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View Full Version : My roommate is a dumbass.


Handmade.Mercury
03-03-2010, 09:58 AM
He got drunk and pissed on the floor.

Voodoo
03-03-2010, 10:03 AM
My roommate likes to poop right outside of the bathroom door whenever I am doing the same within. Pretty strange but I blame the four legs.

Talanvor
03-03-2010, 10:08 AM
I've got just the song for you!

fPoisWmlfFI

Shrinn
03-03-2010, 10:11 AM
My roommate got extremely upset with me because I called him annoying while playing Brawl once.

He didn't talk to me for a whole day.

I've got more for later.

Hotcod
03-03-2010, 10:22 AM
when his passed out mop it up with a mop and shove it in his face

hunterx280
03-03-2010, 11:01 AM
Good roommates are hard to find.

Spockrocket
03-03-2010, 11:14 AM
My roommate and I get along pretty well.

am i doin it rite?

DylonCorp
03-03-2010, 11:20 AM
My roommate took a poo on the bathroom floor in a hotel room when we went to Reno for a bachelor party. BTW, Rick James put it best.

Dorkandproudofit
03-03-2010, 11:39 AM
He got drunk and pissed on the floor.

Dude, that was like ONE TIME. It won't happen again, I swear.

LongStepMantis
03-03-2010, 11:43 AM
Ah, the memories of horrible roommates. The robberies, the arson, the loss of sanity, and the one guy getting arrested for kidnapping. The only time someone pissed on the floor it was a friend of my roommate...he was probably 55 and he feel asleep in it.

Vigil80
03-03-2010, 12:08 PM
Peeing the floor while drunk? That is so... cliché.

Handmade.Mercury
03-03-2010, 12:51 PM
So, he woke up this morning, and didn't remember what had happened.

Him: "Dude, I don't remember anything from last night."

Me: "You don't remember anything?"

Him: "I remember getting drunk at McDonel, and that's it."

Me: "Do you want to know what happened?"

Him: "Is... is that a trick question?"

Me: "Well, you were up on your bed, and managed to urinate off of your bed, onto the floor."

Him: "What?! Where?"

Me: "Right there."

Him: "OMG... why would I do that?"

biosc1
03-03-2010, 01:45 PM
Reminds me of when I was hanging out with this new group of friends...went back to this girls house after a night out (wanting to have relations with her) and her other friends came back with us (bastards).

This one guy was passed out hard on the couch for most of the evening, but at one point he gets up, walks over to the tv cabinet, opens it up and begins unzipping his pants.

I was not drunk, so I reacted quickly and got up to stop him, grabbing him by the shoulders and trying to direct him to the bathroom. He starts getting all violent and threatening (but I was much bigger), so I just manhandled him to the toilet and left him in front of it.

I related this to the girl later and she went "Oh, he does that all the time." I'm like what? "He pees in the tv cabinet all the time". She said yes and I asked why she lets that occur and she said he was a nice enough guy.

I clued in that they were all losers and decided to bail on that woman.

bstiff
03-03-2010, 01:53 PM
He got drunk and pissed on the floor.

Consider yourself lucky. In Hawaii, I had a barracks mate who got shit faced drunk, apparently ate a cow, puked the whole thing up in the middle of the floor, then passed out for like 12 hours. In 90+ degree heat, things weren't pretty when I got back from my shift that afternoon.

Hawkzombie
03-03-2010, 03:27 PM
LMAO the 'WHY WOULD I DO THAT' is awesome.

Inspector Fowler
03-03-2010, 03:30 PM
Here is exactly why getting drunk has never appealed to me. I know you don't have to get this drunk every time, but why would I start walking down that road to begin with?

Narradisall
03-03-2010, 03:49 PM
I recall a night out when a friend got 'that' wasted.

Towards the end one of the girls had sat him down on a knee high wall with a a deep row of bushes behind him, she was being all nice and comforting him, put her coat around him while I was standing nearby calling for a lift.

As the taxi turned up I saw a steady stream of liquid running down his leg. Naturally I laughed and let the world know, to which the reaction was the taxi driver speeding off, my friend getting up going "eww", pulling her coat off him and leaving him to topple back into the bushes.

Good times.

J Arcane
03-03-2010, 03:52 PM
Here is exactly why getting drunk has never appealed to me. I know you don't have to get this drunk every time, but why would I start walking down that road to begin with?
I have never been so drunk that I urinated in a place where urine didn't belong, not once.

