Shiggy Calls Wii Music His "Life's Work"

[quidmonkey]

Pimping my blog (http://www.colonyofgamers.com/cogforums/blog.php?b=361) :p

[Telefrog]

No thanks. Everything I've seen of it reinforces my suspicion that I won't like it at all.

Personally, I wish Miyamoto well, but I think he'll be very disappointed by the reception of this game in the West.

[quidmonkey]

I see you're a DLDR-type :p

[Telefrog]

I see you're a DLDR-type :p

Well, it looks interesting to me in the way that a Lite Brite or Play-Doh is interesting. If it's sitting around, I might fool with it, but I wouldn't plop $50 on it.

From what I can see, there's very little positive buzz for this game here in the States. I think it may do well in Japan based on Miyamoto's name. I just don't imagine it will catch the western audience with all the other AAA games coming out at the same time. To be frank, the marketing makes it look like it just another shovelware game (unfairly) and I think it's going to get overshadowed by the other music games this holiday.

[quidmonkey]

Whether you buy it or not makes no difference to me; however, both interviews are a good read.

[Telefrog]

Whether you buy it or not makes no difference to me; however, both interviews are a good read.

The interviews were inetersting. Miyamoto is always an interesting guy when he talks about whatever catches his fancy.

He's like Wil Wright or Sid Meier that way. They could just drone for hours about the evolution of agriculture or medieval marketing techniques and I would listen.

[Lutheran]

Wii music will be a pretty good seller even here in the states , maybe not as big as they would like but it will do well IMO.

[EternalGamer]

The interviews were inetersting. Miyamoto is always an interesting guy when he talks about whatever catches his fancy.

He's like Wil Wright or Sid Meier that way. They could just drone for hours about the evolution of agriculture or medieval marketing techniques and I would listen.

He's still interesting to listen too. I just wish he was as interesting and creative as a gamer designer as he used to be.

Little Big Planet is the successor to the inventiveness he used to show. It makes Mario Galaxy look completely derivative and it suceeds in making a real game that has an elegant simplicity with the potential to appeal to almost anyone.

[EternalGamer]

Also, after reading that interview, I have to say that Miyamoto is beginning to sound quite pretentious. That whole "Wii Music" responsible for becoming musicians business sounds pretty ridiculious to me. It's like a Fischer Price creater claiming that they inspired people to become pianist becaouse of their musical xylophone that you pull behind you and it makes noise. It may very well be that Wii Music is many kids first introduction to music, but being their real inspiration for becoming musicians?

[Radioguy9698]

wii music = shovelware??

remeber this from mario paint?

http://image.versiontracker.com/scrnsht/148887/420761/358ss1.png

[Telefrog]

wii music = shovelware??

No. I said the marketing for Wii Music makes it look like shovelware. ;)

Seriously, everything out there makes it look utterly bland and unappealing. When you compare screenshots of Wii Rockband 2 or Guitar Hero: WT to it, Wii Music looks like the retarded stepchild. It may be a thoroughly engaging game, but the marketing for it has been awful so far.

[quidmonkey]

Also, after reading that interview, I have to say that Miyamoto is beginning to sound quite pretentious. That whole "Wii Music" responsible for becoming musicians business sounds pretty ridiculious to me.

I have yet to try Wii Music, but I play music, and judging by what I've seen and read, it's quite possible players will gain a deeper understanding of music through Wii Music. It's certainly closer to music than other musical games. It's more Electroplankton, Jam Sessions and Korg DS-10, and less RB, GH and DDR.

[NoName]

I gave Wii Music a try. I got bored within the first hour. Maybe there's more deeper in but I just wasn't interested.

[Victorvonviolence]

I gave Wii Music a try. I got bored within the first hour. Maybe there's more deeper in but I just wasn't interested.

First hour? I got bored playing the interactive at Gamestop after 2 minutes.

I had hoped that they tried to deter wii-remote waggling...

[King3567]

I'll say what I've been saying for the last year or so: Miyamoto is batshit crazy and way past his prime. There, I said it.

[Doctor Setebos]

There was an MTV Multiplayer blog post a while back where Stephen Totilo discovered the beauty of Wii Music and claimed it's actually one of the deepest musical experiences you may ever get on a console. I was completely ignoring Wii Music up until I read that article, and now I want to get it the moment it's released. I'll have to dig up the link to that article - it was eye-opening.

[KingGorilla]

Hasn't every one of his games been his Life's Work?

