Which way do you wipe?

[AntonThaGreat]

A bit back, I had a psychology professor that brought up an interesting thing that I definitely never had thought of. That different people wipe in different fashions.

So let's have it, which way do you wipe your ass? :eek:

[ShivaX]

http://i38.tinypic.com/9q902f.jpg


Your avatar is my answer to this question.

[pomeroy]

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w53/pomeroy_bucket/howaboutnokj3ae6.jpg

[Siraris]

Is this a joke? What does "Sitting" or "Standing" mean in reference to which way do you wipe? Isn't it "Front to back" or "back to front"?

[Disgustipated]

Well, we all know Pomeroy wipes front to back, so as not to get his delicate VAG infected with poo bits.

[TheKeck]

I've created such a thread before.

Sitting or standing?
Push or pull? (Or alternating)
Fold or wad?
Reuse or Not?
From behind or between the legs?

[Vermillion]

I actually had a guy in the stall next to me at work wipe standing up. It was most decidedly one of those...

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/14/wtf.gif

[TheKeck]

I have to admit, I was a stander before going through this exercise in college. I just.... I never realized you could do it another way.

[Hawkzombie]

Uh...there's other ways? I just stand.

[TheKeck]

Uh...there's other ways? I just stand.
You can sit. Try it. It will change your life. ;)

[ShivaX]

I just stand.

http://i25.tinypic.com/1238rb8.jpg

[Hawkzombie]

I'm gonna just go Huh? I can't even fathom that...there's no room to reach around there if you're sitting, and if you lean up and forward, isn't it the same as standing anyway, just more hunched over?

I...I don't even know why I'm discussing this. I've officially jumped the shark of Life.

[Handmade.Mercury]

I only stand up halfway. Do people actually stand up all the way to wipe? That doesn't make sense.

On another note, I also thought this thread was going to be about direction of said wipe. On one hand, wiping towards the genitals is... well, wiping towards the genitals. On the other hand, wiping towards the back just feels funny sometimes.

[AntonThaGreat]

What I don't understand... is don't your ass-cheeks close when you stand up? How this works, will be a mystery to me. That is, until someone here decides to enlighten us.

[Generation ABXY]

And I think we've all officially become much too comfortable with each other. :D

[ShivaX]

And I think we've all officially become much to comfortable with each other. :D

I think I'm horrified but can't look away.

[Handmade.Mercury]

What I don't understand... is don't your ass-cheeks close when you stand up? How this works, will be a mystery to me. That is, until someone here decides to enlighten us.

See my post just before yours.

This is why I asked if people actually stand up all the way. If you stand with your knees at a 67.5 degree angle and then also lean forward, it helps in pulling the cheeks apart.

[TheKeck]

I'm gonna just go Huh? I can't even fathom that...there's no room to reach around there if you're sitting, and if you lean up and forward, isn't it the same as standing anyway, just more hunched over?
You'll be surprised. Yes, you have to lean to the side a bit, but it's FAR from standing.

[Troggles]

I take 20 minute showers after I poop.

[AntonThaGreat]

What's awesome about this thread is that the view and post counts are exactly even as of this posting. You cannot escape.

[zarathstra]

I lean to the side, front to back, crumple. Folding is for bitches.

[Farsight]

Stand, lean forward a bit. Optimal. I try not to ever reach toward toilet water.

[Thanasimos]

I actually had a guy in the stall next to me at work wipe standing up. It was most decidedly one of those...

I'm sorry, I can't get over the fact that you know how the guy in the stall next to you was wiping. Too curious? Is your back so stooped you looked on accident? :D

[TheKeck]

I'm sorry, I can't get over the fact that you know how the guy in the stall next to you was wiping. Too curious? Is your back so stooped you looked on accident? :D
I meant to comment on this as well. ;)

[Thanasimos]

I meant to comment on this as well. ;)

I beat you by under a minute! I impress myself sometimes. Maybe your slower, fifty post page-load was the cause of your close defeat?

Nothing to see here, I'm just starting shit. I 50PpP as well.

[TheKeck]

I beat you by under a minute! I impress myself sometimes. Maybe your slower, fifty post page-load was the cause of your close defeat?

Nothing to see here, I'm just starting shit. I 50PpP as well.
I actually meant to post about it earlier but then forgot until your post reminded me. :p

[Thanasimos]

I actually meant to post about it earlier but then forgot until your post reminded me. :p

Shhh. You're making me wrong. I don't want you to make me wrong!

[Generation ABXY]

I'm sorry, I can't get over the fact that you know how the guy in the stall next to you was wiping. Too curious? Is your back so stooped you looked on accident? :D

http://thereifixedit.com/2009/12/16/you-got-any-toilet-paper-in-your-stall/

[CappinCanuck]

Stand, lean forward a bit. Optimal. I try not to ever reach toward toilet water.

You know who else never reaches toilet water? People who sit.

Second point, wtf is the perfect way to describe my expression. I had no idea people actually stood up. This redefines almost everything... everyone will either be a stander or "normal" to me from now on.

[Lekon]

http://imgur.com/VyEMr.jpg


So many of us now have this dude's face.

[Blue]

I typically just take off my pants and stand beneath a blow dryer.

[carnage11]

Wow, this thread here is comedy gold. So many awesome sig moments. To choose only one......

This one is my favorite though. So down it goes. :D

[johnperkins21]

I just don't believe that people stand up to wipe their ass. What happens if one of those hanging dingleberries drops into your pants?

[Blue]

I just don't believe that people stand up to wipe their ass. What happens if one of those hanging dingleberries drops into your pants?

Rorschach Test.

[Lekon]

Rorschach Test.

The test: Do you keep wiping? Do you not compromise, even in the face of poopy pants!?

[carnage11]

In regards to the sitting standing thing.

Have any of you ever had to shit so bad, that there was no holding it. And the only place for miles is a gas station with bathrooms so dirty the only option is to hover? This is a good occasion where one must stand and wipe at the same time. Hence, the "reach around cheek grab and pull" method.

Here's a question.......how does a blind person know when they are done wiping? :confused:

[Blue]

Here's a question.......how does a blind person know when they are done wiping? :confused:

Is it typical for people to eyeball the wad of paper to see how much is smeared on it?

[CappinCanuck]

Here's a question.......how does a blind person know when they are done wiping? :confused:

The tactile response from the paper on your ass. You probably never noticed it because you just use your eyes, but it's easy enough if you don't/can't use them.

[Farsight]

This redefines almost everything... everyone will either be a stander or "normal" to me from now on.

You're Canadian, I think we know who the normal one is!

How do you poop on to ice, anyway?

What happens if one of those hanging dingleberries drops into your pants?

It does help to actually finish pooping before you stand up. I think that's in the manual.

Besides, you can't dampen the second-to-last wad of TP with sink water if you're sitting. Therefore, you sitters are all unclean and I disapprove of your lifestyle!

[johnperkins21]

In regards to the sitting standing thing.

Have any of you ever had to shit so bad, that there was no holding it. And the only place for miles is a gas station with bathrooms so dirty the only option is to hover? This is a good occasion where one must stand and wipe at the same time. Hence, the "reach around cheek grab and pull" method.

I always wipe down the seat with TP before sitting on any public toilet, even if it looks clean. Seat's got to be pretty much made of diarrhea for me not to sit on it, as I have nerve damage in my legs that causes me to get cramps if I hover.

[carnage11]

The tactile response from the paper on your ass. You probably never noticed it because you just use your eyes, but it's easy enough if you don't/can't use them.

I actually googled it and found a lot of ground rolling-ly hilarious answers. Though, a blind person finally chimed in and apparently you just know it's clean.

I believe they probably just use too much paper...

http://www.treehugger.com/charmin-bear.jpg

:D

[CappinCanuck]

You're Canadian, I think we know who the normal one is!

How do you poop on to ice, anyway?




I wouldn't know, but I do know how to spell onto.

Personally, I handstand when I wipe my ass.

[carnage11]

I always wipe down the seat with TP before sitting on any public toilet, even if it looks clean. Seat's got to be pretty much made of diarrhea for me not to sit on it, as I have nerve damage in my legs that causes me to get cramps if I hover.

So what do you do when you're prairie dogging and the seat is practically made of diarrhea? I've seen some toilets that were a fucking nightmare.