It's not the booze, it's the stupid.

Purple Santa
03-03-2010, 03:56 PM
Dude, that was like ONE TIME. It won't happen again, I swear.
Mags says otherwise.
Here is exactly why getting drunk has never appealed to me. I know you don't have to get this drunk every time, but why would I start walking down that road to begin with?

You don't need to drink/get drunk to be cool. You fly through the air to catch running criminals in the snow :D

Matthias
03-03-2010, 04:00 PM
My roomate likes to walk out into the living room, say something completely random, then walk back in and close the door. He also likes to leave is TV on all night while he sleeps.

Oh hey Kagger, didn't see you there. No, I'm not talking about you...

Anyway, I could have gotten a lot worse all in all.

Scull
03-03-2010, 04:06 PM
I had one roommate that stole my copy of Interview With A Vampire VHS tape. He left a copy of Johnny Mnemonic when he moved out. All in all it was a fair trade as both movies sucked. Other than that, never had a bad roommate.

Shieldmaiden
03-03-2010, 04:09 PM
I have never been so drunk that I urinated in a place where urine didn't belong, not once.

It's not the booze, it's the stupid.

Seconded. Due to my krogan-like alcohol tolerance, I've only got drunk beyond the "needs to concentrate to get the key in the lock" stage a few times and that's usually been down to the addition of other substances. Even the one time I passed out somewhere that wasn't a bed/couch, I managed to do everything that needed to be done in the toilet and even remembered to flush. Alcohol may lower your inhibitions and make your aim terrible, but you have to be a bloody idiot to piss all over the floor in your bedroom intentionally.

Handmade.Mercury
03-03-2010, 04:16 PM
Last night when he was still drunk, I asked him how he managed to do it, and he also told me why he probably did it:

How: "You... just... you angle it. You just gotta angle it, man..."

Why: "I was probably too lazy to get down and go to the bathroom... Yeah, that was probably it. I probably should've gotten up..."

Hawkzombie
03-03-2010, 04:39 PM
The first and last time I got off my ass drunk I ended up passing out in a box of cat litter, while the heat lamp was on in the bathroom, after puking purple chicken through my nose.

But at least I was in the bathroom.

Generation ABXY
03-03-2010, 04:43 PM
...purple chicken? Was it some sort of holiday, or something?

Purple Santa
03-03-2010, 04:53 PM
...purple chicken? Was it some sort of holiday, or something?

I'm guessing he snorted the kitty litter thinking it was coke.

Hawkzombie
03-03-2010, 05:11 PM
...purple chicken? Was it some sort of holiday, or something?

Nope

http://www.hackettstownlife.com/images/forum/2008/09/large/51f7c7d7915ac11acd5f41f1529beee255ac4e3d.jpg

Plus

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3b/KFC.png

Never, EVER get drunk off Mad Dog 20/20 Grape flavored malt beverage. Ever.

Generation ABXY
03-03-2010, 05:24 PM
Plus

Ah, I didn't even think of something like that. Makes sense, though...

Never, EVER get drunk off Mad Dog 20/20 Grape flavored malt beverage. Ever.

I'll keep it in mind (you know, should I ever start drinking). :D

Talanvor
03-03-2010, 09:11 PM
Never, EVER get drunk off Mad Dog 20/20 Grape flavored malt beverage. Ever.

The REAL question is, why the fuck would you ever drink that? Malt... grape.. what?

Kielaran
03-03-2010, 09:16 PM
The REAL question is, why the fuck would you ever drink that? Malt... grape.. what?

Agreed. It almost makes more sense why someone would pee on the floor than drink that.

bstiff
03-03-2010, 09:37 PM
The REAL question is, why the fuck would you ever drink that? Malt... grape.. what?

I like how the label says "grape wine" like there's any other type.

Karak
03-03-2010, 09:45 PM
My worst roomate would eat open ended burritos while on the shitter. About once every two or three days he would just be sitting there taking a shit...eating a burrito or nachos. Fucking nasty.

Generation ABXY
03-03-2010, 09:55 PM
My worst roomate would eat open ended burritos while on the shitter. About once every two or three days he would just be sitting there taking a shit...eating a burrito or nachos. Fucking nasty.

Well, there's a thought that'll haunt me.

Dorkandproudofit
03-03-2010, 10:37 PM
My worst roomate would eat open ended burritos while on the shitter. About once every two or three days he would just be sitting there taking a shit...eating a burrito or nachos. Fucking nasty.

