and his umpteen sexual excursions, but I feel his series probably isn’t the only titillating bunch of adventure titles out there. This genre is best equipped to dole out dick and boob jokes. I can’t picture too many opportunities to make a crack about an unfortunately timed boner in an RTS, or while shooting Nazis (though that would make for a nice twist on the tired WWIIFPS model).
The perfect opportunity for such jokes, at least according to writer and artist Shane Stevens, is on the bridge of a penis shaped starship. Think Star Trek if Kirk donned a persistent priapism. I think you’re on to something, Shane.
http://flexapic.com/g.ashx?id=4874
Hard Space: Conquest of the Gayliks (greatest video game name ever?) has a potty mouth. We first join the crew of the ISC Penetrator on the command deck; Captain Jack Hardin, Commander Spunk (Spock LOL!!!), Lieutenant Tagai, and Lieutenant Scatman trade quips during their approach to the Fallux system. Most of these jokes trend towards homosexual. For example: Lt Tagai remarks ‘that’s how he likes it’ after the Captain orders the ship to approach the planet ‘slow and steady.’ Lt Scatman and the Commander argue over the exact size of the Lt’s penis. The gayliks, the evil robots that play dalek to your Doctor Who, kind of look like dongs. Yup.
During the opening intro (which you must watch), Spunk files a ‘First Officer's log, suppositorial’ in which he describes the deteriorating condition of the captain. Hardin is down in the dumps after the death of the only woman on board, and despite the best efforts of his seemingly all gay crew, the captain has no avenues to vent his pent up sexual frustration. A hallucinatory vision of breasts, like the storied pied piper, fills the viewscreen and begins the adventure. If this strikes you as childish, that’s because it is. It is childish and stupid and dumb. Jokes range from groan worthy to laugh-out-loud… most are groan worthy, and each and every one is completely hilarious. I love it. The Cap has a massive bulge in his pants for the entire game. How great is that? It’s like Labyrinth if Bowie was on screen every scene (This sentence is an excuse for me to post the following screen shot).
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2qPRxDxARm4/RzqN6qTUMRI/AAAAAAAABmg/BDRAGQ8cCyw/s400/davidbowiebulge.jpg
For the most part, you should understand how this plays. It’s an adventure game. Some slight deviations set it apart from the rest. Captain Hardin affects the world in 3 different ways: he interacts, quips, and punches. Interacting is for stuff, quipping is for talking, and punching is funny. As far as the puzzles go, I have to be honest -- I used a walkthrough. I’ve always been kind of bad at Adventure games, but Hard Space is either really hard, or I’m slowly growing stupider. I think I solved one puzzle on my own. Having a walkthrough open in the other window is a big temptation though, so I didn’t try too terribly hard to go without it.
If you haven’t gathered this from the screenshots already, I just want to say how pretty Hard Space is. The dayglo deck pops, each new environment is filled with color and detail, and the big headed (or breasted) characters have just that… character. The writing is great, the situations the crew gets caught up in are never boring, and, well, it’s fun. My only complaint is that the childish humor wanes as you get further into the actual story, which isn’t a bad one. In the end I banged the space priestess. I lost my command, but it was worth it.
http://flexapic.com/g.ashx?id=4872
Hard Space: Conquest of the Gayliks is...
one long dick joke.
a competent adventure game.
a dayglo extravaganza.
Windows, get it here:
http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=40883.0
(http://www.bigbluecup.com/yabb/index.php?topic=40883.0)
Walkthrough:
http://gamesolutions.efzeven.nl/hard-space-walkthrough-shane-stevens2010/