Oh.....like this (http://n1.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/740000/191608_if_you_find_more_disgusting_toilet_dont_sho w_it_me_500x500_1.jpg)?

[Nameless]

Bidet should be an option!

[Hawkzombie]

I take 20 minute showers after I poop.

I do too, if I just feel unclean after, no matter how much I wipe.

I stand, and kinda...pull back on cheek with on hand, lean forward a bit, and wipe up towards the back.

I feel....weird telling you all this. Might as well drop this out there as well: I sit down to pee.

[diablopath]

Next, it's going to be "How long does it take you to poop?"

Usually less than two minutes, by the way.

[Wilkz07]

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k172/ciubi/f/funny0464.jpg

[Wilkz07]

Next, it's going to be "How long does it take you to poop?"

Usually less than two minutes, by the way.

that depends on if I'm at work or not.

[CappinCanuck]

I do too, if I just feel unclean after, no matter how much I wipe.

I stand, and kinda...pull back on cheek with on hand, lean forward a bit, and wipe up towards the back.

I feel....weird telling you all this. Might as well drop this out there as well: I sit down to pee.

I understand the sitting while peeing. I do too if I have the option; only at my own home though. It's the logical choice. But, why sit to pee and stand to poop? It's like you're in bizzarroland. Like someone said, "It'll change your life."

that depends on if I'm at work or not.

Heh, extended break?

[Cactaur]

Is it typical for people to eyeball the wad of paper to see how much is smeared on it?

How else do you know when to stop wiping? When your ass is raw?...

[Xerxes]

Oh.....like this (http://n1.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/740000/191608_if_you_find_more_disgusting_toilet_dont_sho w_it_me_500x500_1.jpg)?
Whoa. That's like 19 Courics.


Here's a question.......how does a blind person know when they are done wiping? :confused:
I guess super senses. Ears and smell can't be the only heighten senses.

Next, it's going to be "How long does it take you to poop?"

Usually less than two minutes, by the way.
When the chapter is over or I reach a save point. :p

A bit back, I had a psychology professor that brought up an interesting thing that I definitely never had thought of. That different people wipe in different fashions.

So let's have it, which way do you wipe your ass? :eek:

Ok what's the interesting thing about ways people wipe their ass?

[AntonThaGreat]

So what do you do when you're prairie dogging and the seat is practically made of diarrhea? I've seen some toilets that were a fucking nightmare.


Oh.....like this (http://n1.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/740000/191608_if_you_find_more_disgusting_toilet_dont_sho w_it_me_500x500_1.jpg)?

Okaaay... now that deserves this:

http://i25.tinypic.com/1238rb8.jpg

[Thanasimos]

Bidet should be an option!

No, "bidet" shouldn't be an option -- and the fact that it could be an option is an affront to buttwipers and manliness everywhere. Everywhere.

Oh.....like this (http://n1.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/740000/191608_if_you_find_more_disgusting_toilet_dont_sho w_it_me_500x500_1.jpg)?

When the future-archaeologists dig that up, what will they think of us?

[pomeroy]

When the future-archaeologists dig that up, what will they think of us?

That photoshop was used way too much.

[Hawkzombie]

Oh god, I HATE pooping at work, because no matter what, someone is waiting to use the bathroom right after me.

[johnperkins21]

So what do you do when you're prairie dogging and the seat is practically made of diarrhea? I've seen some toilets that were a fucking nightmare.


Oh.....like this (http://n1.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/740000/191608_if_you_find_more_disgusting_toilet_dont_sho w_it_me_500x500_1.jpg)?

Luckily, it's never came up. If I had Chron's disease or something, I'd always travel with one of those camping chamber pots in case I ran across a toilet like that. If I absolutely had to, I suppose I could try to hover to poop, but eventually my legs would cramp up and I'd probably fall on the toilet anyway.

Bidet should be an option!

I never understood bidets. Wouldn't you wipe after using a bidet anyway? Otherwise you'll just be walking around with a wet ass. And you'd want the spray to be powerful enough to wash away even the stingiest of dingleberries, and with that kind of power wouldn't it feel kind of like anal sex with a limp midget?

[Bandango]

I use my cat.

[Wolvie]

I voted standing, but it's kinda like I get up off the seat hunched over to do my business. I'm not really sure how I would would be able to reach otherwise.

Edit: also I am in the camp that wipes the seat down with TP before I even think of sitting on a public toilet. And when I sit, I either have TWO of those seat protectors, or about an inch of TP between my ass and some venereal disease ridden seat.

On a side note, I try to not poop at work or in other public restrooms. I consider those for emergencies only. As in "OMG!!! IMMA SHIT MYSELF NOW IF I DON'T USE THIS PUBLIC SHITTER!!!"

[Scaryfaced]

I never knew standing was an option. I feel like I have a whole new lease on life!

Being that this has turned into a thread about poop, I finally have a reason to share something. I took a trip to Amsterdam a few years back and ended up using a restroom at a nice restraunt. At first I was confused by the capital G and D on the doors, but the toilet was the real suprise. Instead of American toilets where your waste falls into a pool of water, the Neatherlands toilet has a slightly slanted shelf in the center of the bowl. Thats right, you shit on a shelf. It's all there for you and God to see. It was just so damn...odd. I don't know why I was disgusted, but I was.

[TurboKinny]

I was actually curious why a man was asking about this, since it's women that have to worry about wiping front to back. ;)

[diablopath]

Now... Now I have the worst NOFX song ever stuck in my head.

Thanks a lot, CoG. I get to feel 14 all over again, now.

[yeti]

I go for the three sea-shell method myself. :)

Also, how the hell do you do the sitting thing? There's no way I'd get my hand behind my back and down betwixt arse cheeks and the seat. All I can imagine happening is one of three things, touching your own arse and therefore your own shit,touching the seat and therefore someone else shit/arse sweat or your hand touching the water if it's got a higher than average water level.

We need diagrams dammit!

[Lekon]

Most of this thread's effect on my brain summed up:

http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/1830/121724422012qz0qg7.jpg

[civil]

I go for the three sea-shell method myself. :)
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/tlots/CoG/6025-fat-kid-in-turkey.jpg

Also, how the hell do you do the sitting thing? There's no way I'd get my hand behind my back and down betwixt arse cheeks and the seat. All I can imagine happening is one of three things, touching your own arse and therefore your own shit,touching the seat and therefore someone else shit/arse sweat or your hand touching the water if it's got a higher than average water level.
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/tlots/CoG/6025-fat-kid-in-turkey.jpg

We need diagrams dammit!
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/tlots/CoG/6025-fat-kid-in-turkey.jpg

[Narradisall]

Stand, put one foot up on the seat giving optimum balance and cheek spread then wipe front to back.

[Savok]

UNGDQxdAQF4

[bapenguin]

I uh....well when I you... see usually what I do...

....

May...

Nevermind.

The internet is amazing.

[Jeffool]

The odd part? I can remember the exact moment, sitting on the toilet, that I remembered "Hey, didn't I used to stand doing this when I was a little kid?" But, now I'm all grows up, and I sit.

[maharahaj]

I chose "Other" because I let my cat lick me clean.



j/k

[Handmade.Mercury]

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/tlots/CoG/6025-fat-kid-in-turkey.jpg

How'd you find a pre-weight loss picture of my little cousin? That shit is rare.

I kid, I kid. No, but seriously. My little cousin... she is huge... and she's like, 8 or something.

[Nura]

sitting.

I can't imaging doing it any other way.

[AntonThaGreat]

I go for the three sea-shell method myself. :)

Also, how the hell do you do the sitting thing? There's no way I'd get my hand behind my back and down betwixt arse cheeks and the seat. All I can imagine happening is one of three things, touching your own arse and therefore your own shit,touching the seat and therefore someone else shit/arse sweat or your hand touching the water if it's got a higher than average water level.

We need diagrams dammit!

Well, I found some diagrams... but... this is new.

http://ic2.pbase.com/v3/09/563809/1/46791717.IndiaToilet02.JPG (http://www.pbase.com/jtodhunter/indian_toilet)

[Hawkzombie]

The thing about the Netherlands toilets is that so you can easily inspect the poop for anything wrong. So...it just sits there for you to...uh...inspect.