Depending on the kind of burrito, he might end up being on there a loooooong time.

Crowe
03-03-2010, 10:51 PM
I was excellent drunk at one time, I would come home wasted and drink 4 or 5 glasses of water and then go to the toilet, I would even brush my teeth occasionally. That all ended after a summer of hard work in which I never touched a drop.

Over the course of several drinking sessions I ended up pissing in my cupboard on my accounting book, stepped on my gf's face, ran outside her student villa in the nuddy after throwing up from her bedroom to the front door.

Thanasimos
03-03-2010, 10:53 PM
I'm going to come back tomorrow after I wake up and air out some grievances of mine. To wit: I have had three roommates in as many semesters, and spend a great deal of time in a super-single after my roommates leave. The advantage of the problem never being my fault is that I get to keep the room. The disadvantage is that I put up with shit for months from people who should know better, since they're in college. Anyhow, that's the short of it.

Pigeon
03-04-2010, 07:27 AM
Situation: apt with 2 other guys. We all share Roommate A's computer for internet access in the living room.
Roommate A and mutual friend have videos on random shuffle while playing Mechassault. Random TV show ends and the next thing to come on is a shot of a horse's face. Camera zooms back to show horse is having sex with a woman. Naturally, they freak out. That afternoon they come to pick me up from work. "So, Pigeon... Horse porn?" My response is a confused "What?" "Nevermind"
That night Roommate B comes home. A says "So B... Horse Porn?"

"THAT'S YOUR HORSE PORN!"

Epilogue: So having cleared the porn off the pc and having told all our friends the story, we move on. 4 of us are gathered around the tv playing PSO, and videos are on random shuffle again. Whatever we were watching ends and the speakers are silent. We all stop to look and there's a horse's face looking at us. We all fall silent and stare. The horse looks at us for about 20 secs and the video ends. We all look at each other and then Roommate A goes to the computer to find the video, but there's nothing there...

TrackZero
03-04-2010, 07:43 AM
My roommate and I get along pretty well.

am i doin it rite?

Not until your roommate and his girlfriend eat your groceries after you just bought them. So in return, you take the garbage bags and put their pillow covers over them, replace said pillows and wait for them to get home at 2 in the morning.

Good times.

TrackZero
03-04-2010, 07:52 AM
I had one roommate that stole my copy of Interview With A Vampire VHS tape. He left a copy of Johnny Mnemonic when he moved out. All in all it was a fair trade as both movies sucked. Other than that, never had a bad roommate.

I think you won out.

J9m3FD-RQXU

OUX
03-04-2010, 08:15 AM
I like how the label says "grape wine" like there's any other type.

Rice wine?

EDIT: As far as roommates go, I had one that was ashing his cigarette (didn't care he was smoking since we both did at the time) into a paper Chipotle bag and was surprised it caught on fire. He then proceeded to grab it and try to run to the sink to put it out but dropped it onto the apartment's new (basically) plastic carpet which promptly melted. Didn't get the security deposit back.

National Kato
03-04-2010, 08:53 AM
Shit, if all he did was piss on the floor, he's not doing it right. In college, I walked out of my dorm room, into my friend's open dorm room down the hallway, and pissed on the Cure tour t-shirt draped across his desk chair.

I consider that a successful drunk piss.

Handmade.Mercury
03-04-2010, 08:58 AM
Shit, if all he did was piss on the floor, he's not doing it right. In college, I walked out of my dorm room, into my friend's open dorm room down the hallway, and pissed on the Cure tour t-shirt draped across his desk chair.

I consider that a successful drunk piss.

Yeah, I'm sure it could have been worse, but I just think it's funny that he peed off of his bunk bed, down 6 feet and onto the floor.

Ink Asylum
03-04-2010, 09:09 AM
Epilogue: So having cleared the porn off the pc and having told all our friends the story, we move on. 4 of us are gathered around the tv playing PSO, and videos are on random shuffle again. Whatever we were watching ends and the speakers are silent. We all stop to look and there's a horse's face looking at us. We all fall silent and stare. The horse looks at us for about 20 secs and the video ends. We all look at each other and then Roommate A goes to the computer to find the video, but there's nothing there...

Haunted horse porn!

Generation ABXY
03-04-2010, 09:55 AM
We all stop to look and there's a horse's face looking at us. We all fall silent and stare. The horse looks at us for about 20 secs and the video ends.

If I worked in an office, I'm sure they would have carted me off after reading this part. :D