[Radioguy9698]

Hasn't every one of his games been his Life's Work?


only the ones that make him shitloads of cash..

[Ondo]

There was an MTV Multiplayer blog post a while back where Stephen Totilo discovered the beauty of Wii Music and claimed it's actually one of the deepest musical experiences you may ever get on a console. I was completely ignoring Wii Music up until I read that article, and now I want to get it the moment it's released. I'll have to dig up the link to that article - it was eye-opening.
That article is here (http://multiplayerblog.mtv.com/2008/10/17/how-wii-music-works-as-a-game/). I agree, a very interesting read.

[quidmonkey]

I'll say what I've been saying for the last year or so: Miyamoto is batshit crazy and way past his prime. There, I said it.

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/1/b/9/1b957c3f7e8f1e8eaa905e683e84d89c.jpg

[BLeeP]

There was an MTV Multiplayer blog post a while back where Stephen Totilo discovered the beauty of Wii Music and claimed it's actually one of the deepest musical experiences you may ever get on a console. I was completely ignoring Wii Music up until I read that article, and now I want to get it the moment it's released. I'll have to dig up the link to that article - it was eye-opening.

Wii Music has been out for a week or so 8-P.

Also, LittleBigPlanet makes Galaxy look derivative? LittleBigPlanet is awesome, and one of the best games made in a long time, but so was Galaxy. I honestly see no way to compare the two. One is a sidescrolling platformer while the other is 3D.

If I think about it, I would probably say I had more fun with Galaxy, to be honest.

[Telefrog]

Wii Music has been out for a week or so 8-P.

That should tell you how popular Wii Music is here. Did anyone pick this up?

[KamaItachi]

This got me

Iwata
So there's a possibility that Wii Music will drastically raise players' fundamental understanding of music.

Miyamoto
That's right. I think it would be great if kindergartens and elementary schools adopted Wii Music to begin children's music education.

Why not get kindergarten and elementary school kids to actually play music?

[EternalGamer]

Wii Music has been out for a week or so 8-P.

Also, LittleBigPlanet makes Galaxy look derivative? LittleBigPlanet is awesome, and one of the best games made in a long time, but so was Galaxy. I honestly see no way to compare the two. One is a sidescrolling platformer while the other is 3D.

If I think about it, I would probably say I had more fun with Galaxy, to be honest.

Well, we just disagree. I played Mario Galaxy until I had about 70 Stars, and I had to basically force myself to play that much. Every time I finished a session, I never felt compelled to go back. Most of the concepts were just small variations on ones we had already seen in Mario 64 or Mario Sunshine. And Nintendo has been yanking me around by the nostalgia nose ring for far too many years at this point. All those nudges and winks to past games now just seem shallow and emotionally manipulative. It was not a bad game and it certainly had some interesting level design, but it certainly wasn't a radical evolution of any sort.

However, I think Little Big Planet is a radical evolution. It's highly original in its real world "Arts and Crafts" aesethetic (which reflects's the games' primary function as a "DYI" platformer), in its incorporation of great physics into a platformer, and in its share and create co-op networking features.

[quidmonkey]

That should tell you how popular Wii Music is here. Did anyone pick this up?

According to Gamasutra (http://www.gamasutra.com/php-bin/news_index.php?story=20803), Wii Music lead cross platform sales on Amazon last week. If a CoGer picked it up, then you are my hero.

[quidmonkey]

Well, we just disagree. I played Mario Galaxy until I had about 70 Stars, and I had to basically force myself to play that much. Every time I finished a session, I never felt compelled to go back. Most of the concepts were just small variations on ones we had already seen in Mario 64 or Mario Sunshine. And Nintendo has been yanking me around by the nostalgia nose ring for far too many years at this point. All those nudges and winks to past games now just seem shallow and emotionally manipulative. It was not a bad game and it certainly had some interesting level design, but it certainly wasn't a radical evolution of any sort.

However, I think Little Big Planet is a radical evolution. It's highly original in its real world "Arts and Crafts" aesethetic (which reflects's the games' primary function as a "DYI" platformer), in its incorporation of great physics into a platformer, and in its share and create co-op networking features.

I don't own LBP nor own a PS3, but what exactly do you call Galaxy's planet/gravity mechanic?

[Telefrog]

According to Gamasutra (http://www.gamasutra.com/php-bin/news_index.php?story=20803), Wii Music lead cross platform sales on Amazon last week. If a CoGer picked it up, then you are my hero.