[Thanasimos]

Oh, since we're talking about poop now, I should add that I have unnaturally large poop, and have a history of trouble with clogging non-industrial toilets constantly. While I was away at school this fall, my parents moved into a new house. When I got home, I pretty much shat right away. I had bad vibes, because everything about the toilet screamed "problem" -- the pipes were skinny, and it had a narrow aperture, etc. I was right.

I clogged it so effectively my dad had to replace the toilet to unclog it. The new toilet will be much better, I think, because it was built on the entirely correct assumption that my shit is. . . epic. Magnificent. Mondo. Amazing. Shitty.

[Kelegacy]

This sounds like a thread I would have started a couple years ago. Ha!

I use wet wipes though I wipe with a bit of paper first. The wipes are very refreshing and get you super clean.

I also never thought people wiped any other way than just leaning forward and wiping. This is bizarre.

[TheFlyingOrc]

Welp, pack it up boys, we're done here.

[National Kato]

This Lounge is going downhill.

[ShivaX]

I just took a huge crap and was tempted to stand up afterwards.

[LordDon]

It does help to actually finish pooping before you stand up. I think that's in the manual.

Besides, you can't dampen the second-to-last wad of TP with sink water if you're sitting. Therefore, you sitters are all unclean and I disapprove of your lifestyle!

Exactly THIS! Water dampened TP is a MUST.

[AntonThaGreat]

I just took a huge crap and was tempted to stand up afterwards.

I have opened your eyes to a world that you never knew existed.

[Nerdious]

Is this another "why does my pee fork" thread? Really?

Guys need to learn some bathroom hygiene.... and I mean pronto.

[Thanasimos]

Is this another "why does my pee fork" thread? Really?

Guys need to learn some bathroom hygiene.... and I mean pronto.

Meh. Hate less!

[Nerdious]

Meh. Hate less!

It's my persona, I can't help it at this point

http://www.a-world-music-instruction-videos.com/WebStore/BT/images/No-More-Diapers-Front.jpg

[carnage11]

The best thing about taking enormous dumps, is to pinch it all off at once, so as that the turd hits the water with such force you create a tidal wave of water that cleans your bottom. Problem solved. No need for TP.



Seriously though, at my work, the toilets are so powerful that if you flush while still sitting you run the risk of giving yourself an enormous ass hickey. The suction practically sucks the shit right outta ya. The water whips around your dangling nuts with hurricane force. It's dangerous and wonderful all at the same time.

[bapenguin]

At my old job we used to make fun of this guy because it sounded like he was scrubbing a floor when he wiped. Seriously, rub a brush over some wet bricks and that's what it sounded like when he was in the stall next to you.

To this day we have no idea what he was doing in there.

[Voodoo]

For those that wipe after standing up, how do you prevent the poop that you are wiping from falling into your pants/shorts/underwear directly below you?

[Adam Blue]

I don't mind admitting I'm a standee.

On a slightly related note, I had the option of getting a free wax done. I had never felt so much cleaner after a crap than that time period. But the waxing hurt like hell, I will probably never go through that again.

For those that wipe after standing up, how do you prevent the poop that you are wiping from falling into your pants/shorts/underwear directly below you?

I have never had to worry about an excess of poop. All that should be left is just the exit marks.

[TheFlyingOrc]

I don't mind admitting I'm a standee.

On a slightly related note, I had the option of getting a free wax done. I had never felt so much cleaner after a crap than that time period. But the waxing hurt like hell, I will probably never go through that again.


Also your bottom will feel sweaty 100% of the time not worth it lol

[Ink Asylum]

What is wrong with you people!?

[Voodoo]

What is wrong with you people!?

It seems to be quite a popular question all across the internets. It's the first time I've seen it pop up in a forum I am a part of though.

:D

...can't be serious business all the time

[NoName]

For those that wipe after standing up, how do you prevent the poop that you are wiping from falling into your pants/shorts/underwear directly below you?

Never do the first wipe standing completely up. Squat for the first wipe and you're generally safe after that.

[txshurricane]

People seriously use wet wipes on a regular basis? That's not environmentally friendly. :)

[Hawkzombie]

At my old job we used to make fun of this guy because it sounded like he was scrubbing a floor when he wiped. Seriously, rub a brush over some wet bricks and that's what it sounded like when he was in the stall next to you.

To this day we have no idea what he was doing in there.

I am disturbed beyond belief but I can't stop laughing.

[johnperkins21]

I think we're going to have to start a folded vs. crumpled poll after this. And then we'll cross-reference the polls to see if there's any correlation to standing/sitting and folding/crumpling.

Is that where crumping got started? People who crumple their toilet paper and stand to wipe?

[ShadokatRegn]

Well, I guess this confirms my concern about male hygiene - and I can't believe I'm chiming in on this shit...literally.

Front to back, standing, wet wipes every time even after urination.

I do have to say: I love how many random weird coworker stories have come out of this thread, how bizarre ;)

[Expugnare]

This sounds like a thread I would have started a couple years ago. Ha!

I use wet wipes though I wipe with a bit of paper first. The wipes are very refreshing and get you super clean.

I also never thought people wiped any other way than just leaning forward and wiping. This is bizarre.

Agreed on the wet wipes. If you stepped in dog crap, would you use a dry piece of paper to wipe it off?

I would consider wipes just as eco-friendly since you have to use far fewer to get clean.

Also: sitting it the right way, standing is just weird.

[Goronmon]

I lean to the side, front to back, crumple. Folding is for bitches.That just always seemed too risky. If you don't get a uniform crumple, you could end up with shit on your hands, which is not optimal.

Plus, count me in for another that didn't realized people actually stood. I don't really get the advantage. Seems like too much work.

[AntonThaGreat]

That just always seemed too risky. If you don't get a uniform crumple, you could end up with shit on your hands, which is not optimal.

Plus, count me in for another that didn't realized people actually stood. I don't really get the advantage. Seems like too much work.

Folded paper just doesn't seem to get at it as well.

[TheKeck]

Folded paper just doesn't seem to get at it as well.
This statement confuses me. Crumpled paper just doesn't seem to get it as well. :p

[carnage11]

A wad has much more surface area. The fold doesn't work as well. I've tried both. The wad has more of the patented 'nooks and crannies'. It's the equivalent to using a puff or a wash cloth in the shower. The wash cloth doesn't work as well as a puff.

[Vermillion]

I'm sorry, I can't get over the fact that you know how the guy in the stall next to you was wiping. Too curious? Is your back so stooped you looked on accident? :D

i can tell from the pooping and by having seen quite a few poops in my time.

[Siraris]

What I don't understand... is don't your ass-cheeks close when you stand up? How this works, will be a mystery to me. That is, until someone here decides to enlighten us.

This. Wiping standing up defies physics.

I am literally floored by the number of people who say they wipe standing up. At first I thought people were joking. I cannot comprehend how you wipe standing up, nor the purpose or benefit of it.

I also have never been in a bathroom with someone who wipes standing up, at least to my knowledge. While I am not in the stall with them, you can tell when someone stands after having been on the toilet, and to my knowledge, every time I've been in there, I've heard the paper come out before the flush and stand.

[johnperkins21]

A wad has much more surface area. The fold doesn't work as well. I've tried both. The wad has more of the patented 'nooks and crannies'. It's the equivalent to using a puff or a wash cloth in the shower. The wash cloth doesn't work as well as a puff.

Your folds are too small. I use a combination fold/wad that works well for me. It alleviates the hidden nooks in the wad that lets my finger penetrate into my bunghole, but still gives me a decent amount of ripple for peeling the turd remains from my butt hair.

[carnage11]

Your folds are too small. I use a combination fold/wad that works well for me. It alleviates the hidden nooks in the wad that lets my finger penetrate into my bunghole, but still gives me a decent amount of ripple for peeling the turd remains from my butt hair.

Actually, I think I do something similar. I don't just randomly wad. I more or less create a ball by wrapping around my hand, then removing from my hand I am left with a wadded fold, or maybe a folded wad. Either way, it's more like a wrapped up ball of paper. When I hear people talk about folding, I think that they are using a flat piece. It seems like this would be difficult to hang on to.

[Scaryfaced]

When you're going to the john, relaxation seems like a key factor to me. Standing or sitting, which is more relaxing? This whole question feels like a no brainer to me.


