Introvert vs Extrovert

[Inspector Fowler]

I had a realization not too long ago that has helped me manage my social life much more successfully.

Years ago I was a horrific introvert. I remember being chided by my mother for "being rude" when in actuality I was too shy to say "hello" or carry on a conversation.

When I discovered girls in 9th grade (or rather, they discovered me) I suddenly became an extrovert - I also changed social circles a little bit and suddenly I had a huge group of friends who thought it was pretty cool to be smart, play an instrument, etc. For years I have been operating off the assumption that I simply flipped and I have been pretty much been a huge social person ever since.

That worked pretty well but over the last six months I have found myself resenting people, avoiding company, etc. This really bothered me until I sort of figured it out - I realized that deep inside, I'm still pretty much an introvert. On the outside, though, I function better as an extrovert.

I view my introversion as sort of the battery - I need to be completely unplugged from real people for a certain period of time each week. This allows me to go to work, interface with hundreds of people, etc. It allows me to in general be a cheerful bastard. I enjoy other people a lot more now that I've realized this.

This is the opposite of a lot of people who describe themselves as extroverted - they feel "recharged" by people/social contact, and they view their time alone as their "output" phase - they don't necessarily enjoy it and they look forward to being with people again. Most introverts view their time alone as the "buffer" that recharges them to be able to deal with people.

Is it weird that I'm sort of the opposite? I really enjoy my time with people, and I love being the center of attention, cracking jokes, having fun - but I can't sustain that without some serious alone time.

Is anybody here the same?

[Lance Uppercut]

I kinda understand how you feel. I have to deal with difficult people all day at work, and it drains me so much that I need to be alone to recharge my batteries and not go insane.

[Handmade.Mercury]

Sounds pretty normal to me.

[wyeast]

Some people are introverted. *shrug* It's normal.


That said, I think it's pretty obvious I'm not :D

(yes, I mean BOTH introverted... and normal..) ;)

[BigJonno]

I know exactly what you mean, I need to have a balance. I enjoy being with a group of people and I'm always outgoing and confident in those situations, but if I don't get alone time, I get grouchy and irritable. One of the best things about my relationship with Mrs Jonno was that she was the one person I could completely relax and recharge with.

[Hawkzombie]

I'm an extroverted Introvert.

Yeah, exactly.

[AntonThaGreat]

I'm an extroverted Introvert.

Yeah, exactly.

That's a good description. I like people, but I need time to myself also.

[Widgetcraft]

I find that flip-flop between the two. Sometimes I can be overly chatty, other times I can't find a damn thing to say, regardless of who I'm talking to.

[DarkDay]

I had a realization not too long ago that has helped me manage my social life much more successfully.

Years ago I was a horrific introvert. I remember being chided by my mother for "being rude" when in actuality I was too shy to say "hello" or carry on a conversation.

When I discovered girls in 9th grade (or rather, they discovered me) I suddenly became an extrovert - I also changed social circles a little bit and suddenly I had a huge group of friends who thought it was pretty cool to be smart, play an instrument, etc. For years I have been operating off the assumption that I simply flipped and I have been pretty much been a huge social person ever since.

That worked pretty well but over the last six months I have found myself resenting people, avoiding company, etc. This really bothered me until I sort of figured it out - I realized that deep inside, I'm still pretty much an introvert. On the outside, though, I function better as an extrovert.

I view my introversion as sort of the battery - I need to be completely unplugged from real people for a certain period of time each week. This allows me to go to work, interface with hundreds of people, etc. It allows me to in general be a cheerful bastard. I enjoy other people a lot more now that I've realized this.

This is the opposite of a lot of people who describe themselves as extroverted - they feel "recharged" by people/social contact, and they view their time alone as their "output" phase - they don't necessarily enjoy it and they look forward to being with people again. Most introverts view their time alone as the "buffer" that recharges them to be able to deal with people.

Is it weird that I'm sort of the opposite? I really enjoy my time with people, and I love being the center of attention, cracking jokes, having fun - but I can't sustain that without some serious alone time.

Is anybody here the same?
You nailed it for me, thanks. I spend all my time with people tattooing all day, talking etc, but the moment I close shop I need to shut down. I grab my wine at my pub and really can't talk for hours, nor do I want to, I enjoy the quiet. Most people see this and think im an ass, but for me to try and explain it is useless.

[civil]

What you describe sounds perfectly normal to me, Mr. Bean.