Well, get on it, man! Be your own hero! :D

[quidmonkey]

Well, get on it, man! Be your own hero! :D

Dear Self-

U R Mr. Gay. Your fanboy self is in danger of becoming a bah bah black sheep. Be a hero, fuck the man, buy Wii Music.

Sincerely.

-Your CoG Vodun

[EternalGamer]

I don't own LBP nor own a PS3, but what exactly do you call Galaxy's planet/gravity mechanic?

Underdeveloped.

[quidmonkey]

Underdeveloped.

Damn. That's the best comment I've ever heard about Galaxy.

[Savok]

Eh, Galaxy remains my favorite of all the 3D Marios. He hasn't lost it, he just sees shit differently from normal people, sometimes a bit too much.

That said, have they fixed the sound fonts on Wii Music? I love videogame music more then most of you probably, but you call a game Wii Music you have sound fonts from somewhere besides the 80s.

And no, we haven't forgotten Mario Paint (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Lo6uXwi4M0).

[MagGnome]

There was an MTV Multiplayer blog post a while back where Stephen Totilo discovered the beauty of Wii Music and claimed it's actually one of the deepest musical experiences you may ever get on a console. I was completely ignoring Wii Music up until I read that article, and now I want to get it the moment it's released. I'll have to dig up the link to that article - it was eye-opening.

As another poster said, the game is already out. Has been for at least two weeks. Obviously there is a lot of excitement over the title. :rolleyes:

[Doctor Setebos]

Wii Music has been out for a week or so 8-P.I should preface my original statement by saying "the moment it's released AND I can afford it." ;)

[Ondo]

Why not get kindergarten and elementary school kids to actually play music?
Presumably because learning to play an instrument is not really the same thing as learning about music.

[J Arcane]

That article is here (http://multiplayerblog.mtv.com/2008/10/17/how-wii-music-works-as-a-game/). I agree, a very interesting read.
Holy shit, that sounds brilliant.

I must have it.

[Telefrog]

Presumably because learning to play an instrument is not really the same thing as learning about music.

Wait. So Wii Music has a Music History portion of the game? A few lessons on the mathematical concepts in music and meter? I don't understand how waving a remote in a vaguely instrumental way is better than having an engaging music teacher.

[J Arcane]

Wait. So Wii Music has a Music History portion of the game? A few lessons on the mathematical concepts in music and meter? I don't understand how waving a remote in a vaguely instrumental way is better than having an engaging music teacher.
Read Ondo's article.

There's more to this than you think.

[quidmonkey]

Wait. So Wii Music has a Music History portion of the game? A few lessons on the mathematical concepts in music and meter? I don't understand how waving a remote in a vaguely instrumental way is better than having an engaging music teacher.

Because music is hands-on. Rhythm & melody are not something you scribble out in notation or discuss as Western theory with Treble & Bass Clefs; no, it is your lifeblood pumping in your veins as you feel waveforms pass into your ears and through you. Waving the Wiimote means nothing; it's how you wave the Wiimote.

[Telefrog]

Read Ondo's article.

There's more to this than you think.

I read the article, thanks. It sounds like a pretty good music application. (I hesitate to use "game" since Miyamoto and eveyone else wants me to think of it in a different way, so I will.) Nothing in any of the articles posted make me think that playing Wii Music is preferable to having a good music teacher.

Ondo's post amkes no sense in the context of what I read.
Presumably because learning to play an instrument is not really the same thing as learning about music.

In fact, Totillo's MTV article makes it sound fairly user-defined. A great experimental experience, but not a great teacher of music. It could certainly get kids interested in learning about music, but so has Rock Band and Guitar Hero.

[J Arcane]

Some of the greatest musicians of our time learned through pure experimentation.

I'm not saying that Wii Music is gonna make you the next Rolling Stones, just that there's more than one way to learn music.

Baron Samedi's point is good.

[Ondo]

Nothing in any of the articles posted make me think that playing Wii Music is preferable to having a good music teacher.
No one is suggesting Wii Music should replace the teacher.

[quidmonkey]

I read the article, thanks. It sounds like a pretty good music application. (I hesitate to use "game" since Miyamoto and eveyone else wants me to think of it in a different way, so I will.) Nothing in any of the articles posted make me think that playing Wii Music is preferable to having a good music teacher.

Ondo's post amkes no sense in the context of what I read.


In fact, Totillo's MTV article makes it sound fairly user-defined. A great experimental experience, but not a great teacher of music. It could certainly get kids interested in learning about music, but so has Rock Band and Guitar Hero.