Well, I guess this confirms my concern about male hygiene - and I can't believe I'm chiming in on this shit...literally.

Front to back, standing, wet wipes every time even after urination.

Woah, that's way too much effort. I'm just wiping my butt, not getting my car detailed.

[zarathstra]

A wad has much more surface area. The fold doesn't work as well. I've tried both. The wad has more of the patented 'nooks and crannies'. It's the equivalent to using a puff or a wash cloth in the shower. The wash cloth doesn't work as well as a puff.

This man knows what he's talking about.

[civil]

Woah, that's way too much effort. I'm just wiping my butt, not getting my car detailed.
Whatever you say, Stinky.

[johnperkins21]

34% of the people stand up to wipe? How is it that I've never even heard of this, and a third of the population does it? What else do people do that I've never even considered a possibility?

[Lekon]

This Lounge is going downhill.

Lounge go down the hooooooole.

[Adam Blue]

A lot of it has to do with how your potty training went. Now, after 20+ years, you're going to be good at it. No matter how the fuck you do it. Even if it's upside down. I just didn't realize this was a whole awakening for some. I thought it would be a simple preference poll.

It's actually more humorous this way. Russ Martin had a bit on this before, and they just went over the ups and downs of each.

[DarkDay]

People stand and wipe???what the hell.

[Xerxes]

People seriously use wet wipes on a regular basis? That's not environmentally friendly. :)
One wipe gets you fresh feeling, doesn't get all rough on the ass, and you'll be more cleaning than just taking a guess that you might of wiped it all.

I just didn't realize this was a whole awakening for some. I thought it would be a simple preference poll.

This. Hell, instead of judging, I say go experiment and try the another method.

Also, balls on the forearm? Reaching into the toilet where other balls wipe around all day? Just balls.

[Zecon]

3 things I can't believe
1: That people poop STANDING UP.:eek:
2: That people look at their used toilet paper.
3: That this thread has gone on for 6 pages.

[civil]

3 things I can't believe
1: That people poop STANDING UP.:eek:
2: That people look at their used toilet paper.
3: That this thread has gone on for 6 pages.


4. That some idiots aren't at 50 Posts per Page!

[Xerxes]

And who said anything about pooping standing up? O_o

I recall a brief aside for when in public stalls but that was a footnote in this thread.

[carnage11]

3 things I can't believe
1: That people poop STANDING UP.:eek:
2: That people look at their used toilet paper.
3: That this thread has gone on for 6 pages.

1: I don't think they poop while standing up.

2: I don't know about you, but I wipe until the TP is clean. Sometimes I've thought I should be done, and then wiped one last time just to be safe and then found that opps, I missed a spot. If you're not looking at the paper then how the hell do you know when you're clean?!

3: This thread is 3 pages.

[civil]

If you're not looking at the paper then how the hell do you know when you're clean?!
Midichlorians.

[Xerxes]

Midichlorians.

They don't tell you when you have bloody poop. So this is why all these people have cancer and never ever find out about it. Sitting down is the fucking bees knees. :eek:

[TheKeck]

4. That some idiots aren't at 50 Posts per Page!


You love me.
1: I don't think they poop while standing up.

2: I don't know about you, but I wipe until the TP is clean. Sometimes I've thought I should be done, and then wiped one last time just to be safe and then found that opps, I missed a spot. If you're not looking at the paper then how the hell do you know when you're clean?!

3: This thread is 3 pages.
You speak loads of truth.

[Siraris]

How do people use wet wipes every time they go? Do you buy them and carry them around?

And how could you possibly NOT look after wiping? How do you know when you're done? Do you just wipe 3 times and hope that your underwear isn't covered in shit?

This thread has literally blown my mind.

[johnperkins21]

How do people use wet wipes every time they go? Do you buy them and carry them around?

And how could you possibly NOT look after wiping? How do you know when you're done? Do you just wipe 3 times and hope that your underwear isn't covered in shit?

This thread has literally blown my mind.

Yeah, 3 times is too many sometimes, and nowhere near enough other times. Depends on the poop. It's great when it comes off clean, but that's not always the case. I couldn't imagine not checking my butt napkin for residoo-doo.

[cp#]

I do the first wipe sitting down. Then I decide to remain seated or stand depending on the results of said first wipe.

[Siraris]

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/YoureJustTooMuch3.png

I think she was standing up.

[carnage11]

How the fuck does someone with no arms wipe their ass?! I bet they just drag their ass across the carpet like my dog does when she has worms.

[AntonThaGreat]

How the fuck does someone with no arms wipe their ass?! I bet they just drag their ass across the carpet like my dog does when she has worms.

Anal sex is great for constipation.

[Zecon]

1: I don't think they poop while standing up. Yeah for some reason I thought they were pooping, but still...:confused:

2: I don't know about you, but I wipe until the TP is clean. Sometimes I've thought I should be done, and then wiped one last time just to be safe and then found that opps, I missed a spot. If you're not looking at the paper then how the hell do you know when you're clean?!

I just know, I don't need to see it.
I guess it's the same as checking a tissue after you've blown your nose, only surprisingly more disgusting.

[Kelegacy]

How do people use wet wipes every time they go? Do you buy them and carry them around?


I shit at 2 places. Work and home. Work, I have wipes in my desk (need to restock and bring some more with me tomorrow). I use cheap ones (like .98 cents for 80 of them) and they are somewhat thin and I need very little so I consider that more environmentally friendly than using rolls and rolls of TP. I bring the wipes into the bathroom when I go--I put them in a little baggy at home and take them to work, and I stuff that ziplock baggy in my pocket when I head to the work bathroom.

If I REALLY need to go somewhere else, I don't. I'm a master of holding it. But if I had to go, I would just use TP and clean as best I could--maybe use a wipe when I get home or something. I've been using wet wipes since I was a teen or maybe earlier--I just like them. And they aren't harsh on your ass like some TP--like the work-grade "cardboard" TP. Man that shit is harsh.

I guess if you really wanted to be eco-friendly you could use a washcloth each time you shat. I'd actually rather do that than use just TP any day.

[carnage11]

I just know, I don't need to see it.
I guess it's the same as checking a tissue after you've blown your nose, only surprisingly more disgusting.

Actually, that's interesting. Because I look at the tissue after I blow my nose as well. I need to know just exactly what I've just blown out of my sinus cavity. I wouldn't be able to blow my nose and then just wad up the tissue and throw it away, as that would not be satisfying enough. I wonder if there is some sort of correlation between looking at your shit smear and snot rag.

[Xerxes]

I just know, I don't need to see it.
I guess it's the same as checking a tissue after you've blown your nose, only surprisingly more disgusting.

Again, you'll be glad you caught stomach cancer (or whatever cause bloody stool) sooner rather being too disgusted to look at your own waste. Not mention making sure you don't have dry shit flakes in your ass hole. :eek:

You don't have to stare and dissect it. Wipe, wipe, wipe, glance, wipe.

[diablopath]

Please, CoG. Do not let this be the most successful thread this week. Please.

[AntonThaGreat]

Please, CoG. Do not let this be the most successful thread this week. Please.

Who are you kidding? People love shit, they love talking about shit, and they love TO shit.

[MagGnome]

I have tears literally streaming down my face right now.

This is simultaneously the most hilarious and disturbing thread I have ever seen on COG. It's also highly educational, as I learned about a few "techniques" that I didn't even realize were possible.

My own bathroom habits are private, but I will say that it sounds like several of you need to eat more fiber. :p

[civil]

My own bathroom habits are private, but I will say that it sounds like several of you need to eat more cock. :p
Sorry, there just wasn't enough gay in this thread.

[MagGnome]

Sorry, there just wasn't enough gay in this thread.

Once again COG heads down the gay road, and once again it wasn't me who took us there. :p


Seriously though...having to wipe multiple times? Worried about shit falling into your pants? Smearing it all over your butt hair? Do you guys eat any fiber? :p

I'm so sad that I can't change my signature until the end of next week, because this thread has some real gems. My personal favorite:

The water whips around your dangling nuts with hurricane force. It's dangerous and wonderful all at the same time.

[Farsight]

34% of the people stand up to wipe? How is it that I've never even heard of this

We are far more clean than you, so refuse to use the public stall next to you!