I will say that the general understanding of "introvert" and "extrovert" is usually not very correct. The terms actually mean where someone gets their "energy" from, not whether or not they are gregarious or quiet. That often matches up, but you can have an introvert be very social and outgoing and an extrovert be very quiet. It's just that one doesn't need others' energy to feel stimulated and the other does. Whether they act on that stimulation is generally another matter, not a determination of being an introvert or extrovert. I fall into the introverted/gregarious category myself.

I've had a bit of the drink, so I may be explaining things in an incredibly mucked-up manner. Someone can massage my explanation if need be.

[Kelegacy]

I am an introvert. You wouldn't know it if you worked with me or were around some of my friends and I, but I really am. Is it possible to be an introverted extrovert?

I LOVE my alone time, which is seldom. The biggest problem I had when my wife and I first got together was her need to be around me all the damn time. I had never lived with a girlfriend before, so it was really hard. I almost got used to it after a while, but I still stay up late by myself so I can be alone. Sometimes I'll just sit on the couch and watch tv or just veg out in peace. I LOVE that.

I'm really quiet until you get to know me as well. At work people think I'm an extrovert because I talk a lot and always try to be funny. But the truth is inside I don't even like to go to the grocery store alone. I did for years and always hated it.

So while I'm not antisocial I'm also not a social butterfly. I'm probably more of the former than the latter, however. I just like being alone. That's why I'm on the crapper for too long, much to my wife's chagrin sometimes. Though these days I've had to get used to pooping for an audience, as my son joins me when we're downstairs alone together.

[SilentScreams]

I spend a lot of time alone and I prefer it that way.

I love hanging out with my friends and my girlfriend, and when I'm with them I tend to be very outgoing. I'm always the one with the stories and the jokes...but I can't do that all the time. I've tried.
If I spend too much time around people then I become irritable and argumentative and not at all the person I like being.

[JRR006]

What civil said! I had a psychology teacher who described introversion as recharging when you're alone, and extroversion as recharging when you're with others.

If that's the case, I'm an introvert. My natural role in a group is to be unassuming and to sit back and listen. I try to be very animated, cheerful, and outgoing, because that's the only way to make friends, but it takes so much energy.

I also don't get lonely, like, ever, even if I haven't seen my friends for several weeks. I could happily sit alone and read, write, whatever, for days on end. Paying a cashier for something at the store will refill my "social meter".

All right, I'm either introverted or a hermit.

[darkbase]

Completely with you, Inspector. You are consistently one of my favorite posters. I always thought gaming was an introvert hobby but I am always surprised to find I am more prone to introversion than anyone I meet. Being with people just exhausts and eventually irritates me, especially being away from my own home. My girlfriend has become a part of my life that fits very well after two years, so she is the only exception. I work retail, so I don't need to explain how I have some days where I absolutely hate my job because of my tendencies.

The community here has always surprised me with how close everyone becomes in such a short time, but that kind of familiarity is foreign to me anyway. I've been around since EvAv and I don't think too many people even know me. If I haven't killed a thread, I'm being ignored, attacked (once or twice, mostly by schnoogs and johan) or the thread has been locked.

This is getting pretty sad pretty quick so I'll sum up by stating that I am only capable of maintaining two or three close friends. I can be really picky about who I hang out with and I am flaky as hell because of this. I don't connect with a lot of people because they see my lack of interaction as a sign of disinterest or rudeness, but I'm mostly just unsure or shy. I also don't understand the countless, trivial interactions people have on facebook and such, phone calls included. I guess I kind of suck. Then again I am typing this from a friend's house that lives three hours away from me, who demanded I come up to visit him in college.

[destoo]

"This song is called I am sad, so very very sad.
--- So Sad.
Thank you."

[darkbase]

"This song is called I am sad, so very very sad.
--- So Sad.
Thank you."

It's not a race, Destoo.

[JRR006]

The community here has always surprised me with how close everyone becomes in such a short time, but that kind of familiarity is foreign to me anyway. I've been around since EvAv and I don't think too many people even know me. If I haven't killed a thread, I'm being ignored, attacked (once or twice, mostly by schnoogs and johan) or the thread has been locked.


This is interesting, since it's something I've thought a lot about too.

It's great how this community binds in new members, and it really gives the place a warm and friendly atmosphere, even if I'm one of the cold drafts that wafts through on occasion. (Sorry guys, hehe.)

I think it's down to what I call "magnetic people"! Everyone gets drawn in to them and then to each other. I really admire them, too. Either they've been blessed with a lot of charisma, or ... whatever it is that allows them to connect instantly and easily... or they work hard at it.