Okay, there's two sides to music: there's the experience of playing it; and there's the theory behind it. You're referring to latter, especially in relation to reading Western musical notation and playing it on, say, a brass instrument; or in the case of your grade school example - learning to play the recorder.

The former is the truer spirit of music and where Wii Music lies. It's about feeling the music and improvising along with it. Take your average rock star: most have an elementary understanding of Western musical theory and notation, but they can make music just fine. Or take a Jazz musician who improvises with no sheet music. Or take a nine-year old banging out rhythm on some pots and pans. Wii Music is about the experience of playing music. It's about feeling the rhythm of some familiar old songs and then learning to creatively push buttons or waggle the Wiimote in time to it. There's a hell of a lot of interactivity in there as well as the core of what music is about.

As I said earlier: Wii Music is more Electroplankton, Jam Sessions and DS-10 Korg, and less RB, GH and DDR.

[Telefrog]

No one is suggesting Wii Music should replace the teacher.

It sounded like you did when KamaItachi suggested kids learn music in school.

Okay, there's two sides to music: there's the experience of playing it; and there's the theory behind it. You're referring to latter, especially in relation to reading Western musical notation and playing it on, say, a brass instrument; or in the case of your grade school example - learning to play the recorder.

I get that there's a practical side and a theoretical side to most elements of learning. It just sounded like some of you are saying screw the theoretical side and concentrate only on the practical.

Sure, a great musician can come from experimentation and learning by ear, but he or she is going to be woefully handicapped compared to musicians that learned a little history of music.

[quidmonkey]

As an aside: RB, GH, DDR and their ilk are a form of musical notation. It's reading sheet music made of five colorful dots and then playing connect the dots, like you did when you were a wee tot.

[quidmonkey]

I get that there's a practical side and a theoretical side to most elements of learning. It just sounded like some of you are saying screw the theoretical side and concentrate only on the practical.

Sure, a great musician can come from experimentation and learning by ear, but he or she is going to be woefully handicapped compared to musicians that learned a little history of music.

Blatantly untrue. John Coltrane could barely read music. Beethoven was fucking deaf at the age of four. Many college prodigies can play the most complex compositions in the world, but ask them to create their own rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and they fail so hard.

But what notation are you referring to? Western music? Eastern music? Tribal musicians whose culture has not yet formulated musical notation?

[Telefrog]

Blatantly untrue. John Coltrane could barely read music. Beethoven was fucking deaf at the age of four. Many college prodigies can play the most complex compositions in the world, but ask them to create their own rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and they fail so hard.

But what notation are you referring to? Western music? Eastern music? Tribal musicians whose culture has not yet formulated musical notation?

Really? I mean, really? Why is this even an argument now?

Some of you said things that could be construed as meaning Wii Music is an acceptable substitute for a good music teacher. I called Ondo on it. Ondo clarified. Why the Hell are you arguing now?

Or did you actually mean to say screw all classroom learning and let children learn everything through unmotivated experimentation? Or is music a special discipline and no one could ever benefit from a structured musical education?

John Coltrane was born in Hamlet, North Carolina on September 23, 1926. Coltrane grew up in High Point NC, moving to Philadelphia PA in June 1943. He enlisted in the Navy in 1945, where he played in the Navy jazz band. John returned to civilian life in 1946 and began jazz theory studies with Philadelphia guitarist and composer Dennis Sandole.

So, John Coltrane never learned anything from a class? Not reading music =! not learning.

[Ondo]

It sounded like you did when KamaItachi suggested kids learn music in school.
WTF? I didn't. Wii Music could be used in school, but it and a teacher are not mutually exclusive, and it's bizarre to think they would be. Frankly, Wii Music seems like it could really use a teacher providing more direction that the software alone seems to.

[Telefrog]

WTF? I didn't. Wii Music could be used in school, but it and a teacher are not mutually exclusive, and it's bizarre to think they would be. Frankly, Wii Music seems like it could really use a teacher providing more direction that the software alone seems to.

Your post in reply to "Why not teach kids music in school?" was

Presumably because learning to play an instrument is not really the same thing as learning about music.

That reply contains no suggestion of using Wii Music with a teacher. In fact, it implies that what teachers currently do is lacking compared to what this product does. (Which would be a completely different discussion.) It's a suggestive sell of Wii Music over the current kindergarten teacher.

Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but your vague sentence is pretty hard to parse with your above clarification.