Seriously, I've only pooped in a public place a handful of times in my entire life. Once I even checked to be sure I was alone, then hobbled out to the sink to get some water for that refreshing wet wipe near the end.

I shit at 2 places. Work and home. Work, I have wipes in my desk

THAT is what I'm talking about! You're one of the only people here who I'd allow to sit on my furniture.

My own bathroom habits are private

Seriously? I've seen some of your other posts... I never realized there was a line to cross!

Do you guys eat any fiber?

Fiber is good stuff. One glass a day gets you the mythical perfect poo.

[MagGnome]

Seriously, I've only pooped in a public place a handful of times in my entire life. Once I even checked to be sure I was alone, then hobbled out to the sink to get some water for that refreshing wet wipe near the end.

That is a rather odd image. You're lucky no one walked in on you washing your ass at the sink.


Seriously? I've seen some of your other posts... I never realized there was a line to cross!

Hey now! My posts are all perfectly polite and of the highest gentility.


Fiber is good stuff. One glass a day gets you the mythical perfect poo.

I've never tried drinking my fiber. I just eat it.

[civil]

Hmm, that reminds me of the strangest two places I've pooped:

Once I really really had to go and my cousin and I went to a Blockbuster video to ask if they had a bathroom. They were complete assholes and despite my pleas refused to let me use their facilities. By that point I had to go and decided to take the watery shit right at their back employee door, hoping that when they left for the night some of them would step in it. It felt great.

Another time was a White Trash Cocktail-infused (prescription diet pills and Jack Daniels) hazy high school night when a friend and I decided to take shits off of a freeway overpass (the pedestrian walkway before the Fallbrook Ave exit on the southbound 101 in the Valley for those of you that know Southern California). I remember taking a shit but not much else as we were pretty fucked up. But honestly even that memory could be wrong as I might have thought I took a shit. Either way we hung our asses over the side, took a shit (or thought we did) and ran like hell. I do remember my friend cut himself because the chain link fence was twisted off at that point.

[zarathstra]

I don't get the problem people seem to have with public restrooms. Sure, I would prefer to do it at home, but unless there's actual shit on the seat, I'm not really bothered.

I'm not eating off the damned thing, I'm putting my ass on it. Considering what I do once I'm sitting, the seat itself seems to be the least gross thing about the experience.

[Lekon]

So, I was in the bathroom, a candle burning because, well, it was bad, and burning blue by that point. That's beside the point. I looked at the candle and went Ah hah!

They have ear candling that pulls wax out through heat of a candle in the ear, so the next big thing Ass Candling!

[Kelegacy]

I don't get the problem people seem to have with public restrooms. Sure, I would prefer to do it at home, but unless there's actual shit on the seat, I'm not really bothered.

I'm not eating off the damned thing, I'm putting my ass on it. Considering what I do once I'm sitting, the seat itself seems to be the least gross thing about the experience.

I have enough trouble pissing in a urinal next to another stranger. I have a nervous bladder. Taking a number 2 is worse. Heck, if I'm mid-turd and someone knocks on the door, my sphincter snaps shut like a scared turtle. Slice a turd in half and have fun wiping/getting the rest out cleanly. :)

I just like privacy when I do my doody. When I'm in a bathroom pissing and I can hear the dude next to me grunting and groaning--I just can't be one of those guys. Sometimes at home I'll turn the bathroom fan on for white-noise so I can't hear the tv or wife/baby. But I've been like that since I was young.

[Jeffool]

In addition to my earlier post of "Of course I sit!" I'd like to add "Of course I dampen the toilet paper!" I mean, my sink is easily within reach, and it'd be silly NOT to, really. And on top of that, "Of course I look at the toilet paper when I think I'm done!" How else do you KNOW you're done? You don't; you assume. And really, is having a clean ass something you want to assume?

That actually came up in conversation a month or two ago. Me, my brother, two cousins, and two family friends were having All-You-Can-Eat wings at Hooters, and one family friend went to the toilet. Soon, a cousin followed him to urinate, and turned the light off when he left. Honestly I was horrified. "That's fucked up! How will he know when he's done shitting?" I asked.

"What, you mean you check the toilet paper after you wipe?" They laughed, jokingly.

It was then, that I realized my brother and my cousins have shitty asses. Since this moment, I consider them all unclean.Who are you kidding? People love shit, they love talking about shit, and they love TO shit.I think this was an appropriate, but missed, opportunity to talk about that awesome feeling of a shit well deserved. The best is filling up at an "AYCE" ribs affair, and then later doing the deed in the privacy of your home bathroom. Afterward I stand up, feeling fifteen pounds lighter with a rib-sated stomach, and walk like I own the goddamn world.

[Kelegacy]

Soon, a cousin followed him to urinate, and turned the light off when he left. Honestly I was horrified. "That's fucked up! How will he know when he's done shitting?" I asked.


Ah, the old turn-off-the-light prank. I loved doing that but would hate the trick pulled on me. In college, I also used to throw rolls of toilet paper over the stalls to hit friends in the head while they went.

I basically do things I wouldn't want done to me.

[Thanasimos]

"What, you mean you check the toilet paper after you wipe?" They laughed, jokingly.

It was then, that I realized my brother and my cousins have shitty asses. Since this moment, I consider them all unclean.

Legit. I wait until I feel finished, and then I check (Too much hassle to check every other time). Considering all the times I'm wrong, and I'm not finished even though I feel like it, I'd certainly be wary of those who don't check at all.

[Savok]

My own bathroom habits are private, but I will say that it sounds like several of you need to eat more fiber. :p
Actually, considering how your plugs and sockets work, cleanliness is vital, you should be a god damn expert.

[Siraris]

I tried wiping standing up yesterday, and I don't get it. Your ass cheeks squeeze shut and makes it very difficult. It's uncomfortable, and unless you use a tremendous amount of paper, your hand goes into your butt.

Standing = fail

[Food Nipple]

3 things I can't believe
1: That people poop STANDING UP.:eek:.

Take a vacation to India, your mind will be blown

http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n305/foodnipple/46791716IndiaToilet01.jpg

[Vermillion]

With Food posting, I think this thread has officially jumped the poop.

[johnperkins21]

Sometimes at home I'll turn the bathroom fan on for white-noise so I can't hear the tv or wife/baby. But I've been like that since I was young.

Sometimes? Dude, that's what the fart fan is for. And not just for you, but the people outside your bathroom as well. They don't want to hear you doing your business, so you turn on the fart fan and drown that shit out.

[civil]

Siraris, thanks for that bit of scientific research.

But I'm curious as to what exactly people mean when they say sitting up or standing down. When I think standing up I think this:

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/tlots/New%20New%20Cos/16.jpg

But that might not be exactly what people mean. And when I think sitting down I think this:

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/tlots/CoG/fat.jpg

But the reality is that I think when people say sitting down/standing up they're actually talking about a combination of the two:

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/tlots/Cosplay/928155.jpg

[Thanasimos]

Fuck, Civil, I love it when you do that to the lightsaber thread, but this is not the lightsaber thread.

[Savok]

Whatever dude, I'll be in my bunk.

[Kelegacy]

Sometimes? Dude, that's what the fart fan is for. And not just for you, but the people outside your bathroom as well. They don't want to hear you doing your business, so you turn on the fart fan and drown that shit out.

But it's my house, and just my wife and son live here so I don't worry about being considerate (plus I'm not noisy when I shit). My wife sure as hell doesn't use it, and she's rotten. She sometimes poops with the door open. WTF. I usually have to muscle in and flip the fan on and then shut the door.

Besides, my poop smells like freshly cut grass. No need for a fan.

[Suave Peanut]

I have found the end of the Internet and this is it.

[DangerousDaze]

What on earth possessed you to start a thread like this. :/

[AntonThaGreat]

What on earth possessed you to start a thread like this. :/

I give the people what they want. Poop threads.

[DangerousDaze]

I give the people what they want. Poop threads.

Any chance you can you do your "good deeds" somewhere else?

[Zecon]

Any chance you can you do your "good deeds" somewhere else?
Hey it's not his fault you were too curious to resist this thread.
It just won't die.

[DangerousDaze]

Hey it's not his fault you were too curious to resist this thread.
It just won't die.

As a mod I'm afraid I don't really have the luxury of avoiding threads. I'm not asking you as a mod, though. I may not be a big fan of threads like this stinking up a perfectly good gaming forum but there aren't any rules against it.

[Zecon]

As a mod I'm afraid I don't really have the luxury of avoiding threads. I'm not asking you as a mod, though. I may not be a big fan of threads like this stinking up a perfectly good gaming forum but there aren't any rules against it.
Ahh I wasn't aware, well it could be worse, you could be a mod at destructoid, having to delete every other insane fanboy driven article from Sterling.

[DangerousDaze]

Ahh I wasn't aware, well it could be worse, you could be a mod at destructoid, having to delete every other insane fanboy driven article from Sterling.

Thank heavens for small mercies. ;)

[Farsight]

It was then, that I realized my brother and my cousins have shitty asses. Since this moment, I consider them all unclean.

And you are correct to do so. They are befouled and should never be allowed to sit on nice things.

I tried wiping standing up yesterday, and I don't get it. Your ass cheeks squeeze shut and makes it very difficult.

Bend slightly. None of us thought it was necessary to include the note: "Don't make your hand into an asscheek sandwich."

Take a vacation to India, your mind will be blown

The most confusing thing about that picture is how clean the orifice in the center is...

I may not be a big fan of threads like this stinking up a perfectly good gaming forum but there aren't any rules against it.

I consider a pun that bad as tacit approval, actually.

[AntonThaGreat]

As a mod I'm afraid I don't really have the luxury of avoiding threads. I'm not asking you as a mod, though. I may not be a big fan of threads like this stinking up a perfectly good gaming forum but there aren't any rules against it.

Don't worry, the rest of the mods couldn't resist this stinky thread either.

Bend slightly. None of us thought it was necessary to include the note: "Don't make your hand into an asscheek sandwich."

That made me ROR.

http://bearseatbeets.net/random/ror.jpg

[Lekon]

Ahh I wasn't aware, well it could be worse, you could be a mod at destructoid, having to delete every other insane fanboy driven article from Sterling.

Same shit, different wrapping.

[MagGnome]

Actually, considering how your plugs and sockets work, cleanliness is vital, you should be a god damn expert.

This is very true. Cleanliness is of the utmost importance, lest one face the dreaded Santorum. :eek:


I tried wiping standing up yesterday, and I don't get it. Your ass cheeks squeeze shut and makes it very difficult. It's uncomfortable, and unless you use a tremendous amount of paper, your hand goes into your butt.

Standing = fail

As a "stander" myself, I think it's obvious that you don't stand completely upright when cleaning yourself. You hunch over the bowl, so that your glutes are still open.

Then again you might just have a big ass. :p


I have found the end of the Internet and this is it.

Trust me, my young Peanut, this is not the end of the Internet. The end of the Internet is a place ever darker than this thread.

[carnage11]

I would say the end of the internet is only obtainable if you can some how get past the tub girls, the two girls and a cup, the goatse, the nick berg, and the other disgusting, putrid orifices of the foul internet. That is the gauntlet you must pass. Only then......have you reached.......the end.

[AntonThaGreat]

Trust me, my young Peanut, this is not the end of the Internet. The end of the Internet is a place ever darker than this thread.

Oh it get's a lot worse... yesterday I discovered (Edit: Link removed as site has Trojans, ed.) ... the horrors I witnessed while browsing around have scarred me for life.

[Nero F. Martin]

This is possibly the greatest, most relevant thread in the entire history of the internet. Sitting down man myself. Even for peeing. I clean the seat every time in public and don't believe in ass-gaskets. Assuming you have no open sores on your ass, anything powerful enough to leap off the seat and into your arse-hole is powerful enough to tear through a few sheets of tissue paper. I have extensive files on the bathroom habits of people at work: who I can shake hands with, who I am better off avoiding, who I don't want to borrow books from, and who I want to use a piece of paper towel to open the door after. Wiping standing up in any fashion other than the most dire of circumstances is an affront to humanity in my book. Front to back, a little back to front action just in case and you always check the paper.

[AntonThaGreat]

This is possibly the greatest, most relevant thread in the entire history of the internet. Sitting down man myself. Even for peeing. I clean the seat every time in public and don't believe in ass-gaskets. Assuming you have no open sores on your ass, anything powerful enough to leap off the seat and into your arse-hole is powerful enough to tear through a few sheets of tissue paper. I have extensive files on the bathroom habits of people at work: who I can shake hands with, who I am better off avoiding, who I don't want to borrow books from, and who I want to use a piece of paper towel to open the door after. Wiping standing up in any fashion other than the most dire of circumstances is an affront to humanity in my book. Front to back, a little back to front action just in case and you always check the paper.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is going in as Gospel.

[Generation ABXY]

This is very true. Cleanliness is of the utmost importance, lest one face the dreaded Santorum. :eek:

I never realized Republican senators were such sticklers for rectal hygiene. Good to know, I guess...

This is possibly the greatest, most relevant thread in the entire history of the internet. Sitting down man myself. Even for peeing. I clean the seat every time in public and don't believe in ass-gaskets. Assuming you have no open sores on your ass, anything powerful enough to leap off the seat and into your arse-hole is powerful enough to tear through a few sheets of tissue paper. I have extensive files on the bathroom habits of people at work: who I can shake hands with, who I am better off avoiding, who I don't want to borrow books from, and who I want to use a piece of paper towel to open the door after. Wiping standing up in any fashion other than the most dire of circumstances is an affront to humanity in my book. Front to back, a little back to front action just in case and you always check the paper.

For a lurker, you sure picked a strange topic to weigh in on. :D

[MagGnome]

I never realized Republican senators were such sticklers for rectal hygiene. Good to know, I guess...

Did you look up the definition online? :p

[Generation ABXY]

Did you look up the definition online? :p

I'd heard the term before (probably on a political blog of some sort, now that I think about it), but now that I've looked up the origin...well, damn it, it kills that joke. :o

EDIT: Nevermind, now I know exactly where I heard the term, and, now, exactly why it was used at the time.

[Abunai]

First, some people here seem to think that standing equals completely straight knees and waist. For me, standing just means my butt's not on the seat. It may be hovering over the seat, but not on the seat.

Second, anyone here in a country with squat pots? No one sits on those at any point, even during the pooping.

[MagGnome]

I'd heard the term before (probably on a political blog of some sort, now that I think about it), but now that I've looked up the origin...well, damn it, it kills that joke. :o

EDIT: Nevermind, now I know exactly where I heard the term, and, now, exactly why it was used at the time.

The term was coined by one of Dan Savage's readers. I've been reading his column for a long time, and I've witnessed a lot of history in the making. :p

[Nero F. Martin]

For a lurker, you sure picked a strange topic to weigh in on. :D

Sometimes a man has to stand up for what he believes in.

[Xerxes]

Bleh. Only trying it since this thread come up, I have found this sitting method a excellent start; But that's all. And even that is with issue. Horrible horrible issues. O_o

[Ultima Thulian]

I won't tell you how I wipe, but I will admit that my pee sometimes goes in two directions. It kinda sucks.

:D

[Arphahat]

I won't tell you how I wipe, but I will admit that my pee sometimes goes in two directions. It kinda sucks.

:D

If you're serious, you should see a doctor. I think that it can be a sign of a more urgent condition. That said, it can also just be an inconvenience, so don't panic.

[MagGnome]

I won't tell you how I wipe, but I will admit that my pee sometimes goes in two directions. It kinda sucks.

:D

I think that happens to all guys from time to time. It is a pain.

[Generation ABXY]

Sometimes a man has to stand up for what he believes in.

Or sit down, as the case may be. ;)

[civil]

I won't tell you how I wipe, but I will admit that my pee sometimes goes in two directions. It kinda sucks.

:D

If you're serious, you should see a doctor. I think that it can be a sign of a more urgent condition. That said, it can also just be an inconvenience, so don't panic.

I think that happens to all guys from time to time. It is a pain.
The only time this has ever happened to me is post-sex, when a little of the crusted-up Love Juice has "sealed the tip", as it were. Then it's just a matter of a little squeeze to loosen it up and I'm back to my former single-stream glory.

[MagGnome]

The only time this has ever happened to me is post-sex, when a little of the crusted-up Love Juice has "sealed the tip", as it were. Then it's just a matter of a little squeeze to loosen it up and I'm back to my former single-stream glory.

I always go to the bathroom shortly after ejaculation, whether solo or with a partner(s). Otherwise that little crust will form and hurt like hell when it comes off later.

[Savok]

And suddenly I'm thankful for foreskin.

[Kelegacy]

I always go to the bathroom shortly after ejaculation, whether solo or with a partner(s). Otherwise that little crust will form and hurt like hell when it comes off later.

Holy shit. I think you just grossed me out, which is no small feat.

I don't know about a crust, but yeah, the pissing in a crazy direction happens to me sometimes. I'm looking out the window and I can't hear the pee hit the water--but instead the wall or floor or ceiling.

[Savok]

See this is why you should sit down to pee, unless there's a urinal.

Of course mine is too god damn small to aim properly anyway...

[Sense Field]

A combination of both...sometimes I come around for a second wiping with a standing method and the moist wipe...sometimes the one and done sit down wipe.

My dream? A Washlet...It's a lot of work to clean up your butt...and I would just like to pay $500 for a machine to do it for me...and I hear it feels funny too!

[carnage11]

The worst is trying to pee with morning wood. Sit or stand it's quite a feat. Sometimes I'll stand like 3-4 feet back from the toilet and aim. It can be a little like a carnival game at times.

[AntonThaGreat]

The worst is trying to pee with morning wood. Sit or stand it's quite a feat. Sometimes I'll stand like 3-4 feet back from the toilet and aim. It can be a little like a carnival game at times.

My thoughts exactly. Morning wood sucks.

[carnage11]

My thoughts exactly. Morning wood sucks.

Have you noticed that morning wood is some of the most stubborn of all the wood? Like the more you try to ignore it and make it go away the stiffer it gets!:mad:

[txshurricane]

Ahh I wasn't aware, well it could be worse, you could be a mod at destructoid, having to delete every other insane fanboy driven article from Sterling.
Yoo speek truf.

[NoName]

Wow, as soon as this thread starts to slow down a new fun topic arises...

[Scaryfaced]

All this weird peeing stuff has me worried...

For years, my pee has been going in an awkward direction maybe...50% of the time. Every so often it will come out in a split stream, but mostly it just shoots off at a 45 degree angle from where I'm pointing. Am I going to die?!?

[AntonThaGreat]

All this weird peeing stuff has me worried...

For years, my pee has been going in an awkward direction maybe...50% of the time. Every so often it will come out in a split stream, but mostly it just shoots off at a 45 degree angle from where I'm pointing. Am I going to die?!?

http://www.funnyforumpics.com/forums/This-Thread-Delivers/1/thread-delivers.jpg

[johnperkins21]

All this weird peeing stuff has me worried...

For years, my pee has been going in an awkward direction maybe...50% of the time. Every so often it will come out in a split stream, but mostly it just shoots off at a 45 degree angle from where I'm pointing. Am I going to die?!?

Yes. You are.

[Kelegacy]

I have an inverted penis so I always piss all over myself. Runs down my balls and everything.

[Savok]

All this weird peeing stuff has me worried...

For years, my pee has been going in an awkward direction maybe...50% of the time. Every so often it will come out in a split stream, but mostly it just shoots off at a 45 degree angle from where I'm pointing. Am I going to die?!?
Uncircumcised no. You know how your lips can be glued together in the morning? Same thing down stairs. Circumcised... I've no idea. It's been years, other symptoms would of shown by now.

As for morning wood, it just means you need to pee. Your bladder is full so it uses your wang as temporary parking, note how it's usually preloaded when you do pee. I've never had a problem, I win by being small! I just lose everywhere else.

[Bone]

Plus, count me in for another that didn't realized people actually stood. I don't really get the advantage. Seems like too much work.
This!!! I had no idea there was another way, and I am deeply disturbed at its existence.

I remain seated to wipe. Just lean to one side like cutting a fart. And I look at the paper because I don't want to carry brownies with me all day. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

[Kelegacy]

This!!! I had no idea there was another way, and I am deeply disturbed at its existence.

I remain seated to wipe. Just lean to one side like cutting a fart. And I look at the paper because I don't want to carry brownies with me all day. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

You are normal. There are some people here who definitely are not.

[Trogdor]

I remain seated to wipe. Just lean to one side like cutting a fart. And I look at the paper because I don't want to carry brownies with me all day. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

This.

Now if you'll all excuse me, it's time for
http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/9385/layingcable.jpg

[AntonThaGreat]

This.

Now if you'll all excuse me, it's time for
http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/9385/layingcable.jpg

http://www.questionablecontent.net/random/winfail.png

[Farsight]

You know how your lips can be glued together in the morning?

Someone has been doing something to you.

[LarsenNET]

Nevermind...I could be wrong.

[Kelegacy]

Nevermind...I could be wrong.

No, you were right. Except that his penis IS small.

Here is the link on wikipedia. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence) Morning wood is the colloquial saying. Full bladder can cause an erection, obviously. But the urine is not in the penis itself. That's BLOOD making your penis hard.

Sounds like it can also curb pissing to bed, which I never knew. Makes sense.

[MagGnome]

And suddenly I'm thankful for foreskin.

I'm so jealous of you.


Of course mine is too god damn small to aim properly anyway...

Then again maybe not.


Holy shit. I think you just grossed me out, which is no small feat.

Wow, I feel so proud of myself! :D

[Wolvie]

http://www.questionablecontent.net/random/winfail.png

This. :D

Aint I a stinkah?



That made me ROR.

http://bearseatbeets.net/random/ror.jpg

Oh man, my sides hurt from that one. AntonB you are my hero.

[MagGnome]

You are normal. There are some people here who definitely are not.

Since when are you in a position to judge what "normal" is? :confused:

[Thanasimos]

Since when are you in a position to judge what "normal" is? :confused:

So long as he's in the sitting position.

[Kelegacy]

So long as he's in the sitting position.

Exactly.

Who the fuck taught some of you how to shit/wipe? Your parents failed you!

[MagGnome]

Just sit down on your toilet and shut up. :p

[Ultima Thulian]

Well, that pee thing I said was a reference to an old thread back from the EvAv days that caused a stink. Some dood posted a thread saying that his piss sometimes went in two directions at once, and it caused a crackdown on "noise" and all things lulzy. It sucked.

So, feeling nostalgic, I made a really geeky and unnecessary reference. And what do I get for my efforts? Some anons on the internet now think there's something wrong with my junk and that I should see a doc. Thanks internet. :D

[zarathstra]

Well, that pee thing I said was a reference to an old thread back from the EvAv days that caused a stink. Some dood posted a thread saying that his piss sometimes went in two directions at once, and it caused a crackdown on "noise" and all things lulzy. It sucked.

So, feeling nostalgic, I made a really geeky and unnecessary reference. And what do I get for my efforts? Some anons on the internet now think there's something wrong with my junk and that I should see a doc. Thanks internet. :D

Ain't the internet grand?

[MagGnome]

I tried the sitting method a few minutes ago, and it felt odd.

[zarathstra]

I tried the sitting method a few minutes ago, and it felt odd.

It's nice that people are willing to try new things.

[AntonThaGreat]

Well, that pee thing I said was a reference to an old thread back from the EvAv days that caused a stink. Some dood posted a thread saying that his piss sometimes went in two directions at once, and it caused a crackdown on "noise" and all things lulzy. It sucked.

So, feeling nostalgic, I made a really geeky and unnecessary reference. And what do I get for my efforts? Some anons on the internet now think there's something wrong with my junk and that I should see a doc. Thanks internet. :D

It was one of the last of it's kind over there, that site is basically dead now though. Serves 'em right trying to control the LULZ.

[Savok]

No, you were right. Except that his penis IS small.

Here is the link on wikipedia. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence) Morning wood is the colloquial saying. Full bladder can cause an erection, obviously. But the urine is not in the penis itself. That's BLOOD making your penis hard.

Sounds like it can also curb pissing to bed, which I never knew. Makes sense.
Well of course it's blood :p

What I mean is normally when I pee, I can feel my bladder open then it travels down the tube and eventually out. Morning wood for me it's basically instant, the pee is already in the tube waiting at the door out.

[Lekon]

This.

Now if you'll all excuse me, it's time for
http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/9385/layingcable.jpg

I reply to that with this.

http://imgur.com/HtfbX.jpg

[Xerxes]

This!!! I had no idea there was another way, and I am deeply disturbed at its existence.
Exactly; And I'm from the other camp. I thought only chicks sat on the toilet longer than necessary, and now we have gents peeing while sitting on the toilet. This was a bad thread to visit.

Enlightening I suppose but very very bad.

[Ultima Thulian]

Because it kinda fits...

http://www.spike.com/video/king-missile/2789667

"Plus I don't having to sit down when I pee, it makes me feel less of a man..."

[Kelegacy]

Exactly; And I'm from the other camp. I thought only chicks sat on the toilet longer than necessary, and now we have gents peeing while sitting on the toilet. This was a bad thread to visit.

Enlightening I suppose but very very bad.

I sit on the toilet longer than necessary. I do a lot of reading in there. I read Phil Kollar's articles on the can. I LOVE it when I have to defecate and I'm at home--it's my excuse to read.

Odd that I have associated pooping with peace and quiet. But as a dad and new husband, it's nice to ESCAPE into a world of privacy for a bit. My wife is not allowed in the bathroom when I'm on the can unless it's an extreme emergency.

[Ultima Thulian]

I hear ya, Kel.

Have you ever had a good burger and a cold beer while taking a shit? If not, do so. It will complete the void in your life.

[Kelegacy]

I hear ya, Kel.

Have you ever had a good burger and a cold beer while taking a shit? If not, do so. It will complete the void in your life.

I bring beers into the bathroom with me if I have one open. Happens more often than is probably healthy. My wife usually comments on it. I can multi-task like a mofo.

[carnage11]

That always seemed odd to me. To eat while taking a shit. Like you're losing something and gaining something all at the same time. I can't say I haven't done it myself. lol.....still kinda weird.

[Xerxes]

I sit on the toilet longer than necessary. I do a lot of reading in there. I read Phil Kollar's articles on the can. I LOVE it when I have to defecate and I'm at home--it's my excuse to read.

Odd that I have associated pooping with peace and quiet. But as a dad and new husband, it's nice to ESCAPE into a world of privacy for a bit. My wife is not allowed in the bathroom when I'm on the can unless it's an extreme emergency.

Oh I use it to read and mobile game. I meant doing the business longer than... bleh.

[MagGnome]

I will never, ever, eat while using the bathroom.

[Xerxes]

I will never, ever, eat while using the bathroom.

Yeah. I don't intake in there. <shrug>

[zarathstra]

Yeah. I don't intake in there. <shrug>

Yeah, me either. ::shudder::

[Ultima Thulian]

Pfft. You kids are missing out.

[carnage11]

Don't knock it until you try it. And be sure to set your sandwich down before you wipe. :D

[Purple Santa]

The internet is amazing.
Sometimes for all the wrong reasons.
This Lounge is going downhill.
Blame the panty thread. It's been downhill since then ;)
I have tears literally streaming down my face right now.

This is simultaneously the most hilarious and disturbing thread I have ever seen on COG. It's also highly educational, as I learned about a few "techniques" that I didn't even realize were possible.

My own bathroom habits are private, but I will say that it sounds like several of you need to eat more fiber. :p
I think disturbing should be capitalized, italicized and underlined. That point can't be made enough about this thread.
I can multi-task like a mofo.
I thought about asking how you multi-task during sex but then I realized I didn't really want to know :eek:

I'm surprised no one has brought up what their poop looks like. This thread hasn't delved into the deep issues of poop like it could :p

[Farsight]

I will never, ever, eat while using the bathroom.

If they have time to eat a meal, they really do need more fiber. It takes me longer to pee, thanks to 44oz sodas.

I'm surprised no one has brought up what their poop looks like. This thread hasn't delved into the deep issues of poop like it could

http://www.ratemypoo.com/

Knock yourself out. :)

[diablopath]

http://www.ratemypoo.com/

knock yourself out. :)

Ahem.

OH GOD DON'T CLICK IT'S AS TERRIBLE AS IT SOUNDS

[ShivaX]

Ahem.

OH GOD DON'T CLICK IT'S AS TERRIBLE AS IT SOUNDS

Okay, I laughed at this.

[Whunpo]

Ahem.

OH GOD DON'T CLICK IT'S AS TERRIBLE AS IT SOUNDS

I couldn't tell if it was kidding or not. If it was kidding: I lol'd.
If it was serious: omygod. What the fuck were you thinking.

[Savok]

I'm braver then you pussies.

It's quite real, ranks up there with the most fucked up stuff I've seen on the Internet, though still no SWAP.avi (http://www.somethingawful.com/d/horrors-of-porn/horrible-saga-swapavi.php).

[Purple Santa]

I'm braver then you pussies.

It's quite real, ranks up there with the most fucked up stuff I've seen on the Internet, though still no SWAP.avi (http://www.somethingawful.com/d/horrors-of-porn/horrible-saga-swapavi.php).

Well the third video still does relate to this thread. Although that method of "wiping" isn't a choice on the poll menu.

[ShivaX]

I'm braver then you pussies.

It's quite real, ranks up there with the most fucked up stuff I've seen on the Internet, though still no SWAP.avi (http://www.somethingawful.com/d/horrors-of-porn/horrible-saga-swapavi.php).

I've known about ratemypoo.com's existance for years. Its been around forever.

I'm not clicking on that Swap link no matter what though.

[Savok]

Don't worry, it's just text, mostly the story of how it came about. The visual horrors are given very strong warnings, this is almost too horrible for even SA. An exert:

They're laughing. It's over. I check my revolver but I have fired off my last cartridge at an Indian I caught eating a discarded shoe from my trash. I place the pistol to my temple and pull the trigger anyway. One of them seems to be crying. Click. Click. Click.

[Ink Asylum]

It's a sad state of affairs when this thread is five pages and going strong.

[ShivaX]

Don't worry, it's just text, mostly the story of how it came about. The visual horrors are given very strong warnings, this is almost too horrible for even SA. An exert:

Oh, in didn't see it was the SA thing. I've actually already read that.

[AntonThaGreat]

It's a sad state of affairs when this thread is five pages and going strong.

12 for me. Who knew toilet habits were such an interesting topic! :D

[Scaryfaced]

12 for me. Who knew toilet habits were such an interesting topic! :D

I, for one, am completely suprised. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everyone_Poops)

[TheKeck]

12 for me. Who knew toilet habits were such an interesting topic! :D

This thread is five pages long. :p

Oh... and I knew!!!!!


P.S. So, here's the thing, as we've seen it's really quite common to wipe standing. But... here is the one we haven't touched on much... who out here wipes by going in front between the legs? I know you're out there.

[maharahaj]

Oh I use it to read and mobile game.

Mobile gaming on the can is great. I've done around 300 Picross DS puzzles and the entire 1st Professor Layton game while on the shitter.

[Generation ABXY]

I've done around 300 Picross DS puzzles and the entire 1st Professor Layton game while on the shitter.

I hope someone slid food under the door, or at least came to check on you...

[AntonThaGreat]

I hope someone slid food under the door, or at least came to check on you...

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/20/ror_big.jpg

That had me raughing for quite a while

[Cactaur]

Mobile gaming on the can is great. I've done around 300 Picross DS puzzles and the entire 1st Professor Layton game while on the shitter.

Careful of piles man. That'll lead to whole other dimension of which way to wipe.

[boratika]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/epic-fail-toilet-roll-replacement-fail.jpg (http://failblog.org/2009/11/12/bathroom-fail-3/)

Hence standing.

[Bone]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/epic-fail-toilet-roll-replacement-fail.jpg (http://failblog.org/2009/11/12/bathroom-fail-3/)

Hence standing.

Since the picture is a "FAIL", isn't this really an argument for sitting?

[Trogdor]

J.D.: You're right, my friend, man is the only animal that wears pants during twosies.
Turk: It's just so unnatural.

I prefer no pants while going, assuming I'm at home. It just feels right. So, pants or no pants?

[zarathstra]

I prefer no pants while going, assuming I'm at home. It just feels right. So, pants or no pants?

I have roommates, so they prefer that I wear pants all the time. As such, it seems like WAAAAYY too much trouble to take them all the way off, go, then put them all the way back on.

[TheKeck]

Taking your pants all the way off to crap? LUDICROUS!