That's never really been something I could do. I'm always in an outer orbit around most people. My time at EvAv and now at CoG is basically how my offline life goes. I've been around for a long time but... well, since I mostly just like to listen, I don't give people an opportunity to know me. When I do share, it usually falls flat.

I'm not trying to be all "poor me". It's not a source of angst. I think easy camaraderie is fascinating and admirable, because it's so alien to me as well. Whenever I'm in a large group of people and watch them form into cliques (at conferences, or, like, at big social events, that sort of thing), I'm always one of the strays. I guess I come across as uninterested or aloof...or just boring, or something. I don't know how to fix that. Even when I pour all of my energy into trying to act like the magnetic people in my life, I think on some level others can tell that I'm being slightly disingenuous. I never have ill intentions but maybe I just come across as strange.

It's like I somehow rolled a 0 when it comes to CHA, hehe. *shrug* I'd like to be able to intuitively carry on a conversation. I practice. It's a work in progress!

Edit: Like this post. *rereads, giggles* I'm so serious about everything. I don't know. I feel a lot of joy every day, but I'm just this ridiculously wet blanket.

[RandoM51]

Alcohol speeds the transition from one state to the other.

[darkbase]

Good stuff

Thanks for elaborating on that, I feel like you better explained how I feel. I don't see it as sad, it's just how we work. Like you said about charisma, a mix of that and more enthusiasm for social interaction?

[Mr. Murphy]

Is it weird that I'm sort of the opposite? I really enjoy my time with people, and I love being the center of attention, cracking jokes, having fun - but I can't sustain that without some serious alone time.

Is anybody here the same?

You've described my situation perfectly - that's why you never find me playing online multiplayer games with other CoGers. I'm either being an extrovert and hanging out with people in person, or being an introvert, and doing my own thing. Video games have always fallen into the 'being alone' area.

[JRR006]

Thanks for elaborating on that, I feel like you better explained how I feel. I don't see it as sad, it's just how we work. Like you said about charisma, a mix of that and more enthusiasm for social interaction?

That seems likely to me! Charisma, enthusiasm, positive feedback, rinse and repeat.

[Ink Asylum]

Right there with you, Inspector. If I spend all day interacting with people, especially in large numbers, I need an hour or so to decompress by myself.

[Inverarity]

You're not alone at all, my dear Inspector. I'm the same way - I need major reserves of quiet time to get me through social occasions. Luckily, my parents and my wife are both similar; it makes it much easier when the people closest to you understand that sometimes you're just going to disappear into the darkest, quietest room you can find.

My job sometimes relies on me being authoritatively social - being the one in the room who takes charge and wrangles everyone else into going along as nicely as possible. It's bloody exhausting. I'd much rather be looking at a huge stack of numbers.

[Inspector Fowler]

Well, I'm quite glad that there are others in the same boat!

I think this is also pronounced by having a job that requires me to interact with people - if I were allowed a more solitary, cubical work environment I think I might not notice it as much.

In any case, having my realization about it has definitely allowed me to be more productive in terms of both my alone time and my time with others. I used to hang out with people, but resent it, and not know why. And I'd be alone, but not really prep anything to do, and not understand why I didn't get bored.

[Thanasimos]

Maybe you should change your name to Introspector Fowler. :D

[Serapth]

You can drop me into a group of people and I will seem to be fast friends within a few minutes. I am able to carry conversations with complete strangers, even ones I have nothing in common with, the proverbial life of the party. In a group dynamic I naturally gravitate towards a leadership role.

At the same time, I hate it. With most people I don't want to hear a fucking single thing more about your boring fucking life. I hold in my heart disdain for most people I meet and very intentionally cull my true friendships to a very low number in extremely low maintenance relationships.

So yeah, im social and outgoing with a complete disregard for most of those people I am socializing with. This is quadripally so when alcohol is involved, as alcohol does not turn me into a blithering idiot, so I really despise conversing with those that do.

[Mr. Murphy]

So yeah, im social and outgoing with a complete disregard for most of those people I am socializing with. This is quadripally so when alcohol is involved, as alcohol does not turn me into a blithering idiot, so I really despise conversing with those that do.

Yeah, based on the comments in this thread, alcohol is a potent power-up for those of us who intermittently introvert.

Maybe you should change your name to Introspector Fowler. :D

Nice.

[proxious]

i think both these terms are relative