[TheFlyingOrc]

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/1/b/9/1b957c3f7e8f1e8eaa905e683e84d89c.jpg

!

You remembered!

[quidmonkey]

Some of you said things that could be construed as meaning Wii Music is an acceptable substitute for a good music teacher. I called Ondo on it. Ondo clarified. Why the Hell are you arguing now?

Or did you actually mean to say screw all classroom learning and let children learn everything through unmotivated experimentation? Or is music a special discipline and no one could ever benefit from a structured musical education

Because you don't need to read music to play music.

According to Roger Waters, we don't need no education.

!

You remembered!

What, about Lost Gardens?

[Ondo]

Your post in reply to "Why not teach kids music in school?"
That is *not* the question I was replying to. I was replying to the question of why not have kids actually play music in school, which seemed to be implying Wii Music couldn't possibly be more useful than doing that.

I was not contrasting Wii Music to a teacher, but a classroom with Wii Music to one without. I find it easy to believe that Wii Music could help a kindergarten music teacher.

[KamaItachi]

That is *not* the question I was replying to. I was replying to the question of why not have kids actually play music in school, which seemed to be implying Wii Music couldn't possibly be more useful than doing that.

I was not contrasting Wii Music to a teacher, but a classroom with Wii Music to one without. I find it easy to believe that Wii Music could help a kindergarten music teacher.

Sorry, allow me to clarify.


Miyamoto
That's right. I think it would be great if kindergartens and elementary schools adopted Wii Music to begin children's music education.

I don't have anything against teachers using Wii music in class at all, from the reports I've read from actual musicians it's actually a good tool to learn elements of music. I think though, he's either overrestimating the allure of being able to 'play' instruments with Wii music with no real training/knowledge, or underestimating the benefits of simple musical education for that age range.

For especially young children musical education should be an extension of other forms of physical/mental activities, like sand/water play, a mixture of language, cognitive and co-ordination skills. Miyamoto likes to push the ease of Wii music, but there are a number of simple instruments that children can and do use Cymbals, drums, tambourines. You wave a pair of maracas about, that's music.

Again, I'm not saying that Wii Music isn't a good tool, I'm airing my doubts that it's a good starting point or beginning for education.

[King3567]

Well, we just disagree. I played Mario Galaxy until I had about 70 Stars, and I had to basically force myself to play that much. Every time I finished a session, I never felt compelled to go back. Most of the concepts were just small variations on ones we had already seen in Mario 64 or Mario Sunshine. And Nintendo has been yanking me around by the nostalgia nose ring for far too many years at this point. All those nudges and winks to past games now just seem shallow and emotionally manipulative. It was not a bad game and it certainly had some interesting level design, but it certainly wasn't a radical evolution of any sort.

However, I think Little Big Planet is a radical evolution. It's highly original in its real world "Arts and Crafts" aesethetic (which reflects's the games' primary function as a "DYI" platformer), in its incorporation of great physics into a platformer, and in its share and create co-op networking features.

I agree with everything in this post. It seems like Nintendo, as a whole, is trying so hard to be evolutionary from a casual gamer standpoint and constantly nudge to older iterations of their hardcore franchises. Except, instead of a nudge, they grab your face and shove it into the old games. Galaxy was kind of a snooze fest because it didn't really feel different. Same thing with Twilight Princess and Smash Bros. Brawl. I wish they would create a new franchise for the hardcore on Wii. Sony and Microsoft have done so and successfully. Nintendo has been taking it much safer than I had expected this generation.

As for Wii Music being taught in Kindergartens, that is pretentious as hell. Give a kid one of the gazillion toys that emulate music better. I agree that experimentation is a way that a lot of musicians get started, but I'd say that the many toy keyboards and xylophones are a much better way to do this.

[Savok]

If you're all done with your dick waving...

I read the article, and it's changed my opinion of the game entirely. All the "can it teach music" bullshit aside you've all seemed to missed the biggest thing about this.... software.

Its ability to inspire, it's music at its core. When the young see music now it's all bullshit lyrics and half-naked jackasses gyrating at a camera with flashing lights, they emulate that and music gets worse. I fully expect that at least one kid is gonna have their mind blown when they learn you can make Twinkle Twinkle Little Star a rock song.

We should throw the thing a fucking parade.

[boratika]

As for Wii Music being taught in Kindergartens, that is pretentious as hell. Give a kid one of the gazillion toys that emulate music better. I agree that experimentation is a way that a lot of musicians get started, but I'd say that the many toy keyboards and xylophones are a much better way to do this.

What about the kids who'll never have the co-ordination to play an actual instrument, but who may go on to make great things with MPCs and Adobe Audition?

Especially since so many really smart and creative kids have forms of dyspraxia.

[quidmonkey]

Nintendo has been taking it much safer than I had expected this generation.

Blue Ocean and Long Tail are so passé.

[Purple Santa]

I can't believe Wii music broke out into an arguement. Or should I not be surprised cause humans will argue about anything...

Wii music sounds like an interesting concept. I'd love to see what my niece could do with it. I am tone deaf as you can get...I could experiment for a full year and nothing is going to come out it except trash...so interesting concept but one I won't be taking advantage of. But I see where many could have fun experimenting and learning some fun music...

[Telefrog]

Yeah... So that sounds awesome (http://www.gametrailers.com/player/42242.html?rdir=1&). :rolleyes:

[Variable Gear]

Yeah... So that sounds awesome (http://www.gametrailers.com/player/42242.html?rdir=1&). :rolleyes:
I don't get that review. How can a game that the reviewer hated so much be above average?

[Telefrog]

I don't get that review. How can a game that the reviewer hated so much be above average?

Well, it's only barely above average (http://www.gamerankings.com/htmlpages2/950924.asp). :D

[Variable Gear]

Well, it's only barely above average (http://www.gamerankings.com/htmlpages2/950924.asp). :D
This is one of those games that exemplifies the broken quality of the current review system.

If a reviewer rags on a game for the entirety of the review, they shouldn't give it an above average score. It's pretty simple, unless you're a pro. Then the entire structure falls apart and they can't even give games they review a sensible score.

[Shjinta]

After watching the GameTrailer review of it...I'll keep my distance from it.

[Telefrog]

This is one of those games that exemplifies the broken quality of the current review system.

If a reviewer rags on a game for the entirety of the review, they shouldn't give it an above average score. It's pretty simple, unless you're a pro. Then the entire structure falls apart and they can't even give games they review a sensible score.

To be fair to Wii Music, I don't think it's a game at all anyway. From everything I can see about it, the "game" is really a software toy or experience. It would be like trying to review iTunes or Photoshop as games.

[Variable Gear]

To be fair to Wii Music, I don't think it's a game at all anyway. From everything I can see about it, the "game" is really a software toy or experience. It would be like trying to review iTunes or Photoshop as games.
Well then, to be fair, shouldn't Wii Music be reviewed by software toy publications instead of game publications focused on the enthusiast?

[Telefrog]

Well then, to be fair, shouldn't Wii Music be reviewed by software toy publications instead of game publications focused on the enthusiast?

Basically, I agree. In fact, maybe it would be better reviewed in a publication like this one (http://emusician.com/elecinstruments/).

[Variable Gear]

Basically, I agree. In fact, maybe it would be better reviewed in a publication like this one (http://emusician.com/elecinstruments/).
I'm enjoying how much we agree now. All those brawls feel like they happened months ago.

Basically, I agree with you.

[quidmonkey]

I Gamefly'd this on a whim.

Wtf Nintendo. The game begins with a 20 minute, unskippable tutorial of you being tortured by a Navi Muppet. I kid you not. The little fucker rambles on until you've read an instruction manuals worth of bullshit, and then it forces you to play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. As if that's not enough, Muppet Face proceeds to hound you for the rest of game with lengthy monologues on how awesome his game is and all the cool shit you can do with it, such as shoot a music vid of you rocking hard to lullabies and oldies. Oh goodie.

So after 20 minutes of boredom, me and three friends finally get to a Jam Session. Oh what's this? There's only a dozen instruments unlocked? And wtf - there's only a handful of songs playable at the start? Fuck you Nintendo.

But okay, we'll make do and play Twinkle, Twinkle a bajillion times. We select our axes and start shaking. Our Miis hop about like schoolgirls, raising their faux air guitar and drumsticks to the high quality vibe of midi. Wait, MIDI?!??

And it gets better. We sit through three songs waggling and waggling, and laughing at the absurdity of it all; because that's what you do: you can waggle fast, you can waggle slow, you can syncopate your waggle, but ultimately, you can only waggle; and waggle as self-expression is an epic fail. It's simply too simple to be anything other than a child's toy.

So after 40 minutes of play, half of which was wasted on Navi Fucker squealing like a hooker, Wii Music was mailed back to Gamefly this morning.

Rating: 10/10